Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
Intro: O.O over 2500 hits…that's over 1800 more than my Twilight story…and this has been up for a much shorter time… I mean WOW! So, I'm giving you all a gift. Everyone I can cram into the Railway thing are going to the Gold Saucer to celebrate!
Just to warn you, those of you who have read my Crisis Core Bonus chapter may not want to read this, because of all the zany randomness throughout. You see, this was another one of those hidden camera kinds of things, but we'll be seeing it on Disc 2 of the bloopers, you know? Just imagine that this was the day both before and on the 10th Anniversary of Final Fantasy VII. And, we get Montage 2 after this. I guess I'd better give you guys the answers now…
Answers for Montage 1:
Scene One: Aerith's Death (from a cat comic found on Google)
Scene Two: Cloud at the beginning of Disc 2 in the City of the Ancients
Scene Three: Cloud after fight against Air Buster
Scene Four: Sephiroth's monologue in FFVII:AC right before he and Cloud fight (from "Turks Watch Advent Children" on YouTube)
Scene Five: Battle against Midgar Zolom; team containing Cloud and Vincent (from same comic as 1)
Scene Six: Aerith in the water, just as Cloud and co. are leaving the spring
Scene Seven: Zack's death
Scene Eight: Emerald WEAPON approaching the submarine
Idea for Scene 7 in the montage was from RibbonzandChainzFF7! Give credit to her for the review with the idea!! And the song we're going to screw up this time…is One-Winged Angel!! Bwahahahaha! I am SO not nice to Sephy-kuns. Oh, and congrats to Fork in the Road for guessing Scene 4! As a treat, I'm putting you in a blooper (no, not this one) in the future! Tell me what you want for your blooper, and what you want to do, and I'll do it!
And yes, I know that a lot of these attractions aren't in the Gold Saucer, so what? it's not an amusement park without more than one roller coaster and a water park!!
Contains character bashing. Everyone gets theirs.
Anyway, I should give you the blooper now. Enjoy the randomness, and OOCness!
Disclaimer: HAHAHA no.
Chapter Eight
Special Over 2500 Hits Celebration in the Gold Saucer Blooper
-VILLA-
"Waaaaaaiiiiiiiiit," Yuffie said. "You can't be serious." She spun to face the others. "They video taped us going AWOL for those few days?"
"It appears so," Sephiroth told her.
"You know, I forgot what happened on that day…" Cloud trailed off.
"I don't want to remember," piped up Cid.
"I want to know!" yelled Zell, grinning like an idiot.
"Why not? It'll be fun, won't it?" Aerith agreed.
With a heavy sigh, Sephiroth unpaused the scene to watch the few days that could very well be their undoing…
-BLOOPER THING-
Zack awoke to a loud BOOM! coming from the other side of the Square-Enix hotel he lived in. He sat up, looking around. He grabbed the Buster Sword and then got out of bed and rushed for the door. Upon swinging it open, a maniacal laughter filled his ears.
"Live my giant Lucky Charm live!" Zack groaned loudly. He knew who that was.
"GENESIS!" Zack shouted at the top of his lungs as the roof of the hotel came off. "WHAT ON GAIA DID YOU DO THIS TIME?" he demanded, storming through the hallway of the hotel. Several people poked their heads out, every single one of them shouting, "GENESIS!"
Zack was met by Vincent, Cloud, Sephiroth, Yazoo, Loz, Tifa, and Angeal who were all going to go kill Genesis for waking them up. Just as they approached his room, they saw what had torn off the roof. A giant rainbow Lucky Charm stood there, the roof balancing on its head.
Zack glared at it before raising one of his foot and slamming it into Genesis' door. The door cracked and then came crashing down in a heap. Zack was strong! (Yay!) Zack glared at Genesis who was in a corner. He was wearing a pair of fake glasses that had this little nose attached to it that made Genesis' face look disfigured. It also had a mustache on it! "Oh hey guys! Meet Lucky! My giant Lucky Charm!" Genesis said, grinning like an idiot. (I just love bashing Genesis. Sorry! Trust me, I don't hate him. Far from it.)
Zack stepped up in front of Genesis until he was at least a foot away and growled, "Wanna meet my new friend, Genesis?"
"EUU! YAY! A NEW FRIEND!" Genesis cheered and clapped happily, "So what's his name?"
"His name is 'Fist'. Fist, meet Genesis' face," Zack growled, slamming his fist into Genesis' face. He didn't even look at the damage he caused as he spun around and headed towards the door, cracking his knuckles as he went. "Genesis, you are the dumbest thing on the Planet. I rest my case and good night everybody!"
"My turn!" Angeal growled, unsheathing a Hardedge. He was just about to hit Genesis with it when this red cat appeared in front of Genesis. Angeal blinked and dropped the Hardedge as he looked at Red XIII who sagged under the weight. He fell backwards, shaking with laughter.
On the poor Red XIII, Reno was snoring, wearing pajamas with Hello Kitty as the pants and then on the shirt it was decorated with Dora the Explorer. (THE HORROR!) (that rhymes LOL) Genesis looked up from his bloody nose and broken jaw and died laughing even though he couldn't move his jaw and he was covered in blood.
