Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Bwahahahahaha! It be a new Disc of bloopers, and being a new disc means a new cast of characters! Plus…as a treat for all of you lovely, lovely readers, I've decided to give you what you've been requesting… THE TOP TEN VINCENT BLOOPERS!! (Readers: YAY!!) Everyone's been asking and requesting and giving me puppy dog eyes, so I relented. All right…is everyone ready?

Disclaimer: HAHAHA no.

Currently Listening to: Crisis Core Soundtrack Disc One. Cloud's theme, Sky-Blue Eyes, is so pretty…never would've thought he would get something like that…

WARNING: THE FIRST THREE PARTS OF THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN AN IRATE KADAJ, A HUGE SWORDFIGHT BETWEEN CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH, ANOTHER PMS-ING AERITH, GENESIS ON ANOTHER CHOCOLATE HIGH, EXPLOSIONS, CLOUD DRIVING A RENTAL CAR, AND A SEPHIROTH TWIN FROM KINGDOM HEARTS NAMED SEPHY-KUNS.

Chapter Ten
The Top Ten Vincent Bloopers

Part 1

"Thank Gaia we're off that plane," Genesis sighed as the bus drove towards the hotel. (AN: They were invited to watch the bloopers in a different town, and only a select few were allowed to come.)

"Yeah, but…I still can't help but think we forget something…" Zack trailed off.

Back at the plane:

"HELLO! YOU GUY'S FORGETTING SOMETHING? I'M STILL HERE!" Aerith yelled. She was still stuck in the bathroom on the plane. (AN: It'll be explained in another blooper, another day.)

"Probably nothing… right Aerith? Hey, where's Aerith?" Sephiroth asked.

"Oh no. We left her back at the plane! She'll never let us live this down!" Riku groaned.

So after fifteen minutes they had rescued Aerith from the plane.

"I will NEVER let you live this down!" she screamed.

"I told you," Riku moaned.

"It couldn't be any worse," Sephiroth said.

"Nope," Genesis said gloomily. He had had to get rid of all his chocolate before anyone would let him on the bus.At the hotel:

"I'm sorry, sir, but you don't have any reservations." The clerk at the desk wasn't letting them have their rooms.

"Gimme my room, shithead," Kadaj said, making Loz yell.

"Yes, Sir!" the clerk said handing a key card to Kadaj.

"See ya tomorrow," Kadaj growled. He walked away muttering something about losers and annoying clerks. Yazoo and Loz ran after him waving goodbye over their shoulders.

"Now give us our key!" Sephy-kuns said.

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"WHY THE BEEP NOT, YOU BASTARD!" Riku screamed. It seemed the airplane ride had worn on everyone's nerves.

"You don't have reservations."

"MOTHER BEEP HELL!!" Riku screamed.

"Profanity will get you nowhere, censored or not."

"Why you little-!" Sephiroth grabbed Riku's shoulder and whispered something into Cloud's ear. They both started to smirk.

"Uh, guys…Cloud and Sephiroth have that 'I'm going to threaten someone' look," Zack said. Sephiroth and Cloud pulled out their swords.

"Well, Seph, I think we need to teach this guy some manners, don't you think so?" Cloud said, still smirking.

"I do think so, Strife. He just has no respect." The clerk was looking rather pale.

"Sirs…" They jumped at him, waving their swords wildly (nearly taking off poor Sephy-kuns' head in the process). The clerk screamed and ran off.

"I told you that trick works every time!" Sephiroth told Cloud.

"And you guys say I scream like a girl," Sora said. Roxas started rummaging around behind the desk, and Aerith started typing on the computer.

"There. We're entered under reservations," Aerith said, standing up.

"And here're our key cards!" Roxas added.

"Great! Now we need a good night's sleep, and we'll all be back to normal!" Cloud said happily.

"What do you mean back to normal! Are you implying that we aren't NORMAL?" Aerith yelled.

"Uh…goodnight everyone!" Cloud ran as fast as he could towards the room that he and Sephiroth would share.

"He does have a point," said Naminé. "Good night all." She walked into Aerith's and her room. Aerith soon followed. The rest said their good nights and split up, Genesis and Zack, Riku and Sephy-kuns, and Sora and Roxas all shared rooms.Sometime around midnight:

CRASH! BANG! BLAM!

Everyone jumped out of their beds and ran toward the hallway. The noises, which hadn't stopped, seemed to be coming from Cloud and Sephiroth's room.

"What could they be doing in there?" Sephy-kuns yelled over the noise.

"No clue! How do we get in?" Zack answered.

