A/N: Reviews Yay! Thank you all, I love reviews. Please excuse bad grammer and typo's as I am trying to get this out as quickly as possible. I can't work on my "smut" fic until I do. winks at Lily, Rini and Tina.

Never going to school again. Check. Lily thinks, as she still sits in front of the door. Never leaving this house again. Check...Changing my name. Check. She tries to entertain herself to keep from thinking about the reality of the situation. Home school wouldn't be that bad. Mom could give me less homework and if I had any problems I could call Ed and or Ted.

She literally jumps, her heart leaping to her throat when the doorbell rings, again. I so don't think so, she thinks as she tries to calm her heart. She couldn't believe the nerve nor the persistence of Travis.

When she heard the knock, she knew that it wasn't Travis. She had heard that knock her entire life and she didn't think she would forget it, even when she was eighty years old with a house full of cats. " Come on," Ray says " I know you're there Lil. We've been through this more than once haven't we?" She almost manages a smile as she recalls the numerous times that Ray had made her mad and she had refused to come out and play with him ever again. That is, until her mom would open the door and Ray would make her give in with one of his silly tactics.

This time, she wasn't angry because he had told her that she was just a girl and couldn't throw a baseball hard. It wasn't even because he had screwed up so badly as to leave her out and choose Robbie over her. Now, she happened to be quite a few years older and her heart was truly broken this time. She chews on her bottom lip for a second before deciding that she really needed him.

She pulls herself up from the floor and reluctantly opens the door. " Just don't," she says simply " Please don't ask me what happened."

He looks at her, concerned and confused at the same time. " I won't. I promise," he says " Just let me in?" She steps back " You know your way around," she sighs, feeling drained.

Ray walks in, and gently guides her the couch in the den. " I'm sorry," he says, swallowing hard " I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry about this afternoon, and I'm sorry for every stupid thing I have ever done to hurt you."

Nice, she was going to cry again. " No," she says, her voice quiet " I'm sorry about last night, this afternoon, and every time I have ever...," she can't finish as she begins to sob. Ray pulls her close and holds her tightly. She felt so warm, so safe in his arms. I'm sorry that I can't understand love. That I don't even know who I love, she thinks, her tears falling harder as she begins to accept the realization.

She rests in his arms for what seems like an eternity before she finally pulls away.

" Please talk to me," he says, with sincerity that she had never heard from him before

. " I...I'm just confused," she starts out slowly, not meeting his eyes. " I was angry with you and I am sorry for that. I am sorry for what I said. I had no right."

" Now I'm confused," he replies " Lily, you only said what you felt. There is no reason to be sorry for that." He cups her chin and forces her to look at him " Unless, that wasn't how you felt," he says hopefully.

She looks into his eyes, the familiar warmth creeping back into her heart. " It wasn't," she answers, though she was unsure of how she felt about anything at the moment. " I never meant to hurt you."

" Really?" he asks, then takes a breath, using all of the courage he can find " Can I ask you again?" he pauses " Will you...Would you consider going out with me?"

She smiles for the first time in what felt like ages. " Yes, she replies," I think that I would like that Ray."

You mean that?" he asks feeling dizzy and nervous now. She looks at him, instead of replying, she just takes in the warmth, the feeling of comfort. The feeling that everything would be alright again. " Do you mean it Lily?" he asks again, this time a little more sternly but his voice still soft. He leans in to kiss her. She almost loses herself in his familiar touch, waiting for his lips to press against hers. When he gets close enough that she can feel his breath on her lips, she sighs as Travis' face enters her mind.

Her heart stops and she pulls back quickly. " No," she says, now feeling ashamed as she shakes her head to back up her words. " No, Ray, I'm not sure," she swallows and looks down at her hands. " I'm not sure of anything right now."

" Real nice," he says in an aggravated tone " Rejected again." He gives her a defeated look " You know Lil, I can't do this anymore. I won't play this game anymore."

Ouch, those words stung but she knew that they were true. " And I won't make you," she says, her voice barely audible, now looking back up at him. " I love you Ray. I do and I always will, but I don't think I love you in the way you want me to."

She turns her head as she prepares to tell him the truth, or at least what truth she knew of at that very second. " When I'm with you, I feel comfort. I feel like no one can hurt me...like nothing can hurt me. I feel safe and yes, I am attracted to you but those aren't the reasons you want me to be with you are they? If I stay with you because it feels like the safe thing to do, that wouldn't be fair to either of us...Would it?"

He sits silently for awhile as he takes her words in. They hurt but they were true. He didn't want that from her, he wanted to make her feel much more than comfort. " No," he says finally " I don't want that." He stares at her distant look and finally says " Look at me Lily...I have to know."

She doesn't want to look back. She doesn't want to answer the question she knows that he is about to ask. She does though. She looks at him anyway.

" Is there anyone else that makes you feel more?" he asks bluntly " Anyone? Whether I know them or not," he says as an afterthought.

She gives him a hardened look " That isn't a fair question Ray," she can see that he is hurting again, she knows that is all because of her and her heart feels like it is trapped in a vice." I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. The only thing that I do know and can promise you is that I will never hurt you again. I can't do it." She realizes her hands are trembling again " I don't want to hurt you now but I can't lie to you again either. I will never intentionally do it again though. You are my best friend and will always be one of the most important people in my life. I never want to see you hurt. Especially if I were the one that caused it."

He stands. " I know you won't, Lily," he says, his voice soft again as he runs his hands down the front of his pants to dry the sweat off of them. " We have a pact okay?" he smiles and it is almost genuine " We are best friends and neither of us will ever jeopardize that. I will try my best to never hurt you again either."

She stands up and quickly throws her arms around him " I do love you," she whispers " I do and I meant it...Everything I said." She squeezes him tightly before turning around. " I'm going upstairs...I...I have to be alone," she says, her voice unsteady from the threat of another bout of tears. He knew his way out and she knew that he wouldn't try and follow her.