Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
DO NOT COPY MY STORIES!!
If anyone wants to post my stories anywhere else, please just ASK and then give me credit for writing it. PM with any requests.
Intro: I'm baaaaack! After so long, too. :bows as readers cheer and welcome her with confetti: Sorry, but it's just so hard to find a computer to use that had Internet and didn't have my parents hovering over my shoulder to watch what I was doing or where I was going (all I got to do last time I was on was go to Wal-Mart . com to buy FF8, then to find out it wasn't there!) and stuff. Grrr… :shakes fist angrily at door leading to living room:
But I'm at school now, and so since fanfiction is unblocked (for now) I'll be updating as much as I can in the time that I am allowed access to the website!
Okay, since this is the fourth disc of bloopers, AKA the second to last part, I feel the need to be fair to you guys (as if I haven't been fair before…) and let you guys choose who the final audience will be. Here's the catch: No Cid, Barret, Cait Sith, Red XIII, or Shinra personnel, but you CAN choose ONE Turk (and I have a feeling who a few of you will choose…) if you so wish. The audience can consist of anyone from video games, anime, books, just so long as I've played/seen/read them (consult my beta reader profile for a complete list). You can also choose an OC. If the OC belongs to you, then fill out some needed information back on Seph's bloopers, but not the whole thing. I think filling it up to appearance would be appreciated. If the OC does not belong to you, then inform me of the story the OC is from, who the author is, and what category it is in, and when I find the time, I'll go take a peek. If I enjoy the OC very much, I'll ask the author if I can borrow his/her OC for use in a fictitious and parodic manner. The rest is up to them. Other than that, choose to your heart's content!
And last, but not least, we're going to be introduced to a new character today, but he is NOT a Square-Enix character, or a character you've seen anywhere else. He's one of my OCs and this version of him has very many fangirls at my school, and fanboys, too. So, I've decided to throw him in here to see how people react to him. Tell me if you love him, or if you hate him. If you hate him, feel free to destroy him in whatever way is stress-relieving. :winks: If you love him and want to see more of him, I'll send you the full story he made his debut in. You'll laugh your asses off, I promise.
Without further ado, here's Cloud's bloopers! Weeee…
Disclaimer: Hmm…do I own Final Fantasy, Star Ocean, or Kingdom Hearts? :opens wallet and watches moths fly out: Well, that answers THAT question.
WARNING: SEVERE TWILIGHT FANS HIT THE BACK BUTTON NOW.
Chapter Seventeen
Cloud's Humiliation, er, Countdown
-CLOUD'S STORE, ESTHAR-
"Okay so you're telling me that simply because it's against company policy that I can't hang deceased human bodies from the ceiling?" Luther asked as he and Sephiroth walked into the store to start yet another day working at Cloud's Store in Esthar.
"That's what the manual says…Section 6 on page 66, it says 'All store employees are prohibited from displaying deceased human corpses, during store hours.' So I assume that means no…"
"Well it said DURING store hours…"
"Luther, you seriously need counseling…" The ex-General shook his head, while attaching his name tag, which had obvious blood smears on it.
"So do you asshole." Luther snorted and gave a 'what up' wave to Kuja. "What's new on the agenda today, down syndrome boy?"
"Oh I thought I'd spend the morning destroying all copies of your game and thus your existence…" Kuja replied.
"Ouch man…just ouch."
"You started it, yo."
"Okay RENO," Sephiroth mumbled sarcastically, earning the middle finger from a normally stoic Kuja. Sephiroth blinked at him. "Hey, what's YOUR problem today? You're usually not THIS uptight…"
"They want to cast me in Kingdom Hearts 9.0!"
"…Holy shit man, that's tragic! I mean there couldn't possibly be anything worse! Kill me now Luther! For him to say that means we have to endure 7 more KH games! I can't STAND IT! I lost to a kid with a BEEEEEP KEYYYYYY!" the ex-General screeched all the while yanking at his quite long hair.
"I'm gonna laugh when you pull out that girlish hair of yours." Luther snorted.
"Oh screw you man, you're just as girly as I am! Actually MORE! Because I have one wing and you have TWO!"
"Oh go die…again!"
"LIKE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK! You die as many times as I do!"
"I do NOT! I just get my ass kicked two times! That's IT! Two! I only die ONCE!"
"Yeah that's what YOU say…." Sephiroth rolled his eyes unwilling to admit he MIGHT, possibly COULD be wrong.
"Oh just shut up, you whiny bitch." Luther rolled his eyes.