Cloud, who had the Ultima Weapon out and had been hacking at the evil rainbow, couldn't help but laugh as Reno fell off the fire cat and rolled on the floor and continued snoring like an idiot.
Sephiroth was blinking in utter shock and tentatively poked the thing that he could have sworn was Reno and it twitched. Sephiroth shuddered. He didn't like this thing and it's odd obsession for Hello Kitty (shudders) and Dora the Explorer (shudders some more).
Vincent burned the giant marshmallow that was laughing as well and all the marshmallow's ashes covered Reno from view and everybody sighed with relief. Yazoo, Loz, and Tifa were all glaring at Genesis and it was Tifa who came up to him and snarled, "You woke me up and I NEED my beauty sleep!"
"I beg to differ, you're not very pretty…" Sephiroth had to say which earned him a death glare from Tifa. He rolled his eyes and glared at Cloud, who was glaring at the ashes of the evil rainbow charm thing and growled, "I'll kill you later."
"What was that?" Cloud snapped, holding his sword up in his, er, Zack's battle stance.
"Um…nothing. I just said that I'd eat my breakfast later," Sephiroth lied, not thinking fast enough.
"Oh, okay, well it's midnight anyway, so I'm going back to bed," Cloud said, strolling out the door.
What a moron! Sephiroth thought with mockery as he went back to his own room.
Vincent and the rest followed, leaving Genesis with a broken jaw, a bloody nose, and singed hair because Tifa had zapped him with a Bolt3 spell.
--
Meanwhile, Zack was just going back to sleep when he forgot that he had left the door open. He went to go close it and then went back to bed, only to see the stars up above him. He thought for a moment, then remembered that the roof was gone. Then, he heard a loud voice singing country music:
When I get where I'm goin'
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna to is
Spread my wings and fly
Gonna land beside a lion
Run my fingers through his mane
Where find out what it's like to ride a drop of rain
Yeah when I get where I'm goin'
They'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fears
Yeah when I get where I'm goin'
Don't cry for me down here
I'm going to walk with my Granddaddy
And he'll match me step-for-step
And I'll tell him how much I missed every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck
Yeah when I get where I'm goin'
They'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sin and struggles I have carried all these years
And I'll my heart wide open
I will love and have no fears
Yeah when I get where I'm going'
Don't cry for me down here
So much pain and so much darkness
This world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do
But when I get where I'm goin'
And I see my Maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Zack couldn't take it any longer. There were two people singing now! TWO! He yelled at the top his lungs at the sky, "SHUT UP YUFFIE!"
"But that's not me!" Yuffie whined back from a distance.
"FINE THEN! SHUT UP AERITH!"
"Okaaay Zack," Aerith called back before dropping silent. There was still a second voice. Zack knew who it was.
"RENO! STOP SINGING IN YOUR SLEEP!" Zack yelled. The singing stopped and for once since the twenty minutes that Zack had just arrived at the Square Enix hotel, there was peace.
--
When morning came, Zack awoke to find that there was a burning smell in the air. He looked up at the sky and then shot up out of bed and rushed towards the door and down towards the breakfast area/lobby. Sephiroth and Reno were standing there, chatting about evil dark things while Tifa, Yuffie, and Aerith were talking about something Zack didn't understand. It sounded like this:
"Why aren't you dead Aerith?"
"I don't know. I got stabbed and blah, blah, blah."
"Blah, blah, blah…"
Zack turned away from them and saw Cloud talking with Vincent and Angeal. Genesis was grabbing a doughnut while Tifa was slapping Loz with a waffle with a puppy imprinted on it, yelling, "I love puppies, you dumb puppy kicker!"
Okay so everything was fine…so what was burning? Suddenly Zack turned to look back at Sephiroth and Reno. They had something in their hands. All at once a blood-chilling scream came from inside the kitchen followed by several others. Zack rushed over to the two of them only to find that Reno had made voodoo dolls out of all the people that worked in the hotel and had gasoline and a light held up to one of them. Sephiroth poured the gasoline on it and Genesis laid it down on the metal cart. Zack could only watch as they ignited it and a man came running out, on fire, screaming like a baby. Zack grinned a wicked grin as he snatched a Genesis voodoo doll from Reno, who tried to take it back, but Zack quickly his plan to the redhead.
Zack then asked for a glass of water at the desk. He added ice to it and then stuck the doll into the cup. Making sure no one was watching, he shoved it into the freezer and turned the freezer onto 'Ice Age Cold'. Zack turned to look at Genesis, who was shaking like mad saying, "I-It's s-s-s-s-s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cold!" Everyone turned to look at Genesis just in time to see him freeze.
Tifa poked him in the head. Nothing happened. She shocked him with Bolt3. Nothing. A grin danced on her face as she grabbed a Fire materia and activated it. She shoved it under his arm, letting it burn. Genesis remained frozen. Meanwhile Reno, Sephiroth, and Zack had fallen over, laughing like idiots. Only they knew what had really happened to Genesis.
