Hello, all. Happy Holidays!!! As is my custom, I chose to celebrate the end of the semester with a new fic. Well, it's not really new as it's been on my computer for months, I just forgot to post it. Anyhoo, it's based on one of my favorite songs of all time: "Again" by Janet Jackson. I can just sit and listen to that song on repeat, which is pretty much how this fic was created. I recommend playing the song as you read. Oh, and a bit of warning parts of this fic are more mature than others, feel free to skip to the next section if that's not your cup of tea. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, in constitutes fair use.
Again
I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my
Mind
"You will not believe who I ran into today." Savannah exclaimed as she flopped down in the seat in front of Addison, placing her bags and purse in the seat next to her. She nodded her thanks as the waiter passed her a menu.
Addison smirked as she perused her own menu. "If I won't believe it, why tell me?"
"Stop being such a smart ass."
"Sorry, it's just my nature."
"Oh, shut up and just guess."
Addison laughed lightly. "Okay, okay…um, Russell Crowe?"
"No."
"Johnny Depp?"
"Okay, if I had run into Johnny Depp, I would not be sitting here with you."
"Fine, I give up who was it?"
"No, come on, guess; a realistic one this time. It's someone we both know; one of us much more than the other."
"Sav." Addison stated fixing her with a look.
"Oh, fine," she huffed. "Derek."
Addison's eyes shot up. "What?"
"I saw Derek today." Savvy shifted her gaze back to the menu.
"Wh-when? Where?"
"Well, today obviously. I was dying for a caramel frappuccino, so I went to our favorite café and saw a familiar head of dark curly hair ordering an espresso."
"What is he doing back in New York?"
"He said he was here for a conference-"
"The neurosurgery conference? He hates going to those."
"Apparently he was presenting his findings on some research he was doing. Something about blah-blah-blah…I kind of tuned him out. He asked about you though."
"He was just being polite," Addison mumbled.
Savvy ignored her, "He asked how you were doing. If you were going to the gala…If you were seeing anyone…"
"He-wait how does he know about the gala?" The hospital was having a fund-raising event to encourage wealthy philanthropists to open their wallets in support of a new neo-natal pediatric wing.
"He said your chief told him about it and extended an invitation."
"Great." Addison folded her menu and placed it on the table in front of her. Savvy glanced up at her and raised an eyebrow.
"Already know what you're going to order?"
Addison shook her head, "I'm not that hungry."
Savvy sighed, "Addie I wouldn't have told you if I knew you'd react like this."
"I'm fine."
"Addison, don't try to pull that crap with me, I've known you for too long. Now, I'm sorry I-"
"Was he alone?" Addison interrupted.
"What?" Savvy asked startled by the question.
"Was he alone?" she repeated, "Or was he with…" she trailed off.
"He was alone," Savvy replied softly.
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again
When Addison returned to the hospital after lunch, the air felt different. The nurses were busy whispering to each other and stopped whenever she came near. Those that didn't appear to be talking about her were giving her looks, some full of pity others dripping with contempt.
"Addison, ADDISON! Do you have a minute?" a male voice called.
Addison turned and found herself face to face with Joseph Brown, her Chief of Surgery. "I have a C-section in 20 minutes. Is something wrong?"
"No, no, nothing is wrong I just have a favor to ask." She nodded. "I don't know if you're aware or not, but Derek is in town."
"So, I've heard."
"Well, I invited him to the dinner tomorrow, and I realized the only open seat is at your table. So, I suggested that you two attend together. That's not going to be a problem is it?
"Um, no, of course not," she sighed.
"Great. I told Derek it wouldn't be an issue." He glanced over her shoulder, "Ah, speak of the devil. Derek, you're right on time, Addison just agreed to be your date for the evening."
Wait, date? Who said anything about a date? Addison forced herself to take deep breaths as she turned to face her ex-husband. "Hello, Derek."
"Hey, Addie." He smiled at her, a hauntingly familiar look in his eyes, one that she couldn't quite place. "How've you been?"
"Good, I've been good. Look, sorry to cut this short but I have a surgery in a few minutes. So, I'll…see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, definitely. I'm looking forward to it." He paused, "It's really good to see you again, Addie," he replied with a lingering glance.
"Yeah, um, you too." She hastily made her escape and after rounding the corner, she disappeared into the nearest supply closet. Stop it! Damn it, he shouldn't still affect me like this. She angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks. I've moved on, I'm over him.
A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
"Addison."
"Derek."
He let his eyes trail appreciatively over her form encased in a backless black satin dress that flowed over her curves like water. "You look incredible."
She suppressed the shiver that went down her spine from his smoldering glance and delicately cleared her throat. "Thank you. You, um, you look rather nice yourself."
