A/N: Finally, the end. I appreciate everyone that took the time to read my attempt at a fic. Now, I'll go and attempt some smut and if you feel like suffering through that too, then I will promise to try to make it better than this. I need a :cough: beta :cough: ;-)
Travis stands, his hand tracing her cheek as he feels a shudder go through him, remembering the last time he had touched her that way. The time that he had the door slammed in his face.
" I'm not leaving you. I can't see you everyday and lie to myself by pretending that I don't love you." Now it's his turn to feel the sting of tears behind his eyes, without moving, the tears fall down his face. " This hurts, Lily, it's more than I can handle. I've tried...I've tried to make it go away. I've tried to make myself believe that all I felt was friendship for you. I've tried to love someone else...," he stops as he tries to calm himself and get the words out that she needed to hear " I'm losing my best friend. I have to stay away from you...for awhile."
She shakes her head, trying to hold her own tears. " No," she whispers " No, you can't do this." She backs away, turning from his touch which burned into her heart. " If you...Travis," she looks away " If you love me, you won't leave." How selfish could she actually be? She hates herself as the words come out of her mouth but she says them anyway. She feels as ashamed as she does desperate. How could she expect him to be at her beck and call? How could she live without at least looking into those green eyes at least for an hour a day? Yes, it was wrong, it was all wrong but she could at least have him in the same room with her everyday.
" And if you feel anything for me, you wouldn't ask me to stay," he says quietly. " It's over Lily. All of it. The games, the lies I tell myself, the torture I endure as I see you everyday... Right over there," he nods to her spot by her mic. " I tell myself that today I won't look, that I will force myself to see you as I did before and it doesn't work." He wipes at his face with the back of his hand. " If I see you at school, I will have to turn away. I won't leave you forever nor will I forget what a true friend you are. When I get you out of here," he says, pointing to his heart " I will come back to you...If you will have me."
Ray swallows, now feeling guilty. This was not what he had expected. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the wall, really just wanting it all to go away.
" Goodbye," he whispers as now can't find his voice. " Goodbye to this chapter anyway." He picks his things up " Tell them that I can't do today's show. Tell them that I am sorry but I just can't. You don't have to explain anymore than that and you won't be lying."
He means to walk by her without another word. He tries to summon the strength to do so but can't. Stopping to look at her, he takes her in, thinking about how she honestly didn't know how lovely she truly was. " You are perfection Lily," he says in awe. " Everything and more than anyone could want." He tries to smile " Remember what I told you long ago, believe in yourself. Do that and you will find that things will fall into place." He swallows hard, wanting to tell her what he had trapped inside for so long. Putting his things back down, he gently takes her hand, careful to keep his distance " You are so special, so unique and you have...You have no idea. I do, and though I will never find anyone like you again, I will keep you in my heart. Always." He gives her hand a gentle squeeze . " Don't be so hard on yourself and trust me, this will all go away in time. The hurt that is."
" It won't," she says quietly but fiercely " It will never truly go away." She knows that she shouldn't, but at the same time, she knows that she can't stop now. " I do love you, Travis. Everything about you. From your silly quirks, to your deep, serious, sensitive being. You think that you've hidden yourself so well but you're wrong. I know you and I am in love with everything that you are." There, she had said it and though she felt like a weight had been lifted from her heart, she also felt a new cut with feelings that she had kept hidden from herself seeping out.
He can feel his hand tremble as he still grasps hers. She had said the words that he had longed to hear for so long now. She meant them and it only made the pain intensify. He knew that he could never really have her. He couldn't have her and keep his new and what he had thought was his permanent family. He had gotten closer to Ray and couldn't hurt him again, everything was so different now. " I love you," he says " But so does he and it will never happen Lily." He lets her hand go as he turns to gather his things again, quickly, he had to move quickly or things would get out of hand this time.
" You do?" she snaps, feeling out of control " Or are you just feeling lonely or maybe this is just a spontaneous thing! Do you know how to love?" Travis looks as if he'd been slapped and she knows that she is not being fair. " I'm sorry. Please, Travis, I didn't mean that." She looks at him now with embarrassment in her eyes. " I was and still am jealous of Bridget, I admit it." She breathes in slowly, trying to steady herself " You love me?" she asks meekly.
