To those who've been reading my new updates to The King's Note, I told ya so.

What did I tell you? That I was also working on updating Mellow Out, of course! Now, I think I'm going to do one or two more official chapters after this (I'm sorry!), and then two different Epilogues after the final chapter. That would make for a fairly short story, but mark my words, there shall be a sequal. After reading the final epilogue in this one, which I've already written, you will know that there's going to be a sequal. There just plain has to be, I'd be cruel not to have offered you one. Which is why I'm also working on the first few chapters for it.

Anywho, warnings:
Bordering on insanity, rhetorical questions, all the fucking swearing that there usually is, Marcus Antonius the Psychodiary, and regretful stuff.

Disclaimo:You already know it by now. I don't own shiznit, except original concepts in this here story. Yeppers.

Quick-sum: "Yeah, so I'm not going to have a stress reliever anymore. I don't have a spare notebook and it just wouldn't be the same if I did, buddy. I don't want to burst into a chorus of "You Are My Sunshine," but it almost seems appropriate :( First I lose one of my only non papery friends without so much as saying goodbye and now I'm loosing my only papery friend, too!"

L's gone. Left two days ago. Yeah. And you know what? I didn't say goodbye.

I've been locked in my room for three days, obsessing over whether or not I'm going to die, and I only go downstairs at night to grab something to eat, usually toast or something. Always pass that creep along the way. I think this is probably going to be the last entry I write, before I turn it in to my therapist today. But that's not important, whether I do or I don't. I think I know what he's up to. When I say he, I know who I mean, and I'm not explaining it so my therapist can read it. No one else can know.

I can't stay in here for much longer or they'll unlock my door and force me to come out, so I'll probably leave again soon.

I'm starting to feel guilty, anyway. I think Mello thinks I might be dead, either that or close to it.
––

Alpha shut her notebook and set it next to her on her computer desk, then continued strumming her fingers as she looked at the screen of the computer in her room. Breaking into the computer database of the Wammy's was a lot easier than she had expected. She had read through a few files just to learn a little more about the people in question, and she managed to keep away from L, Mello's, and Matt's files, though the curiosity had been terrible. It didn't say much except their names and a few other random facts, there wasn't much else there, nothing about their parents. So she knew that A's real name had been Allen Newell and B's real name – strange as it was – was Beyond Birthday. Those were the only two files she wanted to see. B's file and A's file. Okay, she wanted to see the other threes' files, too, but that would have been a violation of privacy.

B's file contained the information that he did have a therapist and that he had told her a few strange things, a few being that he could see when people were going to die and he could see their names. That was weird. Maybe that explained the odd coloration of his eyes? She didn't think that B had broken into the database to look into her file. It was just too strange that he knew her real name, too strange. She couldn't understand how….

She shook herself mentally, letting the thoughts leave her head as she heard a knocking on her door. Sure it was Mello again, Alpha stood up with much effort – her lack of sleep was affecting her sense of balance quite a bit – and slowly walked to the door, grabbing her notebook to take with her. She hadn't been letting it out of arm's reach lately. She had to squint a little when she opened the door, almost in disbelief at the person on the other side, then she sighed. She had to have known it would happen if she stayed in her room for too long, after all.

"Hello, Roger."

"Alpha." Right to business, as always. "Is there any reason in particular that you would like to share, as to why you have been staying in your room for the past three days? You were allowed to stay here under the agreement that you would be working for the orphanage."

"Well–"

"No excuses, you have work that needs to be done. Follow me."

Alpha shook her head and rolled her eyes heavenward as she followed the old man. "You were the one who asked why, sir, I was only answering your question."

"I'm sure you are aware of what a rhetorical question is."

"I am, but it didn't sound rhetorical, you asked me a question and I planned to answer it."

"Then do so now."

"That was only a rhetorical complaint," she mocked. "Whose office am I getting?"

"It would be much easier for you to work from Watari's office, as it would require less transferring of – may I ask what is so funny?" he said, glaring at Alpha as she laughed. It didn't stop her.

"My office is bigger than yours."

Alpha was left in the office by an extremely irate Roger after having been given her instructions in the form of, more or less, a to-do list. She was in charge of looking through IQ result tests in nearby orphanages and reporting to Roger who was worth looking into. As it was… there were apparently a lot of dumb orphans. The job was very boring and even more tedious. Not to mention, it was extremely irritating. After a while, she was reduced to spinning in circles in the swivel chair behind the desk with nothing better to do. Was she even going to be paid for this? If not, she was going to sue Roger for slave driving.

After about fifteen minutes of spinning, she decided to get back to work. She was both tired and dizzy now, a basically lethal combination when added to working, but even if she was "working" there, she had a feeling Roger would still be treating her like a child, and she didn't much feel like getting whacked in the head with a cane. So work was the only option, and there was way too much of it.