"Well I think it's time for a funeral," Angeal said.
"Funeral? Who would go to a funeral that had Genesis in it?" Tifa spat in disgust.
That only made the three of them laugh even harder.
"Someone who's stupid enough to believe Genesis is dead," Cloud growled. "Zack, get that voodoo doll out of the freezer!"
"Aww! But it's funny!" Zack whined to his ever-so-clever friend, opening the freezer. He was met by a blast of icy wind that seemed to freeze his face and hair in place as he reached in. Zack thought it felt like an ice age in there and after a few seconds, his hand froze as he searched for the glass. So he had to stick his other hand in and it froze too.
Zack grumbled something about stupid Ice Ages and stuck his head in and found the glass and pulled his head out just in time. His head was half frozen. With the glass out, Zack dropped it from his mouth and fell over backwards, letting the warm morning light thaw him out. Meanwhile, Reno and Sephiroth had picked up the glass with soaking wet hands and the glass was stuck.
They tried to pull it off their fingers but were unsuccessful and as everyone watched them, Cloud laughed. "Awww! You're holding hands!"
"You'd better watch your mouth!" Sephiroth growled, knocking Reno out with the glass as his hand came free. He looked at Reno, who had dropped dead and muttered, "Oppsies."
"Ah well, just leave him there. No one really cares for the dunce anyway," Yuffie said as Zack finally thawed out and stood up. Angeal was laughing at Zack because he had gotten frozen.
"Shut up Angeal," Zack growled, grabbing some breakfast and going to his room to eat in peace for once in his life.
Hours later, Angeal, Reno, Genesis, Yazoo, Cloud, Sephiroth, Cid, Yuffie, Tifa, and everyone else came inside Zack's room, yelling, "WE'RE GOING TO THE GOLD SAUCER!"
Zack looked up as Sephiroth picked her up, raised him over his head, and yelled, "Get off your lazy arse and let's go!"
"But I haven't packed yet!" Zack argued. No one replied as Cloud grabbed a bag full of who-knows-what and ran off towards the mini-van. Sephiroth threw Zack in it, who instantly began yelling at Sephiroth for throwing him in a van, but Sephiroth ignored him as everyone climbed in. And it just so happened, to everyone's misfortune, Cloud was driving. Cloud, who was used to driving really, really fast on a motorcycle, stepped on the gas.
"AHHHH!" everyone screamed as they were thrown against the seats and held there, unable to move. Zack was screaming louder than he ever had in his life as Cloud raced down the highway. Everyone was shocked that the police didn't catch them and from all the way in…um…ohhh! Let's put them in Mideel! Anyway… All the way from Mideel to the Gold Saucer, they go there within the timing of five minutes.
Zack opened the van door and threw up at once. Everyone else followed him, including Sephiroth, who happened to throw up all over Vincent's head. Vincent looked at Sephiroth with great anger and rage as he punched him in the face with his claw and went looking for a bathroom so he could wash his hair. Everyone, even though they felt really sick, began to laugh at Vincent.
"Hey Vinnie! Your puke is dripping everywhere!" Yuffie called, showing a face of disgust.
"IT'S VINCENT!"
"OHHHH! So we can call him 'Vinnie'! Awesome!" Sephiroth squealed with delight yelling, "Poor, poor you Vinnie!"
Just as "Vincent" came back from washing his hair, everyone felt better, but Sephiroth had turned to Cloud. He was now threatening Cloud, saying that if Cloud ever drove with her in the car again, Sephiroth would whip his ass. After that, they headed into the Gold Saucer, Angeal looking around yelling, "WOW! ALL THE POPCORN I CAN EAT!"
Every single one of them turned to look at Angeal with confusion. Angeal was picking up pieces of popcorn off the ground and popping them into her mouth. "That's just fucking nasty! And to think I share cigarettes with you!" Cid yelled.
Everyone turned to look at Cid with horror and Cid gnawed on his cigarette nervously. "Awww! Cid and Angeal sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes-OW! VINNIE!"
"Shut up Yuffie, they're not gay!" Vinnie snapped. (although SOME writers would care to disagree)
"It's a sign of affection!" Sephiroth piped up, but a girl came up to him and grabbed his hair, yelling, "SHINY STUFF!"
Sephiroth turned to look at the girl, drawing Masamune. He was about to chop the girl's head off when he was attacked by little chibi people. Everyone stared at poor Sephy before quickly running off towards a roller coaster. Sephiroth threw the chibi people off and quickly scurried after them, yelling, "DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THESE-THESE THINGS!"
Sephiroth got in line with the others and waited…and waited…and waited some more until Vinnie "Vincent", piped up, "Hey Lucrecia!"
Sephiroth blinked and turned to look at Vincent and then a girl. All at once, as if his mind were playing tricks on him, he saw Aerith-um Aerith standing there (and yes, they do look alike! Lucrecia is very pretty). He drew Masamune out and stabbed the girl. Everyone gasped and Vincent stared as Lucrecia died…again. FINALLY! I KILLED SOMEONE! Sephiroth shouted in his mind. Suddenly he found everyone glaring at him. "Umm…what did I do this time?"
