Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
Intro: Today, we bring you…Yuffie Bloopers! (applause) Goodness, this one made me put my thinking cap on and go play FFVII for longer than my two hour limit (Check my profile to see what I mean) to see what I could do with Yuffie. I then played Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 for some more details. Sadly, I can't do any Crisis Core or Dirge of Cerberus bloopers for her.
I'm upgrading the format of these bloopers a little bit. For singular character bloopers, like this one, I'm just going to do like a top ten countdown. I admit, this was really hard to do, because Yuffie isn't that big of a character. OH! And if the character is in Kingdom Hearts, I will do KH bloopers of the scenes they're in, plus, it gives me an excuse to bash on Aerith, too! As much as I would love to do FF8 Bloopers, I haven't played the game yet…so I can't. I may do some for FFX, but FF7 is SO much fun to bash on!
Anything else… Oh yes. My goal for this story is 20-25 chapters at most, because I'm sure I'll run out of ideas by then. And as for montages… Those'll be songfics, with 1-3 line bloopers, in which I'll keep the scene secret, and whoever can guess them will get…whatever they want! Yeah!
On a final note, I would appreciate it if you guys read my author's notes. Some people don't, and they end up thinking it's a oneshot, when it's not, and…yeah. Enough with my ranting. On with the Yuffie bloopers chapter!
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER HAS CID WITHIN IT, SO THAT MEANS SWEARING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Chapter Four
Yuffie Bloopers, 'Nuff Said
-VILLA-
Click.
The TV suddenly went black. "What the-?" Tifa began, looking for the remote, before seeing it in Sephiroth's hand. "Why'd you turn it off?"
Sephiroth meaningfully pointed to the clock. "It's 3:27am," he told her. "I think we should save these bloopers for another day."
"Like tomorrow?" Zack sounded hopeful.
"Today is tomorrow."
"I'm confused."
"Of course you are."
Aerith stood up with a jaw popping yawn. "Well, yeah, we should save more of these for another day. Good night, everyone." She headed down the hall to her bedroom, everyone soon following.
--
"Spike."
Cloud mumbled something incoherent and rolled over.
"Spike, wake up."
"Wassamatter?" Cloud asked groggily, opening his azure eyes to look at the digital clock beside him. He had been sleeping soundly for about an hour. He groaned and flipped over, to find a grinning Zack holding a portable DVD player.
"C'mon, I wanna see the end of the first disc of bloopers!" Zack lightly slapped Cloud's cheek to get him to come around.
"Yadonhavtahitme." Cloud sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fists. (Fangirls go: Awwwwww!)
"Scooch over!" Zack shoved Cloud none too gently to the side of the bed and almost halfway off. In fact, the half of Cloud hanging off the bed was his head, and the blood rush managed to wake him up.
"Zack!" he yell-whispered. "What are you doing in my room! In my BED?!"
Zack threw him an incredulous look before pointing at the screen as the menu popped up. "Bloopers."
"Oh."
They were shoulder to shoulder as the bloopers began.
-TOP 10 YUFFIE BLOOPERS-
10. The Da-Chao Mountains Scene
Corneo presses the button and the girls are flipped upside down.
"Makes me so MAD…!" Yuffie cried. "AUGH!"
After struggling a bit, Yuffie's leg restraints somehow broke, and now she's hanging upside down in the "table" position.
"Hohihohihohihohi!" The Don's eyes got huge as he stared at Yuffie's position.
Elena shuddered. "I feel violated…"
9. The Kingdom Hearts 1 Yuffie Entrance Scene
"I think you might've over done it…" She smiled. "Leon," she said smartly.
"That's Squall… Wait…" Squall/Leon said.
Tetsuya: Yuffie!
8. Sora Talking to Yuffie Sometime in Kingdom Hearts 2
Yuffie was boasting about this awesome mega attack, so Sora grinned. "I dare you to use it."
Yuffie's eyes flared. "Aha! Prepare for your mind to be blown!"
