Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
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Intro: As Blank from FF9 would say, "Sheez." Not much longer till the end. I'll have to give it a few more once overs, just to make sure I'm happy with it. I'm so proud of this story! I've decided at the very end of this fic, I'm going to give you guys the full stats of this fic, so you can see how so very much successful this was!
Anyhoo…
Disclaimer: (silence) Happy reading!
Chapter Nineteen
Pranks! Fun With the 'Three Z's'
The "Three Z's" were bored. They had nothing to do. Aerith was out shopping, Balamb was out of hot dogs, and…well the other one was just bored, his tail drooping sadly behind him. They all sat in various positions in the room, the youngest one sat in a chair backward, tapping his foot to the rhythm of 'Black Mage's Village' that just so happened to be stuck in his head. The middle one, older than the youngest but younger than the oldest, had a random Timber Magazine over his face as an audible snore came from beneath it, bored to sleep. And the oldest one was quite literally bored to tears, sobbing slightly in the corner of the room.
"IS THE DAY OFF OVER YET?!" demanded the youngest one all of a sudden, jolting the other two out of their activites.
"I doon't knooowww!" wailed the oldest one from his corner.
The other fell asleep again.
About an hour passed, before the sleeping one suddenly shot awake, the Timber Magazine falling away from his tattooed face. "Guys, I have an idea!" The other two looked at him. "Let's play some pranks!"
The oldest one's violet eyes lit up as he bounced to his feet. "Let's steal Reno's camera and get it on tape. REVENGE!" The two older Z's looked down at the youngest and usually the most energetic one. His tail flicked slightly in excitement as he smiled.
"Yeah, sounds like fun."
The other two wondered what was wrong with him.
Victim One: Wakka, Final Fantasy X
Wakka stood on the beach in Besaid when the Three Z's found him. They looked at each other, grinning like mad. The oldest one held his hand out to the youngest, who put Reno's camcorder into it. After putting in a new tape, he flicked it on and turned it to himself. "Hellllooooo out therrrreeee! This is the oldest of the trio we like to call, the Three Z's, ZACK FAIR!" The other two rolled their eyes and applauded for him. The camera swiveled around to the middle one, who grinned big and punched his fists together.
"The name's ZELL DINCHT! And I like hot dogs!" He got a slightly dreamy look on his face while the youngest clapped. The camera turned to him.
"To all the ladies out there…" he jumped back a few paces and gallantly bowed, his tail swinging in absolute merriment, "my name is ZIDANE TRIBAL and I am happy to be of service to you." He stood straight and gave the camera a cheesy grin.
Zack swiveled the camera back to himself. "Today, out of perpetual boredom, the Three Z's are proud to show you…"
Cue dramatic pause, before all three crammed their faces in front of the camera.
"PRANKS!"
"Our first victim…" Zell got an evil look on his face. "Is none other than the ever-lovable" he did the quotation marks gesture with his hands "Wakka from X. Zidane, your game's the closest, how about you take the camera and show us what you can do?"
Zidane grabbed the camera from Zack and waved to his friends before taking off for Besaid as Zack and Zell went to 'persuade' Wakka to return to Besaid.
Wakka POV
Wakka was a bit confused as to why Zack and Zell, people from the two greatest Final Fantasies, would be talking to him, much less WARNING him about a possible intruder from a rival game lurking in Besaid, coming to steal Lulu's doll.
Lulu, Yuna, Rikku, Tidus, Auron and Kimahri had taken a trip to one of the neighboring isles for their day off, and wouldn't be back 'til sundown, which left Wakka an hour and a half to check up on Besaid.
"Piece of cake!" he murmured, as he made his way back to the village.
Once he reached there, Wakka checked around the village to see if anything was wrong with it, before deciding to go to Lulu's hut. I wonder why someone would want one of Lulu's dolls… Wakka thought as he looked around, trying to locate Lulu's weapon, not noticing the camera catching everything from the corner of the room.
Sighing heavily, Wakka put down his World Champion and took out an exact replica of Lulu's weapon- a moogle- however, this one had been given to him by Zidane, who he had run into at the Item Hut. Wakka decided to use it as a 'decoy' for whoever would come to steal the real thing.