" I think you've always known that," he answers " You knew it before I did." He's nervous about his next words but knows they have to be said " It never should have happened. I should have never looked at you in that way to begin with. Ray is my friend and I can't say that I have had many of them. Not real ones anyway," he says, looking down.
Ray squeezes his eyes shut and wishes with everything he has in him that this would turn out to be a dream. That it wouldn't be real, no, it couldn't be real. He almost stands but finds that he is unable to move. He knows that he wouldn't know what to say if he did gather the nerve to stand. He loved her and now knew how she felt about Travis. He knew that deep down, he really did respect and care for Travis' friendship too. If only you stayed away, he curses himself.
She grabs Travis' arm tightly " I love him too," she says " I do, but I'll never love him in the way that he wants me too." This time, she cups his face, turning him toward her " Not like I do you." She stops this time, stops analyzing, stops the guilt as she presses her forehead to his. " Kiss me," she whispers, her mouth barely touching his " Just stop everything and kiss me Travis.
" No," he whispers back, finding his voice gone too now. She was so close, he could feel her breath, her mouth touch his. " This was never meant to be...I can't...do it all over," his lips brush hers with every syllable. He doesn't have a chance to say another word as his lips crash desperately down on hers, their hands intertwine, grasping one another as if their very lives depended on it. His other hand slips around her neck, pulling her closer as he deepens the kiss. She whimpers softly as he does, feeling now as if she could never get enough of him. That even eternity wouldn't be long enough. She doesn't realize her face is wet with fresh tears, until she tastes the salty sensation in her mouth. She pulls back, knowing that he can feel her heart this time. It had never pounded so hard, so loudly. She stares into his eyes, loving every second that she was lost in him. " Travis," she says softly, now smiling " I need..." She is cut off by the sound of her conscience screaming at her. " I need you," she finishes, her voice a little raspy now " I do, but I can't." She pushes against his chest to pull away.
" I know," he answers feeling the sting left by her touch. " Because of Ray." He says the words aloud as a sort of a confirmation for him and for Lily. " No matter how much time passes, this can never be can it?" He asks, knowing the answer. " Don't," he says, touching his forefinger to her lips " You don't have to say it. I understand because I feel it too." He releases her and backs up, feeling light-headed from her touch, he rests his hand on the chair beside them.
" I'm sorry," she whispers " I am Travis but I promised him that I would never hurt him again and I won't. He means too much to me." She looks up at Travis quickly " You mean everything to me too, you do, I can't lose either of you." She pauses " This never happened. Like you said before, it never happened."
Ray can't handle anymore. He isn't sure what hurts more, the fact that she loved Travis or the fact that both of them would give up what they felt for him. " No," he says, finding the strength to stand " You can't do this. I won't let either of you." Lily gasps as Travis just gapes, both of them feeling ashamed.
" Ray...how long have you," Lily starts but stops herself as she can see her answer on Ray's face.
" Lily," Ray says in his bravest voice " I will always love you, no matter where you are or who you're with but you will not stop living because of me. If you want to keep your promise, then stay where you are right now." He turns to leave the room " Trav, you've made me believe in you man. I mean really believe in your friendship and I won't forget it," he says as he starts to walk away.
" Ray," Travis says, finding his voice " Don't go. You can't go anyway, we start in fifteen."
Ray turns around to look at his friend " You know, it would have looked so much better if you would've let me leave." His look is serious at first, then he breaks into a smile. " I'm not going to stand here and tell either of you that this doesn't hurt like hell but...," he pauses and looks to both of them with sincerity " At the same time, I've never felt so much love. I'm lucky," he winks " I don't know of anyone that has friends like the two of you." He takes his place by his mic. " This is Pronto and he's learned a valuable lesson today," he says into the mic, pretending the show had begun. " He's learned what true friendship is and will never take it for granted again."
Robbie then walks into the station, instantly feeling that something deep had unfolded but deciding to keep the questions to himself this time. He glances at Travis and Lily in the booth and raises his brow at Ray.
" Besides, she'll come crawling back to me one day. No one can resist the great Ray Brennen for long," Ray grins. Travis and Lily laugh, both feeling elated and relieved. Robbie still looks at Ray " No Ray," he says " You are definitely one of a kind."