I drove my truck to Jacob's house while we chatted about how Quil was adjusting. Apparently, he phased for the first time this morning. Embry explained everything just like when Jacob first phased, and Jacob talked about how to phase back. I parked in my usual spot and got out, walking towards the garage – our normal hangout.
"Where are you going?" I heard Jacob question from behind me. I turned around and looked at him; he was standing on the front porch. I shrugged and started back up to the house.
"I just thought we were going to hang out while you tinkered with something," I said as I walked through the front door after him.
"Oh, I mean we can, but I was thinking we could watch some TV," he suggested. He flopped down on the couch and motioned for me to join him. I kicked off my shoes and tossed my jacket on the coffee table then sat down beside him. Jake instantly pulled me onto his lap and flipped the TV on with the remote. He randomly set the channel at some talk shows and turned the volume down a little.
Jacob kissed the back of my neck over my hair, and then moved my hair to the side and started kissing behind my ear and along my shoulder and collarbone. "Jake," I protested a little but he didn't stop his kisses. "Jake, stop," I said, a little more forcefully.
He stopped and pulled away enough to look at me, "Why? I thought you liked it when I kiss you," he pouted a little and looked up at me – giving me puppy dog eyes.
"I do like the kisses, but, I thought we'd talk a little instead of going straight to making out," I mumbled out, doing my best to ignore the pleading look on his face.
"But we did talk – in the truck on the way over, now I just want to shower you with kisses," he said as he went back to placing little chaste kisses along my neck and shoulder. His lips found the sweet spot behind my ear then and goose bumps went down my arms.
"Mmm," was the only sound that came out of me then. He continued his assault of kisses and soon started in with little nips and licks. He was tugging my shirt over my shoulder to get better access to my neck, but the cloth was digging into my skin on the other side. "Jake," I moaned his name, "you're strangling me, take my shirt off."
"Hmm?" he stopped and leaned back just enough to get a look at my face, and then pulled my t-shirt over my head without so much as another word. He resumed his tasting of my skin and gently laid me back onto the couch so I was under him. The pressure of his body on mine made me pay attention to my core, and the way it was starting to throb. His hands moved from my back to my sides, they paused there for a moment and then continued slowly up, caressing the sides of my breasts. That faint touch caused the heat to pool between my legs and my nipples to get hard.
Jacob's fiery fingers trailed small patterns over my bare flesh; each caress teasing and sending chills across my skin. After every caress of his hands, he'd kiss the goose bumps away. Besides the barely there touch in passing, he hadn't even come near my breasts. The anticipation to get his hands on them was excruciating. I arched my back and whimpered and he got the hint. His hands reached around me and deftly unhooked my bra. He slid it down my arms slowly and tossed it on the floor when it was completely off. His hands greedily grabbed my now free breasts and massaged them tenderly; while his hands were occupied, he delivered kisses to my neck, jaw, and behind my ear.
The feel of his hands on my skin was intense and I closed my eyes at the sensations. The way his skin felt when it touched mine felt like fire that didn't hurt, a burning that never ceased but continually increased between my legs. His mouth left mine, traveled down to the valley between my breasts to my belly, and stopped at my pants.
His hands left my breasts and started to the button on my jeans. I panicked then. "Jake," I said, though it came out like a moan. "Jake," I said more forcefully.
He paused and looked up at me, "Hmm?" but then unzipped my pants.
"Jake stop," I said again.
He stopped and pulled back enough to see my face clearly. His brows were pulled together and he looked puzzled. "Why?"
"I don't…. I umm. I'm just not ready," I forced my words out.
The grin he gave me was my first clue that he didn't understand. He brought his nose right to my core over my jeans and breathed deeply, closing his eyes. "Smells like you're ready to me," he mumbled as he started kissing the skin above my slightly exposed panties. I felt the blush creep into my cheeks with that comment.
"No Jake, stop. That's not what I meant." He paused again and a look of understanding passed over his features.
"Oh," was all he said as he zipped and re-buttoned my pants. He got up off me, picked up my bra and shirt and tossed them lightly to me. "I'll be right back," he said and started to walk away.
"Where are you going?" I asked confused and slightly frustrated, even though it was my fault we had stopped.
He smiled as he turned around, walking backwards towards the door down the hall. "A very cold shower," at that he disappeared into the bathroom.
I felt the blush spring to my cheeks. I caused that reaction in him. I liked that. It felt like I had some power over him, to know that I could affect him just as he could affect me. As much as I didn't really feel ready emotionally, my body was screaming at me, why did you stop him! I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the TV talk shows in front of me, to calm my body down.
My thoughts wandered to Jake as a set of commercials followed the court-on-tv show. I wonder if Jacob was really taking that cold shower, or if he's alleviating his problem in a more physical way. I blushed at the thought. About that time, I heard the door to the bathroom open and he came out. He looked calm and collected, and back to his warm, happy self. I pushed the horny thoughts from my head and smiled at him. He smiled back and flopped down onto the couch beside me.