Aerith looked and saw Yuffie's Conformer out and her emerald eyes widened. "Yuffie, don't!"
"ALL CREATION!"
Over in the Marketplace, where Leon and Cloud were, they heard an explosion and saw smoke raise in the sky. Leon stared with (gasp) wide eyes as Cloud sighed.
"GODDAMNED GIRL! WHEN I GET MY FUCKING HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK, I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU! YUFFIE!!" Cid's voice carried to the two leather clad men.
"What did she do this time?"
Cloud sighed. "I'm guessing an All Creation."
Tetsuya: God I need some Tranquilizers.
7. Other KH1 Scene With Yuffie
"Heartless!"
"Yuffie, get your ass outta here and take Aerith with you!" Leon ordered. "Sora, let's go!" Just as they were about to jump out the window like all good heroes do, Yuffie yawned.
"Ah don't worry, it's just some midgets in tights."
There's a small "Hey!" in the background.
Tetsuya: Cut. Leon, this is a kid's game. Yuffie, don't insult the actors…
6. Yuffie's Entrance in AC
Barret grinned up at his savior as her weapon returned to her. Tifa and Denzel looked up as the Wutai Princess secured her landing and the parachute fell around her.
They waited…and waited…and waited some more, but Yuffie couldn't seem to find the way out.
"ONOZ!" she was screaming. "I can't get out! Help!"
Tetsuya: Cut. That's good for today. (stands up and walks out)
5. Yuffie in Shera Ship Part 1
Yuffie ran forward, her arms FULL of materia. "Cloud!" she called in that high voice of hers. "I brought you materia!" The Shera ship jerked a little, and Yuffie stumbled, dropping a materia onto the ground.
"Hey, watch it!"
As she bent to pick it up, the other materias tumbled from her arms, spreading all through the ship. All around, people were unceremoniously slipping, sliding, falling, and the ship veered straight for Kadaj and Cloud.
The two fighters looked…
…and screamed for their lives.
Tetsuya: O.O God…
4. Yuffie in Shera Ship Part 2
"Oh yeah! We rock!" she cried, jumping up and down, doing her victory dance…with materia in her arms. One of them flew out and whacked Tifa in the head.
"Oww…"
Another went flying and slammed into the window, cracking it.
"NO! Not my Shera! Yuffie, Imma fucking kill you!"
Another smacked Cait Sith in the tummy, causing him to short circuit, zapping Red XIII in the process, who howled in protest.
And finally, one of them activated and a barrage of Comets came flying into the airship.
"ZOMG!" (Tifa)
"ONOZ!" (Barret)
"OMFG!" (Cid)
"…" (Vincent)
"BBQ!" (Yuffie)
"…" (Red)
Everyone was scattering around the airship as more and more materia activated. Meanwhile, down below, Cloud stared up at the airship with wide-eyes.
"WTF is going on up there?"
3. Yuffie on Expresso Chain Effects…
Tetsuya: New set! Finally…
Yuffie skipped over to Vincent, who pushed her away with a groan, causing her to step on Red's tail, which tripped Barret who was walking behind her and making Red fall, only to bite on Sephiroth's hair, causing him to yell causing a Mini-sized Cloud to leap on his face, slashing his flawless skin and clawing his eyes out, too.
Yuffie stood up, unfazed and started bouncing on the walls as Aerith and Zack walked in, then did a double take. Yuffie bounced up to them, and proceeded to bounce up and down, slightly red in the cheeks as she greeted them.
"HIZACKYHIAERIHOWYA'DOIN'WEREN'TYOUGUYSDEADDIDN'TSEPHKILL YOUAERIHUHHUHDIDN'THE!"
"You guys gave her Expresso, didn't you?"
"She stole it!" Cloud squeaked. (AN: That is weird…) "Lookit what she did to me!" Aerith and Zack looked back at the REALLY REALLY overly hyper ninja.
And then, right then, Cid came in with an ice cream cone.
"ICE CREAM!" Yuffie shrieked, barreling Cid down for the ice cream. "YUM…..HYPERHYPERHYPERHYPER!"
