Without Sin

by Meggin Lane

Dean died a martyrs death. The demons burned away all his sin and he gets brought back before he becomes one of them but he's been changed. Saint Dean? You've got to be kidding right?

3. Chapter 3

Chapt Chapt. 3 Without Sin

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love 'em, wished ta' hell I worked for Kripke,

The response from this story has been bigger than any other one I've posted and I'm pleased and so very grateful to all of you that continue to follow this- Thank you for your enthusiasm and words of encouragement.

wWwWw

They got to the car and out of the motel parking lot without incident. Nobody said a word until the motel was lost from view in the rear view mirror. Dean was lying down on the back seat, Sam drove and Bobby rode shotgun. Bobby was the first to break the tense silence.

"I say we pack up everything we can think of and get the hell outta Dodge before anymore demons come sniffing around to pick a fight with either of you two."

Dean popped his eyes open as he lay in the backseat but just listened.

"Why d'ya suppose they got so bold Bobby? Mid day, public place but only one of 'em."

Sam asked glancing every now and then at the older man next to him.

Bobby answered in a tone that was deadly serious, "I think that guy was a scout for Lilith"

Sam snapped his eyes back to the road and his shoulders visibly tensed. After a moment he said, "So you think that now that Dean's back she's upped the ante and wants to fight?"

"I think it's pretty clear who the target was," Bobby said. "She wants you dead, the sooner the better for her now that she doesn't hold your brother any more".

Sam swallowed once. Bobby watched Sam's profile and he saw fierce determination hardened Sam's features as he stared at the road ahead. "And she won't ever get her hands on him again." growled the younger man gripping the wheel tighter.

The two men in the front seat began talking about the stuff they needed to pack in low conspiratol tones. Dean tried to listen but the adrenaline from the attack had worn off and even with the conversation coming from the front seat he just couldn't keep his eyes open. He fought to stay awake but fell into a fit-full sleep. And there he dreamed a dream.

There was a battle, it seemed like it was happening right out side a familiar front door. Lilith and her horde of demons were coming down upon them and he was panicking. He couldn't find Sam. Then he heard a booming voice outside that was louder and stronger than any voice he'd ever heard. It was male and at once familiar and at the same time so cold, so brutal. It challenged Lilith to combat one on one. Dean couldn't hear her retort but the reply made the voice laugh. And Dean knew then who the voice belonged to….it was Sam. But it wasn't really the sound of laughter that his brother'd ever made; this laughter was filled with the promise of a cruelty. Dean felt his heart gripped by dread and he crept up to the window, afraid of what he might see yet compelled to look. There was Sammy, his back to him, facing Lilith. And then as if his brother knew Dean was watching Sam looked at him; his eyes were not Sam's at all. They were ice blue and the evil in their look burned into the older Winchester's soul as his brother, who was no longer his, smiled at him.

Sam had turned, had gotten all his powers and was now more than an equal match for Lilith. Suddenly his face changed and the eyes were back to normal and a look of fear replaced the sneering confidence that had been there moments ago. Sam looked down at a knife in his hand, it was Bobby's knife and the second Dean saw it he felt a stabbing pain in his side. The knife blade became smeared with blood and Dean knew it was his. Sam looked back at him, sorrow splashed across his face, but then his eyes flared to icy blue and he turned back to Lilith and yelled, "Bring it on bitch!"

What happened next wasn't clear to Dean because blinding bright light and the sound of an explosion was the last thing he remembered.

He woke up to find himself curled up into a ball behind the widow. He was covered in broken glass and bleeding from tiny cuts everywhere. 'SAM!' He lurched to his feet, the front door had been blown off and he staggered outside. The air was choked with dust, it seemed to stretch out for miles all around but in front of him was the thickest cloud and he knew that inside that was his brother.

Sam was sitting in a chair all bound up. Bobby was still drawing mystical symbols in the dirt around him; it looked like the most elaborate devils trap Dean had ever seen. As he limped up to them Bobby finished and stood up, there were tears in his eyes, "You gotta do it boy, you know it's gotta be like this." He said to him, choking on the words. "Now, step up and make him sallow some of your blood."