"Oh? That's all you have to say to me? Coming from the guy who looked like he was about to jump that pretty blonde haired 'girl' named CLOUD, the other day."
"Man, I hate you." The blond villain looked like he was ready to hurl.
"Hey…how did he get out of jail?"
"…That's a damn good question…."
The moment of questioning however was cut short, when two very familiar silver haired boys walked in the store together, looking more and more identical as the days go by.
"Is it just me or are they REALLY morphing into each other?" Kuja asked from behind the counter.
"Hello, Luther…Seph…" Riku grumbled as he walked toward the back to clock in.
"Nice to see you too Ansem," Sephiroth retorted with a snort and looked at Kadaj with this curious "what the hell" expression.
"Hey CLOUD!" Luther called as the owner of the store tried to sneak into the back, snickering to himself as the ex-SOLDIER stopped. "Your dress is WIDE open in the back!"
"WHAT?!" Cloud turned around searching out this invisible tear in his non-existent dress. He paled when he realized the joke.
"Nice job there, girly, you're not wearing a dress! Today that is…"
"Dude that was cruel…" Sephiroth frowned, then broke out into a grin, "High five man!"
After high-fiving Sephiroth like a retarded teenager, Luther turned to Kadaj, who refused to look either villain in the eye. Something seemed off about Kadaj's behavior and trust two unutterably psychotic-washed up villains to find out what the problem is.
"Kadaj, how the hell did you guys get out of jail?"
"They made me do it…THEY MADE ME DO IT!" The remnant shuddered like he was having spasms.
"What did they make you do Kadaj?"
"They said they'd let us go if we participated! They blackmailed us to do it! It's horrible…It hurts so much…The memory! The pain, the the the…" he stammered off and blacked out on the spot.
"What the fuh…? Riku what the hell did they make you do?" Sephiroth looked perturbed by this, but only a little, he sure as hell didn't care that Kadaj was having seizures on the floor.
"…It WAS so horrible Sephiroth…"
"OHMIGOD! JUST SPIT IT OUT!"
"THEY MADE US PLAY SUPERMAN FOR THE N64!!"
Luther and Sephiroth were quiet for a moment as they realized just how horrible the situation really was.
"Holy shit…that's horrible…I'd hug you if that didn't look gay…but oh my god! It would have been better if they'd raped you like I was assuming they did!"
"How inhumane can you possibly be? Oh my god! How does that get worse?"
"Well they could have made him read Twilight too…" Sephiroth suggested.
"They're not trying to KILL their prisoners Sephiroth…"
"YOU don't know that!"
At that moment the chimes for the door went off signaling a customer. He looked around seventeen, pale, red hair, he looked like a GOD.
"Oh…beep…um…this one's yours Luther…" Sephiroth said before he ducked under the counter.
"What the hell man, what are you- Oh hello there Mr. Cullen…"
"Where is he?!"
"Where is who?" Luther played stupid.
"Where is Sephiroth!?"
"Um. I haven't the slightest…May I ask why?" Luther asked and realized how so very tame and gay he sounded. What the hell? I sound like such a weenie!
Edward grinned slightly at Luther's last thought. "He's the son of a bitch posting porn of me on the Internet! NOT only that, but he just trashed my BOOK!" he growled pulling out a gun and aiming it at the blond haired Owner.
"….Um….If you're looking for him…He just went on a break a few minutes ago…Yeah he went over to the Bath and Body Works store…I'm sure you'll find him there…He's allergic to Watermelon Peach Berry, if that helps any…" He looked down the barrel of the gun and exhaled in relief when he realized it was on safety.
"Thanks." He turned and left and Luther glared down at his co-worker.
"What the HELL Seph?! Are you trying to get me killed too?! What kinda MORON posts PORN of Edward Cullen on the Internet!?"
"Hey I got paid good money for that porn! And what kinda villain are you? You're supposed to hang me out to dry like all GOOD villains!" He stood up looking out the window of the front store carefully. "And Watermelon Peach Berry? What the hell does that even smell like?!"
"I don't know…I didn't stop to smell that one…It looked like it would give me a headache and it was in a flowery orange bottl-….." He stopped realizing that he just proverbially hung himself.
"And you were trying to convince me you were straight why?"
"I'M NOT GAY!"
"You go to Bath and Body Works on your break…Tell me you're not gay again…with a straight face this time please."
Both villains paused when they heard a loud crash coming from the backroom. They heard a loud scream and proceeding that sounded like "beep you!" over and over.
"What the hell was that?"