Cloud regained normal size as everyone stood and Sephiroth healed himself with a Cure3. "How long will this last?" he asked.
"Seven hours," Vincent stated calmly.
"I wonder…" Cloud looked at the Buster Sword.
"Do it," Sephiroth ordered. "I dare you."
Just as Cloud was about to advance on Yuffie, however, Kadaj popped on, like people always do in anime stuff like this. He was greeted much the same as Aerith and Zack had been.
"HYPERHIKADDYHOWYABEENHUHHUHHUHHUHHUH."
She then noticed that Cloud was raising the Buster to her head, and she screeched, dazing Cloud into lowering the Buster. She then charged at Vincent.
"VINNIE!" her voice rang out.
Vincent, through his silent, raging anger, turned with fearful eyes to look at Yuffie who was rushing towards him. "Oh shit…"
"WILL YOU KISS ME?" Yuffie asked, but Vincent had run away. "NO! COME BACK VINNIE!"
"NO! Yuffie! COME BACK!" Kadaj yelled, running after Yuffie, who was running after Vincent, who was running after a police officer, who was running after a teenager, who was running after a five-year-old, who was running after his dog, who was running after her cat, who was running after the mouse, who was running after a string of cheese and running after his cousin, who was running after a grasshopper, who was running after a baby ant.
Okay, this is a long blooper.
Just as Yuffie came toward Cloud, he raised the Buster and brought it's flat end down on her head, hearing a resounding TWANG! ring out throughout the building. She then dropped dead out.
Tetsuya: Good God.
2. Another Chain Effect…AC Version
Grinning, Yuffie ran up the side of the construction place, speeding up it, missing all the holes, until…
Her foot got stuck. She fell onto her back, accidentally letting her shuriken loose as it whacked Vincent in the head, which caused him to shoot at Barret, who swore loudly, his own bullets going haywire, hitting Cait Sith who short circuited and zapped Red, who summoned an Ultima on Cid, causing his spear to go wide and get lodged in Bahamut SIN's ass, who gave a shriek and hit Tifa into Yuffie, who twisted her ankle getting yanked out of the building, slamming into the sign above Rude and falling with Reno on top of him as Cloud once again wasn't hurt.
"Damn man!" Barret yelled, staring at the innocent Cloud, who was trying to not laugh, as it was OOC for him. "Your luck is just fucked up!" Cloud gave one of Zack's trademark shrugs, and then Zack himself walked on screen and smacked him upside the head, knocking him out, (of course).
Tetsuya: Why does this always happen?
Number 1 Blooper: Bahamut SIN Getting Ready to Blast Yuffie to Smithereens in AC
As Bahamut spun to blast at Yuffie, she took a few steps backward, unaware of the small ledge she was on.
Tetsuya: Uh, Yuffie… You might wanna-
Yuffie takes another step backwards and starts falling. "AHHHHHHHHH-"
-CLOUD'S ROOM-
The door burst open to reveal the two sniggering boys. They quickly glanced at the clock, then at the DVD player, at each other, then at Sephiroth, whose acute hearing caused him to know that they were up.
Cloud's eyes widened at the death glare he was being sent, but Zack looked down at the screen and began to laugh out loud, and I mean LOUD. You might hear it all the way in your own house.
Sephiroth stomped over and wrenched the DVD player from the blond's hand. "Would you two please get some SLEEP? God, you are imbeciles."
Sephiroth stomped out of the room and into his, holding the paused DVD player in his hand. As he settled down, he decided to see what had made Zack laugh so hard.
-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-
Scene at the Chocobo Farm
Special Guests: Zell Dincht and Seifer Almasy of FF8!!
"WHY ARE THERE GODDAMNED CHOCOBOS HERE! WHY!" Zell screamed.
"Because the chocobo is what inspired Cloud's hair, duh," Yuffie informed him matter-of-factly.
"You're just prejudiced against chocobos," Tifa sniffed, stalking over to the fence. Everyone else followed her.