"What's going on so far?" he asked and pointed towards the TV. I filled him in on the basics and then we sat in comfortable silence as the rest of the show continued. When the show was over, Jake turned the volume down and turned to face me.
"Sorry I rushed you," he mumbled and looked down at his lap. The look of shame on his face made me feel sorry that I had stopped him almost, but the voice inside me was saying you're not ready for that just yet.
"I'm sorry for leading you on," I whispered, "I'm just not ready emotionally." I paused and tacked on, "I told you I was broken."
"Don't say that," he whispered back harshly. "You are not broken. You're heart is just a little bruised. I should have known better, it's just I get carried away sometimes."
I didn't want to sulk anymore so I attempted a bit of humor, "How did you learn to unhook a bra that fast?"
"Sam," he stated; a look of confusion must have settled on my face because when he looked up he amended shaking his head and pointing to his temple with his hand, "In Sam's memories, I mean."
I nodded. "Want to go out and tinker on something?" I asked hesitantly. He just looked up from his lap with a smile.
"Sure," he said and jumped up from his spot on the couch. I clicked the button on the remote, turning the TV off and followed him outside. We spent the last day of spring break chatting and tinkering in his garage until Emily called to let us know she was back from her appointment and to come over so we wouldn't be caught without a chaperone.
Late that evening when I drove home to cook dinner for Charlie and me, I debated with myself about whether I should write about this in my pseudo-story. I concluded that yes, I should probably tackle this problem and writing it out seemed to relieve the weight that was burdening my shoulders about replacing him. Not that I could say his name yet. I was scared that it would still hurt, that the hole in my chest would force itself to rip apart again. Scared the stitches that Jacob had hastily sown me up with wouldn't hold the dam of emotion that was sure to come if I thought about him directly.
I grilled some salmon from a previous day's catch and stewed some veggies to go with it. During dinner, Charlie asked if we'd ever tinker with the truck instead of Jacob's Rabbit. I said no, because then I wouldn't have a ride back and forth and he just nodded. I'm glad he didn't go in the garage that often, otherwise he would have spotted the motorcycles that we had been tinkering on rather than Jake's car. Charlie would no doubt flip if he knew I had been riding a motorcycle.
After dinner, I froze the newly cleaned catch that Charlie had brought home, and headed up to bed early. Once I was sure I heard snores coming from downstairs, I pulled the notebook out of my desk and started writing.
I wrote about the pain and fear Marie had about opening herself up to someone else. Marie wanted to give herself completely over. Isn't that what living is about? Taking that giant leap of faith and stepping out? I wrote about how William was interested in taking things father with Marie, how Marie had stopped him and felt bad. Maybe if Marie did go through with it, things would work out.
Don't women get those fuzzy feelings for a person once they've shared their bed with them? Isn't that something she learned in sex-ed in Phoenix? That women get that fuzzy, "I love you" feeling from sex and men don't, and authority figures don't want the girls to get hurt – so they use that "he'll break your heart because he doesn't feel the same way" message to try to keep the girls from having sex in the first place. Not that it really helped in Phoenix, but the message was there. She didn't know if it was scientific fact or not.
Maybe if she did, then she'd be more attached. More in "like," because she didn't believe she was really in love. Not like before. Never like that again. This could work. Marie just has to go with it. Her body felt ready enough.
After going back and rereading that last half a page, I realized it shouldn't really be included in the "story," rather it was more like a journal entry. So I tore that page out and stuffed it into the back of the notebook, hopefully hidden from prying eyes, not like anyone would be here snooping anyway.
I continued to write about how Marie missed Tony and his family. She might be getting better about the fact that they left her after Tony "died." I wrote about the idea that the family couldn't handle their own grief about losing her too. Because once Tony died, all she was, was a memory. There was no place for her within their group now.
I finally put the notebook away and got ready for bed. School started back up tomorrow and I'd rather have some sleep to prepare myself. I'd been the most non-zombie like since September, and I was waiting on the onslaught of comments from the likes of Jessica, Lauren, and the others. Maybe Angela would stay nearby to keep me company.
That night as I was unsuccessfully sleeping, I had this strange feeling that I was being watched. Or looked after. It was a strange sensation, but I wrote it off to the fact that Jacob was patrolling around my house lately. Though in the more conscious part of my mind, I knew he wasn't out there yet, as it was only about midnight. I tried to shrug the feeling off and fell into an uneasy sleep.
I awoke to the sound of my alarm beeping. I jolted straight up in the bed. Apparently the uneasy feeling I had been having last night had lingered. I shut the alarm off quickly and shuffled out of bed to take a shower and grab some breakfast before school. Charlie had already gone to work from the looks of things and I was alone in my thoughts this morning.