But as he approached Lulu's doll, the moogle in his hands suddenly jumped from his hands, stood up, and stared at Wakka.
Wakka took a step back, then proceeded onwards. The moogle's head suddenly turned around 360°, it's eyes glowing eerily.
"Oh-!"
It jumped up and began to pummel Wakka. Wakka tripped as he tried to escape and the thing drop-kicked him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Wakka screamed and ran out, dropping to his knees in front of none other than Lulu and the crew.
"Wakka! What happened to you?" Lulu asked.
"T-t-the m-moogle!" he stammered. "It t-tried to-to k-kill m-me!"
Tidus and Rikku started to laugh hysterically.
Zidane escaped from the hut, unseen, with the robotic moogle he had crafted himself and Reno's camera.
"I-I'm s-s-serious!" Wakka continued. "It's EVIL! I-it did that t-thing f-from t-t-the Exorcist, ya know t-the h-h-head turning thing."
"Oh, my!" Yuna said, paling significantly.
"Y-you have to-to s-s-stop it!"
Lulu went into her hut, brought out her moogle and dropped it in front of Wakka. At the sight of the thing, Wakka screamed and passed out.
Disgusted, Auron walked off.
Victim Two: Cloud Strife, Final Fantasy VII Saga
The Three Z's laughed hysterically over at the beach as they replayed the scene of horror. "Awesome job, Zidane!" Zell praised, clapping the Genome on his back as he smiled widely, tail lashing back and forth in excitement.
"How will I top that?" Zack wondered, tapping his chin thoughtfully, before snapping his fingers. "AHA! Cloud and Seph should be sparring soon…" He snatched the camera from Zidane. "Meet me at Shinra Training Grounds!" he called, waving over his shoulder, leaving the other two to catch their breath in their own time before following.
Cloud POV
Cloud looked down curiously at the scratched and heavily cracked Buster Sword Zack had given him to spar against Sephiroth with. Why couldn't he use First Tsurugi? With the force of the blows the two exchanged, Buster was sure to shatter into teeny-weeny pieces.
"Aww, no it won't!" Zack had assured him, a lot more giddy and bouncy than usual. He ruffled Cloud's hair affectionately, before turning and walking off. But at the last second, he had turned around, a serious look on his face. "However…if I DON'T get it back in one piece…well, let's just say you don't want to." Then he smiled again, waved, and turned the corner, leaving a stunned and actually fearful Cloud behind.
"Cloud, snap out of it," Sephiroth told him harshly, swinging Masamune in a large arc, leaving Cloud with no chance but to duck, the thin blade chopping off a few strands of hair. Sephiroth swung in and kicked Cloud harshly in his gut, causing the blond to stumble back in surprise.
The entire battle, Cloud had been petrified to use Buster against Masamune, but when Sephiroth sparred, he went in for the kill. So, as he raised Masamune up to the still recovering blond, Cloud acted on instinct.
He raised Buster up to block…
…only to have the blades clash and Buster shatter into millions of pieces.
Pure silence reigned on the Training Grounds, not even a bird twittered.
Reality sunk in.
"HOLY SHIT!" Cloud shrieked, his hands flying to his wild hair as he stared at the sparkly miniscule Buster pieces littered all over the area. Even Sephiroth seemed a bit surprised. "ZACK'S GONNA KILL ME!"
He dove to the ground, trying to pick up the small pieces of Buster, but right then, it was as if someone had cast Aeroga and blew all of them away. Cloud screamed and followed the wind as Sephiroth merely watched him, before turning his eyes up to the roof of the Shinra Building, where sure enough, Zack and his friends Zidane and Zell were, doubled over laughing.
Beside Zack was the real Buster Sword.
Victim Three: Squall Leonhart, Final Fantasy VIII
"Oh, oh, my side, it hurts!" Zidane crowed as he fell onto his back, holding his side.
Zack wiped tears from his eyes, breathing heavily. "Ah, that was great. Cloud's so fun to mess with…" He whistled softly, then nudged Zell. "Your turn, my friend. Show us what you can do!"
Zell picked up the camera and bowed. "Gladly!" he told them, before cackling and running off.
In Treno…
Zell had the camera perched in the high floors of the Auction House, wondering exactly why Squall would stay in this dark, damp place.
