A/N: Well, it's that time again! That is, time to bring out my RMS Titanic shirt and listen to all of the John Wilkes Booth songs on my iPod all day! HAPPY TITANIC SINKING 96 YEARS AGO AND LINCOLN ASSASSINATION DAY!

–party blowers and streamers-

Anywaaay… I'd just like to say how much of an amazing person/author my dear co-author MelodicLilacs is. –claps- W00T! PWNAGE!

JASPER'S POV

The next thing I remember was Todd and I being in the hospital. We were both sitting on one of the counters where the nurses work. Both of us were swinging our legs in unison, which I found myself to be doing very uncharacteristically. Todd was saying something to some Latina nurse about some guy named… Turk?

That's a weird name.

After the nurse walked away, I tapped Todd's shoulder. "Who's that? Are we supposed to rate her?"

Todd laughed boisterously, probably to get attention from nearby nurses, "NO! Lawl, she's my best friend's wife! Rule Numero Un, grasshopper; 'Don't hit on your best friend's wife.' That only applies sometimes, though…" he trailed off, staring into space.

I sighed, still swinging my legs. How long could these lessons be?

ESME'S POV

The nice young Dr Dorian led me to Carlisle's office. I kept think he was trying to make me—what do they call it today?—"hook up" with him. I told him this once, and he kept claiming that he was not interested. Sure…

"Here's Dr Cullen's office, ma'am. Lemme know if you have any problems," JD smiled, opening the door for me.

"Thanks," I nodded. He shut the door behind me.

Carlisle had his feet propped up on his desk and reading the Sports section from the newspaper. I knocked on the wall. He didn't budge.

"CARLISLE!" I yelled, placing my hand on the top of the paper and trying to yank it away from him. He put out his hands, opening and closing them, and whimpered. That was weird.

"HEY! Quick, what place are the Mariners in?"

I scanned the unfamiliar page, "Um… they're third in the West division." I looked at him. His lip was wobbling and he appeared that, if he could cry, he would be bawling right now.

"Well, what can you expect from a 6-6 team…?" he sighed softly.

I stood there in silence for a few minutes, waiting for him to recover.

"OH! Hi, Esme!" he smiled. Apparently, he didn't even notice I was here.

I folded my arms across my torso and tapped my foot on the floor. "Hello, dear."

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be baking muffins for the PTA?"

Crap, I should be! Way to remind me, Edward… "My muffins are none of your business!" I snapped. "I want to talk to you about this 'Elliot'."

"Elliot is no-one." Carlisle sighed again. "...does seem to like me a lot, though."

"Sure… Just happened to answer your phone last night..." That oughta get him.

"My phone was sitting on the counter. Really. And it was ringing. And she was next to me—"

WHAT? "She? Elliot's a girl?" I said, shocked.

"Yes… I told you that last night. I remember. I said something like 'A girl at work who has a crush on me…' A girl. Obviously you weren't listening."

I was speechless.

"Did you think I magically turned gay or something? Wow… did I just say that?" Carlisle put his hand to his mouth.

"Well…" I managed, "That takes a load off my mind… But now you're cheating on me with—"

"ESME! I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOU! How many times do I have to say that?! I love you! You're my wife," he shouted. I've never seen him like this before. Could he be hiding something? Probably not, but…

"Love, are you being honest?"

He made a blank face at me. I took that as a 'yes.'

"But I think I do need to tell you something else…" he motioned for me to sit at one of the chairs in front of his desk.

ROSALIE POV

That Janitor guy was pretty cool. He seemed pretty interested in me, after all. I decided to play along.

"So, where're you from?" the janitor asked me. We were sitting on the railing outside Sacred Heart's back entrance where they brought the ambulances through and the doctors arrived.

"Washington," I answered smoothly, ducking my head and looking up at him through my lashes as I swung my long legs lightly. He looked away, a light blush on his cheeks.

Score one.

I swung my hair behind my shoulder with my red-painted nails (I'd redone them at the latest sleepover; Bella's are green and Alice's are blue), looking away towards the parking lot. "It's so... small," I said. "Everyone knows everyone. News gets around fast. My family's the only really big one."

"That's... cool," Janitor said, sounding a little unsure. I laughed softly.

"I need to, uh, go clean something," he said in a rush, swinging his legs over the railing and jumping down. I watched him go from over my shoulder. "Talk to you later."

"Bye-bye," I giggled softly, and he rushed back into the hospital.

Score two.

Wait, what about the plan?!

The plan to get that annoying JD guy?!

"WAIT!" I hollered, running after him.

I cornered him just past the patients' waiting room of the hospital by a conveniently placed janitor's closet. I put a hand on his collar, "What're we gonna do about JD?"

"Uh… uh… I dunno," he said as if in a trance.

"Mr. Janitor, I know you wanna get that doctor…"

"Yuh-huh…"

"So here's what I was thinking…" I whispered, yanking him into the janitor's closet with me. Lemme just tell you, our idea had something to do with a smexy kitty suit and a stolen vehicle from the OHS Varsity Hover Car Team.

A/N: Sorry, I'm trying to stay away from putting author's notes at the end of stories, but I had to. First, I'm listening to "The Ballad of Booth" from the Assassins Original Off-Broadway Cast. Second, the varsity hover car team is an inside joke/idea of me and my friend Clair (aka FDR). So, I had to put that in for her. :) Yay and cookies.