"YOU STABBED YOUR MOTHER!" Vincent yelled.
Yuffie: GASPS
Yuffie was about to speak up but then Sephiroth just had to interfere, "BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS AERITH…I MEAN AERITH! THE GIRL I KILLED WAS AERITH-AERITH, UM…RIGHT? Who was she anyw-"
"YOU THOUGHT IT WAS WHO!" Aerith and Cloud yelled at the same time.
Sephiroth blinked, realizing he was in a LOT of trouble. He gulped, "Umm….uh….hey look a monkey!" Sephiroth pointed towards the opposite direction. This only earned him a hit from both Vincent and Cloud and a smack from Aerith. "Ow…"
"Hey! But at least I'm not the one who chopped off your arm! THAT WAS THE IDIOTIC SCIENTIST HOJO!" Suddenly Sephiroth's eyes flashed and she suddenly went CRAZY! "MWHOHAHAHAHAHA! I SHALL TAKE OVER THIS PLANET AND RULE YOU ALL!"
"Um…Angeal, gimme your cell phone," Cloud demanded.
"Huh? Why?" Angeal asked, handing Cloud his cell phone, still staring at Sephiroth.
"Cause I'm calling Dr. Phil."
"Good idea." Everyone said except Sephiroth who was still cackling like a maniac.
"WE SHALL JOIN YOU!" Genesis and Reno yelled, and began laughing.
Suddenly Sephiroth stopped saying, "HEY! There can't be THREE rulers! There can only be two!"
"Then who's the second one, Sephiroth?" Genesis and Reno asked.
"Um…uh…" Sephiroth looked at the two of them and then at a small rock on the ground. He picked it up saying, "THIS ROCK!"
"Whoa! I think he needs mental attention!" Cloud gasped.
"NO! I should have guessed! A rock is much braver than us! It can go places we never could! It can fly through the stupid air! Why was I so blind?" cried Genesis. Sephiroth knocked him out as he boarded the ride. Dr. Phil was standing there, waiting for him to get off.
Meanwhile Sephiroth was at the very top of the roller coaster. It was about to tip…any second now…When it finally rushed downward, Sephiroth's eyes widened. THERE WAS A LOOP IN THE ROLLER COASTER! He yelled as he was flung upside down, clutching the person's arm who sat next to him for dear life. "HOW THAT XIGBAR MAN STANDS THIS I DON'T KNOW!" Sephiroth shouted as the roller coaster came to another loop.
Meanwhile, everyone was watching Sephiroth and none of them could help but laugh at the Great General's terror.
Sephiroth felt the roller coaster slow and quickly lifted his bar, thinking the roller coaster was over until he saw…another hill. "Um…uh-oh!" Sephiroth muttered, not moving the bar down. The man next to her was freaking out yelling, "Hey! Close the bar! We're gonna die if you don't!!"
Sephiroth blinked and looked at the man next to him. He moved the bar down just as the roller coaster went down the hill. "Oh, sorry…um…yeah!" Sephiroth apologized and then continued screaming like an idiot. When the roller coaster HAD finally come to a stop, Sephiroth had made himself a new friend. His name was Zell.
"Sooooo….why the hell are you at this theme park Zell?" Sephiroth asked, climbing out of her seat.
"Oh, everyone, I mean Squall, Selphie, Rinoa, Quistis, Irvine, Cid, and Edea just wanted to take a break. Oh, me and Seifer, too. What do you do for a living? You look like a warrior of some sort!" Zell exclaimed, pointing out that Sephiroth was still wearing his black leather pants and trenchcoat and whatnot.
"I am an evil General who wants to-" Sephiroth was cut off by Vincent who yelled, "YOU KILLED LUCRECIA!"
Sephiroth turned to look at Vincent and then at Zell. "Umm…I kinda killed my "mother" 'cause I thought she was Aerith-um Aerith."
"Oh, I see," Zell replied as Reno and Genesis came up to Sephiroth and dropped on their knees and began bowing down to him, saying, "Teach us what you know, evil Dark One."
Sephiroth blinked and couldn't help but laugh at Reno and Genesis. He liked the attention. "Umm…okay but do that one hundred more times." Sephiroth was going to add more but Genesis and Reno were kicked by Vincent and Aerith and they stood up at once.
Sephiroth glared at Aerith as Genesis and Reno were forced to stand up. "What was that for?" he demanded.
"YOU KILLED LUCRECIA!" Vinnie roared.
"Yeah, yeah, I know that buddy. Now shut up!" Sephiroth snapped at the angry man. Vinnie glared at him, but he actually fell silent. That was only to be expected, seeing as Vinnie wasn't much of a person to talk to. Meanwhile, Sephiroth turned to look at Cloud who was staring at Tifa, drooling.
