Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
Intro: So sorry you guys, but you won't be getting Karaoke today, mainly because I owe MakruTree a birthday bash, because it's not fair if Armageddon Child gets one and she doesn't! Besides, Makru's a legal adult now, so she can actually sue me if I'm not fair.
So, this time, instead of going to the mall, everyone's going…to Wal-Mart! Oh the joy!
So, sorry for the wait, but here you go Makru! Everyone's shopping for you!
Disclaimer: I own this sandwich. (points to turkey sandwich before stuffing it in mouth)
Currently Listening to: Within Temptation
Chapter Fourteen
Shopping for MakruTree's B-Day!
(Cloud, Sephiroth, and Tifa Enter)
"Wal-Mart? Don't they, like, sell walls there?" said Tifa, staring up at the giant Wal-Mart sign.
"No, Tifa, they don't sell walls…" Sephiroth started.
"They sell MORE than walls!" Cloud finished. They all were standing in the Wal-Mart parking lot, staring up at the Wal-Mart sign with huge grins on their faces. Everyone around them sometimes stopped and stared at them as though they were aliens. I mean, who stares at Wal-Mart?
Apparently, FF7 characters do.
"Well, are we going inside or what?" Sephiroth asked, finally taking a step forward. Cloud and Tifa both nodded as though they were alienated. They all walked in slowly, absorbing each step. Others around them stopped and stared. Some laughed, others just whispered and pointed. After about fifteen perfectly absorbed steps, they were through the automatic doors and in the store. They were gaping at the giant store. It was HUGE! Cloud smiled and walked all the way in, leaving Tifa and Sephiroth staring still.
He grabbed a cart and turned to Tifa and Sephiroth. "So… how about it? Are we buying something or what?"
Tifa gasped and then pointed. "Oh my GOSH they ACTUALLY have Barbie Uno! C'mon, Sephiroth! You lost my last pack; you're buying me another one!"
Sephiroth groaned and reluctantly followed Tifa into the game aisle. That left Cloud with his Wal-Mart cart. That was when he noticed… the CD aisle. Cloud grinned and slowly pushed the cart to the music aisle.
"Oh my… the first Sheryl Crow CD… but I thought… I thought… oh thank God this is a shopping spree with Sephiroth's money!" Cloud grabbed the CD, threw it in the cart, and walked down the aisle. And then he got to the soundtrack section, which was where she, Cloud, had found the limited edition…
"You bought her the Grease soundtrack?" Sephiroth asked, picking it up from the cart.
Cloud grinned. "Yeah! Duh! That's like, my favorite musical!"
"Eh… your favorite musical?"
"Yeah!"
Sephiroth rolled his eyes and set it back into the cart. Tifa tossed in Barbie Uno. "So what next?" he asked, examining the three things in the Wal-Mart cart. Cloud shrugged.
"Well, we aren't getting anything expensive, because it's my money, but…" Sephiroth started to say…
"DVD aisle!" Tifa called.
"I call dibs on being first in the aisle!" Cloud answered, pushing the cart and racing Tifa. Sephiroth rolled his eyes again. This had been his idea, and not BlueFox's. So he couldn't blame his crazy friends now. But later… oh yes later…
"Oh my God Tifa, look!" Cloud was pointing at a DVD in the aisle. Tifa turned around and gasped.
"No…" Tifa was gaping at the DVD. "It can't be… and it's half the price…"
"What are you two doing?" Sephiroth asked, finally walking down the DVD aisle. "Found Veggie Tales?"
"That was only that one time!" Cloud said hotly. "And that wasn't Wal-Mart. It's BETTER than Veggie Tales anyway! It's… it's…"
Tifa pointed at the DVD aisle. Sephiroth gasped. "Oh my god…"
"And it's half price too!" Cloud announced proudly.
Sephiroth smiled. He walked up and picked up the "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" DVD. He slowly placed it into the cart with the Sheryl Crow CD, Grease soundtrack and Barbie Uno. The trio walked away from the DVD aisle slowly. Very slowly, as though they didn't want to leave. Because, of course, they didn't want to leave.
About 6.5 minutes later…
"Aw, Tifa! Why not the make up aisle?"
"Because Cloud, I'm not going in there so you can try every stick of lipstick there is."
"But… but I won't put them all on at the same time this time!"
"I don't care… I don't need any make up anyway."
"Sephiroth needs toner!"
Sephiroth glared at Cloud. "And how do you know?"
Cloud blushed. "I… I was looking through your make up bag. By the way, you might want to get a new eye shadow palette… black? Not unless you wanna look like you're on crack…"
Tifa whacked Cloud in the back of the head. "Shut it Cloud! Nobody cares how good you are with colors! We need to spend more money… and get the presents for Makru we came for in the first place!"
Cloud rubbed the back of his head. "Well you didn't have to hit so hard!" Sephiroth groaned.
Tifa pointed. "Hey look, it's the plant aisle!"
"Uh… Tifa, you go ahead. We'll meet you in the freezer aisle. C'mon Cloud," said Sephiroth, slowly backing away from the plant aisle. He had had bad experiences with plants (i.e. the plant aisle…) and promised himself he would never go down there again. And so far, it's been a kept promise.
"Come ON Cloud!" yelled Sephiroth, speed walking away from the plant aisle.
"Coming!" Cloud called back. He hopped onto the cart and rode it all the way down to where Sephiroth was. Every Wal-Mart shopper in the history of Wal-Mart has done this once, correct?
About 2 minutes later…
"Cloud! Hey Cloud! Let's go down here!" Sephiroth pointed at an aisle that wasn't really close to where the two friends were.
Cloud was uncomfortable with Sephiroth's decision. "Uh… Seph? Why'd you choose that aisle?"
Sephiroth looked strangely at Cloud, as if he were going crazy. "…because it's one of the top three aisles in Wal-Mart, beating the freezer aisle but under the candy aisle."
Cloud gulped. "Er… okay then… your decision…" Sephiroth continued to stare at Cloud. He finally shook his head and together they walked to the second best aisle in Wal-Mart. They walked down the soda aisle, through the meat aisle, and past the produce section until they got to the aisle (aisles…?) that Sephiroth was pointing at. Cloud's grip on the cart tightened.
"Cloud? Cloud… CLOUD? What ARE you waiting for? Turn into the aisle!"
Cloud took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, and slowly turned the cart, the wheels moving inch by inch into the…
…feminine supplies aisle.
Sephiroth yelped. "Cloud, NO! Not th-that place! I was NOT pointing there you idiot! I was pointing to the video game aisle! Not… not there!"
Cloud quickly pulled the cart out of the aisle, pushed it into the aisle next to it and sighed with relief. "Thank heavens you weren't pointing there!" He sighed again. "But you know," he began, "I've always wondered what was in those plastic-"
"Cloud, don't finish that question because I'm not answering it and when you do get an answer you'll have MANY MANY insecure nightmares about yourself and others so do me a favor and don't finish that."
"All righty then, I won't. I've had enough nightmares… anyways! Look it's the video game aisle!"
Sephiroth and Cloud smiled. Video games, for them, and most of the population of the world, made the world go 'round. So, obviously, it made it the second best aisle. Cloud ran over to the PSP section. That was when he automatically picked up a game with a familiar city in the background, and feather falling down around a familiar looking person… a game that looked oddly familiar.
"Sephiroth!" Cloud called Sephiroth over. "Hey Sephiroth, does this look any familiar to you?"
"Crisis… Core…? Hm. I don't know. I wonder who all those people are on the back."
"They look… like I know them. Except, who's that female-looking guy with the pointy blonde spikes? I'm glad I don't look like him…"
"Ahem."
"Huh...? Oh. Oh God…"
"Well first of all just be glad I wasn't about to answer that question of yours."
Cloud gulped and laughed nervously. "Eh… okay. Well, how much is the game anyway?"
