Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

Warningsss: Badwordsohnoes! My own interpretations of characters with little background info (more in later chapters, not so much in this one.) Cameo. Hmm. Psychoness. More letters -eep!-

Quick summary of this chapter: "You could easily be suicidal if it was decided so by those with the power to decide. There aren't many, as those who do have your real name don't have the power to do so and those who have the power don't have your real name. Alpha Epsilon's real name is Cindy-Louise Marin McConnell, and -insert name of cameo person here- does have that power."

Yepyep. Cameos.

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It was graduation today. It's been forever since I wrote in you and my therapist was getting pissed off so I started again. I only stopped because I there wasn't really anything to write about. So, today, May 18, was graduation day. Now Llama's going to be leaving in a week. Stupid son of a bitch. I'm already on the verge of tears, I think I might actually cry when he leaves. Even Mello's noticed I'm not being myself, and considering how little he is, that's just not normal. I've been trying to keep my temper in tact, but every time I get near L, I get this overpowering need to beat the crap out of him to the point where he's too injured to leave. I won't, though. I'll restrain myself from doing so, considering it would be mean, even if my intentions are just friendly.

Well, as I said, today was graduation.

I had to make a speech. Blech. It SUCKED. I did not like that one little bit. L also had to make a speech since he's the smartest and I'm smarter than everyone but him. It was funny, though. Matt and Mello were doing catcalls and whistling the entire time both of us were doing our speeches. They got into trouble with Roger. I think they're outside cleaning trash off of the lawns now.

I told them to behave. They just didn't listen.

T'was still funny as hell, though.

Hearing yells of anger coming from the front door. Sounds like Mello's going through withdr
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Alpha didn't have time to finish writing her sentence before both her pen and her chocolate were knocked away from her hands as she was football tackled to the floor. She saw a hand pick up her chocolate from the floor before she could reach it and heard the crumpling of paper before something weighed down on her back.

"That hurt!" she protested to the midget who was now sitting on her back with his legs crisscrossed. "And that was mine…"

"R'ger f'rbid me 'o bring a'y ou'side," Mello spoke through a mouth full of chocolate.

"Chew with your mouth closed…" Alpha grumbled, shutting her notebook that lay on the floor and clipping her pen to it. "If you hadn't been so loud durring the graduation thing, you wouldn't 'ave had to worry about that, you know."

"You were laughing, that's completely hypocritical."

Alpha looked back at him, raising an eyebrow as she did so. "I couldn't even pronounce the word 'hypocritical' when I was six, what sort of things are they teaching you in that bloody English class?"

"Words like 'hypocritical' and 'analytical' and 'antidisestablishmentari–"

"Oi, I taught you that one, don't even go there. Now can you please sit somewhere else?" Mello shifted onto the floor, allowing Alpha to sit back up. "You're getting to heavy to do that, midget."

"Don't call me midget…" he grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Alright. Then henceforth, you will be known as Mello Yellow."

"But–"

"Where's your minion, by the way?"

"He called Roger a 'diaper-wearing old shite-head' – don't look at me like that, he said it, I'm just quoting, and he didn't even say 'shite' for that matter! – and Roger's making him work for another hour."

Alpha laughed. "That man just can't take a joke. Be it a rather vulgar one, but still. I called him toupee-head the other day and now I'm not allowed to leave here to go into town for the next month, and that's not even remotely creative. He's going to be calling everyone into his office soon and finding out what field of work we plan to get into…" she added with a sigh. "I'm going to tell him I'll just join another gang if he tosses me out, maybe he'll let me stay."

"You're not leaving?"

"What, you think I'd leave you here without any supervision and let you kill Sheep-boy? Not gonna happen. I'd like to stick around for another few years."

"I thought for sure you'd leave with everyone else…. How come you want to stay?"

"This place is just starting to grow on me."

She smiled a little. That was, of course, a lie. Alpha still despised the orphanage itself with a burning passion. However, she had decided over the course of the past year or so that she was there for a reason. She wasn't much of a believer in faith or anything like that, and she only wore that rosary around her neck because it was her brother's, not because she was Christian or Catholic or whatever. Alas, fate had reared its ugly head in on her to head butt her into realizing it did, indeed, exist, and now she wasn't going to leave this place until she was confident she had done all she could in playing the role of Mello's mentor. It could have been nothing short of faith that she had witnessed the murder of his parents and then she was placed in the same orphanage as him. It was a chance to redeem herself of her own cowardice.

