Hmm… This thing was worked on off and on, scenes at a time, for quite awhile. I usually read through it while I was adding a new bit, but I'm pretty sure while there are no outright fic continuity errors there are a couple things that could use tweaking. Sadly, I kind of want to get this thing posted & off my plate, since I have other things to work on, like the DMC fic that hasn't been touched in forever.

-

"Guy and Natalia have officially lost it," Anise announced when she and Ion made it into the cutesy room.

"At least Jade stopped singing."

"Thank Lorelei!" Tear proclaimed. "And I thought there was nothing he couldn't do. Why did he have to prove me wrong like that? Why? I have perfect pitch!"

"Drunk?" Anise asked.

"Drunk." Luke confirmed it with a nod. "Are they still trying to lose their virginity while they supposedly have the excuse of being drunk?"

"Oh, so that's what that was about. Nope, but Natalia's totally naked if that's any help."

"Yeah, that's progress." Luke yawned. "I can't decide if I want them to or not. I mean, obviously yes, eventually, but right now?"

"Is Asch still yelling about it?"

"Don't worry, Tear, I'm not getting headaches anymore, but it's gotten easier to block him out since I went over and banged on the door." Thus causing Guy and Natalia to take it somewhere else. "Personally, I would have just tossed some blankets and pillows over him, he can't tell what's going on around him very well." Yawning again, Luke rolled over. "Lock the door. Natalia's sleeping in the men's room tonight, one way or another. You can have her bed, Ion." Now that Ion was back safe from shopping with Anise (as opposed to kidnapped by someone), Luke was going to sleep. She hummed to herself a bit to a tune of 'sleeping for two, sleeping for two…"

"God damn it, let me go!"

"What, you don't think I'd rather be there instead of Natalia? Of all the people to lose my virginity to, it had to be you." Luke's mental voice was disgusted. "I'm just glad cousin Natalia's not going to waste her time waiting for you anymore. You had seventeen years, Asch. She was there, you were fucking around with Van. I'll ask you again if you'll promise to leave my baby alone in the morning. Or whenever they finish."

"That…"

"Don't you dare call my baby 'that thing!' If you say anything like that to them, ever, I will castrate you." The threat had a definite impact on him, she noted. She'd gotten the idea from how the others acted about gender. "How dare you try to pin the blame on an innocent baby instead of you and Van! How dare you! It was one thing when it was just me, but no one will treat my baby like that, no one! Do you hear me?!"

Silence.

"Do you hear me? Because I will go over there, and I won't give you an eyeful on the way because Natalia's not stupid enough to consider you worthy anymore, and I will melt your balls off with hyperresonance, and nothing will heal injuries that makes. So, do you hear me?!"

"I hear you." He seemed stunned.

"Good." Luke seethed, and made sure he knew how angry she was. "I thought I deserved how you treated me, but that's because Akzeriuth made me hate myself. But when I see you treat someone else that way, then I can be objective, then I can see that no one deserves what you've done to me, what Van has done. I'm not taking it anymore. And my baby will never have to take any of it or I will tear apart whoever is responsible!"

"…you really do love it."

"More than anything." Precious little happy light, singing with the voice they all shared (even Asch), safe and warm and well taken care of. "I realized that I wanted to live for myself, but now I have two people I love to live for. And Guy, Tear, Ion, Natalia, even Jade and Anise. They care about me. I compare the way they treat me to the way he did, and now I can tell the difference. I didn't have real love to compare his lies to before. But I love my baby, and compared to that, the way he treated me? I have to thank him for my existence, and my baby's, but I'm going to live, and that means killing him. I don't feel guilty for that anymore. I don't feel guilty for 'taking your life.' Because I know what a life is now. I know what's important now, I know what I need to do."

"…you've changed."

"And you're only now catching on?" Asch's attempt to examine the thing to see what was so special about a weird, arte-created, replica bunch of cells that was not his child was met with a wall of will and a vicious snarl that sent Asch careening back, fonons resonating with pain. "Mine. You will not touch her!" Her, Luke realized, and smiled. Yes: her baby wouldn't be like Asch.

"It's… she's mine too."

"No. You lost all right to her when you tried to murder her. Now go to sleep!" Van could force Lorelei to sleep: it was child's play to use a technique that worked on their ultimate original on Asch, who was more human than not and very, very weak next to Luke's true power, let alone the second order hyperresonance she could create for her child's sake.

-

"Well, the circumstances are… odd, but I have a grandchild."

Seeing that look, Guy knew that Lady Suzanne was going to be a help with the child but utterly no help at all at getting Luke to get rid of her. He'd given up on trying to get Luke to, really, but there was a look in Suzanne's eyes that was sort of similar the look in Luke's but in a less… "I have now won at life, and have the best prize ever," manner and more of a, "I have won at life so much that my prizes have won prizes."