She took down the name of a girl named Lynn Flannery, apparently the only smart orphan that the Wammy's House had yet to corrupt, who was quite into art. They didn't have many artists, and it didn't seem a half bad idea. Alpha almost felt bad for the poor girl, but if Roger went back and found out that she hadn't done as instructed, she might be forced to leave the orphanage. With Watari gone, she was sure that Roger was just itching for a reason to kick her out. He had never liked her, not from her first day there, and she knew that he never would like her. She wanted to stay there for a while to pay the debt that she felt she owed to Mello's parents, and to attempt to keep him from killing Near, which he probably would do if not prevented. He was really out to get that poor sheep boy.

There was no other way. She would have to oblige to all orders if she wanted to stay.

I swear to God, that creepy kid was hiding in my office today. I felt like I was being watched the entire time I was there. Oh hell no. I don't like it when people make me paranoid. It makes me… er… paranoid. My vocabulary is slowly declining now. That doesn't make me very happy either.

I'm starting to feel guilty about not saying goodbye to L. He said he's going to be coming back between cases and everything, but what I did wasn't very friendly-like. Yes, I experience feelings of guilt, dammit! I don't know why you thought I didn't. I already said I feel guilty about the Mello-street-gang-parent-death thing, didn't I?! Huh?!!

Oh, right, you're a notebook. That was just the voice I've been hearing in my head arguing with me. Sorry, didn't mean to spaz on you. No I didn't, you stupid voice, now go AWAY!

I've got to see my therapist in a few minutes, I'm just writing until she gets here, I guess. There's really nothing better to do, sitting here on this couch. Wonder what she'll make of the voices. She'll be thinking, this is udder chaos! And I'll be thinking moo-ha-ha-ha! Wait, no, I just gave myself away. Fuck.

Ah, here she is. I will talk to you later.

You know, I've had you two years and have yet to name you. I dub thee Marcus Antonius! But I'm going to call you Ant for short, kk? Cool. That's all good.

I do beseech thee, Ant, to await my return with the patience of a boulder lying at the bed of a river – shall ye comply? Woot! Random Shakespeare stuffs. Anywho, adios, my therapist is looking at me funny.
––

Alpha shut her notebook and looked up at Karen. Alpha set her notebook on the table between them, crossing her legs and arms.

"I've read your entries, as you know," Karen said.

"Really? I thought you just thought the paper was pretty-looking."

"And," Karen continued, apparently choosing to ignore Alpha's sarcasm, "I've decided that you will have it for one more day. And that's all."

"Then I get it back a year from now."

"No," Karen said, "not unless it seems you need it back."

Alpha felt her jaw drop unintentionally, and she shut her mouth quickly. "But I just named him!"

"You –? Never mind…. You can continue to keep a journal of your own, but I won't be reviewing this one for any longer, and I will need it back to keep in my file when I see you tomorrow."

Alpha crossed her arms and glared indignantly at Karen, her hair falling in front of her eyes as she sat back against the couch. She pursed her lips. "Ant is my notebook. Leave him alone."

"Alpha, you're not making any sense…" said Karen with a sigh, shaking her head. "I'll see how you do without the journal for the next few months. If I believe you need it back, then you will get it back. If I don't believe you do, then there's no need for it."

Alpha decided to glare at her therapist for the rest of the session. She didn't entirely understand Karen's reasoning. Alpha was sure the journal was helping her and she would just be left confused and completely at lack of anything to do if it was taken away from her. For having a PhD in psychology, she was awfully stupid and lacked the common logic that a normal person would use to survive every day events. She was going to consider running away more and more if she didn't get that notebook back.

Well, Ant, it seems the time has come for us to part ways. Do not cry, for I will be figuring out a way to get you back. I'll regress back to my behavior from when I first arrived here if I have to. This is just injustice.

Yeah. That Karen bitch, my therapist, is under this strange and STUPID impression that I don't need you anymore. I know, right?? STUPID!!!!! Ugh. I could kill that woman. With a pen. The pen is mightier than the sword, so they say? She'll figure that out when mine goes through her bloody EYE!!!!!

Yeah, so I'm not going to have a stress reliever anymore. I don't have a spare notebook and it just wouldn't be the same if I did, buddy. I don't want to burst into a chorus of "You Are My Sunshine," but it almost seems appropriate :( First I lose one of my only non papery friends without so much as saying goodbye and now I'm loosing my only papery friend, too! I despise Karen. And Roger. And The Wammy's House. All of it, I hate it. I'd like to leave right now. If it weren't for Mello, I would. I won't for a while because of my little bro, but I will within the next four years at least. Probably when he's ten. He'll almost be a teenager at that point, so I guess he'll probably be all right… right?

I just know I can't stand staying here for much longer. I know L tried to say goodbye and I feel guilty as hell for not…. I'm scared of you-know-who-I'm-talking-about. I'm scared he could make me kill myself at any given moment or something. I'm afraid of what staying here might do to my state of mind. I just want out.

