Ok the next chapter! Need to be in bed but decided to write and post this instead…I shall sleep in my lectures :D Hope you enjoy this chap as much as the last ones. It is still sad in places but does have a bit of happiness thrown in too...for every darkness you need a light right! Well I'm stuck in a dark whole too and your reviews light the way to the end…the more I get the brighter it will be and the sooner the next chapter will be up…hint hint!

Reviewers:

swiglo3000: No you're right but it's artistic license :D I hope it didn't change your opinion of the story, it is there for a reason but maybe he was harsher than required. It wasn't one of my best chapters.

HouseAddiction: Here you go I've updated so don't cry! Lol! I hope you think this chap is just as good!

Tobylove: Thank you! It is sad what happened to Cuddy and there will be sadder things to come but it will be happy at the end and House will be there to help her along the whole way.

Kris the fanficaholic: Oh thank you:D hee I feel all warm and bubbly now you think its amazing :D I'm so happy its going well hopefully the rest will be as good for you.

gh2005: Yay you read all three and reviewed…thank you! I am trying to work with the caring side of House but avoid losing who he is…I hope I'm doing that ok…I would hate for him to be ooc.

Faith5x5: Thank you! I am trying to make the story sad but beautiful and I love working with their relationship in this way.

prinnie: Oh no! please don't cry! It is a very hard plot to write, especially trying to keep them in character…thank you for saying I can write it. Emotions are hard to work with but they are fun to write :D

I loved the bit you quoted too…I like working with their friendship on this level and giving it a little something more. I'm so happy you thought it was beautiful! Ahh Huddy!

Yeah I have read enigma and I loved it…as usual lol!

Shoe: thank you! I intend to keep up the good work as often and best as I can!

jackie c2: I hope I get through it…it is hard and I have gone down with a cold which isn't helping…the fresher's flu…woohoo! I have never worked with angst before and am enjoying it...I wanted it to be sad but tinged with a little bit of happiness. I love caring House too…ahhh just another side to this wonderful man :D

schokolade: that was one very big reason for the police officer, he gave House the opportunity to be protective! The House/Cuddy stuff will develop slowly cos your right with all that is going on it can't happen now. I hate it when bad things happen to character and then five minutes later they're fine and jumping into bed with each other, it doesn't work that way so I'm trying to keep my story as true as possible.

I love using description, and this fic is very different from my other stuff but I enjoy pushing my limits and seeing what else I can do…hopefully this is working well so far!

luv2luv-Hugh: Thank you my little ditsy! I am pleased I made you smile…that was the intention! I love caring house…god he can give me a hug anytime…I have a cold…o you think he'd come and hold me, stroke my forehead while I sleep...mmm. Although he might be a bit sticky after the chocolate pudding lol…remember to clean him off first :D Lol…there we go I have got to it! Hi ho hi ho..it's off to work I go!

……………………………

A Mixture of Emotions

She was curled up on the sofa, loose jogging bottoms and t-shirt covering her battered frame. She had nothing to wear and yet was reluctant to return to her home.

The place in which she rattled around before, the loveless walls and cold atmosphere would just abandon her to her memories allow them to flow freely nothing to distract her from allowing the nightmare to replay its self, 'what if's' constantly running through her thoughts, 'what if' she hadn't gone through the park, 'what if' she hadn't gone to see House, 'what if' she had left moments earlier or later, this whole thing could have been avoided, but it hadn't been, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and she paid a price.

So now here she was a ball of baggy cloth holed up in somebody else's home desperate to take shelter in their arms. If only she could bring herself to ask him for a hug, relax into his touch, she wanted him to hold her and yet her skin still crawled when ever anyone came near. It was as though her senses had been poisoned, rebelling against her, her eyes seeing it happen, her ears hearing the screams, and every touch reminder her of his hands over her skin.

She felt angry, impossible to blame a bodiless figure, a shadow running around the walls of her mind, she couldn't hate something she didn't know, couldn't see. She was awash with emotions, her feelings getting tangled and muddled, foreign ones now travelling freely through her but the overwhelming sense of injustice plagued her more than ever. She had to hate someone, hurt someone, pass the pain on to someone else other than her, why should she be the only one made to suffer.

