All characters still belong to JK.
A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—excessivelyperky, duj, Looks Far Woman, debjunk, notwritten and MaritimeStars
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Several weeks have gone by and today is warm enough to take Inanna outside in a jacket, so we sit on the front stoop of our building and watch the world go by. I can't believe how grown-up she's getting. While I sit, she pulls up on my knees and tries to stand all by herself. But her little legs aren't quite strong enough, so she winds up falling on her bottom. But the little imp is very determined. She just tries over and over. I wish Severus were here so he could see her new trick.
Although I'm happy to see how strong and healthy my daughter is, seeing her grow up makes me a little sad. I haven't told Severus yet, but at my last treatment I found out I can't have any more children.
I had been thinking about Bill and Fleur, and I was feeling so good that day, no tiredness, no nosebleeds or anything and I felt optimistic enough to work up the courage to ask Dr. Bella.
"It's too dangerous to think about getting pregnant while you're being treated."
"But I'm feeling better and you said I'm responding well to the treatments. Maybe this is the perfect time to try."
"You're partly right--between our treatments and your husband's potions you're doing much better than we could have expected. But you're still a very sick woman. Artinem's doesn't just go away. Besides, it has its own complications."
"Okay, so let's just pretend--just for the moment--that the potions make me all better--and maybe it could happen, because I'm doing really well. Could I have children then?"
"Oh, Mrs. Snape, please don't do this to yourself. Don't torture yourself like this..."
"Dr. Bella, I have to know."
She hesitated and I started pleading, "Please, I have to know. Either way, I have to know."
At that she sighed and sent up for the set of gyne-wands. One by one she passed them over my belly. And that's when I knew, without her even telling me. Not one of the wands glowed. Not even a weak, little flicker.
She shook her head at me and I had to look out the window to blink back tears. So--even if I do get better, there won't be any more children. I didn't want to get all crying and hysterical on her, after she was good enough to check for me. After all, it was my idea for her to test me and she tried to talk me out of it. I managed to make it all the way home without crying, but once I was alone I let go. I was shocked at how sad I felt. I didn't even know how much I wanted another baby until I learned I couldn't have one.
So here I am today, watching Inanna try to stand, and I'm proud of her, but a little sad, too. I'd kind of like her to stay a baby. But before I can work myself up into another cry about it, off in the distance I see Cassandra and Ariadne, the witches from upstairs. They're far enough away that I can compose myself. It would never do for them to see me tearful. We get along, but we're not close or anything and I wouldn't feel comfortable confiding in them.
"Hi, Hermione!" Ari calls out when she gets near.
Cassandra flops onto the step next to me and grins happily. "Congratulate us, Hermione--we passed exams and now we're full-fledged Aurors."
"Actually, we will be in two weeks," Ari contradicts her. "That's when they'll have the graduation ceremonies."
"Hey, that's great, you two."
"Yeah, you should have seen my dad when I Flooed him at work. I thought he was going to start dancing right there in the middle of his office," Ari laughs.
"I have to go right up and owl my folks," adds Cassandra, although she reaches for Inanna and puts her on her lap. "We're going to have a party after the ceremony, and you're invited of course, you and Severus."
Inanna is at that age where she gets anxious around strangers. She screws up her face and reaches for me. Cassandra laughs and hands her back, not at all offended--she came from a big family and she knows all about babies.
"It's also a bon voyage party," she says. "Ari and I got a new flat, closer to the office."
"Congratulations, although I'll be sorry to see you go."
"You sure our loud parties didn't keep you awake?"
"You weren't so loud. We liked having you living upstairs. Best of luck."
They head up to their flat so Cassandra can send that owl and I'm alone again with the baby on the stoop. I'll ask Severus if he wants to go to the party, but I know he'll say no. The last place he would want to be is at a party full of Dark Wizard catchers. He's too famous and he'd be too conspicuous. Severus hates to be conspicuous--he still has the Dark Mark on his arm and he'll have it his whole life--that's why he always wears long sleeves, even in the summer.
But I know he won't mind if I go by myself and make an appearance. I don't know if I will, though--I'll have to think about it. I prefer going places with Severus, but sometimes I get lonely for the company of people my own age.
I'm a little envious of Cassandra and Ari--I'd like to move out of this neighborhood, too. The rents are cheap, so we really have an interesting mix of neighbors. Some are upwardly mobile, or students. They come and go. But some of the neighbors are people who couldn't quite make it in the wizarding world, because they had personal problems or their powers were very weak. Real down-and-outers. Then there are the squibbs, who grew up around wizards and don't quite fit into muggle society, either. There are even a few wizard wannabe's. They're the most pathetic of all. The wannabe's are muggles who have a wizard sibling or cousin. They know all about us and they want to be us. They wear our fashions, and eat our food, and use our language. It's really pretty sad--they should be proud of being who they are. My parents are quite comfortable in the wizarding world but would never dream of pretending to be wizards--besides, Mum secretly thinks wizard fashions are silly-looking. Oh, well. I guess everybody's different.
This probably sounds snobbish, but I don't really want Inanna growing up here because I think she'd be better off getting away from this class of people. But moving takes money, and although we don't live in poverty, Severus never knows where his next assignment is coming from, and those goblins at Gringotts like to see a steady, predictable income before they'll give you a loan.
I wonder who will move in upstairs. If I had my way, it would be another nice, wizard family with a baby for Inanna to play with and a wife for me to be friends with.