A/N: MelodicLilacs is my co-author! Huzzah! She's amazing.

Switches POVs a lot in this chap, so beware! –le gasp!-

(People who find a parody of a line from '42nd Street' get cookies and shout-outs and a special surprise! Yeah… sorry… that play will be taking over my life for the next two weeks –shrugs-)

CARLISLE'S POV

I left the bar around eleven. Esme did not seem the happiest with me as I entered the threshold to our home. She was seated on the sofa, her arms folded and tapping her foot.

"Carlisle," she frowned.

"Esme, darling!" I smiled, coming over to greet her. I sat beside her.

"Carlisle, please," she muttered as she pushed me away.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked, concerned.

"Who is Elliot?"

"She's no one, really. A girl at work who has a crush on me, like the other nurses back in Forks, she—"

Esme placed a finger on my mouth, "Shh."

"What?" I demanded, "You were so upset five seconds ago that—"

She interrupted my sentence by kissing me.

JD'S POV

I had just arrived at work and was about to have my daily morning chat with Laverne when a gorgeous woman and what seemed to be her two kids made a subtle entrance into the hospital. She ignored me and spoke to Laverne.

"Where can I find a Dr Carlisle Cullen, please?" she asked sweetly.

Laverne pointed to a hallway nonchalantly, and the woman and her two kids began to go in the direction. I stopped her before she could get too far.

"Hi, ma'am, I'm Dr John Dorian… JD. I think I can help you locate Dr Cullen."

"Hello, Dr Dorian," she smiled, "Yes that would be of great assistance, thank you. I am Dr. Cullen's wife, Esme. These are my children Jasper and Rosalie. Thanks again for helping us."

"Anytime, Mrs Cullen… Anytime," I nodded.

"Thank you, Dr Dorian," smiled Rosalie.

Shiz… she was so lovely!

I pictured her and me at my place… she was wearing a little—

"Dr Dorian?" Mrs Cullen's question interrupted my reverie.

"Yeah… Sorry," I said to her while staring at Rosalie, "Right this way…"

The three of them followed me down the hall when the Todd slapped Rosalie's behind.

"Hey, mister, get your hands off my sister!" snapped Jasper.

"LAWL! THAT RHYMES!" exclaimed Dr Kelso, who was standing not too far away.

"Damn… she is fine…" Todd muttered while examining Rosalie. He was probably mentally undressing her.

"My father told me about you. You're the Todd, right?"

"Yup. Say, kid, you're not so bad yourself," Todd smirked at Jasper.

Jasper gasped.

The Todd motioned for him to come to his general direction, and I could see the two of them walking away towards the back of the hospital.

Esme and Rosalie stood there stunned for a few seconds. Rosalie looked uncomfortable and was staring off into space.

"Uh… Mom… Can I go to the… uh, the, uh… bathroom?" she asked, unsure if she was saying the right thing.

"Sure, dear. Do you need to Dr Dorian to show you where it is?" replied Mrs Cullen.

Rosalie quickly shook her head and ran off.

"Shall we?" I offered.

"Shall we what?" she asked, taken aback.

"Find your husband," I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…" she nodded and smiled, letting me lead the way to Carlisle's office.

JANITOR'S POV

Like always, I was lounging while I was supposed to be working, thinking of new ways to bring down JD's spirit and slacking off on other duties. You know the usual. Then, suddenly, as if coming from an abyss, I saw the most magnificent sight in the world that I thought couldn't possibly even exist:

An even hotter Blonde Doctor.

At first, I wondered if this was just another hallucination that had come to plague me (like they usually tend to do), but then I realized that this was too good of a thing. The second thing I noticed was that she did not seem like the happiest person at the moment.

Slumped against the wall, the beautiful creature was staring absently into space, deep in thought. I could see her in the deserted hallway from where an empty patient's old room which had recently been vacated. Trying to put on my most casual facade, I gathered my mostly unused cleaning supplies and rolled the heavy carrier out of the room, trying my best to look shocked at the woman standing there.

