A/n: Wow it has been a minute since I updated. Sorry for the wait, I have been real busy with getting things together for school and the homework and everything else has been kicking my ass. I promise I will try to update more often than every other month lol. In fact have the next couple of pieces written out, just need to get them up on the computer faster lol.

If you have been reading thanks so much for doing so! I love Reviews, tell me what you think,

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man or any of its characters. This work is purely fictional.

Redemption

Yes. I happen to embrace my corruption.

You embrace it because I am your corruption

Your point...?

Why don't you let me go

I'll fall to pieces

Someone will put you back together again

--

We are one in the same...remember

No...I'm my ownself, you dont matter anymore

Really? Then why am I still here?

...

Because you can't get rid of me...I'm not going any where...

Lavi stared out of the compartment window at nothing in particular. As the train drew closer to Turkey, the terrain had grown more mountainous. The train curved and flowed fluidly through the deep valleys. Where there weren't mountains, there were pastures, lush green pastures, some that housed crops. The bright cerulean sky was speckled with clouds here and there, allowing the sun to shine freely without restraints. Turkey was one of the most beautiful countries in the world, along with being one of the most historic ones. Lavi had traveled to the country multiple times with Bookman, mainly on business.

However, on his first trip there, they went to the Hagia Sophia, one of the world's earliest Christian churches. The moment he set foot in the place...the boy had fallen in love with the place

"Bookman, where are we going?" the young "Joshua" asked, tugging at the old man's sleeve as they maneuvered between people casually talking in the street. The pair looked quite normal to those around, minus the child's eye patch; they just simply looked like a boy and his grandfather.

"The Hagia Sophia," Bookman replied, eyes forward. The red headed boy followed the old man's gaze and stared at the quickly growing structure ahead of them

"Wow! Its huge!" he shouted pointing at it, "And pretty"

Pretty was an understatement the intelligent boy realized as he followed Bookman inside. The whole interior was filled with golden walls. Multiple arches helped make up the frame of the building. The whole place seemed to glow with a heavenly light.

Joshua looked on in astonishment, eyes wide in wonder. "Its so beautiful," he whispered before running off to explore. Bookman let a small smile spread across his face 'Best let him be a boy for once, he is just a child after all' he thought watching the little boy playfully bounce between people.

The child looked at every mosaic he could find, lightly running his small fingers over them, the ancient art sending shivers up his arm. 'I'll remember everything about this place. Not for Bookman or the clan..Bute for me' he thought sweetly, moving to the center of the building.

The dome had to be the most astonishing part of it all. Arched windows lined the entire base of the dome and sunlight poured in, filling the room with a golden light like none Joshua had ever seen. He playfully spun in place, arms out above his head, basking in the golden light, letting it warm his entire being. He felt so ...so him and not what others wanted him to be. The child smiled widely, gazing up at the golden dome, a single green eye watering.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek. Initially he thought it was because of the bright light, but he soon realized it wasn't. He was crying because he had never felt this way before from what he could remember. He had never felt so...

Free

He cried because he had never seen anything so beautiful. It's beauty had freed him from being "Joshua", if only for that moment...He was himself. He didn't mind the tears that stained his face, nor didnt try to wipe them away, but continued to spin to his heart's content. The Golden light played on his bright face.

His green eye sparkled, 'Yes I mus remember everything...forget nothing' he thought.

'But it will be for me'

The thought of Lavi's past alias brought a smile to the already playful face that made him "Lavi." "Joshua" had been there, but it was him who had felt everything. He longed to have that experience again, to feel free and alive. Underneath his persona, he willingly sought after it again, it was almost an obsession, his seeking true happiness and freedom. Being a Bookman wouldn't allow him such pleasures of life, as they have no feelings, no real "heart" in a sense, just merely aliases and the stories that laid behind them. Even with the understanding of his job, Lavi still had hopes, dreams, and feelings, just like those he recorded. He was human after all...why shouldn't he?