Sephiroth looked at the price tag. "Let's see… 50 bucks! But Cloud…"
"Please Sephiroth! Please? For Makru?" Cloud put on his best puppy dog face.
Sephiroth groaned. "Fine! But she owes me big time Cloud."
"Deal!" Cloud grinned and tossed CC into the cart.
About 1.15 Minutes Later…
Sephiroth and Cloud walked out of the video game department, Cloud pushing the cart. Both of them cringed as they walked past the… well, you know what aisle… and quickly got the cart to the freezer aisle. Tifa was waiting for them. She waved. "Sephiroth! Cloud!" She smiled. Cloud and Sephiroth ran over to see her.
Tifa peered into the cart. "Hey, what's that game you've got in there? Crisis Core?" She picked it up, and looked at the back. "Hey who's that feminine looking guy with the blonde spikes, Cloud?"
Sephiroth coughed. "It's (cough) a Cloud (cough) look-alike (cough)."
"Huh? Oh! Sorry… okay let's go do something else."
Cloud smiled. "Well… let's go!"
The three walked away to the soap aisle. Meanwhile…
"Hey Sephiroth?"
"Yes Cloud?"
"What are in those pla-"
"Cloud! You finish that I'll whack you in the head with your Ultima Weapon!"
"Oh… Opps. Sorry Sephiroth."
(MakruTree, Yuffie, Armageddon Child, and Aerith Enter)
"Yuffie, why Wal-Mart?" MakruTree asked, jumping about five feet when the automatic doors opened.
"Because, Nat-"
"MakruTree!"
"Right, MakruTree, whatever… it's the only reliable store that we can get to without the using the Portal Highway…"
"And it's a nice place," Aerith chimed in. "Maybe I should work here…"
"Aerith, don't even think about it," Armageddon Child said, her eyes darting around, watching the people in blue coats. The Wal-Mart workers were staring back at them. It wasn't normal to have people like them walk into Wal-Mart… the workers were used to the normal sweater-and-jeans people (speaking of which, you can find those sweaters AND jeans in aisle…)
"Hey look!" Yuffie jumped up and down and pointed. "It's Cloud!"
"And Sephiroth and Tifa!" Aerith finished.
"Umm… guys, no offense, but we came here to get-"
"Aw, Makru!"
MakruTree groaned. "Fine, but be back at the front door in about ten minutes."
"You aren't our mother, Makru," Yuffie said ignorantly.
"You think? I'm only as old as you Yuffie. Now are you guys going to say something to those three or what?"
"Yup!" Yuffie ran over to see them. Aerith walked over with a smile on her face. Armageddon Child and MakruTree shrugged and walked away.
"So Makru?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you and Yuffie gonna do Saturday?"
"I'm not inviting you over to the Studio again, AC, if that's what you're thinking."
Armageddon Child was quiet. There was an awkward moment of silence. Finally MakruTree shattered it like glass. "So, what are we doing exactly?" she asked.
"Not sure, but in the mean time…"
"AC NO!"
"I have to."
"Why?"
"We don't know what else to do. And it's stuck in my head and I can't get it out… you know what that means!"
"Please don't…"
"Well we're here and well…"
MakruTree groaned and rubbed her fingers on her temples. "Okay then, go right ahead, don't mind me, I'll just be mourning the fact that…"
But Armageddon Child had already started.
"All right, here we go…
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I cant keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it, I can't shake it no
I can't wait to see you
Wanna see if you still got that look in your eye
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we gotta spend our time being mad about the same things
About the same things…"
Meanwhile…
"What the heck is that?" Cloud grabbed his ears in pain.
Aerith started laughing. Yuffie followed. "It's AC," Yuffie said in between laughs, "she's singing."
"It's a little joke we have," Aerith followed. "We probably shouldn't have left them…"
"Yeah… well we have to go, hope we get to see you guys soon!" Yuffie waved and they both ran to the pharmacy area where MakruTree and Armageddon Child were.
"Oohhh but I think she's leaving
Oohhh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it, I can't shake it no more
Now that I realize that I'm goin' down from all this pain you've put me through…"
Yuffie and Aerith weren't surprised to find a large crowd around Armageddon Child and MakruTree standing at the side near the medicine aisle, her right hand over her forehead, her left touching a bottle of aspirin. Yuffie fought her way through the crowd to find Armageddon Child singing loudly with about fifty dollars at her feet. Yuffie grabbed the money and pulled Armageddon Child out of the crowd. Armageddon Child immediately stopped singing. "What the heck, Yuffie?" she asked.
"I had to get you out of there, I know you were bored," she answered.
"All right, fine."
"Okay, so, you had some soda before we got here then. Deal with it."
"It wasn't just soda…"
"Okay, you had more than soda. Just cool off AC! Come on, Makru's about to commit suicide."
After the crowd is gone…
"Better Nat?"
"It's Makru. And I'm perfectly fine. Thanks. AC…"
"Yeah Makru?"
"You are one lucky person."
"Yeah I know."
The four stood there for a little while. "I think I'll buy some aspirin for the way home though," MakruTree said.
Aerith smiled. "All right, well, Yuffie and I are going to get some stuff…"
"Yes I'm getting saltines," said Yuffie before either of the other two could speak up.
"…so you two can just, well, walk around the store, I guess," Aerith said with a nod. "We'll meet back here in about an hour…"
"In the pharmacy? No way! How about the… um… magazine aisle?" MakruTree said.
"Perfume department. Take it or leave it." Aerith crossed her arms and tapped her foot.
"Ugh, fine! Perfume department it is."
MakruTree and Armageddon Child groaned. Neither of them wanted to be caught dead in the Wal-Mart perfume department.
"All right, come on Yuffie!" Aerith said, and they both walked away talking.
"You know Makru," Armageddon Child said, watching them walk away, "I'll never be able to understand fictional girls."
"And ditto for me," said MakruTree. "So… now what…?"
"Depends…"
Suddenly one of the women in a blue coat walked over to them. She had a cheery smile on her face, but in a way, it looked like she'd rather be dead then work here. "Hello!" she said in a happy yet strained voice. "Are you two looking for something?"
"Well, one, we're people and we're your age, two we aren't looking for anything currently, and three, why are you talking to us, um…" Armageddon Child scanned her uniform for a name… "…Terra?"
"Because I work here, and it's my job… to… be kind and… generous," she said through gritted teeth that were sort of smiling. Terra pointed her finger at a guy in a long coat, not as long as Sephiroth's, but about knee length. She made sure only MakruTree and Armageddon Child could see her pointing. She was pointing at the manager.
Terra said something through gritted teeth that neither girl could make out. They glanced at each other, curiouslu, then back at the green haired Magitek Elite in front of them. Terra smiled again, and nodded, still strained. "Well, if you insist. How about you two go into the yarn section?" She enunciated the yarn. She pointed down the long (hallway?). "Aisle 6," she said. "And have a great day from us at Wal-Mart!"
"Right… you too," Armageddon Child said. "C'mon Makru, she said aisle 6, and we've got nothing else left to do…"
"Fine," MakruTree said, and they both walked to the sewing aisle.
In the sewing aisle…
"Hey, hey AC!" MakruTree said, trying to keep her voice low. "Um… so that's yarn?"
"Yeah, basically." Armageddon Child picked up a ball of black and white yarn and tossed it into the air. "I'm not sure what it's for, but it's really… it's really… well… um…"
"Fluffy?"
"Yeah. Um… fluffy."
"You've never said that have you?"
"Well… no. I haven't."
"You've never said the word fluffy."
"No."
"Okay never mind. Umm… wow. They have a wide selection of colors."
"Yeah. They do."
"And they're really nice color."
"Yeah. They are."
"Can you say something more… well more words in the sentence please?"
"We need to buy some of this yarn."
"Yeah. We do."
"Makru!"
"Sorry. What colors?"