His brother struggled against the bonds; rage contorting his face, "NO! Don't." Sam leveled his gaze at him and the eyes flashed ice-blue, " You don't know for certain that it won't kill me, I've had demon blood in me so long, it's a part of me, its…it's…..this is what I was meant to be!" Garrrrrrahhhh Sam strained to free himself; "I won't let you take this away, it's my destiny… it's all I am now."

Dean looked from the hateful glare of his brother to Bobby's solemn stare and he felt his heart break. It was the toughest decision he'd ever had to make in his life. It was a whole hellava lot tougher than deciding to give up his life, his soul to save his brother. Because if this didn't work he could end up killing him. And the echo of the last thing his father said to him came back over and over. "You have to save your brother, try as hard as you can Dean, but if you can't you may have to kill him." Is this how those words would come true?

Through gritting teeth Sam spit out "You can't do this Dean, you said you couldn't before and you won't do it now."

He looked into Sam's eyes again and a wall of hate came back at him. "Sammy," He said in a shaky voice as he took one halting step after another toward his brother, "You know I love ya, I 've spent my whole life protecting you."

He fought the urge to reach his arms out to his damaged brother and hug him to his chest, to rock him back and forth like he'd had when they were children and Sammy had been scared. But he just didn't know how much of his brother was in there now and if there was a shred of Sammy left inside he didn't know if there'd be enough to survive the purge that his blood would do to this…… dark side version.

"Nooooooo!" Sam writhed in the chair as Dean kept coming closer.

"I'd never hurt you" tears were beginning to blur his vision as he walked, "not if I could help it…" he wanted to stop just turn around and walk away but he couldn't leave Sam like this, not when he knew it would only lead to more harm, more hurt, more families torn apart, and he knew that Sam wouldn't want this either not the Sammy he knew.

He saw his hand reach out above Sam's head it seemed to move on it's own without his bidding. The cuts from the window glass had ribboned his skin and slow streams of red covered his arm.

Bobby stepped up behind Sam's head and wrestled it back while he pinched the boy's nose shut. Sam's mouth instinctively flew open gasping for breath.

And Dean watched in horror and hope as three small red drops fell from his arm toward his brother's open mouth. What if it doesn't work? What if Sam dies? Am I killing my brother? Sudden fear seized him and he forced all his will into making the drops miss.

But they didn't.

Bobby released his hold on Sam's head and jumped back as soon as the screaming began.

His brother yelled his name over and over and Dean felt his world shaking.

wWwWw

"Dean, Dean, DEAN!"

Dean's eyes flew open and his world spun a little less as the shaking slowed then stopped. He found himself in the back seat of the Impala staring up at the ceiling and then his brother's gigantic upside down face impaired the view. Sammy!

With worry and fear Dean reached up grabbing Sammy's face and pulled it down toward him searching the eyes. Eyes that hadn't changed, eyes that still had their true color and were now scrunched with annoyance as Dean gripped his face. "Are you ok? Dean demanded.

"Hey, quit it! Lemmy go!" Sam protested. "What'dya doin?!"

Dean's grip tightened on his brother's head, "Stop struggling Sam, and let me lookit you wouldja!" he said in his 'I mean in now Sammy' tone.

Sam exhaled a deep exasperated sigh and stood still indulging his wounded brother. "You know I'm not the one that got stabbed don't you?" He said looking down at Dean's worried face.

Dean locked eyes with his for a moment and Sam saw a flicker of something pass over his brother's face.

Then Bobby's bark from the porch ended the moment, "Sam! Quite fooling around and get your brother outta the car!"

Dean dropped his hands away from Sam's face and said with a smirk, "I've got two words for you…"

"What?" Asked Sam as he gently pushed his brother up to a sitting position and began to ease him out of the car.

"Breath mints."

Sam breathily replied "OH, VHHery Nhice" right in Dean's face as his older brother rose up to lean on him for the walk to the house.