I hope to talk to you again soon, Ant.

––

Alpha dropped her notebook on the floor in her room with her pen inside of it and fell backwards on her bed. She rolled onto her side to face the wall, which she took to glaring at, then fantasizing that it was her therapist so she could stab her in the eye.

It was about seven o' clock in the evening, according to her watch. She didn't want to fall asleep, she just wanted to disappear somewhere and take her notebook with her. Alpha was almost positive that being in a street gang had been better for her sanity than this madness – particularly better for it than the prescence standing in her doorway and looking at her with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity. She picked her head up to see Mello there before letting it hit the pillow again, then tucking her hands behind her head.

"'Ello," she said vaguely.

"Your door's open," Mello pointed out, stepping over the threshold almost cautiously.

"Yeah, obviously," she said with a laugh, "otherwise you'd have just walked into a closed door."

Mello laughed at this, apparently taking it as a hint that Alpha was no longer in the mood she had been in for the past three days that had caused her to lock herself in her room. He walked behind her computer desk first, then pushed the computer chair over next to her bed, since Alpha was basically sprawled over her entire bed. He first reached under her bed and pulled out a chocolate bar, then climbed into the swivel chair and looked at her.

"How come you locked your door for three days?" he asked, more suspiciously than curiously (though it appeared he was trying to disguise his voice with only curiosity.

Alpha shrugged – she couldn't tell Mello the truth, the poor kid was only six years old. It might scare him. "I was feeling a bit under the weather," she said. "I've started feeling a bit better, I spent most of the day working for Roger. Had to pick out new kids to be brought here."

Mello snorted, and then took a bite of chocolate. "I pity them," he said. "That's going to be your only job?"

"Oh, no, I also get to do their initial interviews when they show up like Roger used to. Roger helps them pick out their fake names now like Watari did. I'm not much looking forward to it, but I'll deal with it."

"I know I'm leaving the second I graduate, even if I'm not named L's successor," Mello said. "That's probably going to go to Near or that B kid."

"Hey!"

"Or you," he added quickly. "Forgot. Sorry. But, anyway," he continued, "you're mad for wanting to stay here, particularly with Watari gone. Unless this means that you can talk him out of getting me and Matt into trouble, then I sincerely thank you."

"Well, you called me mad," said Alpha in a falsely hurt voice. "I don't believe that merits you any help from me."

"… Please?" he asked pitifully.

She rolled her eyes. "That will stop working for you one day, you know."

Mello nodded. "I have to take advantage of it while I still can. You're the one who told me I should."

"I didn't mean for you to use it on me…"

Alpha finally managed to talk him into going back to his room at eight by assuring him that she hadn't hidden in her room to avoid B (which turned out to be the main question he had wanted to ask in the first place), though there was much protest on Mello's part until she told him to take a few chocolate bars and leave quietly. She had accidently made him stay five minutes longer to tell her off when she called him "Mellonhead," but he did finally leave, allowing her a bit of time to herself, to think if nothing else.

The only thing she could think to do would be to talk to B. It might endanger her life more, but at least no one else, particularly not Mello, would have to feel endangered by B's psychotic tendencies. At least, they wouldn't have to feel as endangered. Mello knew she had talked to B, and he was definitely smart enough to deduce that B had been the real reason she had hidden herself in the room. If he wasn't smart enough to deduce that, then the chocolate must have all gone to his brain. As far as Alpha knew, that was impossible – with all the chocolate she had been eating for years, she was still smart enough to have been named number two in hers and L's age group, which definitely meant something for her. If Mello wasn't smart enough to figure out that she was afraid for her life of Beyond Birthday, of B, then she had no idea what the world was coming to.

She found herself chewing her thumbnail again as she thought of all of this, and couldn't help but wonder why that little red-eyed shit had to make her think like that damn Llama. Of all the people in the world she could have thought like, why it had to be him was beyond her. She didn't understand how the genius could annoy her even when he wasn't there, but he was somehow managing it. She pulled her thumb away from her mouth for probably the hundredth time in the past three days she had hidden herself and glared at the appendage as though the fault lay upon it. She knew, though, that the fault was all her own. She was the one allowing B to make her this paranoid. Alpha knew she didn't have to be paranoid of the little… the little vampire, if she was going to use Mello's reasoning, but she was. Her mind was allowing her to be. She was trying t justify her reason for being paranoid, but she knew that Beyond Birthday could have just as easily as anyone else hacked into the Wammy's database and looked up her name just to scare her.

But still, who the bloody hell was Akino? It didn't seem that would ever make sense. As Alpha reached under her bed to grab a chocolate bar that would hopefully calm her nerves, she knew she was going to have to do something soon if she wanted to keep the little sanity she had left in the first place.

Working dilligently on my next updates. Please do be patient with me?