Hey fellers, I'm sorry for the lack of updates but, in a nut shell, I've been going through rather busy, tragic, depressing and totally unfortunate times with a serious writer's block. Caution: This chapter is written in a very un-Neena-ish mood so please, bear with me. There will be grammatical mistakes and the vocabulary sucks big time!
Note: Keeping in mind the reviews about chapter lengths and the fact that I have very less time and a deranged mind, this chapter is rather short. Chapter 4 and 5 (once I've posted it) are actually one chapter in total and I'll merge them together soon enough. I'm sorry but this chapter is short of three major scenes which will be in Chapter 5. I hope this makes sense.
Please don't sue me. This is not my best effort yet. And I'm sorry for cutting the scenes but it's either this update or a month later update. Forgive me.
Enjoy!
Chapter No. 4
Morning was here. The army of dark clouds had retreated somewhat to allow the lone rays of light to pass through for once. The same rays that now crept into the room, an apparent irony against the stinging coolness. They spread out as if in a curious search, illuminating the very corners of the room. And then stayed, though glowing but somehow dull as if disappointed for not succeeding in their hunt.
Ray laid there, awake yet benumbed. The white sheets pooled around him, ruffled and creased, deftly indicating to be straightened out yet not a muscle was moved. He just laid there, eyes not blinking, his breathing indiscernible. For how long had he gazed at the window right next to his bed, his mind did not comprehend. Nor that he cared.
A dream…a figment of imagination of a tensed, deranged mind…nothing but a nightmare…
Placing his hands on either side, he pushed himself up in a sitting position. He would have bit his lips at the painful stiffness in his limbs but somehow not a single pang of discomfort woke him up from his dead state. Surveying the room tiredly, he slowly moved his legs as if to test their mobility. A sharp pain ran up his spine yet, else then a gradual blink, not a sound left those pliant lips. Getting to his feet, Ray subconsciously trudged to the life sized oval mirror in the corner, not even berating on what to expect.
And truly, it had no affect, whatsoever, on the teen who stood there in cold, scrutinizing his reflection with not even a flicker of concern.
His sick body was clad in nothing more than a pair of black trousers, skin slick albeit pale, pupils dilated exactly like when eyes constrict in a state of fever or flu. His gaze slowly traveled to his hands where the finger tips held a tinge of blue, the normally pink nails discolored. And then it went for the cold lips, swollen and bruised, the lower one supporting a minute scratch. And finally, it landed on the three bruises decorating his neck, standing out prominently in the naked daylight.
Ray simply stood there, lost, his eyes slightly wide as he took in his less than immaculate condition, eyes roaming slowly over his self before meeting the confused hues of gold that reflected back in what seemed like deep, hidden sorrow.
"Look what he did to you…"
Ray slowly lifted his gaze from his abused neck and froze.
Hidden behind the silver bangs, crimson burnt his soul as Kai pore over the reflection in the mirror with a slight tilt of his head, standing less than a foot behind him.
Ray did not move, did not speak, did not feel, as Kai's eyes dimmed, portraying a sense of irreplaceable loss. He watched through the mirror as his ex-lover exhaled slightly before resting his chin on his shoulder. Goose pimples appeared on his exposed skin as the Russian's pale fingers reached up to glide over his arm in a feather light touch, stroking but not actually touching, as Kai examined the bite marks.
Disappointment, agony and deep sadness etched on those handsome features as the bluenette sighed and closed his eyes, gently turning his head to whisper in that pointy ear, lips millimeters away,
"…He ruined you…"
Raven bangs whipped at the force as Ray turned violently to his right, his mind actually betraying him as the crimson orbs faded away.
Managing to ease his beating heart, he scanned the room with a hidden fear of being found yet other than his tainted being, no one was there. Not even the phantom of his lover. And once realizing this fakeness and harshness of the reality, his heart sank. Painful it was so much that he did not even turn back to his questioning reflection.
A wave of nausea hit his head and Ray almost collapsed with the dizziness. Clutching his hair, his eyes turned at the bottle on his nightstand, lying innocently there with the unbroken seal mocking him for being so naïve to accept them without reason. Not able to brook the brunt, his legs gave away and he landed on his knees on the wooden floor.
The sudden urge to scream and thrash out in desperation did not go unnoticed by his conscience yet at the same time, he felt drained, so completely drained. Slowly liberating his fingers from the knotted hair, he let his hands fall on either side, defeated. Golden eyes once more landed on the bottle of drugs and all the sensation suddenly left his system, leaving a deep hallow cavern devoid of any emotions and inner turmoil.
What went wrong…? What possibly could've gone so wrong to land him where he was now? How could it…? Why did Lee…?
Ray stopped.
Lee!
His mind eventually kicked into action when his hearing ability caught on some television noises from the small lounge to his bedroom, the only barrier in between being a slightly ajar door.
A shiver ran down his body as the events of yesterday night flashed before his eyes, vivid in their description. Did Ray dare approach him?
Slowly and carefully climbing to his feet, Ray gritted his teeth when his limbs protested again against the unfair moment. Yet gulping down the trepidation, he rubbed his slightly sweaty palms on his trouser legs and made for the door.
And the tiger awakens.
Lee drained his tea and placed the mug with mindless graffiti printed upon it on the coffee table. A smirk crept up his face and he turned from his recumbent position on the couch to his dear neko-jin standing under the doorframe.
Gods, I can't believe someone can still look so…fuck-able…even like this.
Lee ran his eyes, unashamedly, over the barely clothed body and was amused when disbelief settled into Ray's features. Still, not giving up the chance to please his own self even more, Lee greeted, his tongue running over his upper teeth for a second,
"Good morning, Ray."
Ray looked torn between stepping back in retreat and standing there and facing what Lee had in stored for him. And it was appreciable that he chose the latter, even when he was aware that Lee followed his stumped movements intently.
Ray gradually crossed the threshold and sat away on the only other single seat present there, way far for the lion's liking. Hands clasped tightly in the lap and legs drawn closed, Ray stared at his hands before turning to the anchor person reporting the latest wrestling championships in the sports segment. Though it was habitual of him to take a peek at the hourly news, especially in the morning, the nine o'clock news hardly did anything to distract him, hence, he turned back to stare down again.
