MEMOIRS OF A BROKEN FLOWER

Summary: What will you do when everything's perfect, then suddenly, that everything turned into trash? What will you do when you then became afraid of tarnishing anything perfect, when you became afraid of… loving because you're smearing your perfect love by being the direct epitome of sudden imperfection?

1

(Superior)

"Welcome, everyone, to St. Etoile Academy. My only desire is for everyone to do their best in every term and follow the rules without bending it. I am your homeroom teacher, Kurenai Yuuhi and I expect to see the paramount abilities that each of you possesses. Refuse to be intimidated for you are the star section. Remain on top, despite the competitions that may emerge within the class and see through differences. Am I clear?"

I observed as the whole class stared at her apathetically, some raising an eyebrow, some nodding or even muttering a quiet 'Aa.'

The teacher, who is characterized by crimson orbs and black hair, sighed due to the lack of response and proceeded to her next agenda which is 'knowing who's who'.

"Haruno-san?"

I raised my eyes to the teacher, only to see her looking straight at my eyes. "Haruno Sakura, am I correct?"

"Hai, sensei." I mumbled lazily.

"You are from St. Catherine School for girls, correct?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Hai. Nande?"

"I want you to act as the class president in the meantime."

"Nande?"

"Haruno-san…" Kurenai said warningly.

I stared at her lazily, putting up my arms in surrender. "Wakata, wakata."

I heard some girls whispering and giggling at my actions, and sensed some boys grunting and/ or smirking.

"Well then, please personally ask your classmates some basic information."

I rolled my eyes at this.

"Hai."

"Sensei." A soft voice asked from the back portion of the classroom.

"Yes?"

"Is it not fair that Haruno-san was given the power to ask us about ourselves even though she herself has not introduced herself to us? After all, she's new to the school."

I inwardly glared at the girl.

"Good point. Now, Haruno-san, should we start with you?"

"Very well. Haruno Sakura. Only child. 14 years old. Don't really like anything. Likewise with dislikes. Goal, I have none. My hair is naturally colored pink. My eyes are not glowing, it's just liquid."

I turned to everyone in the room.

"Now, anta dare, minna?"

2

(Intellectual)

"Sakura!" I heard someone scream. I turned to look at the auburn-haired girl yelling after me. I smiled slightly.

"Tenten, ohayo."

"Ohayo! So, you've got the top again?" she asked with a grin, and I nodded in reply.

"That's good!"

"Yeah."

"Your mom's going home, right?"

"Aa. She asked me to meet her."

"Ah… I see. Ja!"

I've been all around the world
I've been a new sensation
But it doesn't really matter
In this generation
The sophomore slump--

"Moshi moshi?"

"Sakura, sweetheart, your dad will be going home too. Would you mind having dinner outside?"

"No. Not at all."

"Good. Meet us at the usual place."

"Ja ne."

I sighed.

"Ohayo guzaimasu, Sakura-san!"

"Ah, Hinata-san."

"You seem to be in a pleasant mood."

"Aa."

"Ah, of course. Omedeto for ranking one again."

"Doumo."

3

(Affluent)

"Sweetheart, I'm back!"

"Welcome home, mother." I replied nonchalantly, shutting down my computer.

"Darling, I've brought home some presents!"

I rolled my eyes before pushing myself up, then going downstairs to meet mother, my giddy ole mother.

She greeted me with a fierce hug, giving me the opportunity to take a sneak peek of her little escapade.

"Ah, taraaan! Do you like them?"

I pursed my lips before sorting them out.

A tunic dress from John Galliano, Idem gloves, black Nima Holistic shoes and Josephine woven shirt from Lacoste, shoes from Gucci, button sandals and Crepe dress from Dior, draped front dress from Bluemarine and a cowl neck sweater dress from Armani. That's nice.

"Thanks, mom." I smiled brightly… too bright. Ugh. "I love it!"

"Really?" My mother said enthusiastically.

"Really! But, mother, sometimes it would help if you would think about those children who couldn't even buy their own dresses." I said sarcastically, and my mom's smile dropped.

