I pulled my truck up to Emily's house, I hope she didn't mind me just showing up. I had been so excited to get out of the house, I had forgotten to call her and ask if I could come over in the first place. She met me at the door before I had gotten out, the smile on her face welcoming me. "Hey Bella, how are you today?"
"I'm good," I said as I walked up the front steps. We embraced in a tight hug and then I followed her through the door. I figured I should go ahead and tell her about her impromptu new chaperoning job. "So," I paused, "Charlie and Billy pretty much walked in on Jacob and I making out," I blurted.
Emily's face showed amusement and shock when she looked back at me. She stifled a small laugh when she saw the smirk on my face. Then we laughed. When the giggles calmed down, I started again. "Charlie came up with rules for me. No kissing and we've got to be chaperoned at all times." I rolled my eyes and Emily looked at me with a motherly scold written on the features of her half face.
"Who did he elect to be chaperones for you two?" She asked with a slight curiosity as she turned to the kitchen counter to start making lunch for the pack.
I sighed and plopped down into a chair at the kitchen table. "Himself, Billy, Sam, and you."
"Oh," she said, "I guess I should be flattered."
"Yeah, I guess Charlie picked you and Sam because you two are the oldest of the group here. And the whole reservation looks up to Sam, so…" I quieted.
Emily giggled a little and looked over at me, "I guess we don't want to ruin anyone's reputation," she winked at me. "I'll keep an eye on you and Jacob, but I won't be watching too closely, alright?" There was a smile on her face and a tinkling laugh in her voice.
"You are awesome, Emily," I told her as I got up to help her in the kitchen. We worked in a comfortable silence as we cooked the huge meal that the pack would devour within minutes of arriving.
Jared, Paul, and Sam were the first through the door for lunch. They would go on patrol when Jacob and Embry got back. The three boys slaughtered most of the lunch and all that remained for the four of us – Jake, Embry, Emily, and me – were a bit of leftovers. I'm glad I had eaten something for breakfast, since I doubted I'd get much out of what was left. After lunch, Emily and I sat around drinking a cup of coffee on the porch, mostly safe from the rain. The boys were bantering with each other about where they would head first during their patrol when I saw Jake and Embry coming out of the forest, dripping wet of course.
Jake's face lit up as he saw me on the porch with Emily. That smile that was the Jacob I remembered, carefree and happy – my sun. Embry's face looked excited too, probably because he also smelled the food waiting for them inside. Sam, Jared, and Paul came out then and greeted Jake and Embry. Sam stopped at Emily, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her passionately. They didn't speak when they broke the kiss, but stared into each other's eyes intently and then he turned and left. Emily watched with a small, sad smile and didn't turn back into the house until he was out of sight into the trees.
It hurt to watch them as always, because I felt like I was intruding into their personal moment, but the boys just ignored them. It also tugged at the edges of the hole in my chest, and I sighed heavily almost letting a sob escape, but I held it in. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. "Let's eat," he whispered into my ear. He had already started to dry off from his high body temperature by the time we sat down at the table.
Jacob and Embry talked the most at lunch, as the four of us finished off the rest of the food Emily and I had cooked up for the boys. As much as I wanted to focus on what was being said, my mind had wandered off again on its own. To Emily and Sam. To me and him. To me and Jacob. Did either of my relationships even compare to Emily's? I had thought so, but he had called me a distraction, a game. Could I have that relationship with Jacob now? I know he wanted more, more than just being my best friend. He wanted to be my boyfriend, my lover.
I was brought from my depressing thoughts as my plate was picked up and taken to the sink by Emily. Jacob was still beside me and Embry had flopped down on the sofa for some rest. Jake was eyeing me warily, worried because I had gotten more quiet than usual.
"Can we go for a walk?" I asked both Jake and Emily, she looked over her shoulder at me from the sink, that motherly look on her face from earlier, "We'll behave, I promise." She smiled knowingly and nodded her consent.
Jacob grabbed my hand and led me out of the house, grabbing my jacket from the peg by the door on our way out. Once outside, Jacob laid my jacket over my shoulders, and grabbed my hand again. The rain had stopped sometime during lunch. We walked through the wet woods in silence; I felt lost but I'm sure Jake knew where we were.
"What are Charlie's rules?" Jake broke the silence first.
I smiled a little, "No kissing, and we have to be under adult supervision at all times," I'm sure he understood my emphasis, because we both laughed aloud at that. "Did Billy give you rules too?"
"Just one – don't do anything I'll regret later."
"Humph, that doesn't seem fair. Sounds more like permission to do what you want, to me," I stated with a fake pout.
"Maybe it is," he whispered quietly at my ear; his closeness sent a shiver down my spine and a tingling between my legs.