"Had a good night sleep, Ray?"
Lee could have almost shivered in deep carnal pleasure when Ray noticeably tensed up and registered him with a wavering gaze. Hair spiked in every direction, he could tell that he had left an everlasting impression on him for he could easily detect the fear and unease in his eyes.
Though failing to respond, Ray still jumped when Lee made the sudden moment to stand up, "Let me get you some hot tea."
Ray closed his eyes and tried to soften the parched throat. He knew it was now or never. Or else he would just totally lose it and submit to a simpering mess. He just knew he would. And somehow, he wasn't ready to let this opportunity pass away, to break down again. The guy…the guy had sex with him……involuntary sex……raped him…
He squeezed his eyes even closer together, noticing the inevitable moist gathering behind his lids. It was such a word…such a big word… It couldn't be associated with him. It shouldn't!
"…Lee…" Ray opened his eyes to register the other, his hair standing erect with anxiety. He managed not to choke when the said person tilted his head casually in reply,
"Yeah…Ray?"
Amber eyes watched as Ray's lower lip wavered in apprehension, not knowing how to or what to say out loud. His sight traveled from the face to the well toned chest and Lee suddenly had an urge to touch that skin, to feel it shudder under his fingers, to stroke it like his own possession. His smirk widened a bit and he turned back to Ray who had yet to utter anything else.
Feeling it was time wastage, Lee opened his mouth but Ray beat him to it,
"Lee, h-how could you?!"
"Hmm…? How could I what, Ray?"
His shoulders shook in tremors and he snaked his arms around his bare chest in somewhat defense before faltering a reply, "Why did you do that? How-how could you do that?"
Lee registered the raven head quietly before beckoning him with his finger, effectively freezing him on the spot, "Come here, Ray."
The words held such an authority yet a profound sense of attachment and understanding and looking back, Ray would never know what caused him to actually comply.
Lee internally chuckled as Ray stood up shakily before sitting on the couch near him and facing him with wariness. Not able to keep it to himself, Lee smirked in victory, watching as the golden orbs widened before narrowing dangerously,
"You bastard." Ray whispered, hating himself for actually obeying the other.
"No Ray…" Lee cooed back before reaching forward and cupping the surprised neko's cheek.
Ray jerked up when the touch registered in his mind but Lee took advantage of his moment of shock and pushed him against the high arm rest. Internal fear was washed away by sudden rage and Ray balled his fist, ready to pummel the other's face but his punch was caught in the tight grip.
Lee grinned when Ray's eyes scrunched up as he twisted his wrist in warning, "Those drugs were highly potent, Ray."
"I won't let you get away with this!" A venomous hiss and a death glare was the only reply Lee got before Ray once more tried to throw him off.
Not liking the useless struggle and the fact that he was being kept from the tiger, Lee managed to grab the other wrist too. The surprise was short lived as Ray pulled his legs back to kick in defense. Only, Lee climbed on top of them, pressing his knees deep into his thighs at a very painful angle to keep the younger from kicking out with rage. Ray gritted his teeth at the sheer violence and bit his tongue to keep from groaning as his limbs trembled under the forceful stress.
The lion watched with appreciation as Ray's struggles, as little and futile as they were, slowly stopped and he opened his eyes to look at him, confusion mixed with anger, "What are you doing?! Let go Lee!"
A smirk only came in response and Lee grabbed both caught wrist in one hand and straightened up a bit, knowing that the movement caused the one under him tremendous pain as his whole body weight rested on Ray's legs. Running his free fingers through his hair, he glanced down. How long had he wished to be in this position, to have this angel beneath him, writhing and trembling? To be dominant and finally gain control over one creature who was the cause of many wet dreams and sleepless nights.
Lee knew he was a sadist. And oh he loved that so; especially the fact that it was Ray who was his prey, his delicious hunt.
"Lee, get off! You're hurting me!" Ray was getting restless. The ebony head had not spoken and was studying him so intently that it made Ray no less comfortable as he was already in that posture. His arms and legs useless with a migraine gradually fabricating in the side of his head, the neko could see that the only safe way out was through negotiations.
Yet somehow, his mind doubted that and his heart backed it up with immense fear.
"Lee…please…let go!" He whispered as the hand in his hair kept up the lazy strokes. Sheen of tears glossed his eyes as the person addressed did not give any heed to his request. Instead, he watched with ever growing dread as Lee bent forward, bringing his lips closer and closer, "Lee…stop…" With a sole crystal drop escaping, he turned his head to one side to avoid the contact only to let out a shuddering gasp when those lips traced his side of the neck.
Lee could feel the shivering, the pants, could feel the fright controlling Ray's body as he kissed the tanned skin, pleasured quivers running down his own back at the troubled gasps.
Ray squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lips to stop the impending moans and huffs yet of course he was only human and could not conjure enough will to forget that it was friend that was assaulting him right there in his home, "…Lee…" He breathed through clenched teeth as the mouth withdrew, leaving his confidence and state of mind crippled.
"I want you, Ray…"
He met those amber eyes and it shook Ray to see such alien longing in them.
"I want you now. Just like I've wanted you for all these years… Do you even realize how much I love you?"
"This isn't love, Lee," Ray whispered back, his breath reflecting after hitting the face above, "You're driven by lust! How-how could you? I can't believe this-! Get off!"
Ray hissed when Lee pressed him deeper into the couch by his knees. His legs bent beneath him with the lion sitting on his thighs, his feet had long lost proper circulation while the tips of his fingers had gone bluish by the single hand grip on his wrist.
"I can't believe this is you, Lee" The neko swallowed, continuing through the pain while his assaulter just looked at him, "I never thought you'd ever do this! To me, especially! I-"
Silently, Ray cried. He cried because lips covered his own in a soft chaste kiss. He didn't want this. Not now, not ever!
"You know you want this, Ray. You know I want this. So why can't you grant me this satisfaction? Why can't you be mine?"
"I don't belong to anyone." His lips brushed against Lee's yet there felt a need to respond to the other's fatuous demands.
Lee smirked, "Oh yeah? What about Hiwatari then?"