"Lucky for all of us I swiped a master key card!" Aerith smirked. She inserted the card but before she could open it, the door burst open and they were all knocked back. Cloud and Sephiroth came through the door, swords out and fighting.

"Why are you two doing that at this time of night!" Sephy-kuns yelled. Cloud and Sephiroth didn't answer, but over the clashing of their swords everyone heard a funny, grating noise. They all sweat-dropped.

"They're…fighting…in…their…sleep," Zack said.

"WE WOKE UP BECAUSE THEY WERE BEEP FIGHTING IN THEIR GODFORSAKEN SLEEP!" Aerith screamed. The rest tried to quiet her (it was the middle of the night, after all).

"SHUT THE BEEP UP!" Kadaj yelled down the hall. Of course during this whole escapade, no one noticed that Genesis was nowhere to be seen. He was sneaking up the hall, the front of his night-shirt stuffed full of something.

"Genesis? What are you doing?" Zack had noticed him.

"Heheh…What are you guys doing out here?" He looked very nervous.

"Cloud 'n' Seph were having a fight in their sleep! And now Aerith's yelling at them." And she was, as Riku and Sephy-kuns wrestled the swords away, and Roxas and Sora pushed them back to their beds (neither one had woken up).

"Oh, okay."

"Alright, everyone," Roxas said, panting and closing the door. "Let's go back to bed."

"Come on, Aerith. You can rant at them in the morning," Naminé said, yawning. Aerith stalked back to her room, still fuming, and slammed the door.

"Well, that was exciting, right Genesis?" Zack said closing their door.

"Yeah…" Genesis waited until he was sure Zack was asleep before emptying out the front of his shirt. Inside was all the white, milk, and dark chocolate in the kitchen. He tucked it all under his bed before lying down and closing his eyes.

AN: I was bored, so I threw in more than one KH character. So sue me.

Part 2

The Next Morning:

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm clock in room 7 rang at 8 o'clock in the morning. Genesis' eyes fluttered open, and he glanced around to see Zack yawning.

"Morning, Genesis," Zack said to him, grinning.

Then Genesis seized Zack, opened the door, and flung him out into the hall. Zack hit his spiky head on the door in front of him, which swung open to reveal a very grumpy Kadaj. Behind him was Loz on the couch with his thumb in his mouth and Yazoo tiredly rubbing at his eyes.

"You little asshole! Why the BEEP did you just RAM into MY DOOR!" he screeched at him, as Genesis slammed the other door.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Cloud called from next door.

"Genesis just locked me out of my room and I think he might have chocolate!" Zack yelled.

"Shit!" Cloud cried.

"Let's get the others up and then we'll take care of Genesis," Sephiroth said, coming out of the room he and Cloud shared.

Five minutes later everyone had assembled in the hall.

"Genesis! Let us in!" Sora yelled.

"NO! YOU'LL NEVER GET MY PRECIOUS CHOCOLATE!" Genesis yelled, giggling madly.

"My master key isn't working!" Aerith said. "I wonder why?"

"So what'll we do!" Sora exclaimed.

"Use your head," Sephiroth said sarcastically. Roxas and Riku looked at each other and broke into smirks. Then they grabbed Sora around the middle and slammed his head into the door.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, DUMBASSES!" Sephiroth yelled. Sora had lost consciousness.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Sephy-kuns asked. They walked cautiously into the room. A familiar magenta-clad figure was huddled in the corner.

"Hehe, hi, guys! You're still not getting my chocolate! MWAHAHA!" Genesis yelled, trying to make a run for it.

"Oh, no you don't!" Cloud said. Sephiroth, Yazoo, Sephy-kuns, Roxas, and Zack all dog piled on top of the fleeing chocolate addict. It took about five minutes to subdue Genesis and confiscate his stash. Luckily, he hadn't gotten to eat much and the shock from five not-exactly-feather-light people jumping on him had knocked most of the chocolate-high out. Then they all headed down to breakfast.

At Breakfast:

They lined up along the buffet table, Sephy-kuns in the front and Zack and Genesis in the back.

"Oooh! Look, Sora, they have doughnuts!" Sephy-kuns said.

"Do they have chocolate? With sprinkles?" Sora asked, grinning.

"You know, if you eat too many of those you'll get fat," Roxas said obliviously. The two boys proceeded to wallop him into oblivion.

