Disclaimer: I don't own Mai HiME, I own Sunrise! :D Okay, so I don't.
Note: More of the same writing style.
--
Fujino Shizuru was married to a rich, handsome, good-natured young man – he ran a large-scale business, he drove a fancy sports car, he did not drink alcohol or smoke. He was everything any girl would ever wish for, a perfect man with a perfect life.
But Shizuru was not just any girl, and the rich, handsome, good-natured young man was only a rich, handsome, good-natured young man.
He could never be anything more than a rich, handsome, good-natured young man.
He could never be anything more than her husband who ran a large-scale business, drove a fancy sports car, and did not drink alcohol or smoke.
Shizuru could say a lot about her husband – he was a rich, handsome, good-natured young man.
What she never said was that he could never, never be Kuga Natsuki.
--
She Never Said
Being mute would be less cruel.
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She sat at the dinner table, right across from where Shizuru was elegantly seated. Natsuki was appalled, sad, and relieved as she noticed that Shizuru seemed to spend more time than she did with her husband – and perhaps a little bit guilty, knowing that their marriage will never work out.
Appalled because Shizuru still bothered.
Sad because Shizuru still bothered.
Relieved because Shizuru still bothered.
Because Shizuru still bothered to tease her, tutor her, talk to her, eat with her, go shopping with her, smile at her, laugh along with her, watch movies with her, spend the nights with her, drop the façade for her, dance in the rain with her, prepare picnics with her, ride on Ducati with her, grin at the puppies in the pet stores with her, cook mayonnaise pancakes for her, chuckle at her –
Love her.
And that was good enough. Good enough for Kuga Natsuki.
I don't need any more from her.
She reminded herself – reminded her straying fingers, her greedy eyes, her wistful smile, her shivering hands, her malfunctioning brain, her resigned pose, her desperate gaze, her wishful dreams, her vengeful emotions, her listless pacing, her parched throat, her clenched jaw.
She reminded herself, so that she would remember that she couldn't have Shizuru.
What she never said was that it was a stab in the stomach, whenever she remembered.
--
Natsuki was not a forgetful person; she just did not think it was worth the effort to remember things she deemed unimportant. There were many things that she deemed unimportant, and that was why she seemed to be forgetful at times. Nevertheless, there were things that Natsuki truly forgot.
She forgot that Mai had told her to buy more ramen ingredients that afternoon.
She forgot that she was supposed to turn up for extra lessons to make up for her absences.
She forgot that she had to do all the assignments and homework she received in those extra lessons.
But Natsuki really did remember things that were important to her, and these things had to be really important. Granted, there were things she remembered that did not seem important to other people, but it was a subjective matter. Natsuki remembered only the important, after all.
She remembered that she had to tune her Ducati the other day.
She remembered that the fridge was empty and she had to restock on mayonnaise.
She remembered that the entire business with revenge for her deceased mother had ended.
What she never said was that she remembered that once, underneath a large oak tree, between its roots, she had fallen in love, and still was.
--
In her head, she could make a long list of what she liked; motorcycles, wolves, dogs, lingerie, guns, relaxing, holidays, video games, skipping class, tormenting Shizuru's fangirls, beating up Takeda, winning an argument with Nao, scaring the hell out of other students in Fuuka Academy –
"Natsuki, that's not a mayonnaise sandwich, it's mayonnaise with bread."
"And your point is?"
Natsuki glared at Mai, feeling mildly offended for her friend had just insulted her choice of food. She did not take kindly to most who dared to express their disapproval at her favourite food, whether or not they were fantastic cooks who probably did have far more knowledge of edible objects than she did.
"How can anyone eat that much mayonnaise? It's practically inhuman!"
"I love mayonnaise."
Natsuki grunted decisively, as if she was giving an order. Mai noted the trace of finality of her voice, and did not waste her breath to argue back – Natsuki could be a stubborn fool when she wanted to, and this was one of the times when she knew she would not win the quarrel.
Unlike her list of things she liked, Natsuki could only make a short list of things she loved; Ducati, Duran, her mother, and anything to do with mayonnaise.
What she never said was that Shizuru fell into a whole different category.
--
Natsuki breathed in the scent of musty bark and the freshness of the bright green leaves, delicately layered by a thin blanket of dew. The same park, the same oak tree, the same time, and her eyes sought out the strange, burgundy-eyed girl that seemed to stand out from the rest of the children.
She held the same jar of mayonnaise, hopefully, carefully – an entirely different posture from the day before; different from the unenthusiastic, discontented way she held it just a day ago. The children, naturally sensing a change in the usually stoic girl, gave her curious glances every now and then – a far cry from the regular dirty looks she normally received.
"Ara."
She was greeted by that vivid smile again, from the very girl she was expecting. A couple of blinks, a glint of recognition, a breath of excitement, and she was grinning back with as much fervour as the child before her. The other, upon noticing the expressive reciprocation, seemed to glow brighter.
"I never got your name."
The older of the two broke the ice, looking at her companion with expectant eyes. Natsuki was surprised, then delighted. She scrutinised the face, and was pleased to find that there was none of the disdainful undertones the other children carried when talking to her.
Natsuki, always avoided and never approached, appeared to be quite an intimidating girl – the other children had long grown accustomed to her dark looks and quick fists, after a few sniggers thrown her way. Her sharp mind quickly deduced that the crimson-eyed girl was a newcomer, to not abide by the top playground rule – stay away from the girl who brawls viciously when provoked.
"Natsuki."