He smirked as he looked down at his Armani suit. "This old thing?" His eyes twinkled, "I've been told that a classic suit never goes out of style."
Addison smiled softly as she remembered telling him that so many years before, when they bought the suit. "That is a very true statement and obviously made by someone with impeccable taste."
He grinned and nodded his agreement, before offering her his arm. "Shall we?"
She hesitated slightly before slipping her arm through his.
As the pair entered the ballroom, Addison could feel the gazes zero in on them like laser sight. She squared her shoulders, held her head high, and refused to make eye contact with anyone as Derek led them to their table. En route they were stopped by no less than seven people, all attempting (some not so discretely) to determine what was happening between the once Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd. Derek charmingly greeted them all and answered questions regarding life in Seattle flashing his trademarked grin, while smoothly avoiding any and all inquiries pertaining to his former wife or the length of his stay.
When they finally reached their appointed table he gallantly held her chair for her as she sat down. He adjusted his chair closer to hers before sitting. Addison noted his close proximity, but kept her mouth closed. They sat politely through the boring speeches, and made small talk with their tablemates through dinner, dessert, and drinks. As the music began to play Derek stood and offered her his hand, "Would you care to dance?"
She raised her eyebrow, but placed her hand in his, allowing him to pull her to her feet. "You hate dancing," she couldn't help but point out as he led them to the dance floor.
"Well, over the years I've learned that with the right partner it can be quite an enjoyable experience. Plus, it gives me an excuse to hold the most beautiful woman in the room."
Addison laughed softly, "Wow, that was unbelievably corny," she noted as she placed one hand on his shoulder and the other in his waiting one.
"Maybe," he smirked, placing his hand on her hip, "but it got you to smile." He looked into her eyes as they began to sway gently to the music.
"What are you doing, Derek? Why aren't you here with Meredith? As I recall she was a part of your research as well."
Derek sighed, "She was, but our relationship has been strictly professional for sometime now. We are at different stages in our life and our goals aren't compatible. I was sick of feeling like second-string, the guy she called when she needed a good fu-"
"I get it," she quickly interrupted. That was a visual she just didn't need.
"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. "But I was forced to do some thinking about what I really wanted from a relationship, and I realized that she just wasn't it. We don't want the same things and I'm not sure we ever will."
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
never fall again
Addison nodded mutely and looked over his shoulder as they continued to dance in silence; she was desperately trying to keep the memories of their last dance from invading her thoughts. "You really do look breath-taking," he whispered into her ear. She shifted her gaze and their eyes locked in an intense staring match, each searching for something in the other's soul. Without breaking eye contact he shifted his hand from her hip to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him. When he felt no resistance, he leaned in and gently brushed his lips across hers. His touch was so soft that it could barely be considered a kiss, but the tremors that went through her body were a very real thing. He raised his hand to sweep a stray hair behind her ear then tenderly cradled her face in his palm, running his thumb lightly across her lips. "I've missed you, Addie," he whispered.
Addison did not respond verbally, but instead leaned forward to initiate another kiss. As she gently pulled away she stared into his eyes and made a decision. She had missed him so much for so long, she decided to give herself this one night. Just one night. For closure, she assured herself. But first he would have to make a decision as well.
Without a word she spun on her heel and returned to the table, grabbing her bag and wrap and polishing off her glass of wine. She then made her way towards the exit, not bothering to check and see if he was following for she knew he was. She slid gracefully into the car she had hired for the night, quickly giving the address to the driver as he held the door. As Derek scooted onto the seat beside her, she turned to face him. She traced his facial features, before once again capturing his lips with hers, both for her own pleasure and to distract him from their destination. He eagerly responded to the kiss, pulling her closer to him and running his fingers through her long locks. He felt the car slowing and looked out of the window curious to see where she now lived, and was surprised to find himself in very familiar surroundings.
He opened the door and stepped out, then turned and offered her his hand. He watched her walk up the steps to their brownstone before turning and addressing him. "You have two choices: You can come in with me or you can have the driver take you back to your hotel. It's your decision." With that she unlocked the door and disappeared inside. Derek turned and walked back to the car, where the driver still held the door open. He paused and glanced over his shoulder at the brownstone, before reaching into his wallet and pulling out a tip for the driver. He then took a deep breath, turned and walked into the home he hadn't seen in three years.
Not too much had changed he noted, a modified color scheme, a few new pictures; the only thing really missing was him. Hearing the clinking of glasses he turned to see her walk in with a scotch for him and a martini for herself. He accepted the drink and after taking a sip placed it on the coffee table. He then reached up and removed the pins from her hair, allowing it to cascade down her shoulders in waves. Derek gently caressed her cheek, before pulling her close for a searing kiss to which she immediately responded. Addison pushed his jacket from his shoulders letting it fall to the floor. He slid his hands down her sides to her hips and bunched her dress up at her waist, before bending slightly at the knee and lifting her easily into his arms so that she straddled his hips and carrying her up the stairs.
Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and
Oh so right
Derek opened the door to their bedroom relieved to see a new bed, a sleigh bed at that, the style he favored. He laid her gently down on the comforter and took in her mussed hair and kiss-swollen lips. He slowly removed her dress leaving her in black La Perla panties, along with her stockings and black Manolo Blahnik stilettos. She sat up and reached for him as he kicked off his shoes and crawled onto the bed. She unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it to the floor, before reaching for his pants. After divesting him of his pants, she flipped him onto his back and straddled him. They locked eyes and she raised a hand to trace his features, resting on his lips before tracing down his neck and across his chest, feeling him tense beneath her as she traced his abs. She never lost eye contact as she continued her path downward, teasing the waistband of his boxer briefs, then reached between her legs to cup his growing erection. He groaned and reached up to grasp her breasts massaging them in his hands. She hummed low in her throat at the contact and unconsciously rocked her hips against him as he brushed over her already hardened nipples.
He smirked at her reaction as he rolled them over, taking his turn to play with her. He kissed her hair, then her forehead, her eyes, both of her cheeks, her jaw, and hovered above her lips barely brushing them with his own. He teased her until she groaned in frustration then gently covered her lips with his. He slid his tongue into her mouth, dueling with hers until they both gasped for breath. Derek pulled away and continued his journey down, kissing her neck and along her clavicle. He kissed the swell of her breasts and the valley between, taking pleasure in her moans. He lightly massaged the right breast, while directing his attention to the left. He kissed all around her breast licking the soft underside. He then flicked her nipple with his tongue as she squirmed beneath him and her eyes slid closed. He lapped at her areola before blowing cool air on it and feeling her shiver. Deciding she had enough, he lowered his warm, wet mouth to her nipple and sucked, hard. She immediately arched her back into him, her hands diving into his hair as she moaned his name. He continued his ministrations on the right breast, before kissing down her flat abdomen to the waistband of her panties. He slid his hand under the already damp material. Finding her more than ready, he hooked his thumbs under the waistband and eased them down her long legs.
Derek crawled back up her body and settled between her thighs, exhaling against her core. Each breath sent shivers through her body. He placed light kisses along her inner thighs, slowly working his way up her form. He kissed all along her pelvis and used his fingers to gently stroke her, smearing her arousal. "Oooh," Addison sighed, her hands gripping the sheets tightly in her fists. He began moving his fingers at an unhurried pace, pushing her closer to the brink, but purposely avoiding her most sensitive point. "Derek," she pleaded huskily. He smirked, then placed his tongue where she wanted it the most. Her body jerked in response and he stabilized her hips in his hands. He began licking and sucking in earnest and lifted her leg over his shoulder to give him better access before reinserting his fingers. "Ahh," Addison moaned and began to rock her hips against his face, threading her fingers through his hair. He picked up the pace of his fingers as he felt her tighten around him. With one final twist he sent her gasping over the edge. He kept going until she stopped trembling.
He removed his fingers and moved up her body, grinning at her as she caught her breath. Addison smirked at him and flipped them over so she was once again straddling him. After pecking his lips, she kissed down his neck and chest, swirling her tongue in his navel as she dragged his boxers down his legs and allowed his erection to spring free. She stroked his shaft the way he liked, looping her thumb across the tip to smear the moisture gathered there, and he groaned in response. She glanced up his body through half-lidded eyes and he smiled back at her. Addison positioned herself more comfortably over him, resting her palms on his chest. She teased him by hovering above and only letting him enter her slightly before pulling back. He hissed her name and she only smirked in response. Addison repeated the move several times, each time taking him a bit deeper, before he lost patience. Derek growled and grabbed her hips pushing him into her fully. Both gasped at the sensation. After taking a few moments to adjust to the once familiar feeling Addison began to move her hips, she clenched around him and he moaned her name. Derek admired the view as he reached up to palm her breasts, before dropping a hand to rub circles around her clit. Addison cried out and increased her pace as she felt herself getting closer. With one hand keeping pressure on her clit the other dropped to her hips to help her keep the pace, their pelvises grinding together furiously. As she felt herself reaching the edge she scratched her nails down his chest moaning his name. She had missed this, she had missed him. He sat up as he felt her begin to spasm around him, capturing her mouth as she screamed reaching her peak. He tried to hold out, but her walls were milking him as she gave into her pleasure, and he gave in coming blissfully with her.