"ARE YOU SAYING WE'RE FAT?" Sephy-kuns yelled.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D MAKE A STUPID COMMENT LIKE THAT, ROXAS!" Sora added. The rest of them just kept moving. An insulted warrior was one of the scariest things on earth, but two insulted warriors (who wielded big weapons) were definitely detrimental to your health. Things went pretty quietly until Aerith got to the waffle iron. She dumped on her batter, turned it on, but when she went to take it out…

"OW! THAT BEEP PIECE OF SHIT IS BEEP BURNING ME! GODDAMN IT, IT BEEP HURTS LIKE HELL! THIS BEEP PIECE OF ELEPHANT SHIT!" A lady walking by covered her daughter's ears. A young boy by the bacon was watching with awe. But when Aerith's steady stream of profanity reached the ears of one grandmotherly lady…

"YOUNG LADY! THERE ARE CHIDREN HERE! YOU NEED YOUR MOUTH WASHED OUT!" She proceeded to hit the poor, unsuspecting, PMS-ing and burnt-fingered flower girl upside the head several times with her purse. Pretty soon, Aerith joined Roxas in dreamland. Everyone else walked over to a table, sat down, and ate.Five minutes later:

"I'm bored!" Genesis complained. He and Zack had devoured their food so fast that the others had only just started.

"Yo!" Zack said.

"Don't start that again!" Genesis said grumpily.

"Will you two be quiet!" Kadaj was still grumpy.

"Come on, Zack. Let's go look at the food again." The Troublesome Two stalked off towards the buffet. They stepped over their unconscious companions and walked along the tables. They stopped by the cereal.

"Hey, Genesis."

"Yeah?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" With identical, evil grins, they grabbed a small, one-serving-size box of Fruit Loops and rushed over to the microwave. Tossing the box in, they looked at the buttons.

"Hey Zack! This has a handy 'self-destruct' button!" Genesis said happily. No longer bored, he pressed the button and…

"Guys, they're by the microwave," Riku said, looking over his shoulder. They all looked at each other and chorused…

"Three…two…one…" BOOM. They sighed.

"COOL!"

"YO!"

Sephiroth and Sephy-kuns grabbed Aerith and Roxas, and Kadaj and Riku grabbed Genesis and Zack, and they all dashed madly out the door, just as someone started yelling "WHO DID THIS!"

"Phew! That was close!" Cloud gasped. "Let's get to that rental car place before anything else happens."Rental Car Place:

"Do you have a car that can hold…(head count) fourteen people?" Sephiroth asked the clerk.

"And goes over 100 mph," Kadaj piped up.

"Shut up, dumbass," Yazoo muttered pounding his younger brother on the head.

"Yes ma'am we do. It's 750 dollars for ten days," the clerk told Sephiroth ignoring Kadaj's comment.

"One moment please," Sephiroth said turning around.

"Okay, cough up," he told the group holding out his hand.

"Fine," everyone said, paying their share.

"Here you go," Sephiroth said to the clerk holding out the cash. They all climbed in and were off to the next destination: Luca Sphere Theater, Spira.

Part 3

…Unfortunately for them, Cloud ended up in the driver's seat. This will not end well…

"Now let's see what this bucket of bolts can do!" Cloud yelled.

"This will not end well," Sephiroth muttered. (See, I told you!) Cloud floored it.

"AHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed as the van hurtled around a corner.

"CLOUD! IF WE SURVIVE, I SWEAR I WILL BEEP KILL YOU!" Aerith screamed.

"This is fun!" Sora yelled.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Roxas yelled, starting to scream like a girl.

"GET THE BEEP OFF OF ME!" Sephiroth yelled as Sephy-kuns slid into him.

"YO!" Guess who…

WEEEE-OOOO! WEEEEE-OOOOO! Came the police sirens behind them.

"ACK! Not the cops!" Cloud yelped. Then, he somehow managed to switch places with poor Riku, who was sitting in the passenger seat and happened to only have his learner's permit. When the cop peered into the van/bus he saw Cloud sitting innocently in the other side of the car, half of the people in the back seat had passed out, and poor, poor Riku was clutching the wheel.

"Sir, I need to see your license," he told the boy. Riku stared at him, then at the wheel, then at Cloud, then back at the officer. And then he passed out.15 minutes later:

When they finally got away from the officer and made it to the park, Sephy-kuns was driving, Riku had lost his learners permit, and Sephiroth, Yazoo, Zack, Loz, and Kadaj were the only ones still conscious (Aerith had actually been knocked out by her own staff. That was the only reason Cloud was still alive). Unfortunately for Cloud, they where waking up.