Armageddon Child shrugged. "Whatever looks good. But Makru… what are we going to use the yarn for?"
"Well… that's for us to figure out. Later." MakruTree picked up a blue ball of yarn. Armageddon Child picked up a black ball of yarn. That's when Armageddon Child noticed… "Nat…"
"MakruTree."
"Makru… I think we're going to need a cart."
(Zack, Angeal, Roxas, and BlueFox Come In)
"Sweet. Wal-Mart." Zack said as they walked through the automatic doors.
"Yeah and it has a smiley face for a trademark-logo!" BlueFox said sarcastically. "Come ON Angeal, why Wal-Mart? Why did we come here? Why do you need this camera and tape so bad?"
"We have GOT to get back at Genesis! This time, blackmail!"
"We blackmailed her last time, Angeal," said Zack. "There has to be something else. They have everything at Wal-Mart!"
"Sure they do," Roxas said, rolling his eyes. "Rock on."
"Stop that! You aren't Demyx!" BlueFox said in frustration, clenching her fists and gritting his teeth. "It is seriously getting on my nerves!"
Roxas groaned. Angeal had to pick her. Roxas usually was annoyed by all of the higher ups, but BlueFox was sometimes the worst. Sometimes as in Angeal was the worst. And Zack wasn't far behind.
"Angeal, Tetsuya will kill us, and Genesis will… well he will…" Zack thought this over for a moment. "Well he'll do the same!"
"He can't kill us. Most of us are already dead, remember?"
"And yet you are so encouraging Angeal!"
"Just stating the facts!"
Zack shrugged and the four walked over to a Wal-Mart worker. He was short but fairly young, and all four, including Zack towered over him. He cringed.
"H-hey Wal-Mart shoppers…" he stuttered, "...can I help you?"
"Yes, could you please lead us to where cameras and video tapes are?" Angeal asked.
"Oh… sure." The worker led them to aisle 9, the electronic aisle.
"Thank you… um… Zeno!" Angeal said. Zeno nodded and quickly got away.
"Um… Angeal… since when did you say 'please' and 'thank you'?" asked BlueFox.
"Um… I don't know, did I?"
"Yeah."
"Weird," Angeal said. He shrugged. "So Roxas… Roxas?"
Roxas was over talking to a worker named Rachel. She pointed over to a different aisle. The Keyblade aisle. (Wal-Mart has EVERYTHING!!)
"Oh… snap…" BlueFox slapped her palm onto her forehead.
"Well, knew it was going to happen… right? Am I right?" Zack asked, shrugging and looking at a digital camera that he could use if he ever was going to get back at Reno for that Caught! stuff.
"Well I didn't! And anyway, this was Angeal's idea."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Zack picked up the digital camera and examined it.
Roxas and Rachel…
"Hey could you show me where the Keyblades are?" Roxas asked.
"Why should I?" said Rachel, stacking shampoo and conditioner bottles.
"Because… I am the… I mean I've never been to Wal-Mart before, my friends made me come and so I want to know."
"That wasn't really an answer."
"Just show me already!"
"Fine. Aisle 12. Past the CDs and DVDs. Happy now?"
"Yeah."
"By the way, Tic Tacs are in aisle 1."
"Thanks for telling me."
"Anytime."
Roxas walked away in some frustration. Tic Tacs? What did she mean, Tic Tacs? That's just rude. But, if people did really think that, maybe he should get a container… and maybe an extra 12 for the rest of his close buddies.
Roxas slowly walked into aisle 1 and grabbed 13 containers of freshmint flavored Tic Tacs. Then he scurried off to aisle 12. That was when he found the best Keyblade ever! Yeah, I know what you're thinking, who knew? Roxas actually found a good Keyblade! A-mazing! Insert sarcasm here! Well, too bad.
Roxas dropped the Tic Tacs and ran over to the Keyblade. "Oh my God!" he shouted. About everyone in that aisle turned around and stared. A random little kid picked up one of the Tic Tacs. "Look Mommy! I found some breath mints!"
"Honey don't touch them that psycho over there is going to buy those."
Roxas picked up the Keyblade. He could afford it too! Hopefully MakruTree wasn't going to break it like she did her other one… Roxas hated those memories. But it didn't matter. New Keyblade for Makru! That was all that mattered currently. And the fact that he had to pick up all 13 packs of Tic Tacs… while holding a Keyblade, by the name of Fenrir. Oh well!
Meanwhile…
"Hey guys! Guys! I got Makru a new Keyblade… rock on!"
"And you also got 13 packs of Tic Tacs… nice." Zack rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the packs of Tic Tacs from Roxas.
"Hey! How do you know those are your Tic Tacs?"
"Because you're the only Organization member here. Where are the rest gonna go?"
"Well maybe it's just for BlueFox and Fang to share!"
BlueFox gasped. "Roxas! You take that back!"
"Fine. They're yours Zack. But next time…"
"Hey guys I got a new camera!" Angeal walked over with a camcorder in one hand and a tape in the other. "This is SUCH a sweet camera! You should check it out… oh sorry did I just ruin the Tic Tac moment?"
"Yes and I don't think I've ever heard you say sorry either… until now." BlueFox took her container of Tic Tacs and walked over to see Angeal's new camera. "Whoa that is a sweet camera! Roxas… you're paying for these Tic Tacs right?"
"Yeah why?"
BlueFox clicked open the Tic Tacs and ate one.
"Hey! BlueFox! I'm paying for those! What the… you're evil! You know that!"
"Yeah. That's the point."
"What that I'm paying for them or that you're evil?"
"Both."
Roxas groaned. "You know actually I think you are going to pay for those Tic Tacs BlueFox. I have to pay for 12 others… so…"
"What! Roxas! I thought…"
"I hope you have money on you!"
"But I don't!"
Zack groaned and pulled out a wad of cash. He handed a dollar to BlueFox.
"Um… thank you?"
Angeal gasped. "Omigod BlueFox has MANNERS!"
"Hey Zack," Roxas said, eyes wide at the wad of cash. "How'd you get all that money? I thought that Aerith-"
"Stop! Stop right now!"
"I was gonna say Aerith didn't give you that much."
"Oh… I thought you about to say… ahem something else."
There was an awkward moment of silence. Then suddenly, "Zack you demented sicko! You're crazy!"
"That's nasty Zack!"
"You pervert!"
"Don't call me that!"
"Why?"
"Because you're talking about yourself!"
"Oh! Burn!"
"Shut up Angeal!"
The group continued to argue.
INTERMISSION
Cloud sighed. "So Africa has made me an idiot."
BlueFox: Hey! I'm a fangirl, what do you expect Cloud?
"A little kindness would be nice!" he demanded.
BlueFox: I'm being kind! I didn't let you finish that question did I?
"Well, no…" he trailed off. "But I'll find out soon enough!"
BlueFox: Shoot he's right. Okay well off to part 4, Ice Cream and Chibis- Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa! BTW I picked these flavors at random. Actually they are my fave flavors.
Sephiroth crossed his arms and glared at her. "But I wanted strawberry!"
BlueFox: Shut up Sephiroth. Yes, you are hot but I'm not a fan of strawberry ice cream. And I hate butter pecan.
Tifa scratched the back of her calf with her other leg and looked downcast. "Darn."
BlueFox: And don't ask where the chibi thing came from I admit it was random. My lovely muse Squall chose Chibis…
Squall snickered at the victims from some place far far away…
END INTERMISSION
(Ice Cream and Chibis CST)
"Why are we in the soap aisle?"
"Because we rock like that, Sephiroth."
"Cloud, yeah we rock and all but soap?"
"Well Sephiroth you should be thankful! At least AC stopped singing… and Cloud is right. We rock."
"Thank you Tifa!" Cloud said. He picked up a box of Irish Spring soap and tossed it in the cart. Tifa picked up a box of Dove. Sephiroth picked up some Zest. If you are wondering what could possibly make them pick those brands… don't ask the author. She ponders the question as well.