She offered politely, dipping her head curtly – a good impression was necessary to befriend people, as her mother had instructed. She merely did not show any goodwill to the other children because they did not interest her, but the one standing before her with such a gleeful beam was an entirely different case.
The other nodded in acknowledgement, sliding her hand over to grab hold of Natsuki's gently, eliciting a startled yet fascinated gasp from the emerald-eyed girl. She smiled that contagious smile of hers, and led Natsuki over to where the playground was, as if she did not notice the others' suspicious glares.
Natsuki sent them scathing looks which quickly dissipated their simmering expressions, and followed the strange flaxen-haired child that seemed to place her companionship over the rests'. She pulled Natsuki up those plastic stairs that Natsuki had never ventured beyond before, from lack of interest rather than intimidation, and brought her to the queue that formed for the twin slides.
It was the first time she had been on the playground, but Natsuki soon found herself more occupied by her acquaintance's chatter rather than the curious stares she received. She realised that the taller girl was actually quite talkative, though her words seemed to convey more meaning and maturity than the energetic tittering of the other children.
She had asked 'How old is Natsuki?', to which the addressee had faltered before replying confidently with a 'Seven'. The other would then press on with a 'When is Natsuki's birthday?', and Natsuki would once again respond, this time with a 'August the fifteenth.' The girl pouted, and complained that Natsuki was older than her, because she was 'also seven' and her birthday was 'December the nineteenth'.
Natsuki wondered whether she should be irritated that the girl was taller than her by a good few centimetres, now that she knew that she was younger than she was.
She also wondered whether she should be irritated that the girl's pout only made her lips more appealing, considering that she still recalled the incident with mayonnaise the day before.
"Otou-han is on a business trip, so we're all moving here for a while."
That would explain why she had never seen her here before, Natsuki thought, now with a slightly clearer idea of the girl. However, it only made that calm indifference to the others' disapproval and the quiet confidence radiating off her even more intriguing.
The girl seemed to pause for a while, then rushed to lean over the railing and look at something in the distance. Natsuki's keen eyes caught sight of a waving figure, distinguishably female. She stole a glance at her acquaintance, who was waving back – and that was when Natsuki realised that the unfamiliar female was probably the girl's parent.
The light-goldenrod-haired child turned around to face her, crimson eyes unreadable. Natsuki froze, and was somewhat concerned that she found herself worrying whether the girl was about to leave. She smiled at Natsuki – a smile that was both happy and disappointed, but was nonetheless still contagious.
Natsuki wondered whether she should be irritated that she was smiling back.
"Kannin na, Natsuki. I have to leave soon."
With that, she led Natsuki to the twin slides, at which the queue had already left, each child to their respective parents. Sitting down, she instructed Natsuki to follow her actions, and gave her a look that asked if she was ready. Natsuki nodded, determined to make the best of the one ride that they would take today.
The slide, as was with all slides, was shorter than it should have been.
Natsuki would grow to learn that it would be the shortest slide she had ever taken.
"Goodbye, Natsuki."
Natsuki waved back, feeling a little less vigorous than she had previously felt.
As she watched the retreating pair, Natsuki realised something with a pang of horror. The other girl had mentioned her age, her reasons for being here, and all sorts of other things –
What she never said was her name.
--
On some days, when Shizuru was not available or an option, Natsuki would seek Nao out. Perhaps for idle chat, perhaps for the company, perhaps for advice, and maybe, just maybe, for all three. For an ambiguous and somewhat unstable example prone to change, now was one of those rare times.
"Kuga."
"Nao."
Greetings were always curt between the two, them being relatively straightforward people – Nao, however, preferred to play with her words for the sake of frustrating others, at times. It could be said that she had developed a talent for the manipulation of speech, and this was reflected clearly in her attitude as well, earning her a rather sordid reputation that she was actually quite proud of.
"Problems with Fujino again?"
"You reckon?"
Sarcasm was uncommon in Natsuki. Nao, as much as she would deny it to the ends of the universe, was slightly worried by this unusual display in behaviour. Perhaps it was because Natsuki had once protected her against an insane Shizuru, perhaps it was because deep down inside, she was someone who could care, perhaps it was that she was growing fond of the biker, and maybe, just maybe, it was all three.
"She's already married."
"I know."
"Perhaps I should give up."
"…"
"Yeah, I shou – "
"Does she still love you?"
"What?"
"Does she still love you?"
"… Yes."
"I see."
"Then, I guess I really sho – "
"No."
"… What?"
"Don't ever give up on her, Kuga."
"What?"
"You'll regret it. You'll regret it when you realise what you'd thrown away. You'll regret it when you realise that she killed herself because you left. You'll regret it when you realise what a bloody stupid decision you made."
"…"
Perhaps it was because she was really similar to Natsuki, perhaps it was because she had known Natsuki for a considerable number of years, perhaps it was because she was good at figuring people out, and maybe, just maybe, it was because of all three, but Nao was quite an expert on Natsuki.
Natsuki did not need to say some things, because Nao would already know.
"Thanks, Nao."
And what she never said was that she loved Fujino Shizuru.
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Yes, I'm still alive. Somehow.
And something went wrong with my rulers, so they've been replaced by punctuation.
I had known Shizuru's and Natsuki's birthdays, but it just hit me that Shizuru was younger. I didn't believe it at first, but when I compared their ages and birthdays with Haruka, it appeared to me that Natsuki was older than Shizuru. Either Wikipedia is even more unreliable than I had thought, or my mathematics are really appalling.
I'm willing to vouch for the second option.
Thanks for the reviews!
I didn't think the idea of Natsuki loving Shizuru from the start would be accepted at all, actually.