Author's Note - I know I take a while to write this. I tend to procrastinate, a lot. Just wanted you to know that I do plan on finishing the story even though Breaking Dawn is out now. Same with my other stories. I almost don't want to read it, because I don't want the "real" story to end. I have the book, but I'm letting everyone else in my family read it first. They just have to keep their mouth shut from spoilers.

The days started to pass slowly. I had gotten into a routine of working at Newton's Outfitters and then heading over to Jake's house. Since the night Charlie had busted us, we'd gone a lot slower with the make out sessions. Usually the afternoons consisted of us snuggling on the sofa and watching TV. Jacob would kiss my neck, shoulders, arms, and hands. Always holding my hand and pulling me close when Billy wasn't in the room. Although Charlie had set the "chaperone at all times" rule, only he really followed it. Billy felt obligated to glare every so often, but for the most part, he'd leave us on our own.

Other days we'd head to Emily's or walk on the beach. We always "behaved" ourselves, though. Apparently, once the joy that I was dating Jacob set it for Charlie, the idea that we might have a physical relationship scared the hell out of him. I know it was just his way of protecting his little girl, but sometimes it got annoying. After about two weeks, Jacob came by the house and asked Charlie if we could go on a date, like out to dinner and a movie. I was shocked that Charlie actually said yes.

That Friday night, I was dressed in a flowing knee length skirt and ¾ sleeved shirt. Something Charlie should approve of. I was nervous though I don't know why, I'm used to spending time with Jake, but this was actually a date – something we hadn't done before. I put on a little makeup too. I was walking slowly down the stairs when I heard the knock on the door. Charlie answered the door and greeted Jake, and looked back to see if I was ready. He looked at my outfit with a critical eye, before eyeing the skirt.

"What, I couldn't get dressed up for a date?" I asked Charlie playfully.

"You could have worn pants," he said sternly. He sighed as I walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"See you later tonight, Dad," I said sweetly and walked out the door with Jacob.

Jacob just smiled and kissed me on the cheek, "You look very nice." He walked me over to the Rabbit, and opened my door for me.

"Thank you," I said quietly, for both the compliment and the chivalry. We rode towards Port Angelos in quiet comfort, the radio making enough noise for both of us.

"What movie do you want to see?" Jacob asked. I shrugged. "We'll see what's playing and decide when we get there." I was shocked when Jake pulled up in front of a steakhouse.

"Jake, this place is expensive," I waited for his reaction but he didn't seem fazed. In fact, he just smiled wider, "We're not eating here, are we?" I said, with a little more bite to my words.

"Of course we're eating here; I wouldn't have parked here and made you walk down the street to a little burger joint."

"But Jacob—"

"No buts, Bells, I've got us covered." I sighed, but I wasn't finished being upset about the cost. I'd bring up skipping the movie after dinner, after he saw the bill. Jake left his name with the hostess and joined me on the small bench in the foyer. There were a few other couples waiting as well. I tried not to fidget as we waited, the other couples talking in hushed tones.

After a few minutes, two of the couples were called because their tables were ready. Jacob and I talked quietly about how the pack was doing, and if Emily and Sam had set a date for their wedding. He asked if Mike Newton was still hitting on me at work, and of course, he was. No matter how often I'd mention Jacob, Mike would still ask me out. It was ridiculous.

"Black," the hostess called, and Jacob stood and helped me up as well. We were escorted to a booth in the back of the darkened restaurant. "Your waitress will be with you shortly," she said with a smile and turned to leave us alone. I wondered briefly how it was so different than when he took me out and all the girls would openly stare at him. So far, no one had done that with Jacob.

When the waitress arrived she brought the menus and asked for our drink orders. Jacob insisted I order whatever I wanted, no matter the price. I didn't say anything, but as I made my decision, I prided myself that it wasn't the most expensive thing on the menu. He didn't quite need to know that's what had made my final decision. He ordered a large steak and extra sides. He eats like a … werewolf. I thought to myself. We continued to chat about all types of things while we waited for a dinner. I wanted to ask more random questions, but I kept them to myself. I didn't know if Jacob would understand that knowing the silly useless information was something I enjoyed.

