Chapter 3 - Wherein Laertes has a secret.
Chapter 3
Krys trotted along carelessly, humming tunelessly, because he was tone-deaf, as he led his charge into the barren wilderness.
Hamlet walked on beside the fox, lost in his thoughts.
"…to find all the people you have wronged and apologise. If they all forgive you, eternal salvation is yours'
'Is this the only way?
''fraid so. Unless you want to suffer for all eternity"
Suffer for all eternity. It wasn't really negotiable. If he couldn't get everyone on his list to forgive him, than he would suffer for all eternity. It didn't exactly sound pleasant. And he wasn't really a fan of suffering; it tended to be…painful.
"Trust me, Princey, Hell is much more than painful" Krys said, interrupting his thoughts.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that it's not just physical pain, it's mental and emotional pain too. And it never ends."
"Wouldn't you get used to it eventually or something?"
"No, not in Hell. It's just as painful as it was when it started as it is for the entire duration…which is all eternity."
"…that's really bad."
"Well, they don't call it hell for nothing." Krys remarked.
"It's that a bit harsh? I mean, all I did was…kill a few people…ok, admittedly, that was bad, and in hindsight, I do regret it…well, most of it…but still. Eternal suffering sounds just a touch too extreme"
"Well, only the worst of the worst are sent there"
"Thanks, that makes me feel so much better," Hamlet replied sarcastically.
"Just telling you what I know. No need to get moody." Krys shrugged.
"How do you know so much about Hell, anyway?"
"Oh, it's basic animal guide knowledge."
"What, is there like a whole training day or something?" He asked, jokingly.
"Well, sort of. It's basically a briefing of all the animal souls stuck in purgatory before we're assigned our human charges."
"So, are there some animals who aren't stuck here?"
"Oh, yes, of course. The majority move straight on to the afterlife, usually heaven, occasionally hell, although that's quite rare. And then some of us are left here. The ones who weren't pure enough to pass straight on."
"So, what did you do to get stuck here?"
"I…er…I might of caused this huge fire…"
"A fire?"
"Well, I was there, minding my own business, when suddenly this huge pack of dogs started chasing after me, and so I ran and ran, and ended up in the city. But the dogs kept chasing, and the horses too, and then I ran into this open door way which turned out to be a candle makers shop. And as one of the faster dogs leapt to catch me, I may have accidentally knocked over an oil lamp, which started a fire that quickly spread through out the building…"
"That doesn't seem that bad – "
"And then it spread to the surround buildings and around that until most of the city was aflame. I hear thousands of people lost their homes…" Krys trailed off.
"…that's quite impressive for a fox." Hamlet remarked.
"I hear they were calling it the 'Great Fire of London'."
"No wonder they assigned you to me."
"It was an accident really, but, you know, they didn't really listen. And so, here I am." Krys shrugged.
"Hey, what happens if I get sent to hell?"
"…you get sent to hell."
"No, I mean to you. What happens to you? Do you go to hell as well?"
"For an accidental fire? Of course not. I think I'd get reassigned or something. Or I get stuck here. They weren't too clear on that at the briefing."
"…there's kind of a significant difference there."
"I know. Let's just hope you complete the task and we don't have to find out."
"Right. Complete the task." Hamlet mused.
"Hey, look at that." Krys pointed to a lone wooden structure in the distance, "What do you suppose it is?"
"I have no idea. Let's find out, shall we?"
The pair had been walking for a while and finally the building was identifiable. It was a double story wooden building of some-sort. A sign sat above the door, reading "The Living Crow"
"Kind of ironic, don't you think?" Krys remarked as they reached the door.
"Hmm." Hamlet agreed, entering the establishment.
The smell of ale and dust were the first thing Hamlet recognised as he walked into the dimly lit room.
A grizzly man wiping a mug with a dirty towel nodded to him. Looking around, Hamlet was surprised to find that he had stepped into a bar.
"Wow, a pub in limbo. Who knew?" Krys shrugged, walking up to the bar and hopping onto a bar stool. Hamlet sat down next to him.
"What'll it be?" the barkeeper asked, putting down the mug.
"How 'bout a mug of you finest port, barkeep" said Krys.
The barkeeper stared at him.
"Ok…anything you've got will do." he replied sheepishly.
Hamlet nodded in agreement.
"Two ale's it is." the barkeeper responded, turning to get their drinks.
"So, what now?" Hamlet asked his animal guide.
"I dunno. I suppose we've got to track down some of these people on your list," Krys suggested. "Who do you want to see first? How about that girl – "
"No." he replied quickly.
"Look, I understand that it's gonna be hard dealing with her, but you have to eventually. Otherwise you'll be stuck here. And after several hundred years of hanging around in this dreary place, you'll be begging for Hell."
"I know," Hamlet replied, "I'll confront her eventually, just not now. I need time to think of what to say to her. Perhaps we should find someone a little more…forgiving."
"Fair enough. Who's the person you did the least to?"
Hamlet thought for a moment. "That would be…William. I owed him money while at University and never paid it back."
"How much did you owe?"
"Only a few hundred marks"
"Only a few hundred?"
"I was a prince. That's not even pocket change."
"Then why did you need to borrow it?"
"It was a poker game and I'd already lost all the money I had on me. This was only supposed to be until I won it back…or I had the chance to repay him the next day. But by then I was called back to Denmark, and needless to say, I was too preoccupied to worry about debts."
"Well, that one really came back to bite you in the arse didn't it?"
Hamlet rolled his eyes.
The barkeeper came back with their drinks. "Enjoy." he grumbled.