She could hear House in the other room, the out of step hobble starting to irritate her in her already irate mood, 'WHAT IF?' What if she'd never come to see him, what if he'd never helped her, what if he'd never found out she wanted a child, she wouldn't be here, a shadow of the woman she once was. His curiosity, his constant questioning, determination to know everything about her, she loved it and she hated him for it. She wanted to hate someone, she wanted to hate him.

She watched him walk into the room, he was scruffy, looking as tired as her, he had no right; he hadn't gone through half the stuff she had, no nightmares tormenting her dreams every second of the night and ruining her thoughts through the day, he wasn't disturbed in sleep, what was this we, this was her problem, her bruises, her pain.

'Where were you?' her voice was quiet, yet forceful, tinged with the anger that was threatening to blow.

He frowned, 'when?'

'The night I was curled up on your door step,' she couldn't voice it as the night she was attacked, voice that and she'd never forget it, the same day every year brining with it an onslaught of pain and memories.

'Why does it matter?' he was still frowning, curiosity and concern etched across his face

Her voice was cold and forceful, 'I want to know, it matters to me,' she didn't look at him, voice still quiet but beginning to waver as her emotions leaked into it.

'I was at the pub with Wilson.' She could sense him cringe as he said it, a whispered admission to the night as though he'd done something wrong.

'You were laughing with your mate down the pub as I was attacked' she turned to face him, eyes wide and bloodshot as the tears began to fall freely. 'Having a good time were you, cos I sure wasn't.' she was digging for a fight, and was unable to stop, no matter how much her heart wanted to hold back, her head ploughed on.

The frown had gone, he was worrying, clearly concerned as her tensed as the poison coursed through her veins, emotions washing over her like a tidal wave. She needed someway of releasing them, needed to lash out.

'Lisa, why are you doing this?' his voice was quiet, head hung refusing to look at her, it was the first time she had every heard his voice shake, any form of emotion actually changing the tone, it didn't stop her onslaught as she watched him crack, and she hated herself for it.

'Why did you stick your nose into my business, need to know what I was doing.'

'I was curios, I had to know.' It obviously sounded lame to him, it was voiced so quietly she could feel him slipping away, but she had to push harder.

'Curiosity killed the cat, that's what they say isn't it. Well curiosity fucked up this time, it went for the wrong one, tried to kill me instead.'

His head snapped up, eyes glistening with tears he would never let fall, 'please stop it.'

She let out a harsh laugh, 'funny those are the words that left my lips that night, screaming over and over again, he never listened, why should I?'

He started to limp by her, desperate to get away as she hammered him with more emotional blows. She had never seen House so weak to her attacks, so guilty. She had found a vulnerable spot and was throwing a heavy onslaught until she smashed straight through, she wanted to see him crack.

He was leaving, running away, she wouldn't let him. As he moved by her, her leg lashed out crashing into his cane flinging it across the room, hauling herself to her feet.

He couldn't escape, unable to move without considerable pain, he was paralysed to the spot.

'It's your fucking fault' she pushed, he stumbled backwards, his worried gaze never left her face as he watched her hate for him build behind her eyes,

'sticking your nose into my business' another push, 'I wouldn't be hear if it wasn't for you,' harder this time, both palms banging against his chest as she pushed him back, he remained silent. 'If I hadn't come over here that night I wouldn't have been in the park, I wouldn't have been hurt.'

The tears were falling fast as her fist came in contact with his chest, she wanted him to fall, 'it wouldn't have happened, its all your fault,' her voice increased, the hitting becoming harder and faster, a constant onslaught from her fists as she pummelled them against him, 'I hate you, you bastard, its all your fucking fault, why couldn't you have left your fucking curiosity alone, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, I hate you, I hate you so much,' her voice was starting to break as her vision was misted by the tears, a waterfall of sorrow and anger crashing over her cheeks, 'I HATE you so much, I HATE you, I HATE YOU!' She was hitting him so hard, the last residue of her strength focused in her little fists desperate to cause him pain.