Sephiroth had to resist from falling over, laughing as he picked up his King Rock and chucked it at Cloud's head. It hit his rock hard torpedo spike, chipping off the end of it. That broke Cloud out of his trance. He whirled around to look at the chipped point, his mako blue eyes wide. "WHO CHIPPED MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR?!" he demanded.
Zell blinked and looked at them and then Cloud, "What is wrong with you? Your hair is brick, I swear!" He numbly fingered his own hair.
Angeal, who had found some coffee, was jumping up and down yelling, "COFFEE! COFFEE! ZACK, HERE'S MY COFFEE!"
Zack sighed and stared at his stupid, ignorant mentor. "I'll take care of this," he told everyone and grabbed Cloud's Ultima Weapon from him. Cloud didn't even notice because he was sobbing over his broken hair, burying the chipping in the dirt as a grave. Then he inserted a popsickle stick to mark the grave.
Zack blinked in bewilderment at his friend, then turned to Angeal. He raised the oversized butter knife and bashed Angeal over the head. Angeal froze from the impact and dropped down on the ground, singing, "Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are…Zack, Zack, Zack. I love you. I love you sooooo much!" He extended his arms to show just how much. (don't understand? Read Maximum Ride 3!!)
Zack's left eye twitched as he looked down at Angeal. Everyone was now looking at the strange rogue SOLDIER. Zack raised the Ultima Weapon again and continued to beat Angeal senseless, yelling, "YOU ARE NOT ON VALIUM, SO YOU'D BETTER TAKE THAT DAMN COMMENT BACK OR I WILL SERIOUSLY KILL YOU! I SWEAR IT!"
"ZACK SCARES ME!" Sephiroth squealed. (BlueFox bursts out laughing)
"YO!" Reno roared, smacking Sephiroth with his EMR.
Sephiroth spun around and glared at Reno. "The Almighty Evil Dark One commands you to go jump in the cow pasture and die!"
Reno blinked and nodded, then turned to Genesis. "Where are the cows, Genesis?"
Genesis inched slowly away from Reno and then responded, "If you beat Yazoo senseless, he'll tell you where they are."
"OKAY!" (hrm, wonder how that'll turn out…)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! The hell's going on here?" Barret demanded.
"I'm eating marshmallows!" Tifa responded, eating more marshmallows.
"OH VINNIIIIIE!" Yuffie's voice rang out. (you should recognize this)
Vinnie, through his silent, raging anger, turned with fearful eyes to look at Yuffie who was rushing towards him. "Oh shit…"
"WILL YOU KISS ME?" Yuffie asked, but Vinnie had run away. "NO! COME BACK VINNIE!"
"NO! Yuffie! COME BACK!" Kadaj yelled, running after Yuffie, who was running after Vinnie, who was running after a police officer, who was running after a teenager, who was running after a five-year-old, who was running after his dog, who was running after her cat, who was running after the mouse, who was running after a string of cheese and running after his cousin, who was running after a grasshopper, who was running after a baby ant.
Okay enough of that.
Everyone watched all of those people disappear and then turned to look at Zack who still had the Ultima Weapon. Even though he was out of breath, he still flung curses at the bloody heap that was Angeal. Angeal was in a little ball, praying that his student wouldn't end his life. "Okay, let's go to the next ride!" Zack suggested, bored with using all of the curse words he knew.
"Uh…yeah!"
When everyone had gotten on the next ride, they were missing a few people. Barret, Zell, and all the others from FF8 hadn't come with them. Instead they were all going to the water rides, forcing Barret to follow. Now that Sephiroth sat in his seat on this ride that went way up and then dropped really, really, fast while everything was dark, he wondered what happened to his rock. His mako green eyes flashed as he turned to Genesis beside him.
"Hey Genesis."
"What, Almighty Dark One?"
"Have you seen my King Rock?"
Though he couldn't see Genesis, he heard the magenta-clad awesome guy's quiet laughter. Sephiroth blinked. Wait a minute, he couldn't see? WHY COULDN'T HE SEE, DAMMIT?
"You know, you can take off your sunglasses brother," a voice echoed through the ride right next to Sephiroth.
Oh…
Sephiroth inched away from the person, screaming, "ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE CREEPY HIPPIES?!"
"No… But Rufus is!" the voice responded.
"Then why in Mother's did you call me 'brother'?" Sephiroth shrieked.
"SHUT UP SEPHIROTH!" Zack yelled.
"Because I'm Kadaj, your brother."
"Oh…riiiiiiight!" Sephiroth said. Who was the hell was Kadaj? All at once, Genesis sneezed. Sephiroth removed his sunglasses and looked at Genesis.
"Sephiroth! Move your wing! I'm allergic!"
"Opps…sorry! …Wait, that's YOUR wing! You're allergic to your own wing?"
"I LOVE YOU VINNIE!" Yuffie yelled through the darkness.
"DO YOU DO-" Vinnie's voice cut off. Sephiroth couldn't help but snicker.
"Okay guys, stop, we're almost at the top!" Cloud said. "Hey Aerith, where did you go?"
