The voices of the Continuum are not amused. "Q. WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT THIS HUMAN AMONG US?"
Okay. This might actually be more of a problem than he'd thought it would be. "Because I believe that his species is worth much more in-depth study than You had intended to give it, and I believe the best way for us to truly understand them is to make one of them into one of us."
"Wait, you think?" Riker whispers, as if the entire Continuum can't hear him. "I thought you guys all agreed on this."
"Shut up, Riker, let me do the talking."
"MAKING A MORTAL INTO A Q IS ACCEPTABLE IF THE MORTAL ITSELF HAS BEEN ASSESSED BY THIS BODY AND DEEMED WORTHY, BUT YOU HAVE SUBMITTED NO SUCH REQUEST FOR ASSESSMENT. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO BRING A NEW Q INTO OUR CONTINUUM SIMPLY BECAUSE HIS SPECIES IS WORTHY OF STUDY."
"Well, obviously I think he's worthy to join the Continuum or I wouldn't have brought him in. That goes without saying. I'm talking about the benefit to us beyond the benefit of new blood and new perspectives, which I had assumed everyone in the Continuum would understand without my having to point it out."
"THE ISSUE IS NOT WHETHER OR NOT WE NEED NEW BLOOD AND NEW PERSPECTIVES. THE ISSUE IS WHETHER THIS PARTICULAR SET OF PERSPECTIVES IS VALUABLE, AND IF THIS INDIVIDUAL HAS THE MENTAL STABILITY AND STRENGTH OF WILL TO SURVIVE THE CONTINUUM. YOU HAVE NOT TESTED HIM."
"I've been watching him! I didn't need to set up a specific test, I had his whole life to look at! Besides, this one's special. He's got a control."
"What do you mean, I've got a control?" Riker asks.
"Yes, Q, by all means do explain," one of the individuals within the Continuum says. "What do you mean, he's got a control?"
"Well, if we want to study a species by making one of them into one of us, you are all aware of the well-known problem that the individual will change as they become more influenced by the Continuum, and some of the traits of the original species will vanish. But this mortal has an identical copy, created by an accident with their 'transporter' three of their years ago, trapped on a deserted world. We simply bring that William Riker out of his accidental exile and return him to his real life. He can take this William Riker's place among the humans, and by comparing our new Q to his human counterpart, we can identify what aspects of his nature are specifically human versus what aspects change under the pressure of the Continuum."
"You never mentioned this!" Riker says indignantly. "Don't you think I'd have liked to know that there's some sort of… copy of me somewhere? How did that even happen?"
"A malfunction in your primitive little matter transmission devices. And I said be quiet. I'm trying to talk to the Continuum here."
"Yeah, it sounds to me like you're trying to talk them into accepting me. But I was under the distinct impression, when you made your offer, that the offer was coming from all of you, not just you personally."
"Well, there's not always a lot of difference between the two concepts."
"FOR MOST Q THIS IS TRUE, BUT IT IS DISINGENUOUS FOR YOU, Q, TO IMPLY THAT YOU SPEAK WITH OUR VOICE. YOU HAVE NOT ALWAYS SEEN EYE TO EYE WITH THE REST OF THIS BODY."
"In fact," another individual voice says, "let's replace 'always' with 'practically ever'."
"THE EXISTENCE OF A COPY OF THIS HUMAN WOULD INDEED MAKE THIS A WORTHY EXPERIMENT, IF IT WERE ACCEPTABLE TO CREATE A NEW MEMBER OF THIS BODY TO JOIN US AND BE PART OF US FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AS PART OF AN EXPERIMENT… BUT IT IS NOT."
"I don't know, I think it's a very interesting experiment," one of the scientists says. "We didn't create the copy, but Q's research indicates that it is in fact identical. We've never had such a control for a new Q. Can we turn down the opportunity?"
"We're going to be stuck with this guy for the rest of eternity," another individual points out. "Of course we can turn down the opportunity, if he's not worthy to be a Q. Experiments are finite, but joining the Continuum is forever."
"Do we actually know he's not worthy? Q didn't test him," yet another individual says.
"Q didn't test him, therefore we know that we don't know if he's worthy or not and therefore he should not be here! This isn't rocket science, people."
One of the Q who can always be relied on to argue against anything Q proposes says, "I can't believe anyone would actually consider it a possibility that we should let this stand! Q has been completely irresponsible, again. It's one thing not to do the required study and request permission ahead of time when intervening with mortals; that's bad enough, but it doesn't affect us. But this person will have an influence on us for the rest of time! Doesn't anyone else think we needed more than just Q's word for it that this will be a good idea?"
"Actually I think everyone else thinks we needed more than just Q's word for it, except for Q the scientist."
"I think we can handle any negative consequences of having him among us," the scientist says, "but the opportunity to learn something we didn't actually already know comes up so rarely nowadays, we shouldn't turn it down."
"I agree," one of Q's friends and frequent allies says. "Knowledge should be paramount. If this guy doesn't work out, we can always take the powers away again."