Ray shifted at the mention of his ex-lover, partially to throw off the other and partially because the previous night's memories and the one he encountered in the bedroom flooded his mind. Not making any success in the former though and knowing that the ebony head was expecting an answer or a defeat, Ray whispered, "Kai never owned me…I didn't belong to him because I don't belong to anyone. This has gone far, Lee. Get off!"
As expected, Lee didn't. Instead he licked Ray's face again, closing his amber eyes as if enjoying his prey. Hearing those short pants, he breathed in Ray's ear, "I will have you, Ray."
"…I won't let you." He whispered.
"You will submit…"
"…No, I-I won't…" His determination gaining continuous cracks as the lips caressed him.
"I will make sure every tender fiber of your pagan body belongs to me…"
"…S-stop it…!"
While Lee simply looked up from the tears that now stained that beautiful face, Ray startled at the sound of ringing phone that cut through the heavy ambiance. Eyes focused on the blinking device, Lee did not even bother about the mindless struggles Ray was carrying. Rather he was contemplating whether or not to answer.
Why won't he get off? Please Lee, Ray thought desperately, Go answer it.
At last the message machine cut in and after hearing the repeated instructions, Ray was yet again surprised to hear Tania's concerned voice,
"Umm…Hey little bro……why aren't you picking up the phone…? I've been trying to get hold of you since morning! I called Lee but his machine says he's at work. Listen, Ray, I don't know what's been going on but you have to get down here at La Xian! I was coming to get you myself but a Committee member is coming and I can't possibly leave now. Look it's not right for you to be there; Lee can come any minute and……well…never mind that…just…just get here…please…"
The click sound indicated the finishing.
Lee smirked, Stupid Anderson…
As much as he was taken aback by the voice message, Ray further started when Lee got off his legs and slowly released his wrists. He did not get up or moved as Lee straightened his ponytail and attire before grabbing the keys of his car and standing up. In fact the only time he flinched visibly was when the lion bent down to kiss him and whisper,
"I will come to get you…just you wait, darling…"
And Lee left, smartly locking the apartment door behind.
It was after the hush of the firmament returned that Ray could move. And when he did, he only got away from the armrest against which he was trapped before falling down on floor, wanting to scream his heart out. A wave of dizziness hit him and he started to hyperventilate, breaths coming out short and unsteady.
Lee's voice rang… 'I will have you, Ray…'
He's insane…he's…he's mad!
'You can't begin to imagine how teasing you look with clothes partially on, your hair sprayed on the pillow like that, lips pink and swollen.'
Ray clutched his hair again as the scenes and voices returned from the night.
'How can you expect someone not to take you right this second?'
He could see himself shaking his head in denial, trying to stop those wandering hands yet never succeeding.
'You have always been a cock tease Ray and still are.'
Lee…Lee…his friend…his life-long companion…
'I want to fuck you now; long and hard.'
"How could you…?" His whisper was broken, tears running free down his face.
'Ray…'
Everything that had happened before seemed erased, obliterated from his mind. Only the shifting images of him accepting the white pills, the moans, the gasps, the pain…of yesterday night…in his bedroom…That was all he could hear, all he could see…
'Ray…'
How could Lee manipulate their friendship like that? His god damned looks? Was that what the lion was obsessed in for so long?
"You bastard…You fucking bastard…"
"Ray…!"
"Leave me alone!"
Ray looked up through his tears and his heart stopped for the second time this morning. He could easily see the hanging Chinese painting and the wall through the ghostly figure yet the phantom conjured by his tainted deranged mind looked solid than before.
Kai spoke, "Look at you…"
Instantly, Ray was reminded of the night's events…Lee whispering to him…'Look at you; you're so hot right now, so sweet and vulnerable, shaking like a leaf…'
"No…" His voice was hoarse as he whispered to the delusion, finally, remembering the starting events leading to this nightmare.
Grabbing the first thing in reach –a sofa cushion- Ray flung it at the image; only, it vanished for a mere second before Kai reappeared on the same spot and spoke softly, every word standing out,
"I told you to come with me…"
Ray shook his head, forcing his self-created ghost to vanish. And it did. But the murmur of his name from those beautiful pliant lips, that once he used to cherish, kept ringing in his apartment and there remained hardly any power in Ray to avoid it.
'Ray…Ray…Ray… Ray…Ray…Ray…Ray…Ray…Ray…'
"Please…" Ray begged. Drawing his knees up and circling his arms around it, he curled into a ball with his back to sofa. Lowering his head onto his arms, the golden eyes closed and he whispered a wish, a plea; "…Go away…Leave me alone…"
"Any sign of him yet?"
The noon hour at La Xian was as per usual in its routine; esteemed officials and guests streaming in through the beautiful doors for their much awaited lunch while waiters in gold and purple gently floated across the floor, bringing delicacies and dishes alike as ordered.
"Tania, I'm talking to you."
The noon light basked the exterior of the restaurant in an almost unearthly glow, peering through the blinded windows in hope of witnessing the inner activity. However, as unlikely as it was, violet eyes shared a common curiosity like those sun rays, though their curiousness was reflected towards another direction.
"Tania!"
Akiko looked disapprovingly at the other as she blinked out of her thoughts to turn to her, "Sorry? You said something?"
The Japanese receptionist rolled her eyes, "I think it's better if I take over the reception for now. You look lost."
Tania gave a shake, turning back to the bills in her hand, "No, I can handle. My shift is just for another fifteen minutes and besides, I have to sort this out before the next shipment."
Even then, Akiko joined her behind the magnificent marble reception counter. It was made of Prussian blue marble in a curve with a thin glass surface on top where a golden plated sign with 'Reception' engraved on it rested. A beautiful arrangement of fresh flowers decorated the corner while a bold italic
insignia, bearing the name 'La Xian', covered the painted wall behind. The space was enough for four workers to occupy yet before 6, only one of the receptionists controlled the threshold.
Hidden from the arriving guests' eyes, a state-of-art stereo system laid under the top of the counter while the other side managed complete alarm and security system with delicate switchboard right next to it. Also away from the view sat a neat cashier machine, a LCD monitor, various files and note pads and a few registers and such. The two always present marble stools for the cashiers', stood tall on the beige marble slabs which covered most of the restaurant floor.
"Aren't you going to check on him?"