"What's eating you?" I asked bluntly, then mentally berating myself for my idiocy. It wasn't my fault he didn't have much knowledge or women! And yet…

Just ask Blonde Doctor about that one time I asked her out for coffee and completely made a fool of myself. But that was the past, and this… goddess… was the present.

The woman sighed, crossing her arms.

"Nothing you would care about," she said curtly, narrowing her eyes at the wall, focusing on a small crack in the paint.

"Try me," I shot back, leaning against the handle of the heavy water mop and other utensil-carrying contraptions I still didn't know the exact names for. She glanced at me and sighed.

"Fine," she said. An evil smile curled up her perfectly formed lips, "I'm thinking of the most evil way to turn down this doctor."

"Which one?" I asked, wondering if this girl was a misplaced angel. It was just too darn good to be true.

"I don't know his name," she said, a smirk found its way on her glossed lips and an evil glint in her topaz eyes. "He's really girly, though, and has a lot of gel in his hair. Real whiney-like, y'know."

No. Way.

"JD… Dr Dorian?" I asked. Something seemed to click with the girl.

"Yeah," she said slowly, "I think that was his name. You know him?"

"Know him?" I said, stunned. It was good to have a common enemy with a girl you have a huge crush on, "My purpose in life is to torture him. It's the only thing I have to do in this dump."

The blonde goddess stared at me for a moment, probably making the connection that I'm a janitor and just referred to the hospital as a dump while complaining I have nothing to do.

"Mr. Janitor," she said finally, "I think we may have something here," she finally said, the grin growing on her face, "Rosalie Hale," she said, sticking out her hand. I grabbed it, shaking with vigor.

"I go by Janitor," I grinned, smiling at this good fortune. This was gonna be fun…

I escorted her into the vacant room and we shared our thoughts on Dr Dorian, thinking of a plan most sneaky.

JASPER'S POV

The doctor known as the Todd had led me to the back of the hospital. Where we were was outside, though, and we parked ourselves on a conveniently placed bench. We exchanged names and pleasantries when he finally cut to the point.

"What has your dad told you about me?" he inquired, folding his arms nonchalantly.

"That you are an incredible pervert who is in dire need of an attitude adjustment," I retorted precisely.

"Mhm… Well, kid, he's not wrong…"

"WHAT?" I sat up straight, "Should I feel safe with you right now?"

Wow… that's a stupid question to ask at a time like this.

"Yeah, Jasper, I don't really go for boys as much as I do the chicks."

"Don't… really go for?" I tilted my head to the left, catching a delicious scent of a passing nurse.

"Ya like that girl? Eh, she's not too bad. I'd give her 8 out of 10," the Todd reasoned.

"Is that what you doctors do? Sit around out here and rate women?" I snapped.

"Um… yeah, sometimes," he shrugged.

"Ick," I grimaced, then pointed to a girl in the distance, "She's, like, a 4."

"Good job, Jasper! Learning five!" the Todd help up his hand.

"Learning… five?" I pondered aloud.

He slapped his other hand to his forehead, "Oh, wow, me boy-o… You have got a lot to learn…"

"I still don't get it."

'Okay… So… Whenever you do something I approve of, pretty much, you get an extra special appropriately-named high-five from yours truly. For example, you just correctly rated that chick over there. Thus, you have learned how to rate girls accordingly. Your reward is a high-five from the Todd."

"Um… kay…" I high-fived him and he gave me a huge grin.

A flock of nurses scampered by, laughing and talking. That scent was way too much to handle. I looked after the flock longingly, sighing, "It's like a museum; look, but don't touch…"

"No, not always… Sometimes you can get one of them in a remote corner and—"

Obviously, as I had expected, he did not know what I meant. Either way, what he was saying was disgusting, "EW! Todd! How could you do such a thing?!"

He smiled, "As I said, Jasper, you got a hella lot to learn. But don't you fret now… Master Todd will teach you all."

I held my head in my hands, setting my elbows on my knees. Master Todd… Oh my…