"Reno! For God's sake, quit beating the hell out of Axel! He was dead twenty minutes ago!" Cloud snorted and slinked back into the corner in hopes of living down his humiliation.
"…He was? Oh damn…"
"And you say I have problems?" Sephiroth looked at Luther.
"…Okay you have a point there…"
There was a long pause.
"Hey dude, have you played that Sonic Heroes game? It's complete crap if you ask me." Sephiroth nonchalantly asked.
"Random change of subject but yes I have played the game. And what are you talking about? It's not crap! Crap is Tomb Raider Chronicles, crap is Star Ocean, crap is Tales of Legendia, that Sonic Heroes game is SHIT."
"Nicely said. Hey wait…I thought Star Ocean was shit too?"
"Naw, I had to upgrade it to crap because Lenneth threatened to kill me and eat my remains."
"She can do that?"
"Apparently so."
The door chime echoed through the disaster of a store and all of the workers looked up with this impressionable "go away and die" look.
"Hey, anyone got something that isn't shit?" the guy striding in asked.
"Define 'not shit'." Luther asked, trying to make his "stupid Earthling" senses stop tingling.
"Something that isn't: a.) Kingdom Hearts, b.) Final Fantasy, c.)Harry Potter or d.) Lord of the Rings."
Sephiroth slid Luther over, ecstatic to see a customer that wasn't morbidly obsessed over Kingdom Hearts.
"Okay what KIND of game?"
"Hmmm…You got that one Sonic Heroes game?"
Luther groaned.
"…Yes…"
"Great! My dog needs a new Frisbee."
"Dude…Luther, can we keep him?" Sephiroth looked over pleadingly.
"Would you shut up Seph? Okay one more question. What do you think of the PS3?"
"Dude, what the hell does that matter?" the guy replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Would you just answer the question for God's sake? We're trying to decide whether or not to kidnap you and keep you as a pet! And it's for a gay ass survey I have to do and get turned in by Friday."
"Um…Luther, it's Saturday…" Sephiroth whispered.
"What? Damn!" He frowned, but immediately shook it off, "Anyway, just answer the stupid question!"
"Oh I think it's a great system! A little on the noisy side by comparison to the Xbox though…the Xbox was quieter when the baseball bat hit. For what ever reason the PS3 didn't take so well to being pummeled…Pissed me off man…I didn't even get my beep money's worth out of it…But it WAS beep sweet to watch those dumb beeps shit themselves because I beat hell out of a damn plastic box, with a bunch of over priced shit in it."
"Wonderfully gratuitous use of swearing… Okay Seph, lock down. We're keeping him."
"YES! There are decent mortals in the world!"
"Seph, for God's sake stop flailing around like a moron. And turn on that DVD. We've gotta find SOMETHING to do till lock up time."
-STOP! BLOOPER TIME!-
10. Sometime in the Great Glacier…
Cloud's running around, trying to find his way without collapsing from the cold, and Tifa and Vincent are following him. Finally, they come to that big ol' area with the neverending blizzards.
"Better watch where we step," Cloud told the others.
At that moment, a very bundled up BlueFox walks on.
BlueFox: Hey, Cloud, my mom and dad wanted me to ask you… :starts to crack up as she points at Cloud's huge spike: Is that a horn?
Tifa and Vincent started to laugh as a vein started to pulse in Cloud's forehead.
9. Final Fight in AC Part 1
The energy balls are flying off the swords as they clashed, the ruins of Midgar are being annihilated, Cloud and Sephiroth somehow are dodging everything. And then, it gets to the part when they land on the two pieces of debris and Cloud's in Sora's Valor Form pose, when suddenly, he yells, "CUT!"
Tetsuya: WTH? That's my line, Cloud!
Cloud sheaths both of his swords and give Tetsuya and anxious look. "I know, but seriously. I've gotta go to the little hero's room, man."
In the background, you hear a bunch of Clack fangirls (who misinterpreted what Cloud meant by 'hero's room') start to giggle.
BlueFox: Let him go man. Cloud's had enough torture…down there. :gestures downwards:
Tetsuya: :sighs: All right, go ahead, but don't take so long this time.
Take 2
Sephiroth jumped back, his silver hair billowing out behind him. "I've thought a wonderful present for you," he taunted Cloud, cutting down part of a tall building.
Cloud cut through it. "Don't be so generous!" he yelled.
Tetsuya: CUT! Cloud, that's a deleted scene. This is the main movie, therefore, that's not in the script.