But the more he thought about it, the more fitting it seemed.
Anyway, he knew just how much Squall HATED Christmas, at ANY time of the year. Hence the reason why the entire entrance to the Auction House, where Squall was moping at the time, was surrounded by light up Santas. And in Zell's hand…was a remote.
Just as the Auction was closed, Squall stood straight and stretched to unkink his muscles, before heading to the door, ahead of everyone. Zell eagerly flicked on the camera, just as Zidane and Zack walked up.
"What are you-" Zack began to say to Zell, but quickly shut up when he saw the frantic hand movements Zell was were making.
Zidane and Zack walked up, glancing at the huge multitude of Santas in the front of the Auction House every once in a while. "This's your prank?" Zidane asked when he and Zack was close enough.
"You'll see," Zell hissed, never taking his eyes off the front of the Auction House.
"He's leaving!" Zack almost shouted, excitement evident in his voice, having figured it out.
Zell quickly pushed the button down on his remote just as Squall pushed open the doors. The entire front lawn of the Auction House was suddenly showered in a bright white light, and small buzzing sounds could be heard.
Every single creepy Santa was placed so they were staring right at Squall as he left the House. Some waved back and forth, others did what was once a dance and had turned into a jerk of plastic and wires, while other's warbled out 'Ho Ho Ho's' and 'Merry Christmas'.
Zidane only saw the backs of all the Santas and it creeped him out; he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be facing all of them.
Squall seemed unable to move for a moment, his eyes wide as his one hand seemed to move like he was reaching for an invisible Lionheart on his side.
The Three Z's turned to the camera and grinned widely. "He just got PRANK'D!" they shouted, before bursting into loud, obnoxious laughter.
Victims Four, Five, Six: Marcus, Cinna, Blank, Final Fantasy IX
"Awesome, it's my turn again!" Zidane cheered, taking ahold of the camera "I've had this idea forever since Blank pranked me back on April Fools!"
Zack and Zell smiled broadly at him. "The floor's yours, Zidane," Zack said. "We'll wait here."
Zidane nodded and took off.
In Tantalus Hideout…
"Thank Shiva Baku actually dropped that stupid 'no outside food' rule," Marcus praised, setting his McDonald's bag next to Blank's Alexandrian Fried Chicken. "We can actually eat real food again!"
"Maybe it was because he found out exactly what was in the Gysahl Pickles," the red-haired thief muttered around a piece of biscuit.
"Ugh. Don't even mention that incident," Cinna grumbled, removing a red-and-white container from his Lindblum Castle bag. "I would like to eat my stolen lo mein in peace, if you don't mind."
"Sure thing, Cin." The red bandannaed thief unwrapped a double half-pounder and tore into it, cramming fries into his mouth at random intervals. Blank snorted, amused, and scooted a little further down the table, where his mashed potatoes and gravy wouldn't get flying pieces of bun in them. Cinna looked disgusted, and opened his container of fried octopus, expertly manipulating the chopsticks to get the much-favored seafood into his mouth.
The main room had been suddenly converted into a mess hall. All around them, various other FF characters were feasting on food they had had delivered from outside. There was Baku in one corner, munching on barbecued ribs with Barret from 7. Garnet, Aerith, and Rinoa were seated at the head of one long table, devouring a selection of soups and breads from Junon Bread Factory, and Steiner had one table all to himself across the room; a good thing it was, because the entire length of the table was covered with spicy tacos, nachos, churros, and other foods from that new restaurant, Burrito Gong.
The place was really crowded today, as it had never been prior to the closing of the kitchen. Full of the sounds of people laughing, talking, arguing, and eating.
And then...
The noise died abruptly, as every single occupant of the cafeteria stared at Blank, Cinna, and Marcus through the thick layer of edibles that coated the thieves' faces, along with their upper bodies. The room was filled with a single, unanimous thought:
What…the HELL…just happened?!
Their reply came from the entrance to the hideout in the form of snickering. Cinna lowered his chopsticks, Marcus unsheathed his Mythril Sword, and calmly walked over to the partially-closed double doors, Blank and Cinna following, their weapons out as well. Allw as quite as the other occupants watched with slightly wide eyes. Blank pulled open the door, revealing nothing but a note and a handheld detonator on the ground.
