Edward's Point of View
Edward's Point of View
January, Day 17
It's early morning and I walk aimlessly about the forest, others' thoughts the only thing keeping me company. I can hear Alice's 'voice' from here, her mind circling around nothing but worry for me. I feel awful about the things I said to her mere hours ago, they were true but should not have been said so harshly to one that was only caring for my well-being. I'd be lost without Alice.
My internal struggles rage on inside me; what to say to Alice to make her forgive me, though I know she already has, between keeping Bella safe and what I want. I shouldn't be so selfish. But is love nothing less than that of selfishness? Taking one's needs before the others? I cannot bring myself to believe the latter. I have experienced love, and though I may be selfish, I did not take my needs before Bella's, nor did her me. But our love is, was, different, not one of selfishness, but pure, irrevocable love. Soul mates, I recall with a heavy heart. I wish I had never left her that fateful day four months ago. Things would be so very different from right now. Bella would not be sleeping restlessly and alone in her bed; I would not be here in a forest away from my love, and neither of us would be broken.
The sun peeks over the horizon, lighting up the sky in a pale orange glow and giving the oncoming clouds a friendly appearance. I sigh heavily and turn back toward my home and an awaiting Alice.
I hear her before I get to her; she's pacing the area in front of the front door, waiting anxiously for me to arrive. "I'm here, Alice, calm down." I call out to her as I get about 50 yards away. The pacing stops shortly before she thinks "I know that." I finish my walk and open the door slowly to find Alice perched on the piano top, her legs crossed and staring at me expectantly. "Well?" is her carefully sharpened question. I duck my head ashamedly. "What do you have to say for yourself?" her falsely angry voice carries through the silent house. "I'm truly sorry for the way I treated you this morning, Alice." I hold up my head. "But still, what I said this morning is true. Whether I decide to make myself known to Bella or not is entirely up to me." She hangs her head and nods dejectedly. "If it were up to me, she'd be a vampire already…" she says quietly. I walk over to her small frame and hug her while muttering comforting things, hoping to make her feel better.
I really love Alice, she is the sister I never had and I am truly grateful for all she has done for me. I proceed to tell her these things and she looks up at me with a small smile. "Thank you, Edward." She says to me, hoping off of the piano as soon as I let her go.
By now, it's nearing 9:30 and I head off to Bella's house, possibly for the last time. I arrive just when she picks some clothes out of her closet and heads for the shower. I ease open her window when I hear it turn on and jump in.
Her smell hits me as hard as that first day and, combined with water, is nearly irresistible. Venom flows feely into my mouth, my muscles tense into a crouch and my stomach clenches in hunger and want. I growl quietly, the monster in my head grins at me from his cage and beckons me to go get her. I take a step forward and realize what I'm doing. Horrified, I straighten up back into a normal stance, swallow the venom and stop my breathing. My other side growls at me. I'll have to leave very soon, sooner than I'd hoped.
I fall onto her bed and cuddle with her pillow, my eyes close involuntarily and sadness envelops me as I wish for the pillow to become her. "Just come back, Edward… She wants you to… You want to…" my thoughts try to persuade me. It would be so very easy to listen to them. Now, if I were to just sit here and wait until she returns, what would happen? Would she take me back, as I'd so like to believe? Or would she kick me out without a moment's regret at what she'd done? Would she forgive me, or begrudge me forever? Bella could not be so cold; it was not in her make up to be cold-hearted. Even to the one that she loved so fiercely that had hurt her so badly, abandoned her.
The water stops and the house is silent again. I take one last deep breath of her, not caring about the excess flow of venom or feeding instinct, and hop out of her window only to hide in a bundle of bushes behind her house.
Hours later, I hear a car pull up and someone get out and jog up to her front door. I get up and move closer to the house to see that it's Newton. He knocks slightly, minutes pass and no one answers. "Yes!" I think, "Maybe Bella has changed her mind about Newton and is pretending not to be home so she doesn't have to turn him down." I dared to hope. My hopes were crushed minutes later when Bella opened the door, saying that she was too absorbed in book to notice anything. He gives her the flowers that are clutched in his hand. She blushes bright red then invites him in while she puts them up. I feel jealousy rise up inside me; that should be me giving Bella flowers, me standing in her foyer, me about to be with her for who knows how long. When she returns and they reach the car, Newton runs ahead of Bella to open the door for her. Bella blushes again slightly and utters a low thank you. Once they pull out of the driveway, I see Newton hand her a blindfold, telling her to put it on and that it's supposed to be a surprise. Bella says that he's going to kidnap her and Newton responds by saying that he's not going to and asks her to please put it on. Bella unwillingly complies.
I follow behind them, running beside the car in the woods. I stop short when I see where they're headed. I can no longer follow them; no longer make sure that Newton does not hurt her, all thanks to the stupid dogs inhabiting the land. I briefly consider crossing the border, but my phone vibrating in my pocket stops my planning.
"Don't. You. Dare. Edward." Alice. Of course. "I wasn't actually going to cross it Alice, just weighing my options." I say back to her. Her answer is a snort. "Just don't do anything stupid, please." She hangs up.
I sit down at the edge of the boundary line and wait.
Little did I know that it would be a very long wait.
After the Date
It's now twilight, the ending of another day. The sun is down behind the horizon, no longer visible from here. They should have been back by now. What could have gone wrong? Had I missed them? No, that was impossible. I was now panicking; thinking about everything that could have happened to Bella comes rushing inside my head and making me crazy. I force myself to think that Bella is safe, that Newton didn't do anything. Surely he wasn't that evil to do something to the person he loved.
The wind blows in the direction behind me, and the combined scents of Newton and Bella flow through my nose. I breathe a sigh of relief as his car passes the line and I continue my tracking.
They pull up in front of Bella's house where Charlie can be seen peeping through the blinds. Bella and Newton are talking quietly; I can barely hear them from where I am across the road. I watch as Bella looks toward her home. Newton asks her if she has to go now, she replies with a yes and turns to face him. She turns and is greeted with the sight of his face inches from her own. My dead heart stops beating as I see the scene play out; Newton gazing into Bella's eyes deeply, Bella not backing down. As the space between them closes slowly, I turn with a cry of pain and run as far away as I can.