"Half a million years after everyone he knows is dead?" someone else asks skeptically. "Why not just prevent the issue by doing the tests we need now?"
The meeting dissolves into its usual cacophony, with everyone talking at once. Q, of course, can follow all the conversational threads at once and answer the ones he considers particularly important to address, but Riker is lost. "This isn't what I signed up for," he says. "The whole reason I joined you guys was because you told me you'd decided that your people were offering it to me. I didn't know it was just you personally and I was going to have to deal with several thousand people who don't seem to want me around. And I sure as hell didn't plan to be your science experiment."
"Hey, I told you that the offer was so that we could study humanity more closely. It's not my fault you weren't paying attention."
"Study humanity, yes. Compare me against an exact duplicate as a control? Tell me the truth, Q. Would you even have looked at me as a possible candidate to join you if I didn't have an exact duplicate?"
"Well, you were pretty interesting at Farpoint."
"Lots of Starfleet officers would have done the exact same thing under the circumstances, but I didn't see you offering them godlike power."
"Your captain didn't."
"My captain would have done the same as I did if he hadn't been the captain. Starfleet used to have a serious problem with captains risking themselves on away missions; I made it clear to Captain Picard when I came on board that I wasn't going to let him risk himself. But if he'd been the first officer, he'd have done just what I did."
"He thinks being human is the pinnacle of all evolution. He'd never have taken my offer."
"You never offered it to him, so how would you know? And besides, I wouldn't have taken your offer if I'd known you were going to get in trouble with your folks at home."
"I'm thrilled that you're so concerned for my well-being, Riker, but I'm not in trouble."
"I'm not concerned for your well-being, I'm concerned for mine. I'm not a big fan of the idea of joining you guys, watching everyone I love die, and then being thrown out again half a million years from now when I can't possibly adjust to being human again. And don't tell me that's not on the table, because I heard someone make that exact suggestion before everyone started talking at once."
"It wasn't a serious suggestion. You just don't understand how we work yet."
"Maybe so… but you certainly don't act like I'd expect highly advanced beings to act."
"Oh, I'm crushed that we've disappointed you. I'm sure you were an expert on how highly advanced beings act before you came here. Undoubtedly you have vast experience on the subject."
"I don't have any experience on the subject. But I've got a lot of experience in how we mere mortals act. And aside from the fact that I can hear that you're having at least twenty different conversations at the same time as you're talking to me, which I'll admit seems pretty advanced, I don't actually see any difference between how you behave and any other council or conference of mortals who can't manage to agree on something."
"What, did you think we sat around for eternity contemplating our own ineffable navels? We do have lives and personalities, you know."
"I can see that. I can also see that your own people don't seem to be any more impressed with you than Captain Picard was."
"Riker, do you seriously think I care about Captain Picard's opinion? If you hadn't made it a condition of your coming here that I had to release him from the terms of our bet, he'd be squashing grapes on his brother's vineyard right now."
"Yeah, and that's another thing. If it hadn't been for my accidentally reading the captain's mind, I'd have never known you made a bet with him about what I was going to choose. It really didn't impress me to learn that me choosing to leave my old life behind and become a completely different species is something you treat like a game, that you can take bets on. I was going to let it go, but then we got here and the Continuum started chewing you a new one. Did you invite me to join you because you genuinely think I deserve to be one of you, or were you just trying to get one up over my captain?"
Q doesn't dignify that with an answer. The whole time he's been bickering with Riker, he's also been trying to defend himself to the Continuum, and listening to their various arguments with each other as to the merit of his positions. Now the Continuum appears to be coalescing around a single point of view, as it usually does after debate. "Quiet, Riker, they're about to come to a decision."
"Q. WE HAVE HEARD YOUR ARGUMENTS AND HAVE COME TO A CONSENSUS."
Q always does his best to hide his apprehension in front of the Continuum if he fears the debate won't end in his favor, but right now it's even more imperative to present a front of confidence. He's got to look good in front of the mortal, after all. "It's about time."
"THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE TIME TO BE FLIPPANT, Q."
"You never think it's an appropriate time to be flippant."
"THIS IS A PARTICULARLY BAD TIME."
"Fine, fine. So noted. What is Your verdict?"
"WHEN WE SENT YOU TO STUDY HUMANITY, WE GRANTED YOU THE RIGHT TO SPEAK WITH OUR VOICE, AS WE DO WHEN WE SEND ANY Q ON A MISSION FOR US. YOUR CHOICE TO BRING THIS HUMAN INTO THE CONTINUUM WAS ILL-ADVISED, POORLY RESEARCHED, AND A FLAGRANT VIOLATION OF THE RULES THAT BIND US ALL. HOWEVER, WE WILL NOT RESCIND THE OFFER YOU HAVE GRANTED; THAT VIOLATES THE PRINCIPLE BY WHICH A Q SPEAKS FOR THE CONTINUUM. YOU ARE A FULL EQUAL AND YOUR WORD WILL BE RESPECTED."
