Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: We're back! Happy to be of service to give you your blooper needs. This one is going to be great, I promise. Okay, let's just get with the story, and thanks for the reviews everyone!

Disclaimer: The closest thing I've got to Final Fantasy VII is the game, movie, strategy guide, and special PSP coming in the mail. I don't own the storyline of the original game, because if I did, Aeris and Zack would still be alive and kicking. All I own that is mine is the idea for this story. No more, no less.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER INCLUDES A CID BLOOPER!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Chapter Two
Not Paying Attention

-BLOOPERS-

Scene of the SOLDIER Battle in Crisis Core

Tetsuya: Action!

With a grin, Zack ran out to take the SOLDIERs head-on. The battle started out fine…but as he dodged multiple bullets from the helicopters, something unexpected happened.

The Great 1st Class SOLDIER, Zack Fair…

…tripped.

He tripped over his own feet and did a faceplant smack into the ground, sword going wide.

Tetsuya: Oh geez…cut.

Scene With Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo in Their First Entrance in AC

Yazoo and Loz stopped their motorcycles as Kadaj kicked the Buster Sword down. "Kadaj? Is that where Big Brother lives?" Yazoo asked.

Kadaj grinned, unaware that he was still moving. As he inched off the screen, he said his line. "Yeah."

"Do you think he'll be glad to see us?" Yazoo continued, pretending to examine his nails through his leather, a grin playing about his face.

"Not a chaaaaaaaaaaaa-!!" Kadaj's motorcycle went over the edge as Yazoo started to laugh and Loz's eyes widened.

"Oni-chan!" (Does that mean 'sister'? Because in Card Captor Sakura the manga, Sakura's always calling Toya Oni-chan, and Toya is her brother…)

"Don't cry, Loz," Yazoo reprimanded and Loz turned away with a sniff.

Tetsuya: Man… I hate my job.

Scene With Barret and Dyne

(Idea thought up by Phillip Passmore)

Dyne opens fire at Barret for the second time.

"Stop it!" Barret yells in a pleading voice. "I don't wanna fight you!"

Cloud runs up behind Barret.

Tetsuya: Cloud, NO!

He doesn't pay attention and says his line, "Barret!"

Barret turned as he was told and smacks Cloud in the face with his gun-arm. Cloud staggers back.

"Oh, hey sorry Cloud," Barret apologizes with a shrug, unaware that he shoots until he feels the force and sees Cloud's face drain of color. The blond looks down, as does everyone else.

"That was my FOOT !!" Cloud screams.

Tetsuya: (buries head in hands) …We need a new Cloud.

The Climhazzard Scene

(Also thought up by Phil)

Cloud performs his Climhazzard and skewers his enemy before jumping back… and straight off the bridge on Mt. Nibel.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—!!"

Tetsuya: Fell off again… Cut…

-IN VILLA-

Cloud buries his head in his hands as Zack patted him on the shoulder. "I should've known better…"

Sephiroth snorted. "Yeah," he said. "Should've used magic."

Zack rolled his eyes as another blooper came on.

-BLOOPERS-

Battle With a Hungry

Yuffie was shrunk by a Hungry. She ran up to attack it, before looking up at its yellow eyes.

"Dang, you are UGLY up close!"

The Hungry angrily swallowed Yuffie.

"Vinnie? It's dark in here…" Yuffie cried from the Hungry as Vincent shook his head and Cloud scratched his.

Tetsuya: YUFFIE!…

Take 2

This time, Cloud was shrunk. Already choosing to attack, he ran up to the Hungry, and stopped just like Yuffie did. He looked the Hungry up and down before grimacing.

"Man, ever hear of Jenny Craig?" he asked as he got swallowed this time.

"OMG! I THINK I JUST STEPPED ON SOME-"

Tetsuya: Cut.

-IN VILLA-

Cloud ran to the bathroom, and then you hear him puking.

"Poor Cloud," Aerith said.

"Well, a Hungry is ugly," Sephiroth remarked, only to have Zack smack him in the face with a couch cushion. "Ow! (-.-) The truth hurts."