"Jake," I stopped walking and looked up at him, "I don't know if we…I just don't think…" I closed my mouth and tried to think of what I wanted to say, seeing his face had made my mind empty itself of all thoughts. I took a deep breath and started again, "I'm broken, Jake. It wouldn't be fair to you to be in a relationship with me – I can't put all of me out there like that – I'm too broken. Parts of me are still missing."
Jacob wrapped his warm arms around me and just hugged me for a while; I hugged him back. His grip loosened just slightly and he held me. After a few more moments, he pulled me from his body and looked down at me, "Bella, you're more whole than you think. I know you feel broken, you feel vulnerable and scared." He paused and closed his eyes. He kissed the top of my head and continued, "I know you need to rebuild your trust, Bella, but can I help you rebuild it? Let me show you how much I care. Give us a chance. Think about it?" He looked scared and vulnerable himself right now as he looked down at me. I smiled sadly and nodded. I hugged him tightly, my head barely reaching his chest.
We walked together again just holding hands. Emily's house came into view a little while later. I didn't know how we got back here, but I know we didn't directly double back. We stopped at my truck and Jacob leaned down to kiss my cheek. "Jake, remember the rules – no kissing," I teased.
"Those are your rules, Bella, not mine. And they don't really apply -- you said I can't kiss you on the lips, and that's the only part of your body that would actually be kissing back."
"Very clever, Mr. Black," I said as he kissed me behind the ear, his hot breath making my skin tingle. I closed my eyes and gave into the feelings Jake was causing my body. His kisses remained chaste as they roamed from behind my ear to my neck and shoulders. His large, hot hands held my waist gently, with one hand sliding ever so slowly to the small of my back, to bring me closer.
The rain started to fall again. "Want to go back to my garage or stay here at Emily's?" Jacob said as he stepped away from me and grabbed my hand again, leading me back to the front porch away from the cold rain.
"Garage," I stated as we walked through the front door.
"Hey Em, we're going to go work on my Rabbit; it's got this annoying knock and I wanted to take a look at it while I've got the time," Jake said when Emily came into the view. She was already in the kitchen working on dinner.
She looked up at us at that point, "Alright you two, but behave." We both feigned an innocent look and nodded at her. Then all three of us started laughing. "Shh, shh, you'll wake Embry," she quieted us down.
We went back out to my truck and I tossed Jacob my keys over the hood. I slid into the passenger seat as he started the truck. We drove to his house in that comfortable silence that we were so used to. When we got back to his house, he said, "you go on to the garage, let me tell Dad we're here," and he headed into the house. Once in his garage I plopped down onto the beat up old sofa bed that he'd put out here for me when I started visiting regularly. He realized that I was bored and restless and he could work on the motorcycles longer if I wasn't uncomfortable – hence the addition of the couch with a pull out bed. The bed was never pulled out though, and I doubt it had even been used since Jake got the thing. There was a small space heater packed away in a corner somewhere, in case someone wanted to nap out here, but with Jacob even in the vicinity the heater wasn't needed. Jake came out there then, and looked back at the house. Billy had pulled the blinds in the living room and was watching out the window.
"See! You can see us," Jake called out to his dad. "We're being good, just wanted to work on my car." Billy's face held a stern gaze as he nodded reluctantly and went back into the main part of the house, to do whatever it was that he had been doing.
Jake turned towards me and shook his head, laughing slightly, "He's harder to convince than Emily." I smiled and he went to work on his car, just as he had told everyone. I watched him as he crouched over to pick up a tool, the muscles of his back tight against the skin, his jean cutoffs hanging low on his hips. The sharp contrast of color between his dark, tan skin and the whitewashed, faded blue jeans made me that much more aware of how perfect he looked. My vision took in the ripped fabric, how the denim strings hung loosely over his knees, leading to his muscled calves and bare feet. The black, shiny hair that had started to grow back out after his reckless attempt to cut it himself, the thin layer of sweat that started to drip down his back when he'd lean over to look at something under the hood of his car. He was gorgeous; too real and alive even to be an airbrushed model in a magazine.
He worked on his car for hours, the two of us wrapped in our comfortable silence like a fluffy blanket on a cold winter morning. Off and on, Jake would explain what he was doing and what the name a tool was, but for the most part, we just enjoyed the quiet. After a while, it started to rain again, harder this time, so that the view from the living room window to the garage was mostly obscured. When Jacob noticed this, he stopped what he was doing and came to sit beside me on the sofa. He pulled me close to him and held me. He kissed me a few times on my shoulders, but I think he realized that I just wanted to be held today.
What remained of daylight we spent talking about random things with me in Jacob's lap. When he heard Billy call from the house, he said it was time to go home. I didn't want to. I enjoyed his company so much. Our stomachs growled in unison once we heard Billy call.
"I guess I should go home and cook dinner for Charlie," I suggested, Jake just nodded. He kissed my temple and walked me to my truck.