8. Final Battle in AC Part 2
Sephiroth jumped back, his silver hair billowing out behind him. "I've thought a wonderful present for you," he taunted Cloud, cutting down part of a tall building.
Cloud cut through the debris and followed Sephiroth up and they clashed swords. "Shall I give you dis pear?" Sephiroth asked, holding a pear out to Cloud.
Cloud went starry-eyed. "My favorite!"
Tetsuya: :buries face:
BlueFox: :cracking up:
Take 4
Sephiroth jumped back, his silver hair billowing out behind him. "I've thought a wonderful present for you," he taunted Cloud, cutting down part of a tall building.
Cloud cut through the debris and followed Sephiroth up and they clashed swords. "Shall I give you despair?" Sephiroth threw Cloud down and Cloud went to stab his sword in the building. But then, the unthinkable happened.
Cloud's sword…
…split in half.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, falling toward the fiery abyss below.
Tetsuya: Oh, damn.
BlueFox: CLOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUD! :sobs:
7. Cloud's Victory Pose
Cloud pumped his fist up and down in the air, then spun his blade. Unfortunately, this was just one of those days. The sword stopped spinning and Cloud doubled over in pain, holding onto his foot and jumping around in that hilarious kind of way before screaming the highest scream he has every screamed in. In fact, a few of the windows cracked and even some shattered.
"MY FFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
Tetsuya: Gah! Cuttttt! :pulls out a pocketknife and places it at his throat, before sighing and pocketing it: It's not worth it.
6. Scene Where Cloud Gives His Name
Biggs looked at Cloud, who was coolly staring up at the Reactor. "WOW! You used to be in SOLDIER all right. What's your name? It's not ex-SeeD, is it?"
O.o went Cloud. "Uh, it's ex-SOLDIER."
Homer Simpson: D'oh! Cut!
Tetsuya and BlueFox: HEY! :BlueFox throws a Butterfinger at Homer: That's our line!
Take 2
"WOW! You used to be in SOLDIER all right. What's your name? It's not ex-SOLDIER, is it?"
"No, it's not ex-SOLDIER. It's…Clou-"
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
BlueFox :pulls out flamethrower and chases Homer around backstage: GET LOST YOU PATHETIC YELLOW EXCUSE FOR A CARTOON!
Take 3
"WOW! You used to be in SOLIDER all right. What's your name? It's not ex-SOLIDER, is it?"
"No, it's not ex-SOLID, wait, what? SOLIDER? WHO WROTE THIS?!"
BlueFox: :giggles nervously:
"Who can't spell the word SOLDIER? I mean GEEZ!
BlueFox: HEY! In Chrno Crusade, it's pronounced the same why in the end credits' song! So THERE! (Actually, it was a typo way early on, but…)
Tetsuya: …Cut.
5. For the Love of Cleon…
Sora was standing guard at the gate to the Bailey in Radiant Garden. Well, standing was too strong a word. He was actually guarding the tent with his eyes closed, leaning against the wall. The noise further in woke him up.
Cloud groaned. "I know you're a cold fish, but I like it a little hot."
"I'd be insulted if I didn't know you loved me just the way I am, Cloud."
"Well thank the Gods for that." Cloud groaned again. "Could you move your hand? It's in the way."
"And here I thought you liked it like that."
"I like it rough. That doesn't mean I enjoy the palm of your hand pressing on my back."
"You didn't complain last time."
"Last time I was in too much pain to notice."
Leon snorted. "Is that a not-so-subtle hint that I should use more oil?"
"Yes." Cloud groaned. "Oh yeah. That's much better. Now harder." He moaned loudly.
Sora blinked several times, his brain no longer registering what he was hearing. The sound of a hand smacking oiled flesh echoed in the Bailey. Sora's knees went weak and collapsed under him.
"My turn," the ex-SeeD said.
"But I'm not finished yet!"
"You can finish yourself later. You promised me that it would be my turn in five minutes. Now switch me places."
Sora, driven by the morbid need to look, peeked inside of the Bailey. Leon was massaging Cloud's back and shoulders. Gray eyes looked up.
"Did you need something, Sora?"
Sora let out a breath he was holding. "Nope. Nothing at all." He pushed away from the wall and went to dunk his head in a bucket of cold water.
4. Scene at the end of AC
"You see? Everything's…all right," Aerith said, smiling, then turned and SLOWLY walked away.
BlueFox: Cloud! Just go run after her, you big dumb blond!
Leon: (from RE4) I resent that!