This was different than normal; I felt an expectation on me with the idea of dating Jacob. When it was just us, I was comfortable and we could talk about anything or nothing and everything was fine. Yet when we were on a "date" I felt constricted – perhaps because the only dating experience I had was with him and everything was so strange and different in those few months.

We made it through dinner and he didn't flinch at all when the waitress brought the bill. I was a little shocked to see the amount of green in his wallet when he opened it to pay. I just kept quiet as he stood and offered his hand to me to help me out of the booth.

"Jake, maybe we could go see a movie another night?" I suggested as we walked to his car.

He looked slightly upset for a minute, but his face showed concern, "Are you not having fun? I'm sorry; I thought you'd enjoy the whole 'date' thing."

"Oh, it's not that. I did enjoy dinner; it's just, I don't know," I stumbled over my words, "where did you get the money to pay for all this? You didn't take it out of Billy's wallet did you?"

He laughed, "No Bella, I didn't steal it from Dad. I earned it," he paused and then said a little more quietly, "and Jared gave me some." We were in the car by now but he had yet to back out of the spot. "So do you really not want to go see a movie with me?" He pouted, and stuck his bottom lip out and gave me puppy dog eyes.

I laughed, and nodded, "I'll go see a movie with you, just don't give me the puppy eyes." Jacob drove to the movie theatre and parked. We picked a scary movie and he purchased the tickets – the clerk didn't even card him even though the movie was rated R. Probably because he looks like he's 25, not 16.

The movie was a thriller/suspense movie which made me jump in a few places. Jacob would wrap his arm around me and snuggle his head into my hair and neck. He chuckled at me the first few times, but when the heroine surprised the killer in the end, even Jacob jumped and tightened his hold on my shoulder. We left the movie theatre and drove towards home. We talked about the movie and sang along with a few songs on the radio, Jacob and his out-of-tune singing drowning out my own attempts. He pulled into my driveway and parked.

"I had a good time tonight," I whispered quietly. He smiled, "Thank you, Jake."

"Not a problem," he chuckled and leaned towards me a little, "see you tomorrow?" He looked me directly in the eyes then, I felt very exposed all of a sudden. Like he was looking into my soul, and noticing that there was something different – but the moment passed. I realized I hadn't breathed and gasped to bring more air into my lungs. I nodded to answer his question and he kissed my forehead gently. He leaned back and got out of the car. We didn't say anything, as he walked me to the door and he returned to his car to leave.

I walked in quietly, hoping Charlie was asleep on the couch. No such luck. I heard the rustling of his clothes on the couch cushions and then his footsteps as he walked into the foyer were I was still standing, waiting on him. When Charlie stopped in front of me, his eyes were skimming over my outfit and hair. Apparently when everything looked to his approval, he grunted and said, "Have a good night?"

"Yeah," I paused, wondering if he wanted the details. He raised his eyebrow, waiting, "We went to a steakhouse in Port Angeles, and then we saw the new thriller movie that's out."

He almost grinned, but then went back to his hard interrogating face, "I guess you did go on a real date then. Maybe the boy really does have a job like Billy said. I could have sworn he was just hanging out with all those boys in La Push all the time." He paused again, and then added, "Well, I'm heading up to bed. I'm going fishing with Billy tomorrow, so you'll have to hang out with Emily or Sam if you go see Jacob." I nodded and headed up to my bedroom. I changed into a tank top and sleep shorts and crawled under the covers, hoping I wouldn't have any new nightmares tonight. They had started to spread out, so I only woke up every few nights from them instead of every night.