Cloud came back. "Look, the next one's on!"

-BLOOPER-

Scene with the First Motorcycle Fight in AC

Cloud swerved in between the large four-legged beasts, holding his Geostigma arm in his other, using his weight to maneuver the field. However, he did not notice the large spike of rock protruding from the ground until…

SMACK!

Cloud and Motorcycle went flying as Yazoo and Loz closed their eyes and Kadaj hang up on Rufus.

Take 2

This time, Cloud went around the huge spike of rock and grinned to himself as he continued going on. However, when he tried to dodge the next one, he put a little too much weight onto the motorcycle, and he and motorcycle went sliding on the ground.

"Call Aerith! I need a Great Gospel," Cloud moaned before passing out.

Tetsuya: Meh…cut. Man, if I had a dollar for everytime I say 'Cut!' I'd be rich!

WARNING!! THE FOLLOWING IS A CID BLOOPER! THERE WILL BE SWEARING, AND LOTS OF IT!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Scene With Ultima WEAPON Attacking Mideel

The Ultima WEAPON came down upon Mideel and Cid started jumping around at it. "OMFG! WAT THE FUCK?! THAT BASTARD IS FUCKING HUGE! HIGHWIND, GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

Tetsuya: Calm down Cid. It's fake.

"…Fake? Oh psh I knew that… Yeah… Ha ha, it's fake…yeah…" Cid fainted.

Tetsuya: …Cut.

Take 2

Tetsuya: Action.

Cid stays in place this time as the Ultima WEAPON comes down upon Mideel. "YOU'RE MINE, BITCH!" He jumped onto the Ultima WEAPON and started smashing it with his Partisan, very hard, as the metals jaws fall apart, the wings, the head…and then the whole Ultima WEAPON machine fell, and blew up in front of Cid, causing everything in the studio to burn.

"E- (cough) EVACUATE!" Cid manages to say and starts running.

Everybody in the studio runs to the outside and watches the whole building fall apart.

Tetsuya: Why does no one pay attention to the script?

-IN VILLA-

Everyone shook their heads.

"He's lucky he was given a second chance…" mused Aerith.

"Now I remember what happened to my teddy bear…" Vincent said in a low voice.

"What was that?" Sephiroth raised a silver eyebrow.

"Uh, er-… The-The next blooper is on!" Vincent said with a fake smile.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Advent Children Opening Lines

"To those who loved this world…

"And knew friendly company therein…

"This Reunion is for you."

"My God that is cheesy!" Zack exclaims from off-screen.

Tetsuya: (grunts) Cut…

Take 2

"To those who loved this world…

"And knew friendly company therein…"

"I can't read Japanese!" Zack calls from off-screen.

"Turn on the subtitles, idiot!" Aerith answered.

Tetsuya: Zack… Now you see why you are dead. (sighs as Zack merely grins at him)

Take 3

"To those who loved this world and knew friendly company therein this Reunion is for you." The words sped by on the screen in a blur.

Tetsuya: (immediately stands up) Who hit the Fast-Forward button during recording time?

Zack fake-coughs and hides the remote control in his pocket. "Er-- I didn't do it. Why are you looking at me like that? I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!"

Tetsuya: Uh…I never said anything to you…

"THEY GAVE ME A QUARTER!" the SOLDIER yelled.

-IN VILLA-

Zack buries his face as Aerith tries to soothe him. Some scene, eh? "And…and the worst part is—THEY NEVER GAVE ME THE QUARTER!"

Tifa and Sephiroth smile sheepishly as Aerith glares at them.

"I couldn't give it to him," Tifa said. "It was just so… so shiny."

End Chapter.

Okay, R&R. Ideas? Requests? Got a request for Zack and Aerith, and I delivered with the Zack, but not so much the Aerith. Next chapter will be dedicated to cosplay, all just for Cloud's crossdressing! It will include more Aerith and a Special Blooper concerning Sephiroth's Masamune. Enjoy!