Dean pressed his lips together in a fine line not because of the pain in his side but to keep from laughing at the pain of an ass brother currently helping him up Bobby's steps. "You know you're still not to big for an ass-wupp'n"

"Yeah, but first ya'd hafta catch me" Sam answered when he stopped on the porch. A second ticked by and Dean looked up at Sam, curious to the lack of progress, and saw that look again on his little brother's face. The same one Sam had before they'd left the motel, the one that said 'Don't leave Dean.' And the raw fear in Sammy's eyes took him by surprise.

Time to man the defenses. "S'ok," Dean said and nodded toward the door, "Your breath doesn't stink that bad."

Sam sighed, "Jerk" and helped his brother through the door.

They found Bobby on the phone and he was agitated.

"That was Rufus", Bobby growled, " he's got a safe house we can go to but he said it won't be ready for a couple of days. He also said the activity has jumped off the scale and advised that we hunker down once we get there…. it could be a long haul."

"Where is this place?" Sam asked.

Bobby paused before he answered. "Just out side Lawrence; it's in the middle of an old abandoned factory complex."

Dean and Sam exchanged glances with each other. They knew the place well, they'd played there as kids when their mode of transportation back then had be bicycles. So they'd be head' in home, back to the area where this all started. And each brother felt a cold shudder inside.

wWwWw

The next day Dean was up and moving fine. It definitely seemed that drinking the Holy water speeded up his healing process. He was standing at the kitchen counter fixing scrambled eggs for everyone when he looked up to see his brother's tall form fill the doorway. Sam was standing…no, more like swaying in the frame of the doorway and squinting back at him.

"Mornin' sunshine." Smiled Dean.

Sam had practically sleep walked into the kitchen. Normally, it was he that was the early riser and as he slowly made his way over to a chair at the kitchen table he rubbed at his eyes and groaned, "Who are you and what have you done to my brother?" Then he sat down in a slump.

Dean huffed a laugh as he passed Sam a brimming cup a Joe and said, "Just thought it was 'bout time I earned my keep around here. Sausages will be up in a minute"

Sam's eyes opened a little more when he heard the links sizzle and snap as they hit the hot pan. He usually chose his food wisely. Staying away from the overly processed greasy fare his brother seemed to thrive on. But sausages were his one concession to flavor over function and he felt his mouth begin to water and his body wake to the savory smell.

"What time did you wake up?" Sam asked after a few sips.

"Don' no, saw my first sunrise that wasn't cause of a stakeout or drink'n" Dean answered as he poured the eggs into the heated pan.

Sam considered this. He watched his brother deftly fold the eggs into fluffy mounds of golden melt in your mouth textures and then set the pan aside. Dean moved on to tend the sausages and grab a few slices of bread for the toaster. He was moving with the precision and grace of fine short order cook, not a motion was wasted not an action repeated. He was utterly in the zone and focused at the task.

And that's why it all looked so alien to Sam. Dean never gets himself together in the a.m. The only time his brother moves with this focused fluidity is when his mind is working out a problem and his hands just need something to do while his brain sorts things out.

"Dean, what's on your mind?"

His brother stopped buttering the toast and put the knife slowly down. "It can wait."

Dean fixed a plate, grabbed the utensils and put everything down in front of a waiting Sam. His brother looked at the inviting food and up at Dean who was just standing there looking back. After a moment Dean turned around to fix himself a plate and said over his shoulder, "You should eat that before it gets cold, nothing' worse that cold scrambled eggs".

Sam began to tuck into the food but he didn't let the subject drop. Dean had to have a lot on his mind, I mean: Hell, Holy water, and demon killing blood! If he was in the mood to open up this would be the perfect time to do it. "So you never really answered me, got somethin' on your mind?" He was taking another bite when he heard his brother swallow. So he looked up.

Dean was sitting with his elbows on the table, his chin rested on his folded hands, tented over his plate of untouched food. He looked like he was about to pray but he was staring back at him and there was a frown on his face.