'Cuddy please stop, stop!' His hands clasping at her jumper as he lost balance trying to steady himself, it was in vain. She felt him fall beneath her in slow motion, her body tumbling with his, heard the scream of pain as he crashed to the floor, her body slamming over him, she continued her beating on his chest, his body sprawled beneath her. 'LISA STOP!' His fingers fastening around her wrists holding them tight. Her head rose to face him, inches away, she watched a tear escape and trail down his cheek, 'please stop, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'

It was a last final plea, whispered, his eyes tight shut as he fought against the rest of the droplets threatening to fall. She felt the anger die as quickly as it came, sorrow flooded through her as she watched the single pin prick of emotion trickle, following a path only it knew. She felt her heart crack, she had broken him and House didn't break, he had never shown any sense of remorse or sorrow and she had caused the words of regret to fall from his lips, she had made a grown man cry, cause him more pain and in watching it happen, causing it to happen she had only caused herself more anguish in the process.

'Oh…House…I'm so sorry….I…I,' the tears started to fall once more, not for her own pain this time, but for his, for the pain she'd caused him. Her head fell on to his chest, burrowing her face into him as his arms fastened them self behind her back, to hold her there. 'I'm so sorry, please forgive me.'

Her beg was muffled, whispered to his throat unable to look him in the face, frightened to see the pain flicker in his eyes once more. She could hear his harsh breathing against her ear as he tried to recover from the growing pain emanating from his thigh, he needed his Vicodin. She went to move but his hold was too tight, unwilling to relinquish, he held her there against her chest hands gently stroking her spine, comforting, calming.

'you're forgiven,' his voice was still weak, but the words echoed loudly in her ears, her body awash with relief as she borrowed deeper into his hold, face nuzzling against his neck as her arms wrapped round him. She never wanted to move, stay in his safe embrace for ever, his heartbeat slowing beneath her fingertips.

She felt the tears dry on her face as the sobbing subsided, her heartbeat returning to the constant slow pounding in her chest, her breaths deep and calm blowing against his skin.

They sat there for a moment, allowing the calm to cool there emotions and her thoughts and memories were allowed to flow freely once more.

'He didn't believe me,' she felt him lift his head. Hers remained downward not wishing to look him in the eye fearful of what she'd see.

'Who?' His voice rumbled in her ear, inquisitive but gentle.

'The policeman, he didn't believe me.' She felt his arm tighten around her, his clasp strong and safe.

'I think I know why that might have been,' his head nudged against her slightly, shifting it as though trying to encourage her to meet his eyes, 'look at me Cuddy.'

She rose slowly, arms still curled round him unwilling to let go, her hair tumbling round her face, the dark unruly curls wild and loose. 'Why?' She could feel her voice breaking again, emotions so strong it was impossible to keep them at bay, 'why didn't he believe me?'

House let out a long sigh, his long finger trailing over her cheek as he looked into her eyes. 'Front page news, a recent cock up amongst the police where they were lead on false accusations, many girls were coming in with a concocted story that was similar to yours, their aim was unknown but every lead was a dead end, many believed it was a method to distract police resources and attention away from other illegal occurrences but those theories were never proved.'

She nodded, 'and they believed I was one of them,' her eyes were down cast, darkened, he could see her slowly shrinking away once more, the knowledge of the news had the undesired impact, her losing hope that this evil figure would never be brought to justice and she would forever spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder waiting for him to strike again. Her harsh laugh sliced through the silence, 'what a waste of time, a fucking waste of time.'

She tried to turn away but House's fingers fastened round her chin, drawing her back round to face him, 'I don't ever want to hear those words again, do you hear me, nothing is ever a waste of time, you tried, that's what counts, you didn't give up and that's the Cuddy I know and lo-,' he swallowed, 'that's the cuddy I know, the old Cuddy, your sparks returning, don't let go out, don't let him win.'

He watched his words wash over her, her eyes cast down, thinking. 'yeah,' she allowed a weak smile, 'we tried, thank you,' his hand was slowly caressing her check, she brought her own up to clasp it, her head turning towards his fingers tips placing a light kiss in the centre of his palm. It sent light tingles working there way down his arm. He felt the feeling of desire ebb through him once again, a gentle pulse hidden behind his eyes.