"Hey Sephiroth!"
"Yes?"
"Cloud wants me to get Makru some other stuff in the plant aisle, wanna come along?"
"No!"
"Okay then. Meet us back here."
"In the soap aisle?"
"Well… yeah, why not?"
Sephiroth shrugged. "Okay. Get your plant stuff-" he shuddered saying the word "plant" "-and meet back here… in the soap aisle… in like about 15 minutes. Deal?"
"Yup. C'mon Cloud!"
"See ya Seph."
"Bye."
Cloud and Tifa walked away (well, Tifa was more skipping than walking) leaving Sephiroth with all of the bars of soap. She shrugged again and went to the toys aisle.
Aisle 15- The Toy Aisle…
"Okay… this is awkward…" Sephiroth said, finding himself in the chibi plushie area. There were way too many chibi plushies for Sephiroth to bear, but he reminded himself, it's better than plants, it's better than plants…
They were cute Chibis (okay my own opinion… but they're Chibis, sue me…) but they were all kind of strange. And they were ALL staring at Sephiroth. Sephiroth was really uncomfortable. Especially the fact that the one chibi plushie that stuck out of all the other chibi plushies was a Toshiro chibi plushie. Sephiroth panicked.
"Okay, um, what do I do when I'm freaking… um… where did I put that handbook again?"
A rabid Sephiroth fangirl walked up. She was wearing a blue Wal-Mart smock with a smile on her face. She handed Sephiroth her "Guide to Controlling Your Emotions and What to Do about a Chibi Attack: Made Just for You!" handbook and stood there.
"Um… thank you?"
"You're welcome Sephiroth."
"You can go now."
"No I can't Sephiroth."
"Why?"
"I love you too much Sephiroth."
"Stop saying my name!"
"Sorry Sephiroth…"
"Shut UP and go away!"
"Yes Sephiroth."
The fangirl ran away and out of sight. Sephiroth took a deep breath and looked at "Guide to Controlling Your Emotions and What to Do about a Chibi Attack: Made Just for You!" Zack had gotten it for Sephiroth one Christmas. Sephiroth had been offended by it, but then he used it and it was pretty useful. Not that he had emotion problems or anything though!
"Chibi attack… chibi attack… here we go. 'If all chibis are staring at you, Sephiroth, then you probably should be with your bestest friend ever, Zack. But he's probably somewhere you don't like, like maybe the Keyblade aisle. In that case, get out of that area with the chibis immediately. But buy MakruTree the Toshiro plushie.'"
Sephiroth slipped the tiny handmade booklet into his pocket, grabbed the Toshiro plushie and ran. Where to run though? Freezer aisle? Eh, why not. It's not like any of that frozen stuff was going to ruin his body, so…
"Oh my gosh… yum strawberry ice cream!" (There you go Sephiroth.) Sephiroth picked up the box of strawberry ice cream, and wondered, Now what? I could have sworn I've done everything and I'm not going to wait with bars of soap for ten minutes. Um… vegetables. No. Fruit. Yes. Fruit. Maybe some strawberries for the strawberry ice cream. Ooh and maybe some chocolate! The fangirls love el chocolate… oh crap now I'm speaking Spanish. Oh well. Off to the strawberries! Yay strawberries!
Meanwhile…
"Okay, so, we have the seeds for Aerith's garden… what should we get Makru, Cloud? Oh, I know! What about a paopu fruit tree, Cloud?"
"How about we go get some ice cream?"
"How about you go get some ice cream? I've got to get Sephiroth some toner. And eye shadow."
"Purple!"
"Purple? Why purple?"
"Because it's the only color that matches with his lips in the movie."
"Maybe I should get him a wig then."
"No! Don't do it! Just take my advice, please Tifa?"
"Fine. I hate you right now."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I… omigod fine! I'll be getting that purple eye shadow."
"I thought so," Cloud said. He entered the freezer aisle.
"Geez it's FREEZING in here!" Cloud said, crossing his arms for warmth. "Why does the temperature always have to be like 10 degrees Fahrenheit? It's so cold!"
"It's the freezer aisle you idiot," said the same mother who had told her kid not to pick up Roxas's Tic Tacs.
"Oh. Well." Cloud uncrossed his arms and went over to the ice cream, giving the mom a snobby look. "Okay, ice cream. Omigosh… Sephiroth was here. Nobody ever touches the strawberry ice cream, except for Sephiroth." Cloud gasped. "He really actually took Zack's advice! Yay! He does love him! I… I mean… as a friend. Yeah. Um. Well, anyways, looky there! My two favorite flavors of ice cream! Chocolate chip cookie dough and mint chocolate chip. Hurrah. Um… let's get mint!"
Suddenly a mini-Vincent looking thing popped up on the mint chocolate chip ice cream box. "Cloud? Why do you wan to get this flavor?"
"Well… because… I like it…"
"Well why not get chocolate chip cookie dough?"
"Because that's what I had last week…"
"You mean an hour ago?"
"Yeah."
Then a mini Reno like thing popped up on the box of chocolate chip cookie dough box of ice cream. "Well why not get mint chocolate chip ice cream, yo? It tastes awesome and you haven't had it for a week!"
"You mean like two hours ago?"
"What's your point, yo?"
"Never mind. And shouldn't you both be on the opposite boxes? You each want me to get the other's flavor, so you should by on that flavor box."
"Sorry, we aren't good at physics."
"Huh?"
"Exactly. So you should get mint chocolate chip."
"No, how about cookie dough?"
"Mint chocolate chip!"
"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"
"Mint chocolate chip!"
"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"
"Mint chocolate chip!"
"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"
"Mint chocolate chip!"
"GUY'S STOP PRESSURING ME!" Cloud yelled. Everyone in the freezer aisle turned around and stared at Cloud. What the HECK was he screaming at? He's crazy, isn't he?
"Um…" Cloud had to think fast. Finally, he pretended to fall on his knees and grabbed her ears screaming, "NO! It's those voices again! Make them stop, make them stop! Noooooooooooooo!"
Everyone took a step or two backward and went back to their own business. Cloud opened his eyes took make sure no one was actually paying attention to him, got back up, and saw that the mini Vincent and mini Reno were still there. Despite their small sizes, Cloud could tell they were smirking. "Okay, here's the deal," Reno said, swinging his mini EMR around for no reason.
"You can get both of us, but for a price," said Vincent.
"Sure, all right, what do I have to do? Fight my FF6 alter-ego? SOLDIER ambush? Kadaj magically appears again and I get to squash him again? What?"
"No. Better. You have to ask Tifa your… girl question." Cloud could tell Reno still had a smirk on his face.
"Uh… okay. Wait a sec… how'd you two know about that? Stalkers!"
"No… it's just that we know a lot of stuff. We know all."
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Um… that's off topic! Get the ice cream and ask him that stupid question that I can NOT believe you are going to ask and don't know the answer to!"
"Well sorry!" Cloud picked up both of the boxes of ice cream. The mini Reno and Vincent disappeared. Cloud ran off to find Tifa.
Meanwhile…
"These are really ripe strawberries! They are probably the BEST on strawberry ice cream! Mmmmm!" Sephiroth was walking to the soap aisle practically talking to the strawberries. Strange, yes. But psycho? Never. Was it? No.
Sephiroth finally got to the soap aisle, still "talking" to the strawberries. He counted them. There were about 13 in all. By the time he got to the thirteenth strawberry, he saw Tifa pushing the cart and Cloud clutching his stomach with a sick look on his face.
"Cloud, what's wrong?"
"Sephiroth! The… the pink… and the red… and the… the white… and the kids and… omigod SEPHIROTH make it STOP!"
"Tifa!"
"Sorry, he wouldn't stop asking."
"Cloud I told you not to!"