Cloud attempts to run after her and lunges for her retreating back, catching her and bringing the whole white backdrop down. Zack attempts to help out, but he trips over the backdrop after getting Cloud to his feet and they gracelessly fall onto the floor, gravity smacking their lips together.
Clack Fangirls: YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY! They're kissing!!
Cloud withdraws from Zack, and both men's faces are turning a startling new shade of crimson.
BlueFox: :fangirl giggles: Aww, how precious! X3
Cloud looks up and glares at BlueFox. "YOU PLANNED THAT, DIDN'T YOU?!"
BlueFox: :innocently: I don't know what you're talking about.
Cloud screams like a banshee and chases BlueFox around with Ultima backstage, attempting to Omnislash her.
3. Scene in Entrance to Nibelheim
"What? I don't get it?" Yuffie said as she placed her hands on her hips.
"I'm not lying!" Cloud yelled at her.
Tetsuya: WHOA! Cloud, no one said you were.
Cloud looked at him. "Huh? Oh. Sorry Yuffie."
Yuffie whimpered and nodded.
2. Scene When Zack Ruffles Cloud's Hair in CC
Zack grinned and reached up, then put his hand on Cloud's head, before letting out a pained shriek and jumping back.
BlueFox: :runs onscreen to see that there is a not-so-small puncture wound in the middle of his palm: Zack, that looks painful.
Zack shook his hand around, making those hissing noises and stamping his foot. "Hell yeah! Damn, those spikes are SHARP!"
Tetsuya: :shakes his head as BlueFox begins to crack up: Cut.
Number One Cloud Blooper: Bad Hair Day, a Lost Caught! Segment
It was mid-morning and he was already hungry. He craved a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but what he wanted more than that was…
DING DING DING! Yep, SUSHI!
Oh, you guess cake? BZZT! Nope, WRONG!
But no, he had to exercise self-control; he was CLOUD after all.
To take his mind off his incessant food cravings he made his way to the Crisis Core stage. On his way, he noticed that several people were staring at him, and then laughing when he turned away.
Okay! he thought. I didn't comb my hair today, but it can't look THAT bad!
Undeterred, he finally reached the stage and made his way towards his friends Zack, Tidus, and Yuffie.
"SPIKEY!" Zack greeted as he saw his best friend approaching. Cloud smiled and quickened his pace.
"Hey guys. What's up?" Cloud greeted his friends.
"N-nothing!" Tidus stammered, not quite meeting Cloud eyes.
"Y-yeah, n-nothing….ha!" Yuffie barely stifled her giggle. Cloud raised an eyebrow at her, and that made Rikku and Yuna off to the side burst into spontaneous giggles. This caused Tidus and Yuffie to start laughing too.
"What the hell is going on?" Cloud asked, finally having enough.
"What? Is there something wrong?" Selphie bounced up and didn't seem to notice what was going on. She seemed completely clueless, which she generally was, to what had made Tidus, Yuffie, Yuna, and Rikku lose their cool.
Suddenly from behind them came a very familiar giggle. All of them, or rather Selphie, Zack, and Cloud, as Yuna, Yuffie, Rikku, and Tidus were otherwise occupied, to see who it was.
BlueFox: :with Lenne, Shuyin, and Aerith behind her: Oh my God! That's hilarious! :breaks into hysterics with Aerith and Lenne following suit:
Shuyin, on the other hand, just stared at Cloud in shock, making Cloud ask again:
"What the hell is going on!!"
"You don't know?" was all that Shuyin said in disbelief, his gaze shifting between the enraged Cloud and the oblivious Selphie and Zack's sighing/shaking head before turning away to shake his head as well.
In the end it was Reno who broke the silence on what was going on, holding a video camera up.
"Oh geez, Cloud!" Reno, standing next to Rude, chuckled as he recorded everyone's reactions. "I always knew you were strange but I didn't know you were gay!!"
"WHAT!!" Cloud yelled, causing everyone who had been laughing to stop.
"But your hair?" Reno continued.
"What about MY HAIR?"
"It's PINK! Bright, Bubblegum Pink!"
-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-
-For the Love of Clack-
BlueFox: :sighs: All right. I'll let you take them on the tour, Reno. But give me the reviewer first. I want her safe and unharmed.
Reno waved his hand and motioned to the multitudes of Clack fangirls behind him, and they all threw at BlueFox a reviewer whom they had kidnapped. BlueFox noticed the reviewer was unconscious, and remembered that her name was Kitsune or something along those lines, then opened a portal (whoa COOL! How'd I do that?) and tossed Kitsune in, hoping it was close to her home. She then gave Reno the thumbs up sign and went to her director's seat beside Tetsuya's.