"What is it?" asked Sam a bit worried.

"How could you tell the difference between a prophecy dream and a regular one?" Dean asked.

"The prophesy one's came true'" was Sam's glib reply.

Dean rolled his eyes and said, "Did they feel different, were they more vivid?"

Sam realized Dean was serious and answered truthfully. "Yeah, they were..like I was there, seeing the whole scene play out like it was a movie but I could feel and smell and hear like it was real."

Dean sat back and ran a hand over his short spiky hair and sighed, "I think I had one."

"Last night?" asked Sam.

"When we were coming back from the motel I musta passed out or sum'n but I had this dream. It felt different from any dream I've ever had. It felt like I was watchin' things happen but I could feel every thought I was having like I was right there in the moment." In a hushed tone Dean added, "It was like I was seeing something that was going to happen and I couldn't stop it." and his eyes took on a haunted look.

"Well, what was it about?" asked Sam.

"It was about you Sammy, about what you're gonna be and what I hafta do…"

Sam put his fork down, "Tell me." He said concern-replacing worry.

"We were at this place, it was kinda familiar. I was standing in this room and I knew Lilith was outside with all her demon friends but I couldn't find you. Then I heard voices outside and I looked out this window and you were facing her; had your back to me but when you turned around… your eyes…"

"What about them, Dean?"

"They weren't yours….anymore…they'd changed.

Sam had to ask," What color were they?" Afraid Dean would say yellow.

"They were like filled with blue light, Sammy, it almost hurt to at them directly." and Dean lowered his head.

Sam thought about this. "Did I…change?"

"You weren't you, not totally" Dean looked back up to meet his gaze.

Sam sighed and his jaw muscles tightened. "What happened with Lilith?"

"You killed her, I don't know what happed to the rest of 'em but suddenly there was this bright light and …it sounded like an explosion and then nothing else was standing, just this mist. It blew out the glass in the window where I was standing, I got cut up but I went outside to look for you."

"You were ok?" said Sam in a small voice.

"Yeah, I was fine just a lot of blood because of the glass, but ok.

And Sam asked Dean his worst fear, "So I didn't try to hurt you?"

"Uh no…but…"

"But what Dean!" Sam said a little too loudly.

"I found Bobby and he said that I had to make you swallow some o'my blood."

Sam's look of worry turned to one of horror, "Your blood?"

Dean winced a little at the look, his own face beginning to pinch with the strain, " It was supposed to counteract the demon blood in your system but I didn't know if it would kill you, man." And his voice was on the edge of cracking. "I didn't know how far gone you were and if there was enough of you left to survive it."

Sam heard the sound of his brother's voice and looked down at the table and quietly said, "It was just a dream Dean."

"Sam…" Dean waited for his brother to look back at him. "Sammy…"

When he did he looked older somehow. "It was just a dream."

Dean slowly shook his head and said softly, "No, it wasn't."

Then Sam glared at him and rose up from the table. He took two steps away from his brother toward the back door then spun around, "Dean, I've fought this….this thing Yellow eyes did to me ever since I found out it about it. I've fought against changing, against turning into one of them, 'cause if I thought for a moment that I was gonna do anything that would hurt you or Bobby …or any innocent civilian…." Sam huffed and licked his lips then gestured with a sweep of his arms, "I fight against it taking control every day, man..…every damn day" and his lower lip quivered but he bit down to make it stop. Then in his own halting tone said, "If that ever happens, if I change…. I'd want you to do what ever you have to… before I ….before I killed you, man. I couldn't live with myself; some part of me would know I did it….and… I couldn't live with that." Sam stood his ground; hands stuffed into his jeans as his eyes brimmed with tears.

"Don't ask me…." Dean tilted his pleading eyes up to his brother

"You gotta" Sam stated. " You know it's gotta be like this."