"Love you all the way, mom!"

4

(Popular)

"Sakura-san!" I turned to look at my caller.

Click. Flash!

Ugh. Leave me alone.

"Yes?"

"Nothing. You look so cute today, by the way!"

Are you a homo? I wanted to ask her.

"You're Haruno Sakura right?" Another asked. I turned to face her.

"Aa."

"Nice to meet ya!"

"Aa."

"Ohayo, Sakura-sama."

"Aa."

"Pleasant morning, Haurno-sama!"

"Aa."

"Hello, Haruno-kun!"

"…"

"Haruno-kun?"

"Hn."

5

(Trash)

Everything seem perfect, right?

Everything does, right?

Well that was the perfect me, and of course, nothing will ever be wrong with me and my perfect life.

Wrong, because…

Because everything soon came crashing down on me, killing me.

"You are so perfect then…" Someone taunted. "You've got the looks, the brains, the popularity, the riches… Everything that a person could die for… Why did you give it all up? You could have been perfect… What a waste you are… You are no longer a high class human but a trash."

I stared at the floor below me, biting my tongue.

'A trash…'

I refuse to cry because…perhaps because I forgot how to cry… Hence, I'm not refusing myself to cry, I simply can't.

I am what I am because I wanted to… Crying won't protect me. It will only make me seem… vulnerable.

"You were a beautiful baby, my flower. You were. You were pure, untainted and I refuse to taint you, my darling baby."

"Why are you saying this to me, mama?"

"I wanted to protect you… I still do… But if telling the truth will make you protect yourself, then I will because… I refuse to taint you…

But you tainted me nonetheless and besides, I repudiate to be squished to nothingness…

"I-I… I am not the first wife of your father, Sakura… I was never-"

Tears… I was crying…

"Mother, you're lying."

"I want you to protect yourself."

"Pa…Papa loves you, right?"

"Yes."

And that's all that matters.

6

(Rebel)

"Haruno-san, I am very disappointed with your grades. How could it be that your A+ became F?"

I stared at my teacher lazily.

"Haruno-san!"

"What?"

The teacher sighed exasperatedly. "I don't know what to do with you anymore. I-I-"

"Excuse me, Kurenai-sensei." A student council member murmured politely from the door that was slightly opened.

"Yes?"

"Haruno Sakura-san is being called by the principal."

"Again? What happened this time?"

"It is quite confidential, Kurenai-sensei…"

The teacher sighed tiredly.

"You may go now, Haruno-san."

"Sure." I muttered.

The student council member escorted me until we were at the principal's office, and then, she left by the principal's order. I sat coolly at one of the chairs facing the principal.

"Yes?"

"Haruno-san."

Her voice sounded so weary.

"I was surprised with your sudden acts of insurgence."

She looked through some papers.

"Usually you would only be sleeping in your classes or you would come late to your classes, but now you've criticized a teacher to the point of resignation."

"Is it not nice that I finally decided to pay attention to my classes? And, is it not unpleasant that when I finally had this drive to listen, I casually find myself listening to faulty facts?"

"She was stupid." I said. "I can't believe that you'd let this school acquire teachers whose knowledge and experience is lower than an actual student's capability. I merely corrected her erroneous teachings so as not to blemish my classmates' abilities."

"You humiliated her, Haruno-san." The woman said pointedly.

"She'll only be humiliated if she knows that I, a mere student, is correct and she, a teacher, is mistaken."

The principal sighed.

"Fine. I'll let you win this time."

I nodded, smiling triumphantly, inwardly.

7

(Vulnerable)

"Honey, papa's coming home today."

"Are we eating out again?" I asked, playing with my food using my fork.

"Yeah, but he's not coming home alone."

"Oh really? Is he going to introduce his wife to us?"

I heard the metallic clatter of my mother's spoon against the cold floor. "Sa-Sakura?"

"I didn't say anything… at all. Don't mind my murmurings."

She sighed tiredly.

