Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
Intro: Another idea given to me by Warrayfinson. I'm sorry I haven't updated Blind SOLDIER in like…ever, but school and all…
Zack: BlueFox, you're out of school…
BlueFox: Heh heh, I know that. (whispering) I just need an excuse.
Cloud: She's a big procrastinator.
BlueFox: Hey! (sighs) Well, I've begun my summer ritual of replaying all of the games I own that I've beaten. I just restarted FFX and Pokémon Emerald (yeah, I play Pokémon. So?), so I might think up some bloopers for FFX in the near future. Maybe. For now, I hope the Top Ten Sephiroth Bloopers are enough to sate you over!
Disclaimer: I own this sandwich. (points at turkey sandwich before stuffs it in mouth)
WAIT WAIT WAIT! Before I forget, since we're halfway through this story, I'm letting you all know now that on the last chapter, the characters are going to throw a party for not having to see more humiliation! (Or so they think) You're all invited, if you so wish to be in it! Just Copy & Paste this form below into your Review and fill it out! Make sure you erase the things in parenthesis, because those are just helping you fill it out.
Name: (can be your screen name, real name, or even a made up name)
Brief Description: (not-too-detailed description of what you want look like, or if you want to resemble someone)
Age: (any age you want, but I won't accept anything lower than 10 or higher than 30)
Fangirl/Fanboy of: (just to screw the party up a lot, two random people will be chosen to stalk whomever they want during the party)
Quirks: (strange things that you want to be part of your character, that haven't been taken. Being blonde at the roots, PMS-ing, chocolate addiction, and ADHD have already been taken)
Your Entrance: (how you want to come in during the party. For those of you who have seen Whose Line is it Anyway? can use a few of their ideas)
How to Destroy Blooper Discs: (note that only 5 will be chosen, since there are 5 discs. Choose the way in which you want to see the discs destroyed)
Theme: (if you want a lyricised theme to play when you make your grand entrance, put it here)
Questions and Comments: (put anything you want here, like a key line, i.e. Reno and Zack's 'yo' stuff. Once again, feel free to use something from Whose Line's two line vocabulary. Makes it all the more funny!)
Chapter Twelve
The Top Ten Sephiroth Bloopers
10. Scene With Zack and Sephiroth in Jenova's chamber
"Why? Why did you kill all those townspeople?" Zack demanded, holding Buster at Sephiroth's neck.
"…BECAUSE PUMPKINS ARE ORANGE!!" Then, Sephiroth began to do a little dance.
"What the—?"
"Hey, it's better than 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!' Wouldn't you say?"
Tetsuya: (smacks forehead) Could you all please stick to the script?
9. Sephiroth's Monologue in AC at the End
"Just like Mother did, long ago." Sephiroth held his hand above him and darkness swirled around them. Now, we all know Cloud's supposed to be quiet in this part, and is supposed to only get into position, but… "Then one day-"
"What's with the eye liner and purple lipstick?"
Tetsuya: CUT! Cloud, you just ruined Sephiroth's speech!
"Sorry!" Cloud apologized. "But come on! It was boring! With a capital B!"
Sephiroth merely glared at him.
Take 2
"Just like Mother blah blah blah. Then one day, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, new future."
"Blah blah blah!" Cloud answered, glaring.
Tetsuya: Cut! What happened?
"I'm sick of monologues," Sephiroth said. "Yes, I may be known for them, but I'm going on strike. Now."
Cloud looked triumphant. "Like I said! Booooooorrrrinnnnnggggg!"
Take 3
"Just like Mother did, long ago." Sephiroth summoned the tainted Lifestream and Cloud got into position. "Then one day, we'll find a new Planet. And on its soil we'll create a shining future."
"What about this Planet?" Cloud asked.
"I'll leave that up to you, Cloud," Sephiroth answered, smiling.
Too bad Cloud took the smile the wrong way. "ARE YOU HITTING ON ME?!" He dove behind Tetsuya for protection.
Tetsuya: CUT! Cloud... he's acting!
"Oh…"
8. Scene With Cloud Giving Black Materia to Sephiroth in Crater
"Sephiroth? Sephiroth? I'm here, I brought you the Black Materia," Cloud said, before wandering around, and finally coming to the crystal place. It dropped down, upon closer examination and blowing of the dust, Cloud let out a shriek.
For inside the crystal was not Sephiroth, but rather Yuffie. Slowly looking down, Cloud saw instead of Yuffie comforting Tifa, Sephiroth.
Cloud passed out.
7. Scene With Zack and Sephiroth at the Junon Airlift thing…I think…
Zack hesitated in saying good-bye to his commander. Sephiroth understood and his face softened slightly. "We'll see each other again," he assured Zack.