Dean went pale as he heard Sam's words echo what Bobby had said to him in the dream.

wWwWw

Over the last couple of days Bobby knew something was up between the two brothers. They'd been busy enough with the packing but never quite made eye contact with each other. But he'd catch Sam watching his brother when he didn't think Dean was looking and he'd catch Dean pull his gaze away from watching Sam as the younger one left a room.

Bobby just chalked it up to the boys feeling hinky about revisiting Lawrence again. They were definitely spooked about somthin'. Normal conversation was scarce and there was none of the amiable bickering those two always did as their way of easing the pressure and reassuring one about the other.

But what ever it was they'd have plenty of time to sort it out once they got settled at the safe house. Bobby's biggest fear lay in trying to out guess when and where the next volley of assaults from Lilith's army would strike. He didn't like the tone Missouri had used the last time she'd spoken. It was if she knew something about what was coming.

All the supplies and gear had been loaded up between Bobby's truck and the Impala and they were just going over a last minute checklist when there was a knock on the door.

Bobby motioned for the brothers to fan out and cover him as he cautiously approached the front door and peered out the peephole.

To his surprise it was Father Mick that stood on the other side. He waived the boys to stand down and opened the door slowly.

"Hadn't expected to see your face Father I thought you'd gone back to Kansas" Said Bobby in a cautiously flat tone.

"Hi Bobby, can I come in, I need to speak to Dean." the Priest replied urgently. Bobby was about to say that they were just leaving when Father Mick spotted Dean and brushed past to approach the older Winchester.

"Dean, it's good to see you again, how are you feeling?" He asked.

Dean glanced at Bobby and then at Sam and said cautiously, "Fine, pretty good as a matter of fact, almost back to 100"

"Fine, Fine that's good to hear" And the smiling Priest seemed genuinely happy at the news.

"Dean, I wanted you to know that I took the liberty of sending your stained shirt on to a special lab we have at the Vatican for testing" He looked intently at Dean.

"Testing?" Dean asked.

"Yes, yes I used to work for a branch of investigation that did authentication of claims involving miracles. It was there that I sent your shirt." He paused for them to process the implication.

"And?…" Bobby asked impatiently.

"Look, Dean" Father Mick began, "I have been in contact with my superiors about your condition, and they believe as I do that this is too important a gift bestowed upon you to not be devoted to further scrutiny. They have asked me to accompany you back to the Vatican where a suite of rooms is being prepared for you. You represent a unique opportunity for the church to come to better understand this state of elevated grace, that up until now, was thought to be impossible for living mortal man to possess."

The room went still.

"You'd be treated with the utmost respect. You'd have full freedom of the suite and the wing it's located in. You'd have only minor responsibilities as outlined by the Church such as a monthly Blood offering, that is merely ceremonial, and would provide consecrated amulets for the faithful and of course the production of Holy Water that would be disbursed throughout the Dioceses of the world and offered to the pilgrims that visit the Holy city."

Still no response from his audience so the Father pressed on, his enthusiasm barely restrained. " Your presence would be revered next only to the Pope himself and you'd be secure from all harm by the best trained private army in the world. Dean you'd live in virtual luxury for the rest of your days."

Sam looked hopefully to his brother; this might be their chance for true safety from Lilith and her hordes. "So, we'd be staying in Vatican city itself?"

The Father looked suddenly uncomfortable and said, "Regrettably, this offer only extends to Dean no other family members would be allowed permanent stay-for security reasons."

Dean pressed his lips together as his anger built. Remove him to the Vatican? Away from Sam and Bobby just when the fight was heating up? This was just so wrong on so many different levels that he found himself unable to utter but one word.

"NO!" he said.

Sam moved to stand between the priest and his brother, his gun drawn and leveled at the man of God.

Father Mick's eyes went wide. This was not what he had expected at all. Disbelief, some protests... he'd been prepared for that but he had not been prepared for armed resistance.

"Leave now" the low tone from Sam's voice left no doubt that any objection would not be tolerated.

"Wait, Dean," The Father pressed, "What you are now is a gift to the world, to all those who have faith…"

The next sound was the click of Bobby's revolver being cocked. "Boys you go on ahead a me, I'll keep the Father company for a bit and catch up to you" Bobby never let his eyes drift from the confused and flustered man of the cloth under his aim.