I tried hard to focus on Jacob as I drifted into sleep, but somehow my dreams combined both Jacob and him. It didn't start out as a nightmare – just a lucid dream. They were arguing, and angry with one another or angry with me. Jacob had that hard expression that he learned from Sam when he was trying to get me to stop bothering him after he phased the first time. He looked angry and hurt, I think, but I didn't understand why. Why would he care if I was with Jacob now, it's not like he really loved me. His anger and hurt turned into rage and he looked more like a vampire than I had ever seen him. He turned his rage from Jacob to me and stalked towards me. His normally topaz eyes were black and smoldering with hatred. I could feel the fear and terror, but my body stayed frozen in place. He reached out and was about to strangle me with one hand when I woke up, sitting straight up in the bed and panting, covered in a cold sweat. I didn't want to tempt my dream world again just right yet, so I decided to get up and wander around the house a little bit. I crawled out of bed and quietly headed down stairs. When I got to the kitchen, the microwave light read 3:42 AM. I sighed, plopped down into a chair, and laid my head on my folded arms on the table. Maybe I could doze out here in the open and not dream. I think I had started to drift back off to dream land sitting at the table when I heard a knock on the door. My eyes shot open immediately and I panicked. Did I really heard that or did I dream it? My night is starting to feel like an Edgar Allen Poe story. I heard the knock again, only slightly louder than before – but not loud enough to hear from upstairs where the bedrooms were. Whoever was knocking on my door knew I was in the kitchen. That's creepy in itself.

I took a deep breath and walked to the door. I unlocked it and peaked out. What I saw startled me, but it didn't scare me. It was Jacob, glancing at the ground and back up at me, wearing his cutoff jeans and a worried look on his face. "What are you doing here, Jake? It's 4 in the morning!" I whisper-yelled at him. I didn't wait for an answer, "and when do you sleep?"

He grinned at my second question and whispered back at me, "I sleep before my shift," he paused again, "and I heard you wake up. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I must have had a confused look on my face because he tried to explain what he meant. "I was patrolling and I heard you scream in your sleep. Then I heard the steps down to the kitchen."

Still confused, I countered with, "I thought you patrolled in the mornings?"

He laughed quietly then, "Bella, sweetheart, it is the morning," he said as if it there was nothing strange about being awake at this time.

I pulled on his hand and he came into the house. I shut the door behind us quietly; he seemed a little confused at first but followed behind me as I lead him into the living room and sat down on the couch. "Okay, how long are your patrolling shifts?"

He looked down sheepishly, "Technically, 12 hours." My eyes bugged out and he clarified, "I sleep from the time you normally leave at 10. Embry's shift starts at 10, mine starts at 2. We usually sleep in the woods, phased, just to be ready at a moment's notice. He'll crash out around 10 in the morning, and my shift ends at 2. Sam, Jared, and Paul stagger their shifts as well. We just started the schedule, but it's all written out and posted on Emily's fridge. We try to keep someone patrolling at all times, just in case we catch a scent. Haven't lately." He shrugged.

"You mean you only go on four hours a sleep a day?" He just nodded. No wonder he sometimes passes out mid-afternoon on my days over.

"As long as we don't skip a day, the schedule works pretty well."

"Why haven't you told me this before, or made me come home earlier? You need to sleep!" I said, almost yelling.

"Shhh, don't wake Charlie. He wouldn't take too well to me being here at 4 something in the morning," Jake quieted me and then answered, "I'll knock a few hours out when you're working," he grinned, "it's nothing."

We sat in the living room, for a bit, just looking at one another and not saying a word. He broke the silence first, "Want to talk about your dream?"

I shook my head. I hadn't talked about them to anyone. I wouldn't even write about them in a journal if I kept one. They were just too personal, too real, too painful.

"You should head on back to bed, though, Dad and Charlie are going fishing and they're probably going to get up soon. Plus, we'll get the house to ourselves for a few hours this afternoon."

"Charlie says we have to hang out with Emily or Sam."

"Well, Sam's patrolling around the water where they'll be fishing; his shift starts at 8. And Emily has a doctor's appointment around 3 this afternoon. So we're all alone," he brought his voice down to what sounded like a pout, but the grin at the end told me it was anything but. "Now, up to bed. I've got to get back out there," he pointed towards the door.