He supposed that under the circumstances…

Luke was a replica, Luke was seven, Luke had destroyed Akzeriuth, the original was wandering around, the original was antisocial, Luke lowering the land, Luke getting rid of the miasma, Luke being a manifestation of Lorelei, Luke having been turned into a girl, Luke being pregnant, with Asch of all people, and so on and so forth. Lady Suzanne appeared to have thrown away her weirdness meter and only started counting her blessings.

"I really couldn't see Luke ending the life of a child, not after what she went through," Suzanne explained, since Guy seemed to need it. "When you were going to undo the arte I was so worried that he would blame himself for failing to save them when they were killed as he was turned male again. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that Luke pulled off yet another miracle to save someone." Suzanne smiled a bit wistfully. "And I suppose that since I had to work so hard to be able to have a child, with my illness, it's not all that far a jump. I really wanted Luke, enough to risk my life."

Guy actually hadn't thought about that. But then, they both had a responsibility to continue their family lines, and while his phobia might be a big problem it probably wasn't going to kill him to have a kid. Unless he had a heart attack, but they were making progress even if he still hadn't lost his virginity.

Technically.

Not that he was going to be discussing this with Natalia's aunt. Oh, and Luke's mother.

"Please, look after her? I've always been so worried that my baby is going to all those dangerous places and having to fight…" They both knew, far more than the others, what Van had meant to Luke. "I know she can look after herself, but there's my granddaughter to think of as well. I know you're not a manservant anymore, but please, look after her."

"I'm technically her liegeman. Sort of." That got complicated. "And don't worry. Jade knows the theory stuff, and Tear's a licensed midwife, and Natalia's been reading those baby books you gave us as well as Luke."

"Is she getting proper nutrition?"

"Lots of fish, red meat, fruit, and salads." And that pizza concoction, but cheese had calcium and it wasn't like they had to worry about gaining weight with all the walking they did. More like they had to worry about having too little fat.

Apparently while men had most of their fat on the outside of their bodies women had it all through the muscles for easy access and padding and so on. And muscle weighted more than fat, so as Natalia walked around more and more her total weight had gone up, her figure had slimmed down only slightly because the hidden fat had been replaced by muscle, and eventually it had gotten to the point where her breasts had started to get smaller because her body needed fat to burn and there wasn't any left anywhere else.

An indolent noblewoman could need to eat only 1,600 calories a day to stay the same weight. An healthy teenager like Princess Natalia had been (between archery practice and the muscle it created) needed 2,400. An active teenager like Princess Natalia who spent almost all day every day walking or fighting and had that much muscle hidden in that lean body could burn up to 4,000 in a single rough day. Since she'd been eating a maintenance diet without realizing she needed to eat more now she had been losing four pounds of fat a week for awhile into their journey, she'd been lean in the first place, and if it hadn't been for the joint aches from the lack of padding and the decreasing breast size they might not have caught it before she started technically starving to death. Her body fat percentage had been at seven percent and women were not supposed to go below twelve, and sixteen was about as low as it should be allowed. If she hadn't been a seventh fonist she would have been in serious trouble.

Tear and Anise, trained soldiers, had made the mistake of thinking she already knew that rising weight could mean the opposite of getting fatter, forgetting that noblewomen usually just thought that high numbers were bad and therefore starved their body into replacing all those energy-guzzling muscle cells with fat cells, so their clothing sizes went up and they got fatter… but the number on the scale went down.

Luke had started out with a male's, and a very active male's, percentage of body fat. They had a lot of other stuff to worry about, but that wasn't good.

"Please make sure she eats enough. Especially if she's planning to breast feed. Does she have morning sickness?"

"She shouldn't get it. Uh, shouldn't you talk to her about this?"

"Oh, you know Luke. She always pretends that everything's fine so she won't be a burden, and, well, it's too soon to feel those little feet kicking," how disappointing, "but I have a grandchild."

-

"Really? She's really going to be about my size?" Mieu poked Luke's stomach. It was hard to believe.

"Yes." Luke pet both of them.

"That's really neat! I wish it didn't take so long for humans to have cubs. I suppose I can stay longer… but I'd have to return the Sorcerer's Ring. Mieeeu." Mieu's ears perked down.

"We'll see." Luke thought she could bargain with the cheagle elder about that. After all, the ring had originally come from Yulia and Lorelei. Maybe there was some way to make another one.

Luke hadn't had a stuffed animal, but apparently they were very good for children, and one that could help them learn to talk, come get Luke if anything was wrong, and breathe fire at anyone who even thought about touching Luke's baby would be even better.

"Have you decided what you're making yet?" Human food was also weird and fascinating to the very-young Mieu, who, being a cheagle, ate grass.