"Come on, man, they aren't that bad," Cloud said, shaking his head.
"Wanna bet?" Zell snarled.
"What kind of bet?" Cloud started smirking. Zell smirked, too.
"How about this: You climb inside the fence, walk up to a chocobo, and pat its head. If you come back with all your hair, I'll give you 2000 gil." Zell felt pretty smug. There was no way that Cloud would come back unscathed. They both had chocobo hair.
"You got a bet!" Cloud agreed. This is such easy money. He ran past the others and vaulted the fence into the chocobo enclosure.
"CLOUD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Barret yelled.
"WINNING 2000 GIL!" he yelled back. Cloud walked over to one of the giant chocobos. This particular one was big even for a chocobo and had an evil sort of glint in his eye. If Cloud had really been paying attention, he definitely wouldn't have picked that particular chocobo, but he wasn't, so on with the blooper.
Well, Cloud approached the chocobo, his arm extended. "Nice birdie, nice birdie. Please don't eat my hair, or I'll lose 2000 gil." The evil glint grew. Then, quite suddenly, the bird made his move.
"EEEEEKKKKKK! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID HORSE!" Cloud ran screaming around the corral. The chocobo was right at his heels. Zell was dying of laughter.
"Well, I guess we need to save him, don't we?" Tifa sighed.
"No way!" Zell chuckled. "This is hilarious!"
"I, for once, have to agree the chicken wuss," Seifer said. The others gaped at him.
"You're AGREEING with ZELL!"
"IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"
"EVERYONE TO THE BUNKER!"
"HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!" Cloud screamed.
"YOU PEOPLE ARE SO HEARTLESS! GO GET HIM NOW!" All cowered in the face of Aerith's wrath.
"Yes ma'am!" they all said. So when Cloud made his tenth circuit of the corral, Barret and Cid grabbed from right beneath the demon chocobo's grasping beak. Poor Cloud was trembling.
"Evil…birdie…" he stammered, slightly swirly-eyed.
"HAH! I told you chocobos were evil!" Zell said triumphantly.
"Ahhh, poor Cloud…" Yuffie said sympathetically. Then she started giggling. This escalated into full-scale laughter as the victim of the chocobo's initial attack became evident.
"Hey, what's so funny!" Then he turned around to look at his backside. There, where a large piece of pant fabric had been torn by unforgiving equine teeth, were his clearly visible boxers. They were pink with little words on them.
"Hey, what do they say?" Vincent asked.
"Excuse me! It's rude to try to read people's boxers!" Zack yelled desperately. Tifa leaned slightly closer, then sweat-dropped.
"They say 'Super Mario Bros. And they have those mushroom things on them."
"Ew." Zell made a face.
"Maybe it is the apocalypse. I'm agreeing with you twice in a day." They all stared at him.
"Well, I don't blame her for agreeing with that one."
"But you still owe me twenty 2000 gil." Cloud grinned. Just then a chocobo walked up and took a bite out of his hair (Of course).
"HA! Now YOU owe ME 2000 gil," Zell said triumphantly holding out his hand. Reluctantly Cloud put the coins in his hand.
"Come on guys. Let's get past the swamp before this chapter ends." Tifa said. The other seemed confused.
"Chapter? What chapter?" Yuffie asked. Tifa sweat-dropped.
"Uh…Never mind. Let's just go."
-SEPH'S ROOM-
Camera shows his door from the outside.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
End Chapter.
There's the end of Disc 1. Oh, don't you worry, there's a lot more bloopers on the way. The next one is: Weapon, Materia, and Outfit Malfunctions, with a montage of scenes at the end. I've decided that the song that the montage will be set to Sanctuary Kingdom Hearts 2. Why? Because it's fun to screw songs like that up.
Oh, and idea for the people screaming around with "ZOMG" and "ONOZ" was from an avatar I saw on glitter-graphics somewhere. It's hilarious!
Tune in soon for the next Disc of bloopers! Send in your requests and ideas and I'll do my best!