"He's coming with… Lily."

"Who's that?"

She sighed again. "Elizabeth Haruno. She grew up in America."

"Makes sense. Who's she? His daughter?" I muttered unperturbedly, although I felt a clench in my heart.

"Happy Birthday, princess."

"Otou-san, Ureshi. I'm your only princess, right? Your precious hime-chan?"

"…"

"Otou-san?"

"Of…Of course! You're my precious little princess."

"The only one!"

"Sweetie, make her feel loved okay? All this time, Lily was treated as a thing by her… mother."

I stared at my mother, wondering if she's been brainwashed.

"She's… She knows you and follows your example. She'll be studying in your school from now on… And she's… A year your junior… So, be a sweetheart okay?"

I nodded, and promised to do so too… Promised.

And so I hugged her when she came home.

And she was loved by the whole school.

And she was the perfect lil' me.

And she ranked one.

And she stood with pride as my rich, humble half-sister.

And she became popular.

And she became the past me.

Then she became the rebel that I was.

But everyone adored her.

However, she never did she let her grades drop.

Because papa loves her for it, as he did me.

But he said he loves me still.

That I'm his princess, her first princess.

And that he cared…

But I know it's not real.

'I'm ceasing to exist.'

I'm becoming translucent, invisible.

Until he came.

8

(Protection)

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha. Nice to meet you." He said to me, his voice blank.

And I ignored him.

"Be his lil' angel, Haruno-san."

I stared blankly at Kurenai-sensei in reply.

"Be a sweetheart for me, okay?"

I glared at her.

"This is your chance to be a lil' angel, sweetie. You were always an angel." Kurenai-sensei added dreamily. "Just this once, let me remember who you were."

And so I guided him, pointing at classrooms, giving its uses and all of those sorts.

Everything was okay, we had at least 3 feet distance and it made me contented. That was… until we reached the music room.

And he closed the door after we entered, and he grabbed my shoulders. He looked at my eyes. He looked into my eyes and… read me…

Just like that.

"You're crying." He said.

But there were no tears, I said.

Then, he touched my cheeks, and kissed my eyes.

"You're crying" he repeated and then, I knew what he meant.

I smiled, and I had this foolish drive to release my pent up frustrations.

And I know a way to do so. Music.

And I played the piano, and he listened like no one did. And in the middle of it, he hugged me.

"You're crying." He said.

And he touched my cheeks, and kissed my eyes… and then… I felt those tears, spilling uncontrollably from my eyes.

I am crying.

9

(By the edge)

I adored him.

He was a brilliant student, perfect by all means… Just like who I was. Just like who she is.

But… I'm destroying him… I know I was…

He took all the blame on what I did, saying that he told me to do so or else. He slept when I did, come late when I did, break the same rules I broke, and got detention when I did.

And though it was sweet, it irked me.

He's destroying himself. He's perfect, and I want to preserve everything that was perfect, because I know what it's like to be imperfect when I always lived perfectly.

When one time, we both got detention, I slapped him when the teacher went out, but he smiled.

"I hate you!" I said. "Don't do what I do!"

"You're content." He had replied. And I screamed at him, yelling and cussing until he embraced me. "I want to share your pain."

I said it was impossible, but he chuckled in response.

"I hate you!" I repeated. "Don't do this!"

He chuckled quietly, caressing my cheek.

"Show me your pain." He murmured then, "Teach me to hurt."

I pushed him, but he embraced me, and I burst into tears, not knowing what to do anymore.

I asked him if he was punishing me.

"Are you an angel sent by God to punish me because I marred my mother's heart, and tarnished my father's love and destroyed my sister's dependency on me?" I had asked.

He said no.

"I am just a lad who learned what emotions people usually contain." He had said.

I gasped when he kissed the corner of my lips.

"Aishiteru." He murmured. I screamed, calling him a liar.

"Don't joke around!" I had yelled, prying his arms off me. He tightened it.

"Aishiteru." He repeated.

"Shut up!"

"Aishiteru."

