I don't know why but this chapter was really hard to write. So if it isn't good, sorry!

Derek still hadn't said anything. He was still sitting there with his mind racing.

"Derek?"

"Casey," he paused, "stay? As in move in?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

Derek sighed and shook his head.

"As much as I wanna stay, you know I can't." He saw the hurt in her eyes and continued, "I'm just getting my life back in order and I still need to get my family back."

"What about me?"

"You mean a lot to me, you always have, but I think that once I get back on track, we can try this whole 'Derek move in' thing."

Casey sighed and looked away from him.

"Well, don't I feel like a bucket of embarrassment."

He smirked, "Don't be." He said pulling her close to him, "If it means anything, I do wanna move in with you. I would want nothing more than to live with you." He paused, "Again."

Casey laughed a little before settling into Derek's side.

XxX

To say that Derek felt bad would be an understatement; he felt terrible. Casey was there for him a lot and she wanted him to live with her, and he wasn't sure if that was a good idea. Sure he wanted to; hell he didn't even really want to go home. But moving in with her? Didn't seem like a smart idea at that moment. And he knew that Casey was upset about it too because she hardly spoke to him after she had asked him to stay.

She would understand.

XxX

She didn't understand why he wouldn't want to stay. He made it sound like he hated to be home. And as selfish as it sounded, she wanted him all to herself.

"I told you, you should have listened to the mystic oracle." Lisa said to Casey as she got them drinks in her kitchen.

"Lisa, it was a Ouija Board that glowed in the dark and you were totally moving that little thing."

"I wasn't moving it; you were moving it and it's called a planchett. Get it right woman."

"Well I wasn't moving it." Casey defended.

"Yeah and the lights didn't go out in my apartment while we were using it."

"It was the breaker and there was a short."

"Whatever." Lisa scoffed, "It still said you shouldn't ask him to move in and you still did and Derek is probably all weirded out."

--

Derek sat up from doing a set of bench presses and looked at his trainer, Leslie.

"I don't know what to do." He said.

"You mean about going to school or staying with Casey?" She asked him.

"Both." He sighed, "I mean, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me but staying, makes it feel more…permanent, I guess. And it scares the hell outta me."

"So, you wanna stay with Casey?"

"I would love to."

"Why don't you?" She asked him.

"I don't know!" Derek stressed, "I know I should go to school, you know, make something of myself, but then I feel like I can be something if I stay with Casey."

"So now you're having second thoughts about it?"

"I don't know, I guess."

What a predicament. Derek had no idea what to do. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to stay with Casey and just forget about his life back home, but then he wanted to make things right with his family and make a whole lifestyle change.

Sometimes he wished he'd never gotten himself into this mess.

XxX

Casey was on the couch, half reading, and half waiting for Derek to come back from working out. As much as she didn't understand, she was going to tell Derek that she was okay with his decision to go home at the end of summer like he was supposed to.

And finally, he walked through the door.

She got up and greeted him with a hug but she moved away and scrunched her nose.

"You're all sweaty."

"Yeah, I just got back from the gym." He smirked.

"Well, go take a shower; I need to talk to you."

He knew that tone; the tone used fir the 'I need to talk to you' part.

"Uh, I think a shower can wait."

They sat down on the couch together and he waited for her to say whatever she needed to say to him.

"Okay, I'm sorry that I asked you to move in, making it weird between us." She said to him, "I thought that if I offered you would like to stay here, what with how your relationship with George is. But, I have decided that whatever you choose, I'll be right behind you."

Derek nodded.

"Well then, I think I wanna go home but I still want you to be in my life."

"Okay."

"That's it?" He asked, "Okay?"

"Like I said, I'll be behind you." She nodded and then looked at Derek quickly, "What do you mean still have me in your life."

"Well, see I still wanna be with you."

Casey looked at him. He still wanted to be with her?

"Like a long distance relationship?" She asked him.

"Something wrong?"

"You want to still be with me while you're back in Canada?"

"Yeah,"

"Derek, you can't do relationships like that." She stood up, "You can't handle the commitment or the responsibility."

He sat there for a minute, not saying anything.

He couldn't believe that she said that to him. Sure he had never had something like what he had with Casey but that didn't mean that he couldn't handle it.

"Then maybe I can't handle this." He said, gesturing to both of them.

Hurt flashed through Casey's eyes and she walked to her room. And Derek then felt like a broken record. He put some jeans on and a shirt, grabbed his jacket and left. But this time, he knew exactly where he was going. He popped the collar of his jacket, and walked straight to Johnny's place.