Tania looked up from entering the bills in the register and turned to the golden framed wall clock on the side. It had been more than two and a half hours. Before she could reply, the doorman opened the door to let in a tiny portly man in his late fifties. He went straight to the reception and it was a miracle that he could stretch himself enough to meet Tania's eyes.
The moment he reached, he spoke in a cheery fashion, conversing in accented Chinese, "Tania! How do you do, young girl?"
Smiling, she greeted, "Long time, no see, Mr. Henson. We were worried we'd lost a valuable customer."
"Oh I've been kept busy!" He waved his fat hand dismissively, "You haven't seen the last of this old man! I'm afraid you won't get rid of me that easily!"
"I'm glad to hear that. Would I have you escorted to your usual table or…?"
"Oh not this time, you see. I have some special guests flying in from Bucharest and they have heard so much about Chinese food that they just can't resist the wait anymore. So I want your people to be at their best, not that I have any complaint of course but I just thought I'd give you heads up." He winked playfully. "It's a Mr. Cohn and a Mr. Groton"
Tania quickly wrote the names down, "Very well, sir. If there isn't anything else, please, Ten-Ten will show you your table."
They watched the football of a man bounce after another waitress before Akiko commented, "He's a funny man."
"Yeah…So what were you saying?"
"What about Master Ray? He's been in there for so long!"
The staff here at La Xian always addressed Ray as Master Ray, much because of the utmost respect for their head, Mr. Tahoe L. Kon, and because the youngster had the ownership of the place. Despite Ray's understandable embarrassment from a year ago, he had miserably failed to convince his employees to change the title given. And though Tania was the second-in-charge and held far more responsibility, she had very much succeeded from allowing any such credentials to fall before her name.
Falling back on the issue at hand, Tania once more looked at the clock uncertainly. It had been quite some time. Ray had walked through those doors close to nine-thirty and one look at his face had solved him out for her. She had easily seen through that tensed composed demeanor and what she saw scared her and scared her, a lot.
Ray had entered, rather late than his usual arriving time, forcing broken smiles at the greetings given and nodding uncomfortably at the mention of the spectacular service last night of The Deluxe at Czar. His hands were twitching, eyes shifty, and on a closer note, Tania could detect fine shivers raking his body. She knew more than well how disturbed the thoughts were behind that pale façade. And that
was because only two weeks ago, she had seen Ray in a familiar condition when Ray had discovered Kai's picture from his old packing.
She had left her chores and went to him almost immediately. Last night events were to be discussed of course but it was apparent from his face that the appearance of his ex-lover during an engagement ceremony was not the only thing bothering him. He was hurt and in pain and Tania had no idea why. And when she tried to interrogate, Ray had discreetly made for his small office at the back and locked the door.
There seemed nothing else for her to do than give Ray some time before he was ready to tell her himself.
And I gave him quite some time, Tania thought.
"You know what?" She spoke to Akiko, "You're right. Here, fill this in for me. I better go and check on him."
"Good luck. I heard the chef that he had not answered a single inquiry, neither on phone nor through the door. It's like Master Ray is not even in there."
"Let's hope for the better." Tania muttered under her breath before coming around and marching to the back of the restaurant where the kitchens were.
In comparison with its chains of eateries and hotels, La Xian was a relatively smaller accommodation with a space enough to occupy seventy guests at a time, easily with comfort. The architect had done its best with the pillars and the walls and the interior, hence, bore the look of a five star place. The chairs and tables, clothed in neat linen cloth, bordered in emerald green and golden, and made of fine Koa wood and black wrought-iron. Each table was garnished with a purple orchid or a different seasonal flower in the middle while napkins in light gold were folded in artistically in their holders.
In far most corner, a step up than the rest of the floor, was a long bar, with a seating for twenty to thirty patrons. And just as the edge of the green marble of the bar counter ended, a large square cane window in the wall led to the tea and herbs shop. La Xian was the proud owner of more than eighty different flavors of tea with additional herbs to go with. Across this laid a beautiful black piano, glistening and polished. Surrounding the instrument, two feet below ground level, was a comfortable lounge, lodging expensive cherry wood couches and coffee tables.
Behind this settlement, veiled by a huge arrangement of flowers and traditional cane wood curtains, was the way leading to the kitchens and rest room, and consequently, the manager office. And truthfully, the supposedly hidden kitchenette was nothing less in terms of grandeur than the front of the restaurant it self.
Walking past the piano, Tania made a mental note to send out the shipment forms for the tea and herbs as soon as she had mailed the bills and the monthly progress report to Mr. Tahoe.
La Xian's financing and management operated like a machine and its buttons and work commands were pressed by proper officials in higher places. Tania and her colleagues, thus, had faced no serious problems ever since its inauguration. She was brainy and intellectual with economics as her major in college so supervising financing was easy for her. It was not much to say that she ran much of La Xian activities than Ray, who was considered to be more of a chief chef there.
Reaching the office door, Tania placed her hand on the knob and quietly turned.
It was locked.
She knew that. She had tried to break in an hour ago too.
"Ray…" She called softly but firmly, "Ray, open this door."
Like before, there was no response.
"Ray…come on, open this up. Please. "
"He won't." She turned sideways to a waiter who was at the night shift yesterday at Czar too. "We tried to ask him for breakfast and all and about Today's Special Menu too. Master Ray won't answer."
Tania ignored him as he walked into the kitchen. Of course the workers knew something had gone wrong yesterday night when Ray had fled through the evening. And then the news of him drowning was not kept mute either. How the news had not feasted on that juicy story; none of them knew. And they might not all be worried but they were slightly curious at Ray's peculiar behavior.
"Ray, I know you can hear me. Open this door or I swear I'll break in." She threatened in a low voice.
Silence…
"Ray!"
She was panicking and she knew it. She twisted the knob again and pushed against the door in vain but it was impossible to simply bring the door down.
"Ray, please."
Not receiving a reply. She turned around and went for the cashier machine. In less than a minute, she came back, holding the duplicate key that was kept in a locked drawer, and pushed it in the slot. Unlocking the door, she inhaled and slipped in the room, hoping for the worst.
He had heard her before too and now as well; her calls, pleading, threats, all of them. But he had not budge before and nor was he in any mood to do so now. Even as she entered through the door, he never raised his eyes to her. Ray had known she would eventually break in.
