January, Day 18, Sunday Night
January, Day 18, Sunday Night
I walk down the stairs slowly while trying to calm my hectic breathing. The thought of Edward sitting in my room, on my bed no less, sent me into another frenzy.
Why was he here? And more importantly, did he hear my conversation with Angela? My mouth popped open as horror flowed over me. Heat rushed up to greet my face, turning it a bloody red color. I stopped five steps away from the bottom step to collect myself. Him hearing it might have persuaded him to come back. If he wasn't already planning to.
"No, Bella, no" I scolded myself. It was absurd to hope that, he most likely came back out of pity for me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I pushed them back, gritting my teeth in frustration. I walk briskly down the last few steps and into the kitchen.
Later
"Feeling better, Bells?" Charlie asked me during dinner, a note of worry creased into his voice. I look up at him, purposely seeming confused by his question. "You seem kind of upset and haven't eaten very much…" he trails off, gesturing to my barely-touched plate of food. I shrug my shoulders resolutely, setting my fork down. He sighs heavily and continues. "So, are the Cullen's back now?" he says archly, but I get his meaning. "I guess so..." I say to him, looking down at my hands as I speak. "And how do you feel about that?" He asks gruffly; talking about feelings was not either of our strong points. "I'm… Fine." I finish lamely, shrugging my shoulders and looking at him. "Well, that's good." He says, surprise clouding his tone. It's minutes later before he gets to what he really wants to say. "Now, Bella, about Edward…" I try not to grimace. "What about him?" I say quietly. No. Not now, please not now. Not while he's here and can hear everything we think and say! "I don't want you hanging around him. I don't know what he thinks he's pulling, suddenly showing up again without any warning! Does he know what he did to you?!" Charlie bellows out, his fist slamming down onto the table loudly, his face turning a strange shade of purple. "Dad…" I say soothingly. "Calm down" I say, patting the back of his hand. He exhales loudly, his face loosing the odd color. "Sorry, Bella," he says apologetically. "But I really don't want you hanging around with him anymore. Not after everything that happened after he left."
I shake my head lightly and say "No offense, Dad, but isn't it up to me to decide who I hang around with? I am 18 years old you know." An edge of defiance enters my tone. "Yes, Bella, you are. But I am your father; you have to listen to me." He says to me, his tone demanding. I stand up rather abruptly, both of my arms outstretched in front of me on the table. "That may be true, but I am also old enough to move out." I say, and as soon as the words leave my mouth, I instantly feel guilty. I don't let the guilt show as he would catch my bluff. His eyes widen a fraction and he appears too shocked to speak. My expression softens as I sit and reach for his hand again. "I don't want to move out, Dad." I say softly. "But you have to understand that I love him. What happened those few months is over, I've already forgiven him. There was nothing to forgive." I say, trying to convey to him my deep love for Edward. He sighs again and grasps my hand tightly. "So if you want me around, you have to deal with Edward, too. We're kind of a package deal." I finish, laughing lowly.
He sighs once more before nodding his head once and getting up to put the plates in the sink. "You can go ahead and go to bed if you want to, Bella. You've had a tiring day." He says, not turning around to face me. "Okay..." I reply and start up the stairs.
"Poor Edward, having to hear all of that said about him…" I think sadly. "I don't even want to know what Charlie was thinking" I shudder at the thought as I reach my door. I hesitantly it, butterflies filling my stomach, and peek inside. I let out a sigh as I step fully into the room and shut the door behind me. There he sits, my own, personal statue, in the same position he was in when I left; arms reaching out to me, leaning against the wall behind my bed. But there was something different about his expression. It had been happier before, his eyes and been full of life. Now, they just look dead. "From mine and Charlie's fight over him" I realized, horrified. I quickly jumped into his arms and cradled myself against him.
"Edward, please don't listen to a word Charlie said tonight" I say to him, pleadingly, gazing up at him. "But what if it's true?" he asks me, his voice low and hollow, guilt etched in his dark, ocher eyes. "What if it's not?" I respond, leaning into him to make myself as close as possible. He closes his eyes in pain and leans his head back against the wall, hitting it softly. Minutes later, he slowly opens them as he stares into mine deeply. "I'm so sorry, Bella, so terribly sorry for what I did to you." He says, his voice breaking slightly. "Edward, I-" he cuts me off. "I know that you've forgiven me, Bella, but that doesn't mean that I've forgiven myself." He says, closing his eyes once more. I sigh quietly and leave him be. It's no use trying to talk to him when he's like this. I disengage myself from him and get up. I feel his probing eyes on my back as I grab my bathroom bag and walk out of the door.
Later
I finish getting dressed and throw my hair into a sloppy, loose bun and brush my teeth. I've been getting ready for bed for at least an hour; I can't prolong it any longer. I walk down the stairs and into the living room where Charlie sits, watching a basketball game. "Night, Dad" I say to him, letting him take in my apparel so he doesn't come and check on me in the middle of the night. "Night, Bells, see you in the morning…" he says, turning back to resume focus on the game. I walk slowly up the stairs and creep into my room, putting my bag back on the dresser and flipping off the light switch.
I crawl into bed beside Edward and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me as close as possible. I sigh contentedly and rest my head against his marble shoulder. "Goodnight, my love. Sweet dreams…" he murmurs as I feel his lips on the back of my neck. "Goodnight, Edward… I love you..." I mumble as I fall asleep, once again dreaming of him.