Mello still didn't know about what really happened to his parents. He still had the nightmares occasionally, but not as often as he had in the past. With this, Alpha could assume she was helping him at least a little, and telling him would probably hurt him even more. More than anything, she was afraid she might get blamed for the whole incident. Roger knew as much as the therapist had told him. He knew that Alpha had been in a couple street gangs, and he knew a member of one of them had killed Mello's parents, but he didn't know that she had witnessed it. She wasn't going to let him find out that and look at her as any more of a nuisance. It was better that the secret was kept between the few people who did know it.

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Is lying wrong? Because I'm starting to get confused. I was taught that lying was wrong. But it doesn't seem wrong in all cases. I also know the saying "little white lies never hurt anyone." But it's more than a little lie. I mean, I know what happened to the kid's parent's. Tis about midnight and he had that dream again. I'm getting really confused about this. I don't think he should know about it yet, but if he finds out later that I was lying to him, the kid might hate me. He's like my little brother. I don't have any family left, not real family, so pretend family is about all I have.

I will tell him before I leave. I'm not going to leave for a long time, but that's when I'll tell him. I think it'll be another four years yet, if not more. Unless Roger tortures me enough… then I'll leave before then.

Gah. I think I'll quit debating with myself and go to my room. Or not. I hear footsteps.
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Alpha looked over at the source of the footsteps as she closed her notebook and set it on the floor next to her. She shook her head and looked back at the fireplace in front of her for a moment. If L even started on her about why she was up this late, she was going to punch him, no questions asked. Decidedly, he didn't say anything as he was sitting down, but did something that merited him not only a punch, but a kick in the face.

"Drop the notebook."

"Why?"

That was slightly puzzling and even more troubling. Though the figure had resembled L, the voice… didn't? Not particularly. The voice was at least somewhat different, but… oh. It was that strange nine-year-old who was practically an L stalker. That explained it. Still, she didn't breathe a sigh of relief. Something about this kid gave her the creeps, and it was something other than the fact that he had made a point of attempting to look exactly like his idol. What was it? It could have possibly been the fact that he was the only person at the orphanage in true need of some major psychiatric help. He definitely needed it more than she did, there was no doubt about that at all.

"It must be interesting if you make a point to stay up past midnight writing in it."

"That doesn't merit anyone the right to read it. Now drop it."

"This was given to you by your therapist," he observed, flipping through pages in the notebook while she tried to remember what the hell this creep's name was. "Alpha is number two in her age group. Mello is number two in his age group. I am number two in the entire orphanage."

"That's nice. Give me back my notebook."

The red eyes swiveled over to her for a moment. That was the main thing that scared her. Anyone or anything with red eyes was, to her knowledge, evil. His eyes went back to the notebook only a moment later, obviously deciding not to pay her request any sort of heed.

"So you are in therapy because your parents were killed by a street gang…" He flipped a page and scanned over the words. "… that you were in. I am in therapy because of what happened with the previous number two."

"Alright. Now give back my notebook."

"Impatient?"

"Decidedly so. Now give it back."

"Do you not want to know what happened to the previous number two?"

"I want my notebook back and for you to crawl back into whatever hole you came out of and leave me the fuck alone."

"Also aggressive and judging by this journal, rather profane. The previous number two couldn't take the pressure of taking over for L at any time. Do you think you know what his reaction to the pressure was?"

"He killed himself, I'm guessing. And I'm going to kill you if you don't give back my notebook."

"According to this page you have killed before, but not for something as small as a notebook."

"I've beaten people within an inch of their life for a chocolate bar before. You want to take your chances with that notebook?"

He looked from the notebook at her. She glared back. Even though Alpha knew that glaring would have no effect on this kid, it gave her gratification. He held the notebook between his thumb and index finger in her direction now. She snatched it away from him.

"You are correct. The first who was second in line for the job L is going to have, committed suicide. After, it was believed I might do the same due to the pressure if I didn't get 'help' early on. I think they were more afraid that you would be homicidal or violent. I believe the circumstances are switched entirely based upon your notebook."

"I'm not suicidal at all," she said venomously. "And if you're homicidal at all, I would prefer that you leave me be."

"You could easily be suicidal if it was decided so by those with the power to decide. There aren't many, as those who do have your real name don't have the power to do so and those who have the power don't have your real name. Alpha Epsilon's real name is Cindy-Louise Marin McConnell, and B does have that power."

Well, at least she had a name now… or, alias, at least. That didn't stop her from being scared out of her wits. There was no logical reasoning as to how he could have known her name. She did know that she had to learn how to hide her emotions better. She had felt her own eyes widen out of the glare at the mention of her real name, a name she hadn't gone by since her parents were alive. There was always the possibility that this kid had gotten into files that he shouldn't have gotten into and discovered it. That was a hopeful thought. Otherwise, it meant he could either read minds or be able to tell people's names. And what did he mean by he had the power to decide…. What the hell?"

