"Leafpool!" exclaims Hollypaw from spot in front of the den, waking me from my uneasy sleep.
"Yes, Hollypaw?" I ask drowsily.
"Well, a border patrol is going out, and I was sent to ask you if you needed any herbs gathered," Hollypaw explains.
"Oh, yes, that would be nice," I tell her, nudging my blind son, Jaypaw, out of his peaceful sleep. "Jaypaw, go with the border patrol, and look for yarrow, comfrey, burdock root, and dried oak leaf. I don't like the way things are going with Windclan," I answer, sending them off to join the patrol. Squirrelflight pads up to me as I watch all three of my kits leave the camp.
"You've got to stop worrying about them they'll be fine," she purrs.
"What are you talking about?" I ask, even though I have a pretty good idea.
"Leafpool, you know what I mean. They may not be my kits, but I certainly looked after them as if they were mine. I know what it feels like to be a mother," she chastise me.
"Do you need something?" I ask sharply. We weren't supposed to talk about it, especially not in camp, not where anyone else might hear.
"Well, actually, I was just with Mousefur, and she complains of a bellyache, and she has a few ticks as well. I was wondering if I could have some mouse bile for the ticks, and I came to ask you if something could be done for her bellyache," Squirrelflight tells me, and I scoot a bile-soaked clump of moss, rummaging through the shelves for some chervil roots.
"Here you go," I say, and she picks up the bile gingerly in her mouth. "I'll help you." I accompany her to the elder's den, and set the roots down next to Mousefur. "Chew this. It'll help with your bellyache," I tell her, and then leave the den to give myself some space to think.
When I'm alone with my thoughts, I often worry more about my kits, good apprentices, all of them. Lionpaw is such a strong fighter, although I worry the most about him. He knows so many moves that are so advanced, I don't even know if Ashfur taught them to him. But then where could he be learning these…
And Jaypaw works so hard to impress everyone, but he's such a snoop, and I think that he might find out the secret anyways, even if I don't tell them. And how will he react? He's always had faith in me, or at least I think so. What will he say if I tell him? I can already guess….
And Hollypaw, she wants to serve her clan with all of her heart. But if she's from two clans, what will she think? Will she give up her dream? She's tried her hardest, and to give up now?
"Leafpool?" Hollypaw interrupts me through a mouthful of herbs.
"Oh, hello Hollypaw," I say, picking up the herbs from where she has dropped them on the ground.
"These are only a fourth of the herbs we've found!" she exclaims happily, happy because she's becoming the best warrior she can be.
"Good job, Hollypaw. Have the others bring the herbs to my den," I purr, and bring the mouthful of herbs to my den to be sorted and stored.
'I shouldn't tell them just now,' I think as I store the herbs, laying down to get a few more hours rest. 'Whenever they find out will be soon enough.'