Lavi's smile widened, teeth barely showing.

"Lavi what are you smiling at?" Shante asked. Allen had long since fallen asleep. Lavi turned and grinned even wider, scratching the back of his head, cocking it to the side.

"Hmmm, a beautiful thought just crossed my mind...thats all." Shante mimicked his motion, but here face held confusion. Not feelings the need to press on, she gave a quiet "Oh" before returning her gaze back to the passing landscape. Lavi was expectant of her reaction, but merely let his gaze go out of the window as well.

Out of all the exorcists, Shante found Lavi to be the one she got along the most with, despite the little time they spent together (most of it was cut into by Bookman, along with a smack to the back of Lavi's head). Sure Lenalee was nice, and along with Allen, thats who the girl spent the majority of her time with, but at times they could be too nice. Miranda, she found, was an all around mess when it came to just about everything. Marie was sweet, and Krory was just... Krory. And Kanda...what wasn't there to say about the ill-mannered samurai. She may have even beaten Allen in number of arguments they've had.

But Lavi... there was something about him that made him impossible not to like. She found that he understood her bestfor the little time that she had been apart of the order. He didnt ask a thousand and one questions about her like everyone else seem to do. He understood that when she felt like opening up, she would.

Lavi periodically looked out of the corner of his eyes at the girl, despite tying to refrain himself from doing so. 'Have a little self control Lavi' he thought to himself when he found he had done it for the tenth time in the past couple of minutes. He caught glimpes of her nodding off with heavy eyes. He lightly chuckled to himself, low enough for her not to hear. She moved to position her self comfortably and unconsciously fumbled with her large bangle, moving it just enough that Lavi caught a glimpse of the vertical dark vertical scar.

His grin faded as he tilted his head slightly, squinting his eye to look at it more. He bit his lip as he felt his heart skip a beat at the realization of what the scar was. ' She slight her wrist the wrong way,' he thought feeling his mouth grow dry. 'So beauty does have a dark side.' Why was the first thought that crossed his mind. Feeling as though he was looking into a private part of her life, he quickly looked away, trying to push what he saw from his mind.

Shante felt her heart race as she watched through near closed eyes as Lavi looked away from her wrist, but remained silent and still, pretending to be sleep.

What seemed like ages later, the trio unloaded from the train, setting foot in Istanbul. Tim fluttered about wildly with excitement.

"Oi, Allen whats up with Tim? Why's he so damn hyper?" Lavi asked, eye brow raised after recieving a few slaps of the golem's wings in the face while it fluttered carelessly.

Allen shrugged, "I've got no clue, maybe because he's been here before and likes it?"

Lavi snorted and grabbed Timcannpy out the air," There's plenty of stray cats around here, I'm pretty sure one of them would like a nice golfball to chew on..."

"Lavi you ass!" Allen cried, snatching the golem away from the older as they walked through the train station.

Shante chuckled lightly, she had rarely heard Allen curse and found his break in his usual well-mannered behavior funny.

Lavi glanced at her and upon meeting his gaze her eyes quickly took interest in a nearby poster on the wall. She felt somewhat upset at him seeing her scar, though it had been her fault. She tried so hard to hide it since she came to the Order and had been successful, until now. Her facade was starting to become flawed.

Lavi put a hand on her shoulder and smiled lightly, "Whats wrong rookie?"

Shante returned her gaze and smiled, "Oh nothing. I'm fine."

"You sure? Cause I might be wrong but it looked like you didnt want to look me in the eye," Lavi stated, pouting a little.

"What!?"

"I mean, its okay, I am quite handsome and I do have that effect on women. Its okay."

"You concieted little thing!"

Lavi laughed, putting a arm around her shoulder, ruffling her hair, "What? I'm just stating facts!"

A/N: Yep, i'm not too pleased with this chapter, its makes things seem to go slow and I dont know...its ok I guess. However, I really did enjoy writing Lavi's flashback. It will get better and pick up in the next chapter. But tell me what ya think Read and Review