"I already decided. It's supposed to be pie, but we don't have a recipe so I made pizza dough and I'm putting stuff in it." Mostly fruit. Mostly. "I don't know if it's going to be any good, but I do the shopping so if they want to complain about me wasting supplies then they… no, they can't start doing it themselves."

Guy had grown up a nobleman and all his shopping experience was on behalf of House Fabre. He'd trained himself to waste as much of his enemy's money as humanly possible and had all the wrong habits. Natalia was a princess, Jade had been in the military (which provided food, clothing, and weaponry) for far too long and only spent his personal money on luxuries, Tear had grown up in Yulia City, and Anise had sworn not to embezzle but Luke was well aware that old habits died hard.

"It's sort of like my 'toss anything that looks good in there and call it a salad' invention, but hopefully more portable." They had to eat while walking a lot, and managing a big bowl was awkward. "And according to Anise, the cooked equivalent of 'toss all the leftovers in and actually have it come out pretty good' is pie." Anise had grown up poor and knew these things.

"Like when you took Tataroo grass, and Rugnica grass, and grass from Cheagle Woods, and grass from outside Baticul, and…"

"Yes." They had to bring grass with them for Mieu, and when they'd started to get a little low Luke had just tossed everything in one bundle.

"That was really neat!" Mieu bounced up and down. "I know your pie will be really good too!"

"I think so. I've gotten pretty good at cooking, what those guys say to the contrary." They'd started complimenting his cooking once, and then they'd started getting little digs in until he thought it wasn't actually any good at all. It turned out Jade had started it to motivate Luke to improve even more, leaving Natalia as the only bad cook of the group. "Jade told me he's planning on making his special curry tonight. If they have any survival instinct, they'll want my pie instead of risking being his guinea rappigs. If they have any sense, they'll make their own food." Luke's pie. She had a kitchen knife and a Soul Crush and wasn't afraid to use them.

"Special?" Mieeeeeeu…

"Thing, if Jade tries to eat you come get me and I'll kick his ass for you."

"Really?" Luke hadn't called him Thing in far too long: Mieu was starting to worry that Master didn't like him anymore, but luckily Mieu still had a name from her.

"Really. He made a comment about testing his stuff on me while I'm pregnant, and I should probably beat him up just to discourage the idea."

-

"Wow. I mean, I knew something was up from the way Jade sent his reports," they had been trying to keep this covered up. "And then I got that letter, but man. You're a woman. A very, very hot woman, I might add. Too bad you're already taken."

"I am not taken."

"Well, if you're having his baby…"

"This is not Asch's baby. She is my baby." Even Peony knew to back away a bit from a glare like that, although the self-defense his hands were raised in was mostly joking.

"Whoa, whoa, who said anything about Asch?" Peony looked at Jade. "You mean?" He pointed from Luke, Guy, back to Luke, and shook his head questioningly.

"No, she's not Guy's." Damn it.

"Okay then. I guess I know who the godfather is going to be. The letter didn't actually say you were," Peony assured Guy, "but I kind of assumed from how you were acting. Sorry about that."

"Uh, no problem?" Guy scratched the back of his head, smiling but clearly embarrassed.

"So…" Peony turned back to Luke. "Not taken?"

"Not interested."

"Fair enough. I'll just have to see if I can change your mind about that. How are you doing for clothing?"

"No one sells durable enough maternity wear. And I need to be able to move in that."

"Sure, I can help with that. Just let me have your measurements," although he could make an educated guess, "and I'll have the royal seamstresses get right on it."

Luke shrugged. "Five foot seven, hundred fifty pounds."

Peony's maids were bodyguards, and very attractive bodyguards, that often had to remain on duty for the first three months, and Peony was very good at judging the female body. That height, weight, and figure meant Luke was way, way too thin. "Damn it, Jade, what are you feeding this girl?"

"She started out with a male body, remember." Jade sighed.

"I know, I know, I'm eating as much as I can."

"Yeah… problem is that if you're pregnant and running around the place all day and casting artes and you need to build up reserves that's not going to be enough unless you either stuff yourself until you feel sick or stick to stuff that has a lot of calories. Are you eating fruits and vegetables?"

"Of course."

"Don't. Look, talk to Magnolia while the tailors are getting your measurements, okay?" Peony leaned back in his throne. "And I'll have someone get you some of those little square ration things. They taste terrible, but they're got a lot of energy and don't take up a lot of room in your stomach." They actually hadn't made them in years, not since Peony had been fed one by Jade and subsequently had the army's food supply system entirely redesigned, but they kept for decades and she didn't have to know that.

It wasn't like it could possibly make them taste any worse.