The office room was a rather small cubicle chamber, bearing no windows. A proper mahogany desk and office chair was placed on the wall opposite to the door with twin pictures of Chinese art in the behind. A tall ebonite lamp stood in the corner which was switched off. Next to the door was a bookcase, occupying the restaurants files, documents, menus, etc and facing it on the wall was a soft board with a few charts and small memos pinned to it. The office, unlike the restaurant, was carpeted and was surprisingly neat for such a busy and crammed place.
Minding the coat hanger on which she and Ray hung their jackets, Tania stared at her supposedly younger companion and felt a sudden rush of anxiety in her. Ray sat on the chair, knees drawn up with arms around it and stared mindlessly at the carpet below, blinking only a few times. Tania knew that posture; it was the same veneer she had become accustomed to two years ago when she and Ray first became friends. Whenever he was disturbed or mourning, he mourned alone in silence like this.
"Ray…" She called out, closing and locking the door. It took a second for her eyes to adjust in the darkness and she approached him like one does to a bleeding animal.
He did not respond in words but he knew she was aware that he acknowledged her presence there.
Crouching down next to him on the floor, Tania bore her eyes into his, "Chibi…?
The golden eyes flickered at that and Ray slowly looked at her. She was only allowed to call him that when they were alone and it was a gift to him from her when he confided his tale to her two years back. He remembered he had blushed and laughed at the nick name and asked her why him. She had grinned and said she always wanted a baby brother.
Tania placed her hand on his knee and softly insisted, "Chibi…talk to me."
Talk to her about what, Ray thought. That's what he had been thinking about the whole morning. He didn't know. Where to start, what to say because for all he knew, his feelings were betrayed into typhoon of different conflicting sentiments in such little time that it was hard to cope with.
Kai's show up yesterday was a blow alright. And worse was the news of the engagement that had followed. But Lee's behavior, his act, was…there seemed no words to comprehend it.
My body, He thought, he wanted my body. Just like Kai, just like Voltaire…just like everyone…
Tania gazed around feverishly in hopes of getting a hint on what was going on his mind. And a hint she did find. However, it wasn't the best of the surprise she had since last twenty-four hours either.
"What the…?" She took the small glass bottle from the desk and stared shockingly at the broken seal. Without pausing, she opened the cap and pulled out the four tablets on her palm, "Ray, it says there are supposed to be six tablets in it!"
Ray raised his head only to shift back into a tighter curl.
Tania gaped at the medications and then at Ray, "You're not supposed to take more than half at a time and for someone like you with a history of aneurysm! Ray…?"
Ray had a small stroke when he was fourteen. A blood vessel in brain broke and leaked a minute amount of blood causing blurred vision and head aches for a week. Nothing serious or something to be concerned about but with a faulty immune system as his, Tania would be damned not to be fearful.
"Ray this is 500 mg sleeping drugs made of barbiturate and morphine!"
"I know…" He whispered faintly.
"You know what? Do you even know what they could do to you? And you took two!"
Then she became unnaturally quiet. Ray raised his eyes at the sudden stop and knew that she had figured the situation out.
"Oh my god…" She mumbled and stared at the bottle, "Lee…? Ray…Did Lee…?"
He swallowed and turned away at her small gasp.
"But…why would he ever? He said he wouldn't give it to you. He knew it could be…fatal…"
As she completed her sentence, a realization hit her and froze her in chill. She looked at Ray who seemed to be avoiding her gaze and almost robotically turned his face back. The answer was in those moist eyes and it was then she realized what had gone last night. The tablets fell on the carpet as she got to her knees, eyes wide.
"Chibi…? Did he…?"
By then, tears had gathered in his eyes and Ray asked himself again what he had been asking since morning: How could Lee?
Tania didn't notice she was holding her breath as she gradually pulled Ray's collar away from his neck. What she saw coiled her insides and she stared with alarm at the tear stained face. And there wasn't just a single one, she found, Lee had left three marks! Three prominent bite marks!
"Oh Ray…" She breathed out and without being asked, embraced him tightly.
Ray broke down, clutching her back and silently crying, pouring his emotions out on her shoulder without a second thought.
Tania held him strongly and stared ahead in pure wonder. It was not disbelief, it was astonishment. Apart from hers and Lee's ups and downs, the only reason she was always wary of him was because of his uncanny possessiveness and obsession about Ray and his features. Hell the guy had boasted alone with her that Ray was his only and upon contradicting him, the Lion had drawn up fury of more than a domineering and jealous boyfriend. And that had always scared Tania that one day Lee might just forget about his and Ray's proper relationship and jump to somewhere Ray would never willingly agree to go.
Unfortunately, it had happened.
Ray cried for a long time and Tania did not stop him until he finally hiccupped and his tears subside. Hearing the ragged breathing, she closed her eyes and hushed him, "It is okay, chibi, let it all out."
Ray let go of her and pulled back to stare at her. He did not know what to say. He had thought he would never be able to face her if she knew the truth yet it was simple enough and it made him wondered why he never felt this kind of companionship towards Lee. They had been through so much…for so long…yet…
He confessed, "Tania, I don't know what to do." She wiped away the wet tracks but he beat her to it and sniffed somewhat angrily, "It's happening all too fast. It feels…it feels unreal, like a dream or something. Yesterday night…it seemed too…too-"
"Tell me about Kai."
"He's engaged!" He blurted out loudly than he had hoped as if bursting to shout out the lie. There was such forlorn in his eyes that it made Tania mentally cringe. "Tania, they were at the Deluxe for his engagement party. Hell if Tala wouldn't have seen…if he wouldn't have spotted me…"
"Hush, don't cry, Ray, just tell me everything."
And he told her; everything. He spoke of it, all of it. When he had seen Kai; how suddenly exhilarated he had been at first; how it was when he pushed the ring on that hand…the chase…the conversation…Kai's astonishment at his presence…Kai hitting him…Lee's interruption…everything… And as he said with renewed tears, he felt another chapter of his life being written down; another twist; another tragedy. And when he reached the part where Lee was in his apartment, he broke down again, mumbling incoherently and sometimes with small bouts of anger and frustration.