So here we are alone again'
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
I've come too close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
No never fall again
Hours later Addison lay on the bed staring at the ceiling, her arms crossed protectively across her chest, thoughts racing through her brain. What did you do? What did you JUST do? She looked to her right to see Derek in peaceful slumber beside her. Figures he'd be able to sleep. She sighed and turned back towards the ceiling. What were you thinking? That it had been far too long. And the man is good, she smirked as she shifted positions. But I'll admit I've had better ideas. "Just one night." Yeah, right. Idiot. The man is like Lays, you can't have just one.
And he's not staying; he's not yours anymore. When he leaves you're going to fall apart again. No, I won't. This is strictly a physical attraction, no emotional attachment whatsoever. I can't go through that again.
"I can hear you thinking." He cracked an eye at her. "What's wrong?"
You mean besides me setting myself up for heartbreak? "Nothing," she replied.
"So, nothing is keeping you awake at," he leaned over her to glance at the clock, "3:22 in the morning?"
"I guess I'm just feeling a little restless."
"Restless, huh? Well, why don't we work off a bit of that energy." He suggested rolling on top of her. Addison smiled into his kiss. Mmm, I love this man. Oh, shit. I'm screwed.
Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don't you stand there and then
Tell me you love
Me then leave again
Cause I'm falling in love with
You again
Addison watched Derek across the table; she tried to hide her smirk behind the newspaper.
He looked up at her as he bit into a piece of toast, "What?" he asked.
She laughed, "You, um, you have a little something right here." She wiped the corner of his mouth.
"Oh, thanks, babe." He took another bite of toast, once again getting crumbs on his mouth. This time she couldn't hold in her laughter. "What?" he asked again.
"Nothing," she laughingly replied, hiding behind the paper, yet still sneaking glances at him. I can't believe I'm back here again.
"Okay," he said, shaking his head at her. "I, uh, I talked to Richard today."
"Oh, yeah?" she took a sip of her coffee. "What did he have to say?"
"Well, first he and Adele send their regards." She smiled at that. "And second he wanted to know when I was coming back."
Addison felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. She snaked a shaky hand towards her coffee cup, then decided against it, returning her hand to her lap. Clearing her throat, she asked, "And what did you tell him?"
Derek cut into his egg-white omelet, "I told him I'd be back by the end of the week. I already booked my flight, I leave Friday morning."
Hold me
Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
Two bodies lay intertwined beneath 500-count Egyptian cotton sheets, waiting for their breathing to return to normal. They lay on their sides facing each other, each mirroring the soft grin they saw on the other's face. Addison reached up and brushed the dark curls from his face. She let her fingers trail down his face, continuing down his neck and across his chest to his stomach where she knew he was ticklish. As she began her assault he jerked back and away from her rolling onto his back, pulling a face at her laughter. He then returned the favor, attacking her sides causing her to yelp and giggle. He drew her closer to him and she snuggled into his side. He wrapped his arms around her; one hand on her hip, the other stroking her fire-colored mane. "So," he began, "I had a meeting with Joe today."
She shifted so she could look at his face, "And what did the Chief have to say?"
He shrugged and pulled her closer, "Oh, not much. He asked how things were going. If I was happy out in Seattle…If I would like my old job back." He felt her tense his arms, and he ran his fingers through her hair. "I haven't given him my answer yet."
Addison cleared her throat, "And what is your answer?"
"It's a really good offer. He's offering a fifty percent pay increase and assures me that I would be one of the top runners for Chief of Surgery when he retires."
"That is a good offer. But you do know that you'll be competing against me again."
"I know. And with you and Burke gone and Mark thinking about making the move to LA, I'm guaranteed COS in Seattle. Plus, if I were to tell Richard about the offer I'm pretty sure he would match or surpass it."
"Well, it sounds like you have a sure thing in Seattle."
"Yeah."
She bit her lip. "So I guess your decision is obvious." She looked up to meet his eyes.
He nodded, "Glaringly so."
She dropped her gaze to his chest. Stupid, stupid!! You knew he was leaving. Why did you get attached again? She felt the tears building behind her eyes. No, no, you will not cry in front of him. You will NOT. "Well, it seems settled then."
"It is." She nodded. "I'm staying in New York." Her eyes shot back up to his.
"What? But-but why?" she stuttered.
"Because," he sighed, "I've finally come to realize what's important. And it's not the career, the prestige, the money, the surgeries, or being COS. In the end it's having someone to share it with, someone to come home to, someone who loves you unconditionally, and who'll call you on your shit when necessary. I had that before and I threw it away." He tightened his grip on her. "I may have my moments, but I'm not stupid enough to do that again. I'm not going to let you go, Addison. I love you."
God knows I do
Love you
Again
Okay, I'll be honest here: I'm a review whore, so make my Christmas jolly and leave one for me, m'kay? Great.