They left Grand Chokmah with twenty outfits designed for increasing tummy and breast size, a whole lot of really awful thousand calorie each squares, and a maid. Selenia was a sweet little forty-one-year old brunette who looked thirty and had served Peony's older sister before her untimely (or timely, due to the Score) death. She was skilled in etiquette, fashion, grooming, women's health, detecting poisons and booby traps, and a weaponless (except for specially reinforced gloves) combat style called Terearadelaca, which was Ancient Ispanian for either 'that which faces fear' or 'that which inspires fear,' due to a bit of probably deliberate confusion on the subject of the verb delaca, to oppose, which was in fact a close relative of the verb delca, to seize, as Luke had guessed.

Guy had had no idea that the weakest of the women he'd been admiring when they visited Peony had been level twenty. Selenia herself was thirty-six, the strongest Peony could spare given the current world situation and the fact that it was possible Van could decide to start trying to assassinate the world leaders instead of wanting them to have to watch this helplessly at any moment.

Jade, who was used to Peony's girls, wasn't surprised when Selenia made herself invisible. Luke had certain reactions to people trying to tell him or her what to do. It was understandable, given that he'd grown up surrounded by two groups: people who didn't know the first thing about what kind of person he really was, and Master Van, who knew so much more than Luke did. She had gradually adjusted to the idea that people could be right sometimes even if they weren't always, but while Akzeriuth's ensuing self-hatred had lowered Luke's self-esteem to the point where the 'people who know better than me' category had been pretty big, she had luckily acquired a bit more of the selfishness Tear had talked about one time.

Or perhaps it wasn't selfishness, not quite.

Still, bratty Luke had possessed a tendency to, in retrospect, challenge anyone who attempted to give him advice or 'tell him what to do' to prove to him that they actually knew what they were doing and that he should listen to them. Tear had backed down and Jade had dismissed him as a brat, which had sent all the wrong signals.

Their misreading of the situation had caused Luke to dismiss them as people like the ones at home: all talk, no real idea what they were talking about or willingness to back it up, and them to regard him as someone who resented authority instead of respecting it enough to only give it to people who had shown they were worth listening to.

They'd given him good advice, but they'd acted like the type of people who always gave Luke bad advice. He'd generally been forced to apply it in practice, but it had set his teeth on edge because he 'knew' what they were telling him couldn't be correct. Not to mention that their attempts to help him after backing down and showing they weren't good advisors set off Luke's 'incompetent idiots who won't stop trying to order me to do useless and counterproductive things' radar.

What a headache.

If Selenia had offered advice it would have led to one of Luke's 'prove to me you know what you're talking about' challenges and unlike Guy, who was a good friend but a horrible manservant, a maid couldn't establish herself as worthy of dominance even over a limited area. If she'd backed down Luke would have thought she wasn't good enough and flown her right back to Grand Chokmah. However, by remaining in the background unless Luke came to her for advice instead of volunteering it or certain services Luke didn't know to ask for Selenia kept her status as 'useful tool.' Only unlike Mieu Selenia wouldn't fit in the item bag and was generally left on board the Albiore, since while Noelle could deal with most threats by taking off she had to sleep sometime and if an enemy managed to board she was in trouble, as was Asch's body.

Guy, who had been raised a noble, couldn't really manage that unobtrusiveness, which had led to that strange byplay between them early on where Guy was at some points regarded as absolutely right and at others as absolutely wrong.

While Luke had improved in that area, the switch in other areas was far more dramatic. "Okay, now where were we?" Before the arte had been removed, group notified, parents notified, and shopping accomplished.

Actually, no one had been quite sure. After the frantic pace there had been for awhile things had dried up when Luke got rid of the planet storm and Absorption Gate, which was why they had taken a break to work on making sure it was safe to remove the arte.

"Okay." Luke frowned. "Sync's probably still trying to get replica data, but we've warned everyone about him so if he shows up someplace they'll know even if they might not be able to stop it without a riot… I guess we're stuck flying around and looking for leads. We were just in Belkend, Baticul, and we're in Grand Chokmah, so… Sheridan, Chesedonia, Daath, or Yulia City?"

"All else being equal, I'd kind of like to visit Sheridan again," Guy volunteered.

"Anyone else?" Luke's question was met with shrugs and silence. "Okay, Sheridan it is then." She had a cut of the toll money to collect. Normally she would have turned it down or shared it with the group, but it wouldn't hurt to have an emergency fund, right? Because, seriously, if Jade tried to make her get money from her mother to buy stuff that was in fact for everyone's benefit again when Luke was the reason the party had that money… Her mother would jump at it, but Luke wanted this over with before she got too much further along and people who tried to make her do irritating side trips for stupid reasons would get skewered.

When they were heading to Yulia City Guy spotted something strange. "Hey, since when is there an island with a city on it here?"

"I think it's moving," Tear announced, amazed, after joining Guy at the window.

"I think we have our lead." Splendid!