"How could I not see it, Tania? Was I blind? He-he always…he had always been like that. I just gave him an open feast…just laid there…for him…"
He told about his waking up, his ghosts, Kai's ghosts and Lee! This time when he spoke of his former friend, it was in fear for his words rang out in his head as they lolled off his tongue. Those sly words…those dirty comments…those threats…
When he finished, he stared at her with terror evident in his eyes. He was panicked, "Tania… He said he'd come back for me. What if he does it again? He's mad! He-he wants me!"
All the time Tania had his hand firmly in hers and she squeezed it in urgency, speaking clearly, "He won't, Ray. He's not going to get you and you're not going to let him. Pull yourself together, chibi. Lee's insane, yes, but you're not and you're not going to let him turn you into one."
Ray shook his head, holding her as if she was his life line, "What if he…again…?"
"Don't think of it!"
Yet she was thinking about it. What if Lee really got Ray and forced him on again? There was no way to bring any third party in, she knew that. The situation was too tender. Lee could deny everything easily and besides, bringing it in the lime light would be worse for Ray and his family's repute.
"Come," She gently pulled him to stand, "Let's get you some lunch. There's no way he's going to be able to touch you in here and I know he won't."
"And…Kai…?"
Tania straightened his sweater to hide those love bites and looked him in the eye, "Kai won't hurt you again either Ray."
Kai…
Tania watched as sheen once more glossed those golden pools and bit her lip in apprehension. What did he ever do to deserve this fate?
Ray dried his face with the towel and dropping it in the waste rack; he gazed at the large mirror. He was wearing a simple dark green high neck and black pants. That was all. And yet he could hear him making those lewd innuendos about his looks, his body. The neko-jin sighed and stepped out of the restroom.
'You have always been a cock tease Ray and still are.'
Upon Tania's persuasion, he had got down to work an hour ago. He had went down the kitchens, filling up the items for Today's Special, made the soup himself, checked out the food shipments and other things that needed to be reordered and tasted almost a dozen dishes over his last thirty minutes there. Now it was time to check the reception and the guests, as Tania had preplanned for him, before he can have lunch or tea as he liked.
There were about forty staff members in total working at La Xian and they worked in morning and evening shifts with ease. A team of eight chefs, Ray excluded, and ten assistant helpers made up the kitchen staff while there were twenty waiters with five trained receptionists amongst them. Most of the staff was only activate after six and in the morning hours, the noon was the somewhat hectic time only. Three chefs were bustling around in the doors behind him now and in the evening three more will be joining them.
Ray glanced at the time before going to the front of the restaurant. Passing greetings and customary pleasantries on his way to the guests, he reached the other side of the eatery which portioned from the main sitting with a neat brass chain. This section only opened six or for executives asking for more privacy. Stepping over the barrier, Ray glanced at the beautifully carved tables and the flower arrangement that hid the place from the customers' sight. Everything was in order.
This was also where he spent his time in the morning and almost everyone knew not to disturb him here. But this time, when he was about to sit in the noon sunlight coming from the large bay windows, Tania walked towards him.
"Ray, there's something you should know." She was holding her usual board with some leaves on it and the cordless phone, "Someone's been calling since nine in the morning. And it's rather strange?"
He frowned, "How come?"
"Well they call and simply don't speak. I thought it was a prank call but it started coming after almost every half hour so I asked the operator to put a trace to the caller. Funny part is whoever it is; they are clever enough not to prolong their 'conversation' for more than one minute."
"So they cannot be traced?" Ray asked.
"Yeah, you need to keep the call going for at least sixty seconds to get the trace you know."
Ray frowned again, "Aren't we getting the number on the screen?"
"No, they are probably calling from a public booth or something. But now, they talked or rather he talked."
"It's a guy?"
"It's a guy alright. He talked to Akiko fifteen minutes ago and he asked whether she could get him to the manager?"
"How do you know it's the same guy?" Ray asked, taking the cordless from her.
"Because he hung up at the fiftieth second," Tania explained. "I think you should answer this time, if he wants the manager that is."
"Yeah, fine."
"And another thing, I can't believe I haven't read it to you till now." She smiled holding out the daily magazine and opening it eagerly, "I called you here because of the review we got on last night. Listen to this-"
"Tania" He interrupted, "I'm not in mood. I'll read it later, okay?"
"But-"
He took the magazine from her and closed it, "Anything else?"
Tania made a face, "Yes, sir, I was hoping you'd sign these so I can mail them for new shipments. And here's the mail. Sort them out yourself since you're not doing much."
Ray rolled his eyes, taking the small pile thrust upon him, "We're running low on mud crabs and shark fins. Do you know that?"
"I'll give it a look." She turned to go and stopped, "Hey,"
"Hmm…?"
Tania gave him a small smile and a nod, "Just keep your self busy, chibi."
Ray didn't reply and turned his back on her. He looked at the road ahead of him, bicyclists, pedestrians, annoyed drivers rushing by, honking and beeping. In front of the window where he was standing, was an Italian designed courtyard with a dozen umbrellas and lawn chairs and smart round tables. Then came the concrete footpath and the road and on the other side of that road was five foot tall hedge beyond which was a large park.
He could make out the classic music from the other side of the restaurants and little sounds of chatting but nothing seemed much for his importance. He decided to open the newspaper when the cordless suddenly beeped.
Ray stared at the words 'No Number' on the blinking screen before inhaled deeply and pressed the answer button.
"Good afternoon. You have reached La Xian Restaurant. I'm Ray Kon. How may I help you, sir?" He greeted in the pleasant but usual reception tone which by then had become a completely monotonous exercise for him.
The sharp intake of breath startled him and Ray warily looked at the phone in his hand. But there was no reply whatsoever. So he dutifully repeated, this time a bit slowly,
"Good afternoon. You have reached La Xian. Can I help you?"
Still, there was no answer back but he could easily feel someone breathing on the other side.
"Hello? Is anybody there?" He kept up the one sided conversation, hoping for a whole minute to pass, "Sir, can you hear me?"
The jerk won't speak up. Ray glanced again at the phone before speaking softly once more,
"Hello? Would you please speak up?"
When no reply came again, he partially snapped,
"Well whoever this is, I would really appreciate if this prank stops here. If you have nothing to say, please don't bother disturbing the staff here again. It would be very much appreciated."