"The mini Reno and Vincent told me to! And that's why I have two boxes of ice cream! THE VOICES TOLD ME TO!"
"Breathe… Cloud, take a deep breath… Earth to Cloud? Breathe!"
Cloud took a deep breath. He looked pale. "Never mind. I've got ice cream."
"And I've got chocolate!"
"And I have Sephiroth's toner!"
"Well, are we going to get the present that we really came for?"
"Yes… not yet though."
"But…"
"Tifa, the voices are telling me, not yet."
INTERMISSION
BlueFox: Just a warning for fangirls/boys of Locke Cole from FF6, like everyone else, he has a quirk. His is anger management. So yeah. He's really irritable.
"Nooooooooooo!" Celes moaned in the distance. "Locke isn't the same anymore!"
You hear a THUD and Squall comes on, running a hand through his hair. "She wasn't as hard as she was hyped up to be."
END INTERMISSION
(Locke!)
Every thief-er, TREASURE HUNTER-needs bandannas. And some Extra Watermelon-flavored gum. And… well… whatever Locke needs. Typical.
"God, I HATE coming to the store!" Locke his grip on his Atma Weapon really tight. "Especially this one… it's so hectic. I need a freaking cart. Excuse me, get out of my way! Hello!"
Apparently, off screen… Locke's in a bad mood. Must just be the smiley faces that knock down the prices.
Locke grabbed a cart and jammed it intentionally into someone else's. "Excuse me!" the mother who told her kid not to get the Tic Tacs said. "Billy… don't become a thief when you're older."
"I won't."
Locke rolled his eyes and went back to his own business. "So… shopping list… shopping list… shopping list… ah ha! Here we go." Scribbled on the shopping list was:
Bandannas
Gum
What's Left of Me- Nick Lachey the CD
Navy blue-ish thread to sew up bed spread
Latest issue of Teen People
He crossed the last one out. Celes had ordered Teen People for Locke; he didn't need another copy.
"So… bandannas. Or maybe we should start at the bottom of the list. Or the middle? Ugh. What the heck. CD here I come."
In the CD aisle…
"Here… Nick Lachey. Yay." Locke tossed the CD into the cart (ahem HIS POCKET!) and was on his way. "Wow. I'm good at making rhymes. I should write a children's book. You know I'm very creative," he said to no one in particular since nobody was really listening. "I could write a story about a boy with pointy brown hair who disappears from his island and falls into the darkness and finds a duck and deformed dog to help him find his silver haired buddy who looks strangely like Ansem. I mean Xehanort… I mean Xemnas… errgh… more like Sephiroth… and his other friend that's a girl… his girlfriend! Whoa! I am good!" Locke got a memo pad out of his inside pocket (whoa! Cool! Where'd that come from?) and scribbled all of his thoughts down. He slipped his memo pad back into his inside pocket and went on.
Locke also picked up a bag of tortilla chips and salsa for a party he was holding next week. He invited all of her closest friends! But never mind that…
The Wal-Mart radio was playing Simple and Clean. Not Locke's favorite song, but he liked it.
"You're giving me too many things lately
You're all I need
You smiled at me and said
Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father
When we are older you will understand
What I meant when I said no
I don't think life's quite that simple…
Okay, so he knew all the words to the song. It's not like he was obsessed with the song. He just knew the words. And it was on the Wal-Mart radio. What's your point?
"When you walk away
You don't here me say
Oh, baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making
Me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go…"
Okay, he's obsessed.
Locke pushed the cart over to the hair accessory aisle. He had a favorite brand of bandannas… but they were sold out! So now he had to get (gulp) a hat.
"See, they have nothing here! It's crazy! I hate coming here!"
Locke was angry. Why a hat? Locke didn't wear hats. It wasn't his style. His style was… what was his style again? Well, anyways, hats weren't really his thing. So hats instead of bandannas… not him. He wondered how Irvine was able to not have hat hair. Or Vivi for that matter?
Locke groaned and put an LA Lakers hat into his cart. He looked down at his list. Well, he didn't need thread urgently… but he did need the gum. Badly. Nail biting prevention. He got that from Setzer.
Simple and Clean was over. Now for some Photograph- Nickelback. Locke hated this song. He needed to get out of the store. Quickly.
Locke pushed her cart into the checkout line. He picked up the gum and began to set his stuff on the conveyer belt (?).
"Hello and welcome to Wal-Mart!" the cashier in a blue uniform said. Locke just mumbled to himself. The cashier began to put all of his stuff into a bag when he said, "You know? You really seem like you would be good working at working here in Wal-Mart."
Locke's head shot straight up and looked at the guy. "Hey…" the cashier said. He handed Locke his bag of stuff. "Okay, that'll be 569,243,000.01 please."
Locke handed him 2 gil.
"?"
"It's something we use in our world."
"…"
"Yes. Those two are worth a LOT."
The cashier got excited. "Hey I am so recommending you!"
Locke slapped his palm onto his forehead. This was really ticking him off. Badly.
"Here come on!" The cashier turned off the light for the checkout line and pulled Locke to see the manager.
Next thing Locke knew… he was stacking bars of soap in the soap aisle wearing a blue Wal-Mart vest and a "Welcome to Wal-Mart! I'm Locky!" nametag. He knew he shouldn't have gone to Wal-Mart…
"Why couldn't they just make Mog and his friends do this?" he wondered aloud. The few in the soap aisle turned to look at him.
One asked their friend, "Dude, you know who Mog is?"
"No idea."
"Okay, well this is psycho. Dude, let's get out of here."
"Ditto."
(Armageddon Child and MakruTree, 'nuff said)
After a little while, Armageddon Child and MakruTree had about 2 and a half Wal-Mart carts filled with yarn. All the yarn had made them so dazed, it took MakruTree forever to realize-
"AC! AC, we can't pay for all of this yarn! And Yuffie and Aerith certainly aren't going to!"
"Huh? Oh. Oh yeah! Yeah, I know. I mean, Yuffie took my fifty."
"Fifty? From what?"
"My singing."
"…Huh?"
Suddenly Armageddon Child had an idea. This was her best idea under little yet some pressure yet! She rubbed the back of her neck while she planned out the most totally awesome idea. "Okay, Makru, can you sing?"
"Erm… yeah?"
"Dance?"
"All the way…"
"Did you watch Grease when Yuffie forced you to that one time?"
MakruTree sighed. "Dang it I knew this was going somewhere…"
Meanwhile…
"You can't make me do this."
"You have to! Look, I'll sing the girl parts."
"We'll look like we're crazy!"
"Yes, but we know we aren't…"
"You mean I'm not."
"Shut up. Anyways, I know you think I'll probably think I'm going to be wearing that outfit that Sandy wore, I'm eliminating that… does that make it any better?"
"No."
"Look, do you want the yarn or not?"
"FINE! I hate you right now… but, the only reason I'm not going to kill you which I would like to do so badly: for the yarn!"
Just a little bit later…
"No you are NOT making me wear that jacket AC…"
"Aw, come on, it gives it an effect."
"But it's so not my color! I mean, ask Cloud. And, oh look sweat; I guess I shouldn't put it on… oh well…"
"Makru... ew sweat? Never mind. Put the freakin' hat on."
"No! No no no no no no no no!"
Then in the pharmacy…
"I can't believe you got me to wear that dang jacket..."
"Quit whining Makru, now do you have the CD?"
"…Got it."
"Okay, put it in the CD player."
"Armageddon, do we really have to do this? I mean, is yarn really this important?"
"Yes."
"I hate you so much."
"I know."
"So very much."
"Hit play already!"
MakruTree reluctantly pushed the play button on the CD player and ran over to the opposite side of the pharmacy. After a small amount of waiting and an awesomely awesome instrumental, MakruTree jumped out and…
"I got chills they're multiplying
And I'm losing control
'cause the power you're supplyin'
It's electrifyin'!"