In return, Zack grinned and turned, waving. He ran off, but before he was out of earshot, he heard Reno's voice, "I didn't you know you cared about him, yo."
"I'M SUPPOSED TO, DUMBASS! DOESN'T MEAN I DO!"
As Zack bowed his head in sadness and went for his trailer, Tetsuya sighed and went to get a bagel.
6. Scene Where Kadaj Turns into Sephiroth
"Good to see you, Cloud," Sephiroth said looking up. Cloud's eyes widened, but not at Sephiroth. It was at what he was wearing. A maid's outfit.
"WTF?"
Take 2
This time, Sephiroth appears in a pink bunny costume. "This better?"
Take 3
Instead of saying his normal lines, Sephiroth leaned up and whispered to Cloud. "I have to confess, Cloud…" Cloud's brows furrowed as Sephiroth leaned back and screamed, "I ENJOY BEING NUDE AT WEDDINGS!"
O.O Cloud just stared at him, and then, a whole bunch of random fangirls ran up and threw Cloud off Sephiroth, lining up in front of silver-haired Adonis General, cash in their hands, "Oh SEPHYYYYYY!"
5. Scene With Kadaj Briefly Turning into Sephiroth in Front of Rufus in AC
Rufus stared down as Kadaj flickered in and out of existence. A new being was taking form, shape, and then, when he recognized it, it jumped up, pretending to hold something.
"Hey Ruffy!" Sephiroth whispered, cheeks red, smiling and swaying. "Guess what?"
"Uh…What?"
Sephiroth leaned in close, breathing all over Rufus' face, before screaming in his ear, "I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT!"
4. Fight Against Cloud and Sephiroth in KH2
"No matter what," Sephiroth said, adding pressure to Masamune as Cloud struggled, "your darkness keeps calling me back!"
Cloud gave him the arched brow. "Is that why you sleep with a night light?" he asked.
Sephiroth scurried backward. "SHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Tetsuya: O.o Cut?
Take 2
"No matter what," Sephiroth said, adding pressure to Masamune as Cloud struggled, "your darkness keeps calling me back!"
"Wrong!" yelled Tifa, running on…and tripping over the huge orange wire that was in plain sight (only Tifa…), causing the lights in the entire studio to go out.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sephiroth squealed. Tifa managed to plug the plug back in, looking sheepish.
"S-Sorry…?" Everyone gave Sephiroth the arched eyebrow as he rocked back and forth on the ground, sucking his thumb and whimpering.
Tetsuya: Wow.
Take 3
"You're darkness keeps calling me back!" 'Sephiroth' said, voice sounding incredibly wrong.
"Huh?" Cloud asked, before Sephiroth fell out of a random closet, gagged and tied up. "AHA!" He ripped off the wig to reveal a red haired man.
Tetsuya: (sighs) For the last time Axel, NO! You can't be Sephiroth! (He runs off crying)
3. Bothering Seph (from Potter Puppet Pals 1, which I don't own, but wish I did)
Zack: Hi, I'm Zack Fair.
Cloud: And I'm Cloud!
Zack: Let's go bother Sephiroth!
Cloud: Right-o!
Sephiroth: (off to the side) I am Sephiroth, the Great General.
Zack: (comes on) Ready? Let's go bother him!
Zack & Cloud: (tackling and pushing Sephiroth everywhere) BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER! (they run off. When they're alone…)
Cloud: That was fun!
Zack: I like the part when he stopped moving.
Cloud: Let's go bother him again!
Zack: Yeah! (go back to Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Oh no…
Zack & Cloud: (tackling and pushing Sephiroth everywhere) BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTH-
Sephiroth: LV. 5 DEATH!
Zack & Cloud: (fall over, dead)
Tetsuya: (walks on) Hello, Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: Uh, Tetsuya, sir, I can explain…
Tetsuya: (walks to Zack & Cloud's bodies) Oh, it seems Cloud and Zack are taking an afternoon nap. (Sephiroth goes off-screen slowly) Let's see what they've got in their pockets… (rifles around in their pockets) Alas! Seven thousand gil, and a half rotten sandwich. It's my lucky day! (looks around) Now, where did Sephiroth go? …Better yet, where the hell am I?
2. Scene in Crater When Sephiroth Attacks from Above
"Hahahaha…" he laughed. He then swooped down toward Cloud, but suddenly fell flat on his face. "OW!"
Take 2
Sephiroth is crying on the ground and BlueFox is patting him on the back. Cloud walks up with an eyebrow raised.
"What in the Lifestream?" he began as he approached Sephiroth. "Hey, what's goi—"
BlueFox: Shush Cloud! He's about to talk!
Finally, Sephiroth did, through many, many sobs. "It gave me nightmares for a long time. I wished it was all just a bad dream. They're all so racist towards him. It showed me how cruel mankind could be. I can still hear them taunting him… 'Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!' " He buried his head in his hands, sobs shaking his entire body. "WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM A BOWL OF CEREAL? WHY!"