"What are you talking about?"

"B will be number one at the orphanage when L leaves. Alpha will be number two. I will be next in line to take over for L, and you will not. Do not attempt to change that."

"You didn't answer my question." She rolled her eyes, realizing he wasn't going to. "So you're saying that the reason the previous number one is no longer alive?"

"Keep it a secret if you are smart."

"Considering I don't even know what I'm keeping a secret, that should be easy enough."

As though anticipating her actions, he stood at the same exact time she did. Without a word to the psychosis patient, Alpha walked around him. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and listened for a moment, surprised at what she heard.

"No, she won't be killed yet if at all, as she poses no threat, Akino. Now be quiet."

Akino…? Now even more disturbed than before, Alpha headed quickly up the stairs and into her room, where the door was already open. As she looked in, she rolled her eyes heavenward. She just wasn't going to get a break tonight! Trying hard not to grumble anything sardonic under her breath, she sat down on her bed and looked over at the chocolate thief sitting on her bed.

"You're up late," she said. "And is that my chocolate?"

"I can't sleep, Matt snores too loud!"

"Kick him and tell him he's not allowed to sleep until you go to sleep, then."

"I can't, he's on the top bunk."

"Throwing stuff is just as effective. And is that my chocolate?"

"Y… maybe. Where were you? I came in here at five minutes to midnight."

"And started eating my chocolate, obviously. I was downstairs."

Mello tilted his head to the side. "I started to go down there, but I heard that strange kid that looks like L talking to himself."

"Feel fortunate you had enough sense to come back up here. He wasn't talking to himself. Well, I think he was when I was leaving, seeing as I don't know who the bloody hell Akino is, but that's his bussiness and I'm not going to go near him again to ask."

"I think it's his imaginary friend."

"Probably. Now. Seeing as it's after midnight, you should probably be headed off to bed?"

"Alright…. But I'm sending Matt to you if he gets pissed about the videogame case I'm going to throw at him."

"Language."

"Should I learn to say it in Spanish?"

"Smart ass…"

"Do you really wonder why I swear?"

"Oh, go to bed," she said, elbowing his arm. "You're too young to be staying up all night. Or swearing. I already told you that once, wait until you're at least ten."

"Oh, fine…" he said, getting up with his chocolate. "Bye."

"Night, Mello Yellow."

"Stop calling me that."

"But it's cool," she said, "since you've got a song and a soft drink named after you now!"

"Bite me!" he said on the way out the door.

"Respect your elders!" she replied cheerfully as the door slammed shut behind the midget.

Alpha laughed, as she lay back and closed her eyes. The darkness began to lull her fully awake mind closer to sleep as colors swirled behind her eyelids, forming into a vision of darkness with no color but the whites of a pair of eyes with red irises. Her eyes snapped open. She grabbed her notebook from next to her and opened it… then shut it. If she wrote down a word he said, then her therapist would report back to Roger with it, and that kid seemed to have a strange way of finding things out that he wasn't supposed to know. She hadn't told anyone her real name at the orphanage, except for Watari when she got there, even though he probably already knew it. Roger, though – she had told him that her name was Mary Poppins, mostly just because she didn't like him by first instinct and wanted to start annoying him immediately.

Even mentioning that weirdo in her notebook would be too risky. It had become more or less an instinct for her to pick up her notebook and write about anything interesting in it. This was interesting in its own way, in the sense that it did hold her attention, even though it didn't hold her attention in a particularly pleasant way. It disturbed her, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. She wasn't sure if it was the little speech he had made or his imaginary friend Akino that he was telling to shut up as she left the room, but there was something…. People like that kid just didn't cross her as normal, or even as weird-in-a-good-way. No… that kid was going to grow up to be a serial killer. There was no doubt of it in her mind.

Alpha set her notebook on her floor and gave it a small push to let it go under her bed. Despite the fact that she had grown to view that psychodiary of hers as a friend itself, some things were just better left unsaid, just as some were better left unwritten. Her therapist would read it, and she couldn't have anyone knowing anything about her conversation with that little freak. Mello knew, but he knew enough about when to keep his mouth shut that it wouldn't hurt anything for him to know. No one else could know, as anyone else could snitch on her in a heartbeat. She wouldn't tell anyone anything until she knew a little more of what was going on herself. Finding out anything would be hard, but she had to have confirmation that he was only a mental case who had broken into file folders and found out things he shouldn't know. She needed confirmation that he didn't really have the "power" to make others die in any manner, whether it was suicide or not.

No one else could know what she knew.

Sorry it took me so long to update.

But thanks for the five comments on the last chapter, I've been getting two and three per chapter, so that was nice to see :)