"Be quiet! Stop messing with me!"

"Aishteru."

I felt my energy being sucked from me, and all I could do is clutch his shirt, soaking it with my tears as he repeated his words with pure affection.

And before I succumbed tiredly to darkness, I whispered to him, "I hate you."

10

(Breaking Point)

After that incident, I found myself in my room, tucked in my bed, crying softly, so softly I didn't even notice it.

I had bitten my lip until it bled and didn't dare go to school even with my mother's coaxing.

The next weeks, I avoided him, making all the excuses I could come up with, even the most ludicrous ones.

I saw him once in the rooftop, crying wordlessly, as quiet as a mouse, and I had clutched the door knob then. I clutched it so tight my fist became white.

I am destroying him… and myself… gradually and efficiently.

My escape through those times that I was avoiding him is the attic-like part of the library and, it was during one of those cloudy days that I dazed of, my book forgotten on my lap. It was in this time that I was wondering what he was attempting to tell me.

I cursed, remembering a few collections of his words before I dashed off, away from him.

"Sakura… Listen to me…! Ashiteru… Listen to me just… this once… just this once." He had whispered.

And by the time that I went back to my classroom did I realize that it was a mistake to ignore his pleas, his care… his love for all I could do then is clutch my book, tears threatening to fall as I listened attentively to the murmurings inside.

"Haruno Elizabeth…. Uchiha Sasuke… engaged… marriage… after 2 months… business prosperity… perfect wedding… A princess to wed… a prince…"

I am forever damned… Lost forever… And I knew it.

And as I caught his dark eyes flicker at my form for a second, the hurt and the lost filling his orbs, I felt my chest clenching inwardly, clutching my breath, punching my cheeks…

Then… My heart stopped, my inhalation hitched.

"Atashi mo…" I thought weakly. "Suki da yo, Sasuke-kun…"

10

(Destruction)

Take me with you…

Tic tac tic tac tic tac lub dub tic tac lub dub lub tac tic

They are mixing… the sounds of both my clock and my heart.

It's beating faster, it's sounding quicker…

If only I had realized it faster…

I chuckled.

I was so silly! So ridiculous! So blinded…

I cried and cried; my tears like a waterfall.

I smiled foolishly, grinning like the madman I was and I stretched my arms sideward, feeling the air of autumn, eying the azure sky above…

It's such a perfect day, and I'm not afraid to tarnish its perfection now… Because by letting my fear of tainting Sasuke's perfection had I been able to come to this silly, silly predicament.

I am not afraid now.

I stepped closer to the edge of the roof, staring with wide, fascinated eyes at the serene environment that surrounds this school… This perfect school grounds that will soon be smeared by blood… By my blood…

I closed my eyes, the last drop of my tear, of my frustration escaping my orbs.

Then, I walked into nothing, feeling the gravity as I fell…

My hair flew, covering my face and I closed my eyes, awaiting the gruesome impact I may feel until I sensed it…

I chuckled as I felt familiar arms snake around me, securing me for the last moment. I opened my eyes to see the same searching eyes.

"Take me with you." He whispered.

"You're with me…" I whispered back.

"Aishiteru." He said, kissing me for the last time as I smiled against his soft, perfect lips.

"Atashi mo…" I said with a huge smile. "Aishiteru, Sasuke-kun."

Then, in Sasuke's arms, I felt a tremendous pain on my back, crushing my soul, his soul, and the pain was throbbing, stinging me… and him, overwhelming us, sending us to a living hell…

And then…

Nothing…

Atashi mo…

OWARI.

VOCABULARY:

Hai - yes

Nande- why

Sensei- teacher

Wakata-I understand

anta dare-rude way of saying: who are you

minna-everyone

ohayo(guzaimasu)- good morning

Aa- yeah

Ja(ne)- see you later

moshi moshi- hello(phone)

Omedeto- Congratulations

Doumo- thanks

otou-san- father

ureshi- I'm happy

hime-chan- princess

Suki da yo- I love you

Atashi mo-Me too.