Hamlet mumbled this thanks and took a sip. It was surprisingly good considering that they were in purgatory.
"So," Krys began, "What was that girl's name again? Opal? Orella? – "
"Ophelia. Stop talking about her." Hamlet dismissed.
"Why, I doubt she'd be too happy to hear you say that." Said a familiar voice.
Hamlet turned to his other side, finally recognising the man sitting next to him.
"Laertes?"
"Hamlet, my, hasn't it been a while…I think It's hard to tell down here." Laertes replied.
"…yes…I haven't seen you since…you died." Hamlet replied cautiously.
"Ah, yes, that fencing match. It was rather good wasn't it?" Laertes recalled fondly.
"Hi there," said a skunk to Krys.
"Hey. You this guy's guide?" Krys asked
"Yep. The tall one yours then?" she replied.
"You bet." Krys continued to chat to the skunk.
"Um, yes Laertes, about the fencing match, and the whole, killing you thing, you must understand, I never really intended for you to die. I was after Claudius. I only fought in self defence…and also because I was angry when I found out that you'd poisoned me." Hamlet tried to reason.
"Hamlet, I already told you before I died; I don't hold you to my death. I understand. We were both on missions of revenge and Claudius played me like a fool. You're not accountable for my death as long as you don't blame me for yours." Laertes replied.
"Of course I don't blame you…well, I did at first, but then I realised that it was all my uncle's doing, and yes, you could hardly be blamed."
"So we're both blameless." He established.
"…Great. What now?"
"Well, we could talk about something other than our deaths." Laertes offered.
"Sure. Why are you stuck here then?" Hamlet asked.
"Ah, well…back in my youth, I did a few things I'm not too proud of…" Laertes started.
Hamlet looked at him questioningly.
"Well, lets just say that I ran into some money troubles while at university and the only job I could find involved…um…working the streets…so to speak." he replied reluctantly.
"You were a whore?" asked Hamlet in disbelief.
"Well, I wouldn't call it that exactly – "
"He was a whore." confirmed the skunk.
Hamlet couldn't help but smile. "And because of that you're stuck here?"
"No, not for long. Since my 'infraction' isn't that bad, all I have to do is wait for the bell. He said I wouldn't have to wait that long. So I'm staying here until it rings." he replied, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
"I still can't believe you were a whore – "
"It was only for a few weeks. Now can we please stop talking about it. Why are you stuck here?" Laertes snapped.
"Oh, well, I'm stuck here because of all the…you know, killing I did. That and a few other minor infringements back at Wittenberg….but nothing remotely as interesting as your exploits." Laertes glared at him, "And so I'm stuck here until I can get everyone to forgive me for what I did to them."
"Everyone?"
"Yes. Well, there's one less person now, I guess, isn't there?"
"I'm not so sure I want to forgive you anymore." Laertes said stubbornly.
"What? You can't do that! You already said that you didn't hold me accountable. And I didn't really mean what I said. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with selling your body for money." Hamlet replied.
Laertes gave in. "Fine. I forgive you. But not one word of what I told you to anyone. Especially when we get to Heaven. And especially not to my father. He would kill me if he found out…if that is possible to kill someone already dead."
"That's an interesting thought. And so tell me Laertes did you cater exclusively for women or did you service men as well?" Hamlet teased.
"Hamlet." Laertes warned.
"Relax, I'm just teasing," He reassured, "You haven't happened to see anyone else down here that we know?"
"Like who?" Laertes asked, taking a big sip from his mug.
"Oh, I dunno, my mother, that murderous uncle of mine, your father, Rosey and Guliern, - "
"Ophelia" added Krys
"Yes, thank you Krys, I was getting to her," Hamlet muttered through his teeth. "Any of those people?"
"Well, I saw those two annoying friends of yours a while ago. Somewhere outside. I'm sure you'll run into them eventually. I haven't seen Ophelia or the others though, but your father is sitting in that booth over there with the pirate." Laertes pointed into the corner.
Hamlet was startled. He didn't think he'd find his father here in purgatory. Not that he'd thought he would've moved on. He just hadn't thought about the possibility. He wasn't sure how to react.
"Ah, thanks Laertes." was all he could manage.
Suddenly, a faint ringing sounded across the room.
"Ah, that'll be me." Laertes cried happily. "So long Hamlet. I'll see you up there."
And Laertes began to fade until he was gone.
Hamlet was still looking at the spot where he had been just a few moments ago.
"I guess I know what to expect now." he said, breaking the silence.
"Well, he's gone. Did you manage to cross him off your list?" Krys asked.
Hamlet pulled out the scroll given to him by St John and watched as Laertes' name began to fade until it too was gone, leaving only the blank gap on the page.
"I guess that means I did." He replied.
"So, why don't we go and talk to your dad?" Krys suggested.
"I don't know…it's been a while…"
"Don't be silly. He's your dad. And isn't he the reason why you're in this mess? You have to go talk to him. Don't worry, I'll be with you." Krys said, nudging him with his paw for support.
"Oh alright. We'll go and talk to my father."
well, that was a long chapter wasn't it? good fun though. I thought you guys might like an update :D I'm feeling more inspired since i finished my english exam and said good bye to yr 12 english forever. Now the only time i wil have to write about Hamlet is in my fanfiction. It's alot more fun than analysing techniques, let me tell you.
well, that'll be it for a bit. Hopefully i'll get another update done before christmas. But it is true that reviews to encourage me to update faster, no lie. Infact, i only managed to write this one with the page showing my reviews in the background. Those kind words do wonders... :D