Suddenly, Sephiroth was aware of someone sitting on his lap. He gulped, hoping with all his shallow heart it wasn't the person he thought it was. "Hello Sephy-kuns." His heart sunk and his mako green eyes widened. It was her! It was Aerith! OH DEAR GOD MOTHER JENOVA FUDGE SICKLES, HELP ME ESCAPE THIS NIGHTMARE! he screamed in his mind.
All at once Cloud shouted, "AERITH! Buckle up! The ride is about to go down!"
Sephiroth gulped. "NO! DON'T BUCKLE UP AERITH!"
"Stop freaking out Sephy. I won't buckle up I'll-"
Okay, this was worse, Sephiroth decided. Aerith was clinging to him. All at once, the ride lunged and Sephiroth felt as if he were being choked from where Aerith was clinging to him so hard.
"GO AWAAAYYYYY YUUUUUUFFFFFFIIIIIIIIE!" Vinnie yelled.
"LET…GOOOOO….OF MEEEEE….AEEEERRRRRRIIISSSSS!" Sephiroth screamed.
"Don't worry brother. I'll kill her if you want!" Kadaj offered. Sephiroth saw the glint of his clone's sword.
"Um… No thank you!" Sephiroth mustered, knowing that Kadaj would stab him if he tried to kill Aerith. Of course that might not have been so bad, but he'd prefer not to be stabbed.
Meanwhile, Zack had chosen a seat far away from Angeal, but to his great displeasure, it was right next to none other than Vinnie and Yuffie. He felt like puking-or grabbing Vinnie's Death Penalty and doing him a favor by blasting Yuffie's head off. "Get off of me!" Vinnie gasped, shoving Yuffie away.
Vinnie shoved Yuffie right onto Zack. He glared at her as she clung to him as the ride rocketed down. "Would youuuuu getttttt offffff meeeeee?" Zack snarled, trying to get Yuffie away, but she was clinging to him, yelling in his ear.
When the ride was over, Zack felt very angry (O.O), Vinnie was quiet and seemingly brainless (-.-), Sephiroth had a look of horror on his face (O.O) as Aerith grabbed his hand. Cloud was steaming and tried to get his Ultima back from his friend, but Zack was using it in defense against Yuffie.
Too bad for him, though. There were fanboys and fangirls all over the park. Zack clung to the Ultima Weapon for dear life as a fangirl came up to him and began to braid Zack's hair. "It's not long enough, stupid! Leave me alone!" Zack snarled.
The fangirl looked hurt. "But Zack!" she whined. "I'm the one who is typing this story!"
Zack blinked, looking at her. "You what?"
"YOU ARE NOT THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY!" a loud voice roared through the sky.
Everyone looked up and then looked behind them to see Fang and Squall Leonheart standing beside a girl about early teens. "I am the Almighty BlueFox with her bodyguards!"
Squall cast her a glance and then glared at her, growling, "For the last time BlueFox, I AM NOT YOUR BODYGUARD! Just a muse."
Fang looked at her and then responded, "I thought I read over your shoulder all the time while Squall threatened the lawyer because he wouldn't let me type about my rabid squirrel world and-"
"No, Fang, that was in the Bonus chapter thing for Crisis Core!" BlueFox argued back.
"Oh…"
BlueFox turned to look at everyone and turned to Squall. "Squall, will you do me a favor and kill that fangirl while I go and finish this chapter?"
"No problem," Squall disappeared for a second, then reappeared beside her. Zack cringed as the girl exploded. He felt something wet on his face and wiped it off. Blood. Well at least she was dead.
"Alright guys, time to go!" Zack growled, dragging the others off to the car.
Angeal's mind was no longer messed up. And he took back to comment he said to Zack and now was arguing with Cid about getting the shortest cigarette in the pack. Meanwhile Vinnie had picked up Lucrecia's body and was crying while Yuffie glared at Lucrecia's 'remains' and clung onto Vinnie. Sephiroth had gotten rid of Aerith. Cloud was hugging her tightly. "YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH SEPHIROTH!" he yelled at her.
"Yes I am!" Aerith argued.
"You're right Cloud. She's not in love with Sephiroth-or you! She's in love with me!"
Everyone turned to see a man with black spiky hair walk up to them. Aerith' eyes grew wide and he jerked away from Cloud, yelling, "Zax! You're alive!" (AN: XD)
Sephiroth groaned. "Oh no…"
"Hello Sephiroth," Zax greeted.
"Do I know you?"
"Yes! I'm a 1st Class SOLDIER!" Zax snapped.
Sephiroth blinked. "Huh?"
Cloud stared at Aerith with anger as she went back over to Sephiroth yet again as they headed towards the water park. He was almost ready to shout, "Get away from her you silver-haired freakin' General idiot!" But he didn't have too because Zax, who was glaring at Sephiroth with the utmost hate, snarled, "Sephiroth, I suggest you step away from my girlfriend right now before I slit your throat!"