"Ugh. My head!" Aerith muttered. Cloud paled visibly and ran for the theater entrance. Soon there was a rather angry mob chasing after him.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"YEAH, RIGHT!" they yelled back at him. Then they all ran through the lobby, throwing their Gil in the air. The coins were caught and cashed in by a rather disgruntled lady. Poor Cloud couldn't stay ahead very long, and was soon caught and throttled.

Inserting a "Disc Sphere" into the holder thing, the bloopers came on…on the big screen.

-FINALLY TO THE BLOOPERS-

10. Random Scene in Dirge of Cerberus When Vincent Is Basically Forgotten

"Blah blah blah," said one of the cardboard cut-outs.

"Blahh blah blah blah blu blah," answered another.

Back and forth, back and forth went this pointless conversation as Vincent stood off to the side, waiting for one of his lines to come in. Five minutes later, he hid his pout in his red cloak thing and sniffled.

"I'm a special boy," he murmured.

9. Scene in Which Vincent is on Top of a House in Kalm as Meteor Hits

Watching the lightning strike from afar and Yuffie helping the people evacuate, Vincent blinked and looked straight down. He gulped.

"I don't like heights," he whispered, looking straight up."If not himself, then he has naught, to say things he truly feels-"

Chaos broke in, sounded incredibly delirious. " - and not the words of one who kneels, the record shows I took the blows, I did it MY WAAAY!" Chaos finished the song off with a burst of energy and noise from Hellmasker's chainsaw in the background.

Vincent let out a choked gasp as he grabbed his head and pitched forward before doing a faceplant in the mud below.

8. Scene With Lucrecia in the Crystal

Opening her eyes, Lucrecia saw Vincent before her. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead she…farted. She paused, sniffed, and then grabbed her neck, choking. "OH GOD! VINCENT! GET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE!" She started to bang on the crystal.

All Vincent heard was: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP!

7. Scene With Marlene Hiding in his Cape

"Why don't you ever pay any attention to us?" the little girl demanded, before running to Vincent and he wrapped his cloak protectively around her.

Cloud opened his mouth to say something, but then paused and glanced over at another bulge in Vincent's cape. This one was adorned with big brown boots.

"Vincent? Who is that?"

Vincent's brow furrowed and he looked over, lifting up his cape, only to see Aerith poke her head out.

"Hiya."

Cloud fainted.

6. Scene With Vincent Explaining Geostigma to Cloud

He reached out and grabbed Cloud's covered arm and Cloud winced. Just as Vincent opened his mouth…

CRACK!

O.O went Cloud as he hissed in pain and Vincent grimaced.

"THAT WAS MY ARM, VINCENT!" Cloud screamed.

5. Scene With Yuffie

Yuffie was faced with a tough decision. She put her hand to her chin in thought. "Hmm…" she hummed, looking back and forth between the two men in front of her. "Vinnie, or Squall?"

Squall ground his teeth. "IT'S LEON DAMMIT!"

"Don't call me 'Vinnie'," was all Vincent said.

4. How to REALLY Kill Sephiroth

"Sephiroth…" Vincent began, "Now it is time that you learned the truth!"

Everyone looked at him. "Huh?" Yuffie asked, scratching her head.

"Sephiroth, I am your father!"

Suddenly, Sephiroth cringed down onto the bottom of the red step things. "No! It's not true! It's impossible!"

"Believe it, Sephiroth."

"Doesn't this seem kinda…familiar?" Yuffie whispered to Cloud.

"Yeah. Star Wars thing."

"We are so screwed."

3. How Vincent REALLY got into the Coffin

Hojo snatched baby Sephiroth away from Lucrecia and stepped up to Vincent, grinning. "Hey there, cutie."

Suddenly, Vincent screamed, ran down to the basement, slammed the door closed, and proceeded to sleep in a coffin for thirty years.

2. Aerith's Death…Again

Cloud shook Aerith's limp body. "Aerith." He shook her again. "Aerith! This can't be real!" he cried.

Before Sephiroth could say his lines, Vincent appeared onscreen, and he said the longest thing ANYONE has ever heard him say:

"Oh, but Cloud, it's true. Aerith is dead, deceased, croaked, departed, shuffled off her mortal coil, bought the farm, slain, fallen, bit the big one, dead as a doornail, gone, out of business, late, lifeless, taking a dirt nap, kaput, worm food, cashed in her chips, finished, lapsed, pushing up daisies, terminated, inanimate, kicked the bucket, past her expiration date, nonliving, checked out, left the building, bitten the dust, passed away, passed on, isn't-coming-back-for-the-sequel dead."

Sephiroth sighed and shook his head as Cloud stared open mouthed and Aerith's "dead" body was holding in silent laughter.