Curiously the redhaired thief picked up the note and read:
You just got PRANK'D!
-The Three Z's
Blank ground his teeth and crunched the note up in his hand.
Victim Seven, Eight, and Nine: Sora, Donald, and Goofy, Kingdom Hearts
"Dude…" Zidane muttered as he watched Zack talk with Chernabog and hand like twelve packs of hot sauce. "Why is he going to prank his cousin of all people?"
Zell playfully hit him on the back of his head. "Because it's fun to prank the people you love. Duh."
Zidane slowly nodded as Zack flew over to them. "Come on, we'd better find someplace safer than here."
The Battle!
As Sora, Donald, and Goofy got ready to fight Chernabog (did I mention only FF had the day off?), he drank down all twelve cases of hot sauce. "OW!" he suddenly screamed. "It burns!"
He burped, and Sora, Donald, and Goofy all got torched.
Zack caught everything on tape, including the floating piles of ash and eyeballs.
"Not… Haha…not e-even…hahahahahahaha!" Zidane doubled over, laughing.
"Wha-What I think he's tryin' to… hahahahahahaha!" Zell toppled over as he laughed.
"Not even Curaga can fix that!" Zack chuckled as he let the note fly in front of Sora's eyes.
You just got PRANK'D!
-The Three Z's
Sora's eyes narrowed.
Victims Ten, Eleven, and Twelve: The 'Three Z's'
BlueFox gave the prank'd ones a critical eye. "Exactly what are you trying to say?" she asked, her foot tapping.
Sora pointed an accusing finger at her. "You made the 'Three Z's' prank us!" he yelled. BlueFox turned her cool blue-green gaze to Sora.
"What makes you think I did?" she asked him.
"Because you're the AUTHORESS!" everyone yelled, and she took a step back from the sheer wind from their voices.
"That's doesn't mean didly squat, MO-rons!" she screamed. "I was prank'd by the 'Three Z's' during a thunderstorm three days ago!"
Squall rubbed the bridge of his nose. "She's got a point…"
Sora crossed his arms and stomped his foot in a very childish way. "What're we going to do?!" he demanded. "That really hurt my reputation, you know!"
BlueFox sighed, waving her hand at him. "I don't…" And then she broke out into a very evil smile. "I know EXACTLY what we're gonna do."
Later that Night…
As Zidane, Zack, and Zell all told awesome stories of their great feat at the local pub, the door suddenly jangled. The half drunk friends looked over, to see Kuja staggering in with a horrendously wounded Fang at his side. Blood was splattered all over Kuja's pure white and purplish outfit, while half of Fang's face was covered in it.
Zidane dropped his glass, which shattered upon impact with the floor, and ran to his brother, holding him up. "Kuja! What happened?"
Kuja attempted to speak, but he opened his mouth, his fingers twitched, a whole bunch of blood streamed from his lips as he went limp, unmoving, unbreathing, dead in Zidane's arms.
Fang slowly dropped to his knees. "Sephiroth…went maniac…in HQ…" he managed to get out, before falling over as well.
Blood pooled around the two bodies and all over Zidane. He looked at his friends, who stared in shock. "Come on, we've gotta help the others!" They ran out. When they were sure the three of them were gone, Kuja and Fang's eyes opened and they sat up, grinning.
Back at HQ…
The sight that greeted the Three Z's was horrible, to say the least. Almost immediately, you could see blood everywhere, the windows were all tinted red from it. Cautiously, Zack pushed open the main doors, and almost immediately shrieked, running to the front desk, where a torn up Genesis and Angeal were slumped over.
"Hey, hey you two! Wake up! Come on, this isn't funny! Angeal! Genesis!" Zack was on the verge of hyperventilating, and when he flipped the bodies over, Zack lunged back about twenty feet.
The sight before him, looked like Genesis and Angeal's hearts had been violently torn out. Zidane, not accustomed to so much blood and gore, immediately started to shake and he violently retched on the floor, putting his hands on his head when he was done.
"Z-Zell?" came a timid sort of voice. The Three Z's looked up to see Rinoa stagger down the steps, looking mostly unharmed, were it not for the bloody stub of an arm and the huge gash that ran along her side.