Tetsuya: Please! We need to get Zack's death right by the end of today! It's the deadline! We have five minutes left! Okay. Action!
They got as far as Zack pulling Cloud down onto his chest before Reno crashed the scene. He came on with the huge group of Clack fangirls and spread a hand. "Cloud giving Zack a BJ," he announced happily. Immediately, Zack and Cloud both sat up and turned that really dark red again as all of the fangirls 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed and took pictures and giggled. Tetsuya gave BlueFox the evil eye out of the corner of his eye and she had the grace to sink down in her seat and look really guilty.
BlueFox: Hey! The life of a reviewer was on the line! They were gonna kill her if I didn't do this! Blame it on her!
Grumbling, Tetsuya goes to his trailer and proceeds to Trigger Happy a picture of BlueFox on his wall.
-BACK IN CLOUD'S STORE, ESTHAR-
The three men were having fun laughing as all hell broke loose on screen, and when closing time came and Cloud walked out, it only sent them into more hysterics. Cloud, unable to understand what had happened, decided to run home to mommy and opted to not come back the next day.
The Next Day…
"I just got fired from the video store for selling some interspecies erotica, and hermaphroditic porn to a preschool church group."
Luther and Sephiroth immediately stopped all bodily motion and just stared at the newbie. They didn't even breathe man… DIDN'T BREATHE I TELLS YA!
"What's Interspecies Erotica?" Cloud said as he walked to the front of the store to fix the PS3 for the 87th time that day. Seeing as he was the owner of said store (and he had been held at gunpoint via Maria) he had been forced to return.
"Animal sex," N00b said nonchalantly, turning a page in the Final Fantasy XIII strategy guide, just as Cloud knelt down in front of the PS3, immediately puking all over the very very (if not overly) expensive piece of equipment.
"So…" Luther broke the silence at last. "You… lost your job because you… sold interspecies erotic and…. Hermaphrodite porn to little church children…?"
"Yeah well… I managed the place anyway, so I didn't really get fired. But because of that I now know what 'God-Fearing' means. Few days later, all two hundred church members show up at the fuckin' store asking for my blood. But luckily I just threw my subordinate at them and he begged them to forgive me. He's into all that hard core Christian shit. The deal was, that they wouldn't kill me as long as I stopped working at the video store." He turned another page in his strategy guide, getting slightly wide-eyed. "Man, look at this shit." He held up the magazine and showed off the beauteous Lightning (with Cloud's face, BTW) in full close up.
Cloud looked up from the now green and –insert other nasty colors here— PS3, only to see the pink-haired version of him and blow chunks all over the Xbox360. The newbie then returned to reading the strategy guide like normal.
"So you're basically on the run from a bunch of homicidal wack jobs?" Sephiroth asked, amazed.
"Yup, really sucks. Huh?" Luther walked up to the n00b and embraced him.
"Dude, I think I seriously love you man. In a brotherly way of course."
"What the fu-?"
"You. Rock. You pissed of a few hundred uptight nut jobs, you sell bestiality and other really disgusting ungodly stuff, and you read black market stuff with no shame in front of any and everyone. What is your name?!"
"Um… Ion. Now could you please get the hell off of me?"
-.-.-
End: So, yeah, there's my character Ion. He's got a lot of fans here, for one reason or another, and I felt compelled to toss him in here for the fun of it. Love him? Hate him? Want to destroy him? Let me know.
As for the whole horn blooper, my mom and dad really DID ask me that as I was running around in the Great Glacier. I don't think I stopped laughing for five or more minutes.
Apologies to SunflowerWielder for not using your blooper, mainly because this chapter was completely written out before I read your idea, but I PROMISE it will be in a future chapter! Also, a big huge thanks to Warrayfinson about soulcaliburprincess who had stolen two of my fics (Say I Won't and Memories) without asking for permission and posting them on deviantart without even giving me credit! And she takes the WHOLE thing, author's notes and all! Doesn't that like send off warning bells that this isn't her stuff? God, the nerve of some people… So yeah, if you've written a Zerith fic recently, I'd go to deviantart and search for soulcaliburprincess and check her gallery to see if she's taken any of your stories without permission. Thanks again, Warray!
And the next chapter is the dreaded…Aerith Top Ten Bloopers! OH NOZ! Angry rabid Aerith fans are gonna kill me! Actually, Twilight fangirls might already do that. Heh heh… So yeah, R&R. And give me ideas! I need IDEAS!