Dean walked over to the coat hook and grabbed his leather jacket and Sam's coat and headed out the door without a glance back at the Priest. Sam backed out the door holstering his gun only after he got outside. Then they both got in the Impala and drove away in silence. It was too surreal.

Of all times for God to show an interest in their problems and it has to come in the form of another obstacle between them and the ending of this damn war Sam thought sourly as his brother drove them back to where it all began.

wWwWw

They'd been on the road for several hours, Sam had fallen asleep, lulled by the motion of the car as it speed along the highway. Dean had turned the music down letting his brother continue his sleep so that by the time they pulled over and ate something, he'd be refreshed and could then take his turn at the wheel letting Dean cat nap for a hundred miles or so. The late afternoon sun had turned the landscape deep shades of butterscotch and peaches and Dean thought of how much he liked this time of day best. Traffic always seemed to lighten up, the air got cooler if it was a hotter time of year and the colors were more vivid. Funny he'd never really thought that much about colors before…before he died. But now he understood they had always been a source of joy for him he'd just never realized it till now.

He'd been doing a lot of heavy thinking as he drove; he'd been glancing over to Sam, watching the peaceful face his baby brother always wore when he slept in the car. He'd been thinking about that dream he'd had and the last words his father had said to him.

Had his Dad known?

Dean remembered his own moments of prescient thought, as he got closer to his own death and plunge to hell. He had seen glimpses of how some things turned out. It helped them flee the Hellhound for a while... but…was all this now what his Dad seen? That someday he would be weighing a decision this heavy on a scale so delicately balanced that if he didn't play it just right it would tip and he would loose Sammy forever.

His choice.

And he'd have to live with that decision.

He thought about what kind of a future he could expect if Sam wasn't in it..

There would be a suite of rooms in a secluded part of the Vatican where he would spend the rest of his days. Days that would consist of being drained of a portion of his blood. Blood that would be encapsulated in charms and prayer beads for the faithful. And he'd probably spend the rest of his time swirling his finger around in a solid gold fountain to produce vials of Blessed water for the pilgrims that would flock outside the Holy city to be near the residence of a living Saint.

If Sam was gone from his life and he was locked away in some gilded rooms in Rome it would just be like dying a second time. Never to ride in his Baby again, never to see the road stretch before him and zoom along under a big empty blue sky or beneath a star studded night. Never to feel the pleasure of a woman or the smell of her hair, her soft breathy voice in his ear as he held her tight, never to taste again a burger or a beer!

Seems to me that kinda of life would be, in its own way, as awful a thing to bear as Hell itself. And I know Hell. Dean thought.

He glanced again for the hundredth time over at Sam who sleepily whimpered and adjusted his impossibly long body to a more comfortable position on the bench seat beside him. No, this felt too right, too familiar, like home, to give up.

There had to be a reason why he'd come back changed, had to be a reason why he'd come back at all! And it had to be about defeating the demons, nothing else made sense.

The strategist in Dean spun all the possible combinations to what their best plan would be if, like the dream, Lilith and her army came calling. He'd had the conversation with Sam about what had happened that night he'd died. How Lilith had done her white-eye heat wave thing but Sam had not been touched. So it was good to know that if his brother had to face her she wouldn't be able to blast him away from a distance.

Sammy could get in close and maybe with a knife tipped with my blood he could kill the bitch.

And there were other thoughts swirling around in his head.

What if she pulls something else we don't know about, something that Sam's not strong enough to defend against, no amount of demon killing blood will help if he can't deliver it right into her. He'd have to be stronger than she is….and the gist of what Ruby'd said to them came drifting back to him. With Sam's powers unleashed he could destroy Lilith easily.

But it's not a switch you can turn on then turn off. Once Sam changed he be like that….forever. Until the day he died.. ...until the day I'd have 'ta kill 'im.

Dean shuddered his sigh and it was loud for Sam to hear and he began to wake.