MakruTree was about to bang her head on the cabinet-thing the medicine was on. She quickly dug the aspirin out of her pocket and took two, drinking water from a lone glass on the pharmacist's counter.
"You better shape up, cause I need a man,
and my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand,
to my heart I must be true
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do…"
"You're the one that I want
(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey
The one that I want
(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey
The one that I want
(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey
The one I need
Oh yes indeed…"
MakruTree's face was red. Armageddon Child was too interested in the dancing to realize. So far they had gotten 6.01 and 5 gil. Wait a second… gil? I thought they were getting non-FF related American money. Hmmmmm. Oh well.
"If you're filled with affection,
You're too shy to convey
Meditate my direction, feel your way…"
"I better shape up,
cause you need a man…"
"I need a man
Who can keep me satisfied
I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove
You better prove, that my fate is justified
Are you sure?
Yes I'm sure down deep inside…"
"You're the one that I want,
(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey,
MakruTree suddenly stopped. "Uh… Armageddon…"
"The one that I want
(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey…"
"Armageddon?"
The one that I want
(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey…
whaddya want, Makru?""This isn't working… and someone's watching us…"
"That's the point Makru…"
"No I mean someone that shouldn't be watching…"
The music continued to play. Armageddon Child herself paused, then smiled mischievously.
"You're right," she said, looking at the back of an extremely suspicious Wal-Mart worker.
"Let me get on your shoulders, Makru." Armageddon Child turned to the other. "We Go Together" was playing on the CD Player.
"You're joking."
"No. Seriously. I have an idea."
About two minutes later…
"This time I'm seriously considering hurting you."
"Back off, pompom girl! You're lucky! You aren't even wearing the whole outfit!"
MakruTree groaned. Her face was red. She was wearing a sweater that had the letter "N" on it. Her hair was in a ponytail and she was holding pompoms.
"Look, do you want this yarn or not Makru?" Armageddon Child was wearing an identical sweater, but the rest of her costume was actually just basic pair of jeans and tennis shoes. She stared at the suspicious Wal-Mart worker. "Let me get on your shoulders, Makru, it's payback time."
"Payback time? That doesn't make any sense. This is going to be payback time for him…again."
"Your point being…?"
"Ugh. Never mind." MakruTree reluctantly held onto Armageddon Child's legs. "You know what we gotta do, Makru?"
"Er… I think so…"
"Maybe I should say it. You just do the '5, 6, 7, 8' thing…"
"No."
"We've got to Makru! Come on, what do you say?"
"Gr. Fine." MakruTree began to shout. "5, 6, 7, 8!"
Armageddon Child then began chanting, "Hey Locky, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind! Hey, Locky, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind!"
Locke looked up from his stacking boxes of popcorn. Then he slammed his forehead. "Sonofa… you've gotta be kidding me…"
"Hey Locky, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind! Hey, Locky! Hey, hey, hey Locky!"
Locke made a face and stood up. He walked over to Armageddon Child and MakruTree. Armageddon Child hopped down from MakruTree's shoulders. "So, what do you think Locke?"
Locke stared into Armageddon Child's cheerful eyes with utter distaste. "You want to know what I think? You really want to know what I think?" he asked, grabbing her again extremely long sword.
"Not really…" MakruTree started, but Armageddon Child elbowed her in the ribs.
"Of course we do, Locky. I mean, we put on costumes just for you."
"What makes you two idiots think that I would want to see you, much less in a cheerleading costume?"
"We thought you'd give us some money."
"Told you he wouldn't, AC," MakruTree whispered, nudging the blonde in the back.
"No, I actually think he's considering giving us money, Nat," Armageddon Child whispered back, still watching Locke.
"What is it you need the money for?"
"Yarn."
"You've got to be kidding me. Who asks for money? For yarn? This is what I get interrupted from my job for? Money for yarn?"
"Umm… yeah."
"……………………………………" Locke's face looked blotchy from all of the anger.
"Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Armageddon Child said, motioning for MakruTree to put her fists up. "Come on, I think we've got something nasty coming up here…"
MakruTree took her hair out of a ponytail and put her fists up in Tifa's pose. Suddenly the entire crowd in Wal-Mart began chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"
"Time to do this the right way," Locke shouted, pointing Atma at MakruTree. MakruTree got ready.
"Let's go," she said. Then she turned to Armageddon Child. "Hey, why aren't you doing this? This is my birthday."
"Good point. But, since I'm too lazy, I'll just watch from the sidelines. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"
MakruTree rolled her eyes and turned around back to Locke. One of the kids in the audience turned the lights down, with a spotlight pointing only to Locke and MakruTree. Locke lunged and MakruTree prepared to block when suddenly…
"What are you doing?" the manager asked, walking up to Locke.
"Fighting the birthday girl."
"Isn't that against the unwritten law of birthdays?"
"There's an unwritten law for birthdays?"
"Yes. Hey wait a second! You're wearing a Wal-Mart vest."
"Yeah? So?"
"So you work here. You've got work to do!"
"I'm kind of busy!"
"No."
"Aw!" The crowd walked away, mumbling. The lights turned back to normal. Armageddon Child walked over to MakruTree.
"What is it these two nice people want, um…" The manager looked at the nametag "…Loki?"
"Locky. I mean Locke. My name's Locke."
"Right."
"Well, they want ME to pay them so they can buy yarn for themselves."
"What's your point?"
Locke looked surprised. "My point? They want a WORKER to pay them so they can buy something that they should buy with their own money. That's a crime. At least where I'm from."
"And where are you from, hon?"
"… FF6, why?"
"Where's that?"
"I don't see how this is fixing the problem, sir."
"Are they from this 'FF6' place as well?"
"They're from Earth."
"You should pay 'em."
"What!"
"Pay them. They're your friends. Plus you get the money back in your salary."
"That's true… hey! They aren't my friends though! They're fangirls!"
"Pay them or you're fired."
Locke sighed. "How much is the yarn?" he said, getting out his wallet.
"Um, well, we have six dollars, so that would be…" Armageddon Child counted on her fingers. "I think we need 800 more dollars to go. Oh and plus tax."
Locke groaned and pulled a wad of money out of his wallet. "Here." He turned away from Armageddon Child and MakruTree. Armageddon Child clasped her arms around Locke. MakruTree slowly backed away, taking the aspirin out of her pocket.
"Yeah whatever," Locke said, trying to get out of Armageddon Child's grip.
(Zack's Lists-Angeal and Zack)
After about an hour of arguing, the other group… well, they stopped.
"Um… now… what were we doing here again?" Angeal asked as he began to look at the camera again.
"Well, BlueFox called me a perv, and…" Zack thought for a second. Then he said, "Okay, here's the deal. Let's split. Angeal and I will go get what else we came for, then BlueFox and Roxas… well, BlueFox and Roxas can do whatever."
Roxas pumped his fist into the air and began to slash Fenrir around, suddenly wishing that he had gotten MakruTree Oathkeeper instead. BlueFox paused for a second. Then she walked away.
"Okay, now that we've got that situated…" Zack pulled out his wad of cash again. "We have just enough money to get the groceries."
"Why are you paying for the groceries? You were asleep for like…5 years, and you have more money than Squall does as an A ranked SeeD."
"Yeah, and? Guess I have more fangirls…"
"Never mind, I don't want to know how you got all of that."
Zack shrugged and went to get a cart. Suddenly Angeal noticed a paper that had fallen out of Zack's pocket. A grocery list maybe? Nah, Zack never, ever made grocery lists. Slowly, as if it were going to explode at any given moment…
Boom.
…
…
…
…
…
Just kidding.
Anyway, Angeal unfolded it. It was a grocery list! Wait… it wasn't a grocery list… it was a birthday wish list! "'Guide To Controlling Your Emotions and What to do About A Chibi Attack', a wing like the others, Cheez-Its…" Angeal continued to mumble the list to himself.