Number 1 Blooper: Sephiroth Announcing Who He is at the Villain's Convention
(AKA, another Caught! moment!)
"Uh, who the hell's this?" Vader asked, double taking the General.
"I'm Sephiroth, gifted with a horrible name, a slight case of ADHD and a really bad emo disposition. I'm the eldest brother of five siblings, not to mention the only half way normal one, seeing as how Kadaj is a spaz and Cloud is the worst creation ever created. I'm the unfortunate victim of Square-Enix selling out and now a target for yaoi obsessed fan boys who don't want to leave me alone even though I get MAYBE a total of five lines in that whole BEEP movie, in which I actually BEEP STAB Cloud in the shoulder and beat him to an inch of his life, but he STILL doesn't BEEP die, but saves the world like those stupid BEEP heroes always do. The same BEEP hero who killed ME TWICE BEFORE in under five BEEP minutes each time, didn't get a scratch then watched Zack die like a jackass and then went off to be an emo little bitch like usual while I wandered around the BEEP Lifestream in spirit even though it wasn't my BEEP fault I was being controlled by a BEEP alien from space because that stupid prequel, which I wasn't even evil in, sucked like complete ass and the only reason people even read it is because it has Aerith alive and Genesis in it, and for BEEP sake, I look more human in the prequel than in the actual game! So why the hell didn't I get more appearances! You know what Square-Enix, BEEP YOU! You made me a stereotypical clone, you bastards! I'm going on strike! Right now! And you can tell Hojo to kiss my ass! I'll never submit! NEVER!" Sephiroth randomly stomped away.
"…What. The. BEEP.?"
"Oh don't mind him, he's a little sore about his role in life, yo."
"…I couldn't tell…"
"Anyway," Sephiroth came back after a moment, only slightly coated in blood. "This new villain, is like absolute trash. Actually trash would compliment her. But if I ever saw a bad villain I would call them this." He pointed to the picture of Ultimecia. "I mean this bit-"
"Hell, Seph! Don't you even say it! We've already been censored enough! Don't even start with that one, yo!" Reno interrupted before any more could be said.
"What? There's nothing wrong with that. We've said it before."
-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-
Why Aerith REALLY Died
How did I get into this mess? Sephiroth thought, mouth hanging open as he looked around the tiny space, the pink-clad Flower Girl across from him, looking out the window.
"Hey! It's Tifa and Cloud!" Aerith squealed, causing Sephiroth to raise an eyebrow and look out himself. Aerith's face darkened. "HEY!" she yelled. "GET YOUR SLUMMY HANDS OFF HIM YOU BITCH!" she screeched at Tifa, but over the music, Tifa couldn't hear anything.
Aerith flashed her emerald gaze over to Sephiroth, whose eyes widened considerably at the look he was being given.
Showing the outside of the Gondola…
"Quick, Seph, sit over here by me!"
"Why?"
There was a thud as Aerith yanked him beside her on the seat. "OH CLOUDY!" she squealed outside the window, and Cloud looked up to see her waving. "LOOK WHO I'VE GOT WITH ME!"
She attempted to show Cloud who was sitting beside her, but Sephiroth was doing a very good job of staying out of sight. Cloud raised an eyebrow at Aerith's antics, and turned his attention back to Tifa doing the mallet game (you know, where you use a mallet to hit this button and if you hit it hard enough, you hear a DING!).
"Seph!" Aerith whispered harshly to the silver-haired man. "What are you doing?"
"Trying not to get killed too early on!"
"Get up!" Using strength she wasn't supposed to harness, she drew Sephiroth back onto the seat and called for Cloud again. Cloud looked up again, a bored look on his face as he mouthed a 'What?' to Aerith.
"Quick, Seph, put your arm around me!"
"What the-? NO!"
Aerith's voice drew down to a whisper. "Do it, or I'll tell everyone it's a wig."
Sephiroth's eyes widened. "Wh-What? H-How did you know?"
"Don't think I won't do it, Sephiroth."
After putting his arm around Aerith, they both looked outside, only to see Cloud and Tifa completely gone.
"DAMN IT!" Aerith screeched, beginning to pout.
Two days later, Aerith was at the receiving end of Masamune. And we all know why.
--
So yeah. I got the Special Bloopers idea from two sources. One was from Lepa2793 (I think that's your name) and from a movie on YouTube. To see the whole thing, just type in Aeris Sephiroth Date and you'll get the whole date.
Ideas? Requests? Feedback? The next chapter, my friends, is back to the old routine of just random bloopers. Title: Randomness Isn't All That Bad. Verrry random, I promise. Like orange pumpkins and Paul Revere random.