"Wha' happened... time iz 't" Sam slurred as he rubbed his eyes and unwound from the comfortable curl he'd been in.

"Nothin' Sam, just thinking too loud" Dean turned to him and with a sad smile said, "Still got a few miles to go why don't you go back to sleep I'll wake you when we get to a good place to eat and switch off, 'K?"

Sam looked through sleep-blurred eyes, Dean had his famous worry creases furrowed between his brows, and he knew that look he'd seen Dean's brow pinch together like that all his life. Every time his big brother faced a problem he'd worry at all angles of it until he got a plan. Then the pinch would go away as he'd throw himself into full on assault mode pulling all the pieces together to execute that plan. But he wouldn't drop it, wouldn't ever let it be until the problem was solved.

"Humphhh" Sam smiled wearily and thought, and he calls me stubborn. Tha' I'm the one with OCB.

"Whaddya say?" Dean slapped Sam's knee"Ya wanna get back to that good dream you're hav'in?"

Sam rolled his eyes and rubbed his face harder the sighed, "What time is it?"

"'bout six" Dean replied. "Come on, you've only had about four hours."

"Na, I'm good" Sam answered and began to shift around to look out at the scenery speeding by. They passed over a small bridge that spanned a river and the long rays of the sun had turned the marsh grass a brilliant gold and the clouds a palette of warm pastels. Sam was transfixed at the sight of the natural beauty, of the peace and order the world at times possessed.

"The colors are beautiful aren't they?" He heard a voice beside him say. And he slowly turned his head to look astonished at his brother.

"I mean look 'it that, if you painted that scene, with all the colors there...just as they are... people would say you were crazy or on drugs or both!" Dean's hand gesturing at the sight as he smiled.

"Since when do you even think about...colors, Man?" said Sam incredulously.

Dean stopped smiling and looked back at the road. "Dude, I've always thought of colors and shit".

"No you haven't, in fact if I'd just said that you'd call me a..."

"Girl, I know" Dean agreed. "But I always did think about...things, I just never said'em...out loud."

"Like me" Sam teased.

"Cause you're such a ..."

"Girl?" Sam supplied.

Dean huffed a sigh with a smile, "Sorry I've always teased you like that. I never told you but you being able to say what's on your mind no matter what is something I've always admired about you Sammy... I asked you to grow outta a lot of things when we were kids but I guess it's alright if you don't grow outta that." Dean turned to look at Sam and found his younger brother staring straight ahead his jaw muscles working to swallow back the impact of his words.

"Dude, I didn't make you cry? Dean teased.

"Shuddup"

This is how they always dealt with things, Dean'd open up a little, Sam'd try to push for more and they'd either get to a new level or Dean would take two steps back, it was like a dance really.

And it always happened in the car, where the speed of the scenery outside made them feel that they could run away but where they had no place to hide from each other.

It was almost like an apology, Thought Sam, NO... IT WAS AN APOLOGY- for all the times he'd slammed me, blunted back my feelings, and took issue with my "guyness". It was as if Dean was trying to make things right between him and me. Before something happened and he wouldn't get the chance?

Sam's jaws stopped working and he turned to his brother. "You got a plan yet?" he asked.

He saw Dean's hands grip the wheel a little tighter. "I figure we'll go for another two hours or so till we find a nice rest stop with food and gas then you can take over and I can catch some sleep" His brother said in profile to him.

"No, I didn't mean that" Said Sam. "I mean about Lilith."

"We lie low like Bobby said." Dean answered with out meeting Sam's gaze.

Sam paused then hung his head low, "I don't think so."

"What do you mean you don't think so?" Dean flashed an angry glare back at him.

"Dean, there is no way in Hell I'm gonna sit by and watch as you go back to Hell, Man. And as long as she lives she still holds the contract on your soul, if she kills me first then I can't protect you, if you trip over a rake and it impales you, you die and she gets to have you back..." Sam caught his brother's glance and he heard himself growl dangerously low, and..that's...just not gonna happen...again."