Bingo! The call had come over a minute.
"If that's all, I'll hang up now."
"Ray…?"
Ray dumbly stared ahead before it felt as if his lungs had collapsed and he was being buried alive. It took all of his will not to drop the phone as he gasped painfully, his mouth hanging open in shock. The magazine and few pages slipped from his numb grasp and landed on the floor with a thud as his body suddenly went cold.
"Hey…"
He backed away until his back hit the wall and leaned on it for some support as he heard that voice again. Heart thudding profusely and lungs unable to take in adequate amount of air, he gaped at the fallen pages, lips trembling slightly. It…it can't be…
"Kai…?" He choked.
Ray heard a shallow sigh. Whether it was remorseful or relieved, he didn't know. His legs gently gave away and he slid down, still somewhat shocked.
"Hey…"
Ray closed his eyes, tears ironically clinging to his lashes already. Was it just last night he heard that voice? Was it just last night when his lover spoke to him? Was it? It felt so long…so very long… Like years have simply flown by… So much…so much took place…
"How are you, Ray?"
Tables had turned. It was Ray who was now rendered speechless. He opened his eyes full of tears and felt a few escaping. He was crying again? Why? He didn't know. Kai's voice had just…just filled him…with so many, so many emotions… He tried biting his lip to silence himself but a sob escaped. His body slowly shook to gain some control but the floodgates had opened and Ray softly cried once more this morning.
"Kai…"
His gentle sniffs killed Kai and he clutched the receiver tightly to hold back his own sentiments. He remained silent as Ray took small breaths between the sobs, each time feeling a blunt knife carving his heart.
He couldn't help anymore so he spoke, his voice quavering a little, "I missed you Ray…"
"No…" Ray breathed, his words laced with sadness and tears, "No…not how I missed you Kai…"
"Did you?"
A loud truck just honked obnoxiously at some tourists, the noise carrying it self down the boulevard. Ray turned his attention back and fiercely dried his cheeks.
"I saw you coming here in the morning Ray…" Kai kept going, "You looked so handsome…"
Ray's shoulders sagged and his eyes dimmed. Resting his head back on the wall, he closed his eyes to hear the Russian talk.
"But you looked so sad…something died within you last night, Ray…" And Kai wondered whether that something was killed by his own hands.
Still, Ray did not response. For a first, he didn't know what to say and other than that, if he knew, he could not trust his voice to speak up through the tears.
Kai waited, wishing for the raven head to speak. But apart from his silent breathing, he heard nothing. Kai leant on the cabin's side looking across the road where an iota of humanity speeded in automobiles and on their legs. Going in for the catch, he finally said what he wanted to,
"I want to meet you Ray."
Eyes snapped opened and he gushed out, "Yes, please Kai, yes."
Ray swallowed, vision still slightly blurred. It was as if he had been waiting for this opportunity for the past three years! He just wasted it last night but now, he wasn't willing to let go of that chance. He wanted to meet his lover again without knowing why. He just needed to see Kai again even though he knew at the end, there would nothing more than a broken heart and painful smiles. Yet he did not mind that. Not as long as they could meet one last time again.
There's so much…so much I need to tell him…about Lee…about everything…
Kai closed his eyes at the answer, feeling a burning in his throat. Trying not to sound too eager, he said in no more than a whisper, "Thank you…"
Ray exhaled in a shudder, gaining his somewhat left composure, "Here?"
"No," Kai shook his head, once more looking ahead at the busy road, "There's a private coffee shop at the corner from where your restaurant is."
"I know the place." It was a tiny place owned by a retired old man on wheelchair and it was very cozy. Ray and Tania often went there. That settled, he put his next inquiry in words with a little hesitation, "…Now…?"
"No, not now, Ray. I don't wish to hurt you any more…"
Whether he was relating to the episode three years ago or his current dilemma, Ray was not sure but the unexpected confession left him slightly breathless. The bitter side of his mind though thought: You already had done enough, haven't you? But Ray managed to keep that to himself and nodded, "When?"
"Tomorrow at ten if that's okay with you?"
"Its fine, Kai…" The name itself was a reminiscent to how much he used to love that person.
They fell into another silence and none of the two spoke for quite a while, just dwelling into each others presence. Ray let out a long sigh, feeling drained somehow. He had cried too much in too little time and the humor side of his wondered whether it was possible to black out because of crying too much.
"Ray…"
"Hmm…?"
"You haven't checked your review or your mail yet."
Ray sat straight and frowned on that statement for it was no question. For others it might just be a mere proclamation but he had known Kai well and he knew it when the bluenette ever hinted on anything.
Suddenly very much interested in the papers in his lap, he ignored the magazine and the bills and flipped cautiously through his mail. And he found what he was looking for; a manila envelope with slanting handwriting on it. It was addressed to R. Kon in golden ink and it was Kai's writing.
"What's this?" Ray asked but his fingers were already working on the sealing and pulling out a similar beige sheet of paper with similar writing in gold. And he almost dropped the sheet, "Kai…!"
The neko placed everything else on the floor and gazed with eyes wide opened at the page. He read the first line and the tears returned. It was as if someone from above was taunting him, hurting him. He had been emotionally drained; now he simply felt as if life itself had left him. Fate was not being fair with him. It was only some a person could handle in a day and now, Ray knew this would leave him with such a large amount of feelings that he would not be able to cope up.
He read the first paragraph again and furiously rubbed his eyes; his anger partially directed at his weakness and partially at Kai for doing this to him, "Kai…Kai, why this and…why now?"
A few crystal drops landed on the page, seeping into the material as every word, every sentence seeped into Ray's flesh and mind.
Kai stared at his black sneakers with eyes barely opened and in a small voice; he began softly, the words flowing out of his mouth with sheer perfection. And he sang, sang to Ray,
"…I'm not a perfect person
There are many things I wish I didn't do…
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you…
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know…"
Ray followed each word, aware that many of them were damp already, and had to close his eyes as the next stanza, woven in with a melodious hymn, was spoken out. It tore his hear open and he bled when his lover said,
"…I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you…"
"Kai-" He wanted to interrupt but the bluenette went; the magnificent bird not even breaking to take a breath in his lament,
"…I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must to live with everyday…
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away…
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear…"
It was all true. Kai composed it, and he composed it in his guilt. He meant each and every word he had written and that he sang then. He was sorry for what he did. He did wish to cleanse Ray of his pain. He wanted to be at his side when he cried. He meant that song very much and in his heart, Kai wished and prayed that Ray knew that too; that it was his personal way to express the long locked confessions, apologies and emotions.