Zack, who was glancing at Angeal to make sure he was still arguing with Cid, heard his twin and turned to look at Aerith, who had, at once, rushed over to Zax and gave him a hug. Okay… Zack shook his head. He swore Aerith had short-term memory loss sometimes…Oh well…
As he boarded the next ride, he saw Genesis and Reno sit beside one another behind him, Yuffie and Vinnie (Vincent) sat in front of him, and beside him sat-oh shit-Angeal. He gulped, suddenly wishing that he had Loz's tazer thingy ma jig. And then there it was, on his hand. Zack blinked. Where had it come from?
"IT'S FOR YOUR PROTECTION AGAINST THE LIAR!" a voice yelled in the crowd. Zack looked over to see BlueFox standing there, holding a laptop, still typing with Fang sitting beside her, reading over her shoulder and Squall looking around warily.
Meanwhile Vincent (Vinnie) glanced nervously at Yuffie, trying to whip out his Death Penalty for protection, but to his shock, it wasn't there… Where in the hell is my Death Penalty? he wondered and then spotted BlueFox in the crowd. "DAMN YOU BLUEFOX!"
Vinnie watched as BlueFox looked up and then raised her hand and pointed at him. Squall followed to where she was pointing and then blasted a barrage of bullets up at Vincent, seeing as he didn't want to actually go up there (he was a lazy guy…). Vinnie looked at the hole the bullets had made in the metal seat of the water ride and gulped…this was not going to end well… Suddenly the ride started. It began off steady, but then it climbed a steep hill. Vinnie felt something clinging to his arm and to his horror-it was YUFFIE! "LUCRECIA WHY DID YOU DIE?" he yelled at the sky. (Hey that rhymes! LOL)
Cloud, who was sulkily sitting beside Sephiroth in the water ride, gazed at a white tulip in his hand. Oh how he missed Aerith so much… He sniffled. Meanwhile Sephiroth looked slyly over at his enemy, a glare on his face. Then he noticed Cloud had a white tulip and he was crying. This was his golden moment!
"Aww! Is da poor wittle blond going' ta cwry? Boo-hoo-hoo!" (He is SO childish!)
Cloud looked up and glared at Sephiroth and threw the tulip at him. It hit him in the head and Sephiroth began screaming like a little girl, "IT BURNS! HELP ME! IT BURNS!"
Sephiroth flung the tulip over the edge, making Cloud try to leap for it, but was stopped by the bar. He burst into tears after that.
Meanwhile Angeal scared the shit out of Zack as the climbing water ride reached the top. Zack was about to poke Angeal again when Angeal grabbed the bar and…gulp…pushed it forward. The ride tipped and Zack screamed bloody murder as he clung to Red XIII who was helping him. Angeal, ever so gladly, flew away like a little birdie.
After Zack had pulled the bar back, he relaxed, glad that Angeal was gone.
Yuffie was clinging to Vincent like a leech as she screamed, her body getting soaked with water. She grinned as she pulled Vincent closer to her. Her plan working as Vincent's hair got messed up by the water. He ducked, but then he noticed Yuffie clinging to his waist and tried to get away from her, but the ninja had a death grip on him. Poor Vincent…and to think-they hadn't even had any fun yet-"YUFFIE! LET GO!" he screamed, accidentally hitting the bar in front of him. It slung open and within seconds, he and Yuffie were flying through the air. He gulped as he smashed into the concrete below, Yuffie landing on top of him.
"Thanks for breaking my fall, Vinnie!" Yuffie said cheerfully, gripping him tightly as she picked him up.
"Ow…" Vincent mumbled, his body aching. "I need to see a doctor…"
Suddenly Jeb (from Maximum Ride ppl) came up out of no where and grabbed Vincent, "I think I can be of assistance."
Yuffie's eyes flared. "You let go of my Vinnie! FANG!"
Fang appeared out of the shadows and went up to Yuffie, spotting Jeb. Jeb gulped, "Um…MOMMY! FANG IS BACK FROM MAXIMUM RIDE AND IS OUT TO KILL ME!"
Elena popped up, "I shall protect you honey!" she yelled, getting ready to use that one fire attack.
"You're Jeb's MOTHER!" everyone in the whole theme park screamed. "EWW! IT BURNS!"
"Oh…no! I'm actually his cousin!"
--
Vinnie blinked. Everything was so bright… He looked at the sun and then, as if on cue, everything turned dark. "WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS? LUCRECIA! WHERE IS THE LIGHTSWITCH?"
All at once Vinnie found himself in a desert. The sky was clouded over. He looked around for any sign of a light switch. Then, the wind picked up just as he spotted Lucrecia. "VINCENT! FIND THE STINKIN' LIGHT SWITCH!" Lucrecia yelled, her hair flying in all directions from the wind.
Vincent blinked and looked around some more, "But Lucrecia! I can't find the…oh…" He spotted the light switch and flipped it on.
A blinding white light filled everything and turned everything white. Vincent looked up, "OOOH! Pretty light!"
Lucrecia from the still dark desert yelled, "DON'T STEP INTO THE LIGHT!"
Suddenly the white light vanished and Vincent saw the light turn on, "I found the light switch Lucrecia!"
As he said that, it grew dark again and suddenly Vincent crumpled to the ground, his eyes closing. "NO! I'm DYING!" the sky screamed-that was Vinnie, his younger version.