She rolled from him, his eyes never leaving the tiny form swamped in his clothing, walking behind him he felt her hand settle in his hair, a quick ruffle sending his dark strands standing up on end, 'hey, he batted her away, 's precious you know, not much of it and your wearing it away.' she turned to look at him, his eyes trailing over her, 'Speaking of wearing, we need to get you some clothes, as loveable as you look in mine,' he grinned, 'I miss the old ones.'

He was wary how his reference to the old Cuddy attire would rest on her shoulders, his whole body tense with anticipation, waiting for her reaction. His eyes never left hers, a small smile settled on his lips softening his insinuation.

She stared at him for a moment, feelings flashing behind her eyes, before a little giggle escaped, he face lighting up when she allowed the smallest of smiles, the corners of her eyes wrinkling as the baby blues brightened. 'If you miss the old ones your welcome to wear them, I'm sure you'd look as loveable in mine as I do in yours.'

He frowned, 'that wasn't quite what I meant.'

Her face smoothed into shocked innocence, 'Really and there was me thinking your gazes at work were just admiring my outfits, but I suppose you right, pink really isn't your colour.'

He felt his heart bubble up, happiness flooding through him, she was playing, this little banter made him more light hearted than he had felt in months. The fact that she was still willing to play, her bouncy sparkle was retuning, no matter how slow, her hope and happiness was rushing back in and he loved watching it happen. He had returned the sparkle to her eyes and he could watch it forever.

She turned to walk away, the light bounce to her step becoming more prominent as the seconds past.

The bruises were healing in side and out, cuts coated and sealed. 'We do need to get your clothes though, unless you want to return home.' His voice was quite, wishing for her not to hear, but she did her ears well tuned to the tone of his voice.

The smile slipped from her face, sparkle flickering in the invisible breeze of his breath. 'I don't want to go home just yet, is that ok?' Shit he'd had enough, he was drooping her, she couldn't handle being in her home alone especially if House was no longer willing to hold her hand. 'Please let me stay.'

He saw her pleading look, regret coursing through him, he didn't want her to leave, he was giving her the option, if he had his way she would never leave. However having her in this close proximity was torture to his heart, wrenching it out every time he wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her and he was unable to. But he had been making himself miserable for years, finding pain and sticking alongside it, why changes the pattern of a life time?

'hey, of course you can stay, your welcome for as long as you like, I'm not going to leave you Cuddy, no matter how hard you push and there is no need to be nasty…pink is my colour, is sets of my skin tone perfectly, so don't be telling me otherwise.' He winked at her, happy and humorous, trying to lift her lips into a smile once more.

Around work this was never possible, the walls and constraints of her job tying her happiness down, no way she could let slip that she found him funny. Here behind closed doors she could laugh at him all she wanted and he loved it when she did.

Relief flooded into her face for a second, her chest heaving in a silent sigh. The moment passed and he watched as his comment rolled over her, her head falling back, an exasperated laugh echoing out the back of her throat. She lowered her head to look at him once more, allowing her eyes to flow over him freely in a manner that mirrored his own. 'Yeah pink would suit you I admit it, but blue is definitely your colour; it brings out your eyes.' She winked back, teasing as though holding back a giggle, 'not sure about the high heels though.'

'I'm willing to try,' he was grinning now as he watched her fight against him, trying to restrain the laughter threatening to burst.

'Ok, I'll go and have a shower and then you can take me to collect my clothes,' it wasn't a request, it was an order, she'd never go alone and he wouldn't let her.

He nodded, watching her as she wandered down the hall, only hearing her soft subtle laughter at the image of him in heels lightly echoing down the hall once she'd vanished round the corner.

He went to turn away, only to catch a glimpse of her in his eyes, his head snapped back as hers poked back round the corner, a grin now firmly planted across her face, the first proper one he'd seen in days, 'oh and I have just thought of the perfect pair,' with a quick wave of her fingers she vanished once more, leaving House to ponder and panic over what she had in store for him.

This wasn't going to be good, but if it made her smile, it was going to be worth it.