"Sq-Squall's dead…" she mumbled, before tripping and falling down the rest of the stairs. There, she lay, unmoving, as her blood pooled around her.
Zell turned with wide eyes to Zack and Zidane. "C-Come on…we'd better f-find B-BlueFox o-o-or something…"
Zack helped Zidane up and supported the trembling Genome as they began their trek, unable to avert their eyes from the scenes around them.
Garnet and Tifa slumped over, back to back, their weapons coated in blood, life long since gone…
Cloud's neck sliced through with a large gash from his ear down to the other…
Squall's form sprawled out on the stairs, having suffered the same death as Genesis and Angeal…
Yuna and Tidus, desperately clutching each other at their time of death, a double impalement…
Aerith slumped over the banister of the stairs, bullets riddled through her body…
Sora and Riku at Aerith's feet, dead like Cloud…
But what shocked them all…was that SEPHIROTH as well, had been killed, having suffered all the deaths they had seen, and then some…
And standing over Sephiroth's body…
…was BlueFox.
Zidane fell heavily to his knees, vomiting again, as Zell staggered back, hitting the wall hard. Only Zack stood, somewhat brave enough to stare at the authoress who had finally snapped. Slowly, her head rose, and she turned, her blue green eyes empty with nothing but bloodlust lurking in their depths.
She raised Sephiroth's Masamune blade easily, and pointed its bloodstained, dripping blade at Zack.
"Revenge…"
"WE'RE SORRY!" Zack yelled, holding his arms up. "BlueFox, stop, please! We're really sorry that we prank'd everyone."
Zidane weakly looked up, putting his arms around himself. "W-We didn't think you'd snap and kill everyone!" he yelled.
"Y-Yeah! We just needed something to do!" Zell cried.
"FOOLS!" BlueFox screeched. "It was unwise for you to not see it before…I'm the strongest out of you all! And for your disrespect to me, you shall pay with your lives!" She raised the Masamune to the heavens, and suddenly the building shook, a clap of thunder, and a Thundaga slammed into her as she unleashed an evil laugh that could only come from one who was insane beyond insane.
The Three Z's all wet their pants.
"Okay, okay. BlueFox, that's enough," came a voice from around the bend. The Thundaga disappeared, and BlueFox put down the bloody Masamune. As the 'dead' people began to come to the upper floors, the Three Z's all shrieked and hugged each other, dipping their heads, chanting some odd chant they thought would protect them from the undead.
A smile poked at BlueFox's lip, and then suddenly, she and everyone else burst out laughing, as a smiling Reno walked around the bend, Angeal's camcorder up, having caught everything on tape, from the bar to now.
"You just got PRANK'D!" everyone yelled at the Three Z's.
The Three Z's looked at each other…
…and passed out.
-Answers to Final Montage-
Scene 1: The Battle Never Seen (from YouTube)
Scene 2: Zack's Death…Again
Scene 3: Yuffie and Cloud Date
Scene 4: End of AC
Scene 5: Zack and Aerith's First Meeting
Scene 6: Scene in Last Order (read Stupid in School to understand the joke)
End: I am sorry to say this, but…ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT!! The final chapter, the Blooper Party…augh! (falls to the floor, weeping)
But this was fun, very, very fun. I enjoyed it, so very much. Anyway, about the whole prank me and everyone else did against the 'Three Z's' we did in my Drama Club back when I was a freshman. I was the one who ended up sprawled out on the stairs like Squall, covered in fake blood. It was so fun! As for the Genesis and Angeal and…who else was it? Uh, I think it was Squall. Yeah, for the whole heart-torn-out thingie, as well as Rinoa having lost an arm, well, Rinoa's arm had Vanish cast on it while Angeal and Genesis were actually clones, and Squall…SFX is great, no?
As for the whole MONKEY BALLS! thing from the Final Montage, I did NOT mean monkey balls as in Zidane's balls—Please excuse BlueFox, for she has had a temporary lapse in breathing to do loss of air via laughing too hard—Anyhoo, that's NOT what I meant, I meant monkey balls as in the game Monkey Ball or something. The review X-Play had for it made me a bit disturbed, to say the least.
Anyway, this has been a really fun time, and I'm so happy you were all reading! See you next time, for the FINAL CHAPTER!!