I cranked my truck, the sound of its engine roaring to life as usual. The drive to school was much too short for my liking but soon I felt like school things were back in full swing. Tests were being scheduled and books assigned. I wondered if I'd be more able to concentrate now that I was fully awake and aware as opposed to my zombie state. My grades had definitely shifted during that time. English and comprehension courses, like psychology had gone down, but the mindless numb repetitive work of my math class, the grade had actually improved. Probably because I wasn't over thinking the problems, and I was doing more work than assigned because I'd just continue past where the assignment stopped because I wasn't paying attention.
After a few meaningless comments from the popular crowd, I was left to myself for lunch. My last class passed swiftly and I was driving home before I knew it. Only two more months of high school, I could get through it if it goes as quickly as today did. I had this nagging feeling that something was missing, or that I was missing something important. Something I just couldn't figure out. Maybe it had to do with Quil phasing for the first time yesterday.
When I got home, Jacob was waiting on the front porch for me. He wasn't smiling. In fact he looked horrible. I parked and jumped out of the truck and ran to his side, almost tripping and falling in a puddle on the way.
"Jake, what's wrong?" He looked up and his eyes were bloodshot, and he just shook his head.
"Lots of things are going wrong today, it seems," he spoke quietly. "Can we go inside first?" I nodded and picked the key swiftly from my key ring. Unlocking the door, I tossed my stuff on the floor by the door and grabbed Jake's hand and pulled him inside. I wouldn't be able to move him if he wanted, but he followed me to the living room.
"What's going on Jacob?" I implored.
"Where do I start?" he asked the question rhetorically, but I answered anyway.
"The beginning usually helps."
A tiny huff and smile appeared at the small joke, but his face returned to its grimace soon after. "Quil phased yesterday, because we caught a vampire's scent. It was familiar."
"Victoria?"
He shook his head, "No, one of the Cullen's," he muttered and swallowed hard. I whimpered a little at his admission, but he continued before I could muster the courage to question which one. "Today, we caught Victoria's scent not far from the coast. She tried breaking through to you by coming in from the ocean." Her presence caused two more wolves to phase for the first time. Seth and Leah Clearwater," He paused here, waiting for what he'd said to sink in.
"Wait, Leah? I thought only boys phased?" I asked the question he wanted me to.
"We did too. Harry Clearwater is on the council, he knows all the legends, but the idea of both his children phasing – including his daughter was too much for him. He had a heart attack because of it." Jacob swallowed hard again. "Harry died today," he mumbled almost inaudibly.
"Oh God," were the only words to fall out of my mouth at that. Harry was Charlie and Billy's best friend. Poor Sue was left to take care of two hot tempered new wolves. I jumped up at that thought and headed to the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Jacob said with confusion laced through his voice.
"I'm going to make some food to take to Sue and the kids. I know everyone else might too, but she's going to be too distraught to cook," I said in a rush, "and wolves eat a lot." I was standing by the pantry at this point and Jacob came round the door and pulled me up into a large, but gentle hug.
"You're so compassionate," he kissed the top of my head as he set me down on my feet again, "thank you," he whispered into my hair. We stayed like that for a long moment, and he broke the silence first, "can I rest a bit on your couch while you cook?" I smiled up at him.
"Of course, Jake," I hugged him tightly and then let go. He went into the living room and I heard the cushions rustle and the springs squeak as he flopped down onto the couch.
I decided on what to cook for the Clearwater's, and whoever else may be at their house supporting the family during this hard time in their lives. Green bean casserole, tuna salad, homemade macaroni and cheese, and vegetable soup. I couldn't think of anything else that wouldn't take hours to cook at a different temperature than what I'd already have in the oven. About two hours later, I supposed the aroma of the menu woke Jake because he staggered into the room sniffing noticeably. I smiled from my spot in front of the stove when he came in and he looked at me with an apology in his eyes.
"No apologies for the nap, I needed time to cook anyway." I stated to quiet him before he started, "But I'll need some help taking this down to the Clearwater home, want a ride? I noticed you didn't have a car. I figured you ran as a wolf." He smiled and nodded, realizing that I didn't need him to speak. He hugged me tightly and waited for instructions as I started packing up the food I'd made into Tupperware. I found a large plastic bag from the Thriftway, settled all the food containers inside, and handed it to Jacob.
"Wow, you cooked all this while I was asleep?" He looked a little stunned.
"Yep, but don't tip the bag, there's soup in there too." Jacob chuckled then for a moment as we headed out to my truck. "What's so funny?"
"You cook like Emily, like you're cooking for a werewolf or two. I liked the thought of you cooking for us, I guess."
I noticed the hint, and warned, "Careful, or I'll recruit you to kitchen duty to help me."
He smiled then and joked, "If you do, you won't really ever serve anything. I'll end up eating it while we're cooking."
I giggled at his joke and started the truck. As I pulled onto the road that lead to La Push, I could have sworn I saw a black Mercedes stop and turn around in my rearview mirror, headed the opposite way. I wanted to question Jake about which Cullen was here, but I kept it to myself. I'd ask another time.