Number 1 Vincent Blooper: Reunion FFVII

Man, this is a weird place, Vincent thought, walking around Hollow Bastion/Radiant Garden's marketplace. I never should've come here. I should've just gone to Traverse Town and gotten a chocolate bar from those cheap-looking kids…

Suddenly, Vincent heard the most familiar valley girl voice ever. "Oh my gosh I'm like sooooo excited!" it said.

Wanting to discover if it really was who he thought it was, Vincent hurried over to the Borough to see…

"Yuffie!"

"Vincent!"

"Aeris!"

"Vincent…"

"Aerith!"

"Yuffie."

"Vincent!"

"Aerith?"

"Vincent."

"Yuffie?"

"Leon," Leon said, peering outside of Merlin's house.

"Aerith! You're alive!"

"No kidding. God, when did she die?" Leon said, walking away.

Vincent began poking Aerith's arm. "Are you sure you aren't a ghost? 'Cause then I'd have to kill you… although you're already dead…"

"Yes Vincent. I'm alive. And what're you doing here at Hollow Bastion on this glorious day?"

"It's raining across the town," Leon said from the doorway.

"Exactly! Glorious, man!" Cid said from inside the house.

Aerith quickly looked to see if anyone else was listening. Fortunately, it seemed like no one else was. She turned back to Vincent. "So?" she said.

"Uh… well I just came to get some chocolate. Man, you're alive! Gosh. I feel like I've been beating myself up about everything… well, not beating myself up, considering I don't have a scratch on me, but you know what I mean – ouch." Vincent saw a huge bandaged blade on his shoulder, then turned to see Cloud behind him, sword out.

"Cloud."

"Vincent. Aeris."

"Aerith!"

"Not again." Leon shook his head.

"Vinnie! I'm so glad you're here!"

"Um…"

"Oh my GAWD I missed you!! Oh, Vincent!" Yuffie lunged and squeezed Vincent-hard.

Vincent looked down at Yuffie. "Um… I… missed you… too…"

Aerith rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "So you came here to buy some chocolate?"

"Yeah. I really need some. I need gummi ship fuel, too, but you can't really buy that in some alternate-universe place-only from Cid."

"Hmm…" Cloud put hand to his chin in thought and Vincent looked at him.

"What's up, Cloud?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just… pondering."

"Um. Okay. Well, I have to leave soon, I have a lot to do today-"

"NOOO!" Tifa screeched, suddenly running onto the scene.

"…Why?"

Tifa stared with big, creepy yet adorable eyes. "Because, Vincie, we'd miss you so much!!"

"Right. Um. Okay."

Then Tifa's eyes finally became normal, but also became sad. "Fine," she said softly. "You can leave us. We poor, innocent people, whom you know you love, can be left behind in this somewhat deserted city, so you can be alone with your so-called luscious chocolate bar. You know you don't want to leave us but yet you choose to do so-"

"Shut up Tifa."

"Fine. But you know w-"

"Shut UP Tifa." That was Cloud.

"Fine. Be that way." Tifa turned away and huffed.

Vincent stared. "Um. Yeah. Well, I have to go." He slowly walked away. "See you around."

"Byeeee," Kira said, skipping forward. Then she looked at Aerith. "So."

Aerith stared.

"You… wanna…"

"No." Tifa and Cloud both went their separate ways.

"Okay." There were a few moments of silence. Then Yuffie began laughing. "That was soooo weird! I swear! It was like… weird!"

-SPECIAL BLOOPER-

Genesis and Pooh

(Still couldn't think of a Winnie the Pooh poem, so I did the next best thing. This is for you, RibbonzandChainzFF7!)

"It's okay, Genesis, just push!" Pooh happily said.

Genesis asked, "Are you sure? I'm awesome, you know, and it could hurt…"

drakan101: W00T! SEXY!

Pooh ignored her and said, "Go ahead and push Genesis. I'll be okay."

Genesis reluctantly stepped back, and then he ran forward and pushed Pooh…really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllly high and far.

"DAMMIT! POOH! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Genesis said as he started to run after Pooh, drakan101 following him.

-SPHERE THEATER-

Genesis looked at the big screen with really big eyes. "It wasn't my fault…"

"Yes out was! Poor Pooh…" Aerith said.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Genesis hurt an innocent little bear."

"MY AWESOMENESS MADE ME DO IT!" Genesis yelled.

End.

Well, I hope that'll sate you over for awhile, because I'm kinda shorted out on ideas myself. Send in ideas, please, and I'll see what I can make of them!!

Requests? Ideas? Feedback? Send 'em in by way of review!