"Zack!" Angeal shouted. "What's this?"
"A list."
"Of what?"
"Stuff I want for my birthday…"
"Why?"
Zack thought for a second. "Well, no one ever gets me decent presents over the winter holidays-"
Angeal gasped. "I do too get you good presents for Christmas!"
"Like what?"
"Remember that one time, I got you a video game! And we played it for hours! Talking about stuff!"
Oh crap
, Zack thought. "Hey Angeal?""Y-eah?"
"You caused a flashback."
Flashback flashback flashback
"Dang it! I have to defeat Demyx AGAIN!!"
Angeal began laughing as he poured more Yogos into his hand. Then he stopped.
"Zack?"
"Don't bug me. I have to defeat these music note-Nobody things."
"But I've got a question for you."
"Is it really important…?"
"…No."
"Then stop."
Angeal sighed and began eating more Yogos.
…………….end of flashback.
"That wasn't much of a flashback, Zack."
"I know, but… look, I just have a list of stuff I want."
Angeal shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that, it's just that… you never make lists."
There was a long silence after that. Then finally, Zack sheepishly said, "Well…"
"Oh. My. God. Zack, you make lists!!"
"Shh!" Zack made a "calm down" sign with her hands. "I make them in my spare time, when we aren't trying to change the scripts or something."
"…You list stuff?"
"Why is it such a big deal?"
Angeal covered his face with hs hands and sighed. "Look, Zack," Angeal said, taking his hands off of her face. "Lists… aren't… they aren't cool, man. You can't write it down. You just gotta think it!"
"That makes no sense whatsoever."
"Well, it should! Forget lists! You need to be more alert!"
"Uh…"
Angeal sighed and threw up his hands, surrendering. "Fine. Make lists. I don't care. Not at all."
And with that, Zack walked away with the cart. Angeal groaned and followed his student to wherever he was going. Suddenly, Angeal heard a familiar tune ringing in his pocket.
"Right Where You Want Me" by Jesse McCartney.
Zack let go of the cart and whipped around. "Angeal please tell me that wasn't your…"
Angeal reached into his pocket and grabbed her Razr (cellphone – duh), humming the song. Finally he flipped open the cell and answered… "Angeal speaking, talk me, man."
"Holy-"
"Tetsuya! Hey, wassup? Everything cool at Makru's house?"
Zack grabbed back onto the cart, almost about to pass out. What was wrong with Angeal, talking like that? He was crazy. Absolutely crazy. Chaotic. But mostly crazy.
"Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay, sure. Zack and I were just about to go get some. Uh-huh. Yup. No. Yes. Okay, will do. You too. Buh-bye." Angeal flipped back his cell phone and slipped it back into his pocket. "Well that was fast. Hey, hey Zack, you look like you've seen a ghost! Actually, you look like a ghost, 'cause you're so pale, but whatever."
Zack gulped. "I-I think I h-h-have seen a g-ghost."
Angeal shrugged. "Well, Tetsuya wants us to get some ham and mashed potatoes for dinner from the deli."
"K-kay."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Uh… yeah… yeah I'm fine."
"Okay, little one."
Zack slowly turned around and began to push the cart to the deli.
TO THE DELI!!
"Yeah, I'd like some ham and mashed potatoes please."
A sigh came from behind the counter. "How much, sir?" the bored voice asked.
"Uh… Zack, how much do you think Tetsuya will want?"
"I don't know! I don't eat ham or mashed potatoes, I'm getting McDonald's, remember?"
"Oh. Right." Angeal thought for a second. "Um, how about two pounds of each?"
Zack made a face. "Two pounds of mashed potatoes?"
"You're not eating them anyway."
"Yeah but… never mind."
"Here you go," the bored, unisex voice said from behind the deli counter. Angeal picked up the ham and mashed potatoes and tossed them into the cart.
"So?" Angeal asked as he turned the cart away from the deli. "What… exactly do you make lists of, Zack?"
Zack sighed and thought for a second. "Aw, I don't know. I don't k-keep them exactly."
"You just stuttered."
Over the radio in the Walmart, the song For You, I Will (Confidence) by Teddy Geiger was playing, and the line Forgive me if I st-st-stutter from all of the clutter in my head could be heard.
"Yeah, s-so?" Zack said nervously.
"So that means you have more lists!" Angeal said, a smile crossing his face.
Zack's eyes widened and he quickly turned away. "I do not!"
"Do too."
"Do not!"
"Do too."
"Do not!"
"Do too."
"Do not!"
"Do too."
"Do…" Zack sighed, and turned to Angeal, going red in the face. "Okay, fine." Slowly, he slipped a notebook out of the Buster's scabbard. Scribbled on the cover was, obviously, "Zack's List Notebook".
"That's it?" Angeal asked, taking it from Zack. Zack nodded, his eyes turning away fast from the notebook as she bit her lip with hesitance and embarrassment.
Angeal began flipping through the notebook. " 'My Favorite Games', 'Things That Make Me Tick', 'What To Do Today', 'Phone Numbers of Girls I Met Before the Summer I Met Aerith' and… what the…"
Zack turned around quickly, his eyes wide. "What?!"
"Number 3 on 'Things I Know that Cloud Probably Doesn't': why girls have pads and tampons… and why they're so embarrassed about it."
Zack's eyes got wider, his face redder than ever. "That's a private list you idiot!"
"Well, you handed me the notebook, so it's your fault."
Zack winced.
"Omigosh I love this one!" Angeal cleared his throat. "'My Absolute Favorite Pairs AND Why.'"
"Oh God… Angeal please don't-"
"'Number 10 – Marluxia x Larxene. Not my favorite, but it's totally canon. Number 9 – Sora x Ariel. She's too old for him. Number 8 – Hayner x Olette. They weren't together, but hey, Roxas was in a COMPUTERIZED WORLD AFTER ALL.' Zack why is that in caps?"
"I was ticked off at the time."
"Oh. Anyways, 'number 7 – Cloud x Rikku. They're totally for each other, but never hung out. Number 6 – Aerth x Sephiroth. Yeah, I guess she does need to move on, but still. Number 5 – Riku x Naminé. I'm not a fan of Riku, either, but it's still cute. Number 4 – Tifa x Zack. Tifa's hot. But I'm totally out of her league! Mwahahaha!' Zack, you know if Tifa ever read that her feelings would be terribly hurt."
"She's not going to read it, stupid."
"Whatever. 'Number 3 – Cloud x Leon.' Zack?!"
"Well, I like those stories!"
" 'I like the stories. That's the only reason why.' Oh. Makes sense. Number 2 – Cloud x Yuna. Hello. Best fanon out there. And Number 1………" Angeal froze. Zack suddenly became very interested in his shoes.
" 'Yuna x Zack?' Zack, there isn't a reason why."
Zack took a deep breath. And then… "I saw a story that was High School Musical Final Fantasy style and we were paired up. Now I really want to meet her."
"Oh my God. You've got to be kidding me."
"No. I'm not."
Angeal put his hand over her eyes. "Whoa! Thanks for the scary images Zack!"
"Well, you have the notebook. So it's your fault."
"Grrrrr."
"It kind of makes sense though. I mean, gentle summoner x 1st Class SOLDIER. Summoner. SOLDIER. Doesn't it make sense?"
"Well, no, but… never mind. I don't want to think about it."
Zack shrugged. Angeal continued to flip through THE notebook as they walked to the snack aisle.
TO THE SNACK AISLE!!
"Makru likes Oreos right?" Zack said, picking up a container. Angeal didn't answer; he was still engrossed in Zack's notebook. "Number 1 on 'Reason's Why I Should Get a Promotion' – Because I am one of the best singers in FF! I mean, seriously, my voice is beautiful. And I have a Beautiful Soul to fit.' Say what?"