He couldn't believe that Casey said that to him. Sure it probably didn't mean much but he was sure he could handle something like that. It was with Casey so it was worth trying to make it work. And if it could keep a smile on her face then he would be willing to try anything. Really, was it all just some kind of fling? When he went back home, was she going to go back to Ben or something?

Derek simply shook his head, ridding his mind of those thoughts. The though of Ben's hands all over Casey's body made him sick. And the thought of Ben sleeping with her made it worse. He needed to forget. And he didn't care if it hurt anyone in the end. He needed this. And he was going to have it.

XxX

Casey didn't know what to think. She asked him to move in, he said no. He told her he still wanted to be with her, long distance, she spoke her mind and said he couldn't handle the commitment. And now he was pissed at her and took off.

She simply stayed in her room, not knowing where Derek was, or where he was going.

--

After waiting a few seconds, Johnny opened the door.

"Derek, long time no see,"

"Yeah, listen, I need a favor."

Johnny cocked an eye brow and let him in.

And after a twenty minute phone call with his cousin, Marco, Johnny handed Derek two plastic baggies full of his poison.

"You're lucky Marco likes you or else you wouldn't be getting this. And he said when you get back home; he'll be talking to you."

Derek simply nodded.

After he lit the pipe, the smoke burned as it went back into his system and his eyes shut as he blew out the smoke. After that first huff, he became more needy. He started taking quicker intakes of the crank, faster, more, and all of the above. And pretty soon, the two plastic baggies were completely empty and Derek was more high than he had ever been in his entire life.

He faintly heard a door open and the voices talking about him.

"So I see he finally came," the voice said to Johnny.

"Yeah, you should have seen how fast he took it all in."

"I knew he would come back here,"

"Well Benjamin, I believe you owe me some money."

Derek didn't see the money being handed to Johnny and he didn't see whoever the other guy was, walk over to him and smirk at him.

Derek's eyes shut and he was out like a light. And the next thing he knew, he woke up in a hospital. He squinted and looked around the room, trying to get whatever he saw into focus. The nights previous events flashed through his mind and his eyes began to fill with tears.

He caved.

He relapsed.

He failed.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and without a come in, the door opened and in came Casey. He didn't have to look at her face to see that she was disappointed in him. He didn't have to look at her to know that she was beyond upset at him.

"Derek," she said softly.

The tone of her voice wasn't how he thought it was. He looked up and saw that she had tears in her eyes as well.

--

Casey had to do it all over again.

But this time is wasn't so hard. She thought it was because it was just once and that the doctors said that there was only one drug in his system. But she still had to do it again and all that hard work he did was for nothing.

When he came home the next day, it was how it was when he first came to New York. They didn't speak. In fact, summer was almost and he was packing.

During the time that they were dating, sort of, Derek had moved all his clothes into Casey's room. And while he was packing, she came in and sat at the edge of her bed next to his bag.

"Derek,"

He didn't say anything. All he did was throw some clothes in his bag.

"Please talk to me, say something." She pleaded with him.

She didn't want to end the summer this way with him.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked her with a raspy voice. Clearly his throat was still soar from taking in all that smoke.

"I don't know." She finally admitted after a few minutes.

Derek sighed and continued to throw things into his bag.

"This isn't gonna work." He said.

"What isn't?"

"This whole…'us'…thing,"

Casey just looked at him. He was breaking things off. But she had to ask. A few days ago he wanted to make this whole thing work and now, he wanted to throw it away.

"Why?" Her voice shook.

He looked at her. She saw his broken eyes and he shook his head.

"Look at me," he stressed out, "I'm a junkie, I hurt you, I hurt my dad, I'm a disaster."

"Derek,"

"And you, you are just…" he sighed, "a beautiful disaster in your own way because of Ben and two disasters won't make anything better."

Tears fell from her eyes and Derek felt crushed. He got on his knees in front of her. He grabbed her hand and cupped the side of her neck, making her look at him.

"Look, don't think that I don't care about you because I do." He whispered to her. "I want this to work so much but right now it won't."

"Yes it will. You said so yourself that you would be willing to try to make this work." Casey said with tears spilling form her eyes, "I want this to work, and I wanna be with you."

He had never dealt with these kinds of emotions running through his mind. He had never had to because he always left once the relationship started moving forward. But that was only a few weeks in.

Now, people fall in love on their own accord, he didn't think it was possible but, he could quite possibly be in love with her again.

XxX

Derek was leaving in a couple of days and both of them didn't want to spend it apart. In fact, they spent it in her bed. They talked, laughed, and mostly made out, not that it bothered Derek anyways. And the next thing he knew, he and Casey were in a cab to the airport.

Hmm...Maybe the next one will be better.