"Dude, I'm not gonna die tripping over a rake!"

Sam shook his head, "You don't remember anything that happened back at that Mystery Spot place but you can die a lot of different ways." And the pain Sam still carried from his time trapped there was evident on his face.

Dean stared at him a moment then turned his head back to the road. "I thought the deal'd be broken once I came back." He said to the road.

"Dean, the Deal was she got the contract for your soul, no escape clause, no 'oops if you find a way back it's broken', as long as she lives the contract stays valid."

"You don't know that!"

"Don't have to," was Sam's response, " all we have to count on is that if she dies the contract is broken, end of Deal. Until then we can't...I can't... we don't dare assume you're home free now." Sam and Dean then locked eyes.

Dean said in a weary voice, "So it's still not over?"

"Not until she's dead."

They drove in silence for a while then Dean said, "Sounds like you've been thinking on this some."

"I have." Was Sam's short reply.

"Well, if you've got a plan I'm all ears." Said Dean.

Sam steeled himself for the outrage he expected from Dean. "Well, I think we should plan that her attack is imminent."

"Agreed"

"We know your blood will kill them, so we should stock up on weapons that can deliver it into them. Like knives, Stakes and cross bow arrow tips." Dean looked at him in surprise at the mention of cross bows. Sam continued, " we can soak the pellets of shot in it and then repack the shells so that we can use our sawed off against them."

"Sounds good, how much blood do you think you're gonna need for this?" Dean said smirking as he looked over to Sam.

Sam smiled and shook his head. "We can't bleed you dry Dean. That means we can only make demon killing weapons a few at a time and only once a month."

"That would take months! And what if m'blood's got a shelf life like it only kill's 'em when it's fresh?" Dean asked.

"I know, I know," said Sam in frustration. "That's why I think we should at least consider me taping into my powers. Turning, the moment the fight begins."

"Whoa, WHOA, no way lil'bro," Dean nearly stopped the car.

"Dean, if the only way to kill her is to use the combination of powers I have at my disposal and your blood then it's a no brainer. I can kill her and you're free. And once she's dead you can use the blood on me to change me back."

Dean looked at his brother and saw the belief in Sam's eyes that he could bring him back, could restore him to the honest, kind, good man that he knew Sam really was inside and shuddered at his own fear.

"What if it doesn't bring you back, what if it...I wind up killing you with it?" Dean searched his brother's face for an answer with pleading eyes.

"It's still a win." Sam softly said.

Dean's fear turned to anger on a dime, "WHA...How do you figure that?"

"I've got demon blood in me right now," Sam quietly said, "If I die tomorrow I'd probably be go'in to Hell anyway. But if you take the taint away like Missouri and Father Mick say you can I won't have to face that after death."

Dean looked shocked, why hadn't he thought of that! And the thought of his baby brother having to go through the tortures he'd had done to him brought tears to his eyes. He hit the brakes and pulled the car over.

"Dean! What the fuck man!" Yelled Sam as he braced himself against the dashboard from the sudden stop.

"That's it Sammy, we're doing this now!" Growled Dean as fat tears rolled down one cheek, " Gimmy my knife", he motioned to the glove compartment as he rolled up a sleeve."

Sam realizing what he was about to do slammed his hand over the glove's door and said, "NO!"

"Sam, I'm not gonna let you go to Hell either, it's no place to have a reunion, now gimme the knife."

With a softer but stronger voice than Dean had ever heard from his brother Sam said, "No." Then, "Dean the only way you stay outta Hell is for me to kill Lilith, the only way I stay outta Hell is for you to save me after I do. Don't you see man? If your blood just kills the demon in me, GREAT, you and I can both know that someday we'll rest in peace. But even if you can't save m'body I'll still be saved from the pit and that's still a win. You'd be saved from Hell, I'd be saved from Hell-its better than what we got gon'in on now." And one of his tears joined Deans on the leather of the bench seat as the two young men stared at each other and saw eternity staring back.

To be continued... Please review.