Zack sighed. "It's a long, painful story."
Angeal flipped through some more. " 'List of Random Flashbacks That I've Had Recently'. What's that about?"
"I'm not going to tell you!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE IT'S MY LIST!" Zack yelled with fury. Everyone turned around (well, the people that had yet to see all of this excitement at Walmart today. Wow, things sure happen fast). Angrily, Zack jolted to cart forward and turned to the next aisle.
"Well so-o-rry." Angeal said, rolling her eyes. Zack was so temperamental. Sheesh.
A little bit later, when Zack had finally relaxed and was talking to Angeal again, Zack suddenly thought of a question. "Angeal?"
"Hm?" Angeal looked up from People magazine that had some country singer on the cover.
"You know how you said, 'just think it?'"
"Uh…. Yeah."
"Does that mean you have never truly made a list?"
Angeal shrugged. "Nah. But so what?"
"So… you've never had that kind of fun."
Angeal gasped. "I have too had that kind of fun!"
"You don't even know what I'm talking about."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Do too…" Angeal sighed. "Okay I don't."
Zack smirked. "Told ya so."
"So… how?"
"How what?"
Angeal sighed. "How do you make… a list?" Angeal asked hesitantly. Zack laughed.
"It's easy. Come here, I'll show you." Zack turned the cart around and to another aisle.
"W-w-where are you taking me!"
Zack said nothing. Reluctantly, Angeal followed.
TO THE GARDEN FURNITURE AREA!!
"Why are you taking me here?"
Zack pointed at the lawn chair. "Sit." Angeal obeyed.
Zack smirked… again. "Okay, it's really easy. All you have to do is put down things down in order from favorite to least. That's pretty basic."
Angeal nodded.
"So today in this lesson, you're going to make a list of your biggest ambitions. Okay?"
Angeal thought for a second. "Well, I've always wanted to be a doctor…"
"There you go! Now where would that go on 'the scale'?"
"Scale?"
"Yeah. It's pretty important. Duh."
Angeal sighed. "What does it do?"
"Level of importance."
"Oh." Angeal thought again. "Well…"
"Well what?"
"Doctor would be number 2."
"And what's number one?"
Angeal took a deep breath. "To swim deep under the sea with Ariel."
Zack froze, staring at his mentor. "W-what?"
"Never mind!"
Zack thought he was going to pass out. "You have… dreams about that, don't you?"
"Maybe…"
Oh my God,
Zack thought. Because he did too. But instead of running around screaming "Angeal and I have the same dreams!!" he calmly said, "That's interesting."After a few moments of silence, Angeal finally said, "Zack?"
"Yeah?"
"Do not tell ANYONE about this, understand?"
Zack paused and slid her cell phone back into her pocket, not finishing his text message to Zell. "Yep. Got it."
(Song Parodies and Chocolate Bars)
"Are you SURE they wanted 15 boxes of saltines?"
"Positive. Absolutely positive."
"Okay." Aerith tossed another box of saltines into the cart. "So now what?"
"You still need to get MakruTree's birthday present."
Aerith sighed. "Yuffie, I told you, I'm going to buy that on the Internet. It's so much easier these days. Plus I could actually figure out who Tron is going out with!"
"Why would you want to know?"
"…I have my reasons."
Yuffie shrugged. "Oh well. Anyway, I already know what I'm getting him. It's gonna be totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally…"
"Just get to the point."
"…totally totally awesome."
"It's not your blackmail video again is it?"
Yuffie pouted. "Heck no. I gave her that for her last two birthdays plus Christmas and Hanukkah! It took me three months, but I actually know what I'm going to get her! And I'm not getting her anything!"
Aerith stared. That made no sense.
"I'm making him something!"
Aerith groaned. Usually when Yuffie made something, it didn't turn out right. Like her latest invention: the toaster oven. Looked like an oven, cooked like a toaster. It worked for toast, but not so much for green bean casserole. "What exactly are you making for her? She already has a toaster and an oven, so that's out of the question…"
"I'm making her a CD. Makru is really getting into music. So I thought, since I've got the technology, I shall make A CD!"
"That's nice."
"Yes it is. And guess what?"
Knowing she'd regret it, Aerith asked "What?"
"I already have a demo CD! Do you want to listen? I brought a CD player!!"
Aerith sighed. Why did he have to be stuck with Yuffie in the middle of Wal-Mart when Yuffie hadn't taken her medicine? It was just her kind of luck. First she died, and then she was stuck with Heartless, now this. "I guess."
Smiling, Yuffie dug through her purse for the demo CD. "Ah, here we go," she said. "You ready?"
Aerith waved her hand in the air. "Sure, whatever."
"Okay!"
Quickly, Yuffie put the CD into the player. Overly-excited, she pushed play. The first time she got so excited and pushed play a little too hard so it didn't play. Then she pushed it again. And it began to play.
Happy Birthday Nata- I mean Makru!
The announcer guy who sounded alarmingly like Goofy said.This present is from Yuffie Kisaragi who wants to wish you a happy birthday Makru… Nata-er… Makru!
Yuffie began to jump up and down. "Oh, my gosh I'm so excited Aerith!!"
"Mm-hm. Whatever."
Are you ready?
We're bringing Makru's dignity back (yeah)
All them wielders don't know how to act (yeah)
We're bringing Makru's dignity back (let's take it to the chorus)
Come here Heartless (don't ask, just go with it)
Just show me what I'm working with (don't ask just go with it)
Then there was a really random disc scratching, then…
Hit it Yuffie!
Yuffie-licious, definition, make those guys go extremely insane
They always think they can beat stuff
Like they heartless but they can't
I'm the Y to U F F I E
And can't no other person attack those Hearties like me
I'm Yuffie-licious…
T-t-t-t-t-t tasty tasty
More random disc scratching…
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time he eats my meatloaf
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't want to do this anymore
I don't people to be mad
Just because
I like my toaster oven…
Disc scratching…
Let's waste time…
Running through movie screens
Around our heads
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you just go away Yuffie and
Just leave me alone…
A guitar instrumental began to play when Aerith suddenly realized, "…Yuffie, is that AC singing?"
"Yeah I caught her in the shower singing some really random song. I'm so happy I invented that tape recorder."
Then the ever-so-popular disc scratching then…
My name is Shay and I like being in the sky!
I have blonde hair, but I don't like to fly!
I love Tidus and Locke! But I also love Vladimir!
And I don't know anything that rhymes with Vladimir!
My best friend is Blue! She is the Authoress!
She's kind of funny like me! And we both can't pronounce Tiidus
Spelled T-I-d-u-s… (song becomes quiet… a shower can be heard in the background…)
(someone is laughing in the background)
(no longer singing) Yuffie! Get out of the bathroom! And turn off that freaking tape recorder! THIS IS NOT FUNNY YOU HEAR ME!! (Still laughing in the background… Yuffie says something that can't be heard) YES I made that song up now GO AWAY!!
Aerith stood, staring at the CD player. "What the… was that AC again?"
"Yeah." Yuffie nodded. "Well did you like it Aerith? Did'ja did'ja did'ja?"
"Uh… sure."
"Great!" Yuffie swung her arms around Aerith in a big Yuffie-hug. "Makru is going to love it!"
"Mm-hm. Yeah. Yuffie, get off of me. Please."
--
End: Okay! Stopping the madness now! Sorry Makru didn't get a opening all of the presents thing like AC did, mainly because this was getting really long. Maybe I'll finish it one day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAKRU!! WE LOVE YOU!!
The usual: Any requests? Ideas? Feedback? We're getting close to the end here, people, and after Karaoke is Cloud AND Zack's top 10 Bloopers, and after that…well we have to do Aerith's but otherwise I'm stumped! So send the stuff in!
And I'm sorry there are no Special Bloopers, but the next chapter has two of them, to make up for it this time. So yeah.