I don't know what made me say it, but I blurted out, "Come with me?" in a soft whisper. I hope he didn't hear it, but he nodded in acknowledgement and stood up. When I didn't stand up with him, he bent down and picked me up, carrying me in his arms up the stairs. He laid me down and pulled the covers up over me, he flopped down next to me on top of the covers. It was so familiar and different at the same time, I wanted to cry.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep, okay?" He said into my hair as he wrapped his arm over my stomach protectively. I nodded and whispered goodnight to him, and internally wept. Was Jacob replacing him?

Had he replaced me already? I tried to hide inside my head, to stifle the pain that was starting to bubble up to the surface, that I had done a decent job of hiding while I was around Jake, but it wouldn't go back down. I focused all my energy on trying to breathe evenly, so I wouldn't start sobbing with Jacob snuggling next to me. I guess it worked, because the next thing I remember is the sunlight streaming through my window and being alone in my room with my pain.

I contemplated getting out of bed and going about my daily routine, but I remembered that Charlie wasn't home. I decided I wanted to try something, so I climbed out of bed and dropped myself into the chair in front of the ancient computer. I pressed the button and it slowly came to life. While I waited for the machine, I thought about what I was going to try. First, I wanted to do a little research. In essence, part of me died when he left, and although I went into total zombie mode, I don't think I actually grieved for the loss. Once I had woken up, I'd stifled all thoughts of him by spending time with Jake. Lately, I had even stopped a lot of the reckless behavior – I hadn't heard his voice in weeks.

Once the computer and internet was available, I went to a search engine and typed the first thing that came to mind, "how to grieve" I tacked on "widow" just to specify, I didn't want to read or think about losing Renee or Charlie at the moment. I clicked the first link that came up and read the page. I went back, and checked out the next few links as well. More than once, the idea of talking about the lost loved one came up. I thought about the best person to talk to. It didn't help that he is a supernatural creature. I could try to talk to Emily, but I didn't want what I had to say about him to get back to Jacob. I'm sure Emily would confide in Sam, and then Jacob would see what Emily had told him. I thought about the anonymity of the internet, but I decided against that – they trusted me with their vital secret, and I wasn't going to go back on that. The last option I came up with was to write in a journal and deal with it as the emotions hit me. I didn't want Charlie to find it though. I thought of a way to disguise it, and the idea came to me. I could use a notebook from school, and label as an English project. I'd just use middle names if I wanted to identify someone.

I shut down the computer and pulled out a spare notebook from where I'd tossed my books and put some paper in it. I sat cross-legged on my bed and just started writing. I wrote in third person about how Marie met Tony and learned his secret. I substituted a few names for people whose middle names I didn't know. Like Jacob was William after Billy. I thought it was slightly funny how his name turned into a nickname while Jake's had become a full name. I wrote about how Marie and Tony had first kissed and Marie had enjoyed spending time with Tony's sister Ally. I skipped around in my story and started writing about how Marie felt after Tony died. How she spent months living on autopilot, how she couldn't even remember Thanksgiving or Christmas. I wrote a little about how Marie had delusions of Tony's voice and how she felt like she was replacing Tony with William.

It felt strange to get the words on the paper and I finally just stopped writing. My hand had cramped up sometime ago and my legs were numb from not moving. I felt relieved and almost as if a burden had been lifted once I'd started writing. Once I had actually written out the words – "replacing him." I heard a knock and the door opening downstairs. I glanced at my watch and noticed it was a little after two. I couldn't believe I had been writing for hours! I quickly stuffed the notebook in a drawer of the desk and made my way to the top of the stairs. Jake was already almost to the top when I got there, and the smile that greeted me faltered slightly.

"Did you sleep alright after I left?" He asked as he hugged me gently and kissed the top of my head. I nodded. "Did you just get up?" Jake asked as he pulled back and surveyed my outfit.

"No, I was just bumming for a bit. Where did you want to hang out at?"

Jacob's smiled grew wide at the comment, "My house, if that's okay with you?" I nodded again and went to get clothes for the day.

"I'll just be a minute," I said as I walked into the bathroom, and Jacob nodded and sat down on my bed to rest while I showered.