Kai couldn't help it, his voice broke slightly,
"…I-I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you…"
He wanted Kai to stop. If he could do that, then maybe Ray would succeed in gaining some self control over the body that racked in its frame now. His vision was hardly clear yet he never took his eyes off those stanzas for a mere second. He just wasn't able to. His mind could not take it much more but he just didn't have the strength to stop the magic spell that rang beautifully in his ears and soul now. No matter how much he had tried from the start, his boyfriend's voice had always mesmerized him to the point of complete hypnotism.
And now, reaching the grand finale, Kai closed his eyes and breathed out a confession that was pure and true in all its sincerity. And he wished that Ray would, perhaps one day, appreciate that,
"…I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you…
And the reason is…you…"
Ray waited for a moment and then clutching the page against his chest, buried his head in his drawn up knees, too drained to cry anymore and too emotional to even try. He was palpitating quietly, unable to take in enough air. Kai watched that pose and turned away from it, his own sole tears cascading down.
Oh, Ray…my beautiful, beautiful Ray…
"K-Kai…"
"Yes…kitten…?"
Ray hiccupped. It had been so long that he had heard that from his partner, so long. He endeavored and all the denial, all the inquiries, the accusations, the hurt, the pain, the lingering details, the explanations; he summed all that up in a single word and choked,
"Why?"
Kai sighed. He had hoped Ray wouldn't ask him that now. He had really hoped for that. Swallowing twice, he maneuvered the question in the other direction, "Hush, kitten, not now, okay? Not now…"
Stopping himself from protesting, Ray absent-mindedly nodded.
Seeing that, Kai partially smiled, "Good…not get up and clean up. I don't think the staff would prefer seeing you like this…"
"No, no they won't." He agreed and sighed, "Tomorrow then?"
"If you promise…"
Golden eyes blinked, "Promise what?"
"Promise me that you won't cry till you meet me tomorrow…"
Ray tried to smile at that, it was just that his lips won't work. "You know I can't do that." He whispered.
"Please…?"
"Does that mean anything to you, Kai?"
"Perhaps…"
"I…I will try…" He knew he could not promise that. Tears were a way to lessen the emotional stress. Ray knew he hardly held back his tears during his lifetime and after his first romance, he had always hoped that one day they would run out and the memories would fade.
Well, too late for that to happen.
"I wonder…"
Ray gathered his stuff, Kai's lyrics still at top, and gradually stood up, "What, Kai?"
"I wonder if it would be too much to ask." Kai watched closely as his koi got to his feet, placing everything else than the page that he had sent to him aside on a table. The tanned face turned to the windows and inwardly, Kai almost gasped at the full display of handsome features.
"What?" Ray repeated, the heat of the sun feeling nice on his face.
"A smile…?"
Ray stared right ahead on the road and beyond and for a second Kai thought the neko had discovered him. But then he blinked; opening and closing his lips in hopes to respond. Kai could have easily predicted the facial expression yet he needed not to as they were right there in his sight.
"Are you…nearby…?" He asked with hesitancy apparent.
"…"
"Are you in the restaurant, Kai?" Now there was a hint of panic.
"…No…"
Ray kept his eyes on the road ahead and did not say anything else.
"I'll see you around then,"
"Yes, you will."
Kai fought an inner battle and then said it before he could stop the words, "I love you, Ray." He waited for a reaction on the teen's face, but there came none. He waited but then spoke with a sigh, "Bye."
"Bye…Kai…"
They both remained silent for a while and Ray felt an urgency to say something but Kai ended the conversation with a click and the call ended.
Ray brought down the cordless phone and stared at it with mixed emotions. He hardly had time to think of the conversation when suddenly the phone rang again. Startled, he picked it up on the second ring, momentarily forgetting the customary greetings,
"Hello?"
"Hello, this is the operator speaking. We have a trace on the caller you asked for." He spoke in a rushed voice, "Sir, I'm afraid he's calling from the near-by calling booth across you place. Should I send some cops over?"
"Uh no, that's not necessary."
"Are you sure? Because-"
"He's an old customer here and he had a little problem with the dialing and all. Nothing to be worried about, it's settled now. I'm sorry to have bothered you."
"Oh, that's our job. If that's all…?"
"Yes thank you and good afternoon." Ray clicked off the phone politely and once more paid attention to the roadside ahead.
Not knowing what came over him; he stared intently at the hedge on the other side and gave a small smile. It wasn't much but he did and smiled slightly. That done, he stared at the pages in his hands and sighing, he went back to the other side of the restaurant, his heart feeling somewhat light.
He had smiled.
Tala was right. It was worth a chance to take.
Kai silently sighed, watching through the glass of the booth as Ray turned and went back to the reception. His job here was done. Making sure his face bore no tear tracks; he straightened his attire and opened the door to walk out. All seemed fine for now. Now he had to seek out Tala for tomorrow's date with Ray and pray for things to turn out good.
Glancing for the last time at La Xian's spectacular view, the blue enigma turned away and blended away into the crowd of pedestrians.
What no one, not even the Russian, noted was the blue car standing at the alley's opening. The passenger's window slid down and a 9.0 mega pixel camera lens peeked out to take another couple of photographs of the two toned hair teen. Satisfied, the photographer closed the window and spoke to the person in the back seat,
"Will that be all?"
Delicate glossed lips parted, "Perfect,"
And the car drove off.
I so want to continue the chapter but if I try to follow my previous plan of completing this, this chapter will be at least thirty more pages long and you'll not get it before August end. My maternal uncle's engagement ceremony is coming on 26th now and I have a hell lot in my plate but don't worry, I'll start on the next chapter right this night.
And please people; spare me the confusion and the flames though I wouldn't mind any inquiry of course. Please read and review. I need all the motivation and inspiration I can get.
Please R&R.
Till next time,
Neena