He watched as Vincent lay on the dirt ground, not moving. Lucrecia rushed forward, kneeling before him. "I'M DEAD!"
Suddenly Lucrecia started crying. "NO! DO NOT PITY ME!" Vinnie yelled.
Then, Hojo appeared. "I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" and then vanished.
Tseng appeared, standing in the grass, scratching his head as he looked at Rude. "Um…uh…hi…"
"MY BOSS IS ALIVE!" Vinnie yelled, jumping up and down on a cloud. "AND SO IS MY OTHER FRIEND!"
And then everything changed and Vinnie stared at the grave of Rude. "NOOOOO! MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD! WHAAA! NOW I MUST GO GRIEVE WITH CLOUD!"
"VINCENT! WAKE UP!" a familiar voice yelled.
Vincent opened his eyes and saw Lucrecia looking at him. "Lucrecia? You're alive!" he yelled. "Yay!" and then he kissed her, something he wouldn't ever so to the real Lucrecia.
Tifa struggled to get away from Vincent as he kissed her. When she finally got away, she was screaming, "AHHH! The lovey-dovy stuff! IT BURNS!"
Vincent stared at Tifa. "You're not Lucrecia…"
"NO DUH YA JAC-" she was cut short by everyone falling over and laughing at Vincent.
"Okay, now that you woke up-we can go some more rides!" Zack said, clapping his hands together once in an excited manner.
Meanwhile, Yuffie had gone up to Vincent and smacked him in the face. "HOW DARE YOU KISS TIFA FIRST VINCENT!"
"What? OW! OW OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWW! NO! Please! NOT THE HAIR! PLEASE! AHGGG!" Vinnie screamed as Yuffie cut three strands of his hair off with a pair of scissors.
Vincent's eyes were streaming with tears as he held the three pieces of hair. "She's sorry, my beautiful hair, she really is. Now I must give you a proper burial." He buried them in the dirt and weeped.
"I think he's on drugs…" Zack muttered to Sephiroth, who nodded, "Yeah…" What Cloud was doing at that precise moment they began to make a big deal out of.
Cloud was kneeling before Aerith, holding out…the Masamune. "Aerith, will you marry me?"
Both Zax and Sephiroth attacked Cloud. "LEAVE MY WIFE ALONE!" Sephiroth snarled, bashing Cloud's face in.
Zax, who had kicked Cloud, looked at Sephiroth, "YOUR WIFE?! SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND!" he snarled, wrapping his fingers around Sephiroth's throat.
All at once, a large, wolf thing came out of no where and ate Zax… little did they know that was Disgusting-Yet-So-Fuzzy-And-Cute the Crisis Core special chapter. Otherwise known as Ruru.
Cloud and Zack were running after Ruru, yelling, "NOO! GET BACK HERE SO WE CAN TAKE YOU TO MYRIAD!"
Fang, who was holding his pet rabid squirrel, Myriad, blinked as the cute fuzzy creature scampered after Ruru.
-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-
Montage 2
One-Winged Angel/The World's Enemy
By Nobuo Uematsu/Takeharu Ishimoto
Estuans Interius
Ira Vehementi
Estuans Interius
Ira Vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
"Oh, look, it's a heart!" The water fell through his hands where they were side by side. "I broke it," he sobbed.
Estuans Interius
Ira Vehementi
Estuans Interius
Ira Vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
"Tch BEEP this!" The enemy slowed down, causing Cloud's Hardy Daytona to ram the blue and yellow truck off the highway.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit…"
Sors immanis
Et innanis
Sors immanis
Et innanis
The materia hit his head and he straightened, looking over at the girl. But what was worse…was what was behind her. "YOU RUINED MY FLOWERS!!" (O.O)
Estuans Interius
Ira Vehementi
Estuans Interius
Ira Vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Cloud grabbed Masamune and yanked. Nothing happened. "No, not again." Pull, yank, push, groan, whimper, screech. Squeak. CRASH! Sephiroth stared up at the huge slab of the Shinra Building on his long sword, then at the flying enemy some two miles away.
THUD.
He flinched.
Veni veni venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni veni venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni veni venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni veni venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni veni venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni veni venias
Ne me mori facias
The water from the fountain in the ground shot up. As it sprayed over him and healing his arm, he held out a hand, looking up. Drip.
"OH GOD! MY EYE!"
Gloriosa
Generosa
Gloriosa
Generosa
Gloriosa
Generosa
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Sephiroth!
"I will…" he began, "never be a—hey, what the-?!" Feathers flew into the air as the younger SHM fell and did a faceplant, obviously not ready for the early return.
End Chapter.
On that note, Scene 4 will also be in the Top Ten Sephiroth Bloopers, whenever I get around to it. Cloud has to go before Sephiroth, and next episode…is a surprise! I'm only saying that because I have no idea what it's going to be…yet. Well, I guess you'll have to wait and see!
Requests? Ideas? Feedback? Send 'em in by way of review!!