"Well, thank You for small favors."
"WILLIAM RIKER WILL BE INDUCTED INTO THE Q CONTINUUM AS ONE OF US, ON A PROBATIONARY BASIS. HE WILL BE GRANTED THE SAME LEEWAY AND OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN OUR LAWS THAT WE HAVE GRANTED OTHER INDUCTEES IN THE PAST."
"That's certainly fair. I accept that."
"HOWEVER, YOUR RECKLESSNESS AND DISREGARD FOR OUR RULES MUST HAVE CONSEQUENCES."
"Let's be fair, now. They're rules, not laws. I haven't broken a single one of our laws."
"TRUE. BUT YOU HAVE BROKEN ALMOST EVERY RULE WE HAVE. REPEATEDLY. DESPITE FREQUENT WARNINGS. YOU ARE RAPIDLY APPROACHING THE POINT OF DISCONTINUITY."
They couldn't be serious. "What? No! I'm not discontinuous – I have every respect for this body. But You gave me leeway to exercise my own judgment, and I did. I thought Riker would make a good Q, I still do, and I didn't think that doing a lengthy analysis and study was going to teach us anything that we didn't already know. That doesn't mean I've turned discrete!"
"YOU HAVE NOT BECOME A DISCONTINUITY… YET. BUT YOU ARE FAR, FAR CLOSER THAN YOU REALIZE, AND FAR CLOSER THAN ANY OF US WISH TO TOLERATE. SINCE YOU HAVE BROUGHT A NEW Q AMONG US, WHO ACCORDING TO YOU IS WELL CAPABLE OF INTEGRATING INTO OUR BODY, ACCUSTOMED TO FOLLOWING RULES AND WORKING WITH OTHERS FOR THE GREATER GOOD… UNLIKE YOU… WE WILL REPLACE YOU."
"Wait, what?"
"IT IS THE JUDGEMENT OF THIS BODY THAT WE CAN SAFELY REMOVE YOU BEFORE YOU CREATE A DISCONTINUITY, NOW THAT YOU HAVE BROUGHT US A REPLACEMENT."
"You can't do that!" Q stares in horror at the massed minds of the Continuum around him. "Please… I haven't broken our laws. We've never severed anyone for simply refusing to follow our customs before. I – I know I can be something of an iconoclast, but You made me that way because You need someone to question the rules, so they don't ossify around us and make us as stagnant as most of the other Powers in the galaxy. Riker can't serve that function; I brought him because I thought he'd be a good Q, not because he can do my job."
"THE VALUE YOU BRING TO THE CONTINUUM IS GREATLY OUTWEIGHED BY THE PROBLEMS YOU CAUSE. WE WILL SEVER YOU FROM THE CONTINUUM AND MAKE YOU MORTAL. BY DOING SO WE WILL AVOID A PAINFUL DISCONTINUITY, END THE TROUBLES YOU HAVE CAUSED US, AND MAKE THE PRINCIPLE CLEAR THAT CUSTOMS AND RULES ARE TO BE OBEYED AS IF THEY WERE LAWS."
"But they're not laws," Q says, pleadingly. "They never were. We didn't put them to a vote, we didn't agree unanimously, that's why they're not laws. You can't just make up a new rule arbitrarily that rules are laws and breaking them is punishable by death!"
"Death?" Riker asks.
He really hasn't got patience to deal with Riker being stupid right now. "What else would you call losing immortality?" he snaps at him.
"Can I say something to all of you?" Riker asks, addressing the Continuum.
"WE HAVE AGREED THAT YOU SHALL BECOME ONE OF US, PROVISIONALLY. THEREFORE, YES, YOU MAY SPEAK."
"Look, I'm getting the distinct impression that I stepped in something here by taking Q's offer. I understand that he didn't follow your protocols in bringing me here. I don't want to disrupt your lives or make things difficult for all of you, and I don't want to be given honors I don't deserve. And as much as Q's been a pain in the neck, he's one of you and I'm not. I really don't think you should throw him out so you can take me in."
One of the individuals of the Continuum speaks, not the entire body at once. "We aren't throwing him out so we can take you in. We are taking you in so we can throw him out. He has been very disruptive, but we do not like to lose any part of our nature, particularly without receiving any value in exchange. If we take you, we take your traits into us, and then we are free to remove his."
"But I've been a Q for billions of years! Riker doesn't have nearly as much to offer the Continuum as I do. I wanted him to be an addition, not a replacement!"
"To be honest," Riker says, "I think he's right. I'm only human. I don't have billions of years of experience – I don't even represent all of humanity. I can only give you what I am. And I understand that I can't tell you what to do, and I'm coming into this late and I don't know all the background… but it does seem unfair that you'd throw Q out for doing something that wasn't actually against your laws."
"It isn't this flouting of the rules. It's all of them."
"And I understand that, I do. Hell, I might do the same in your place. But it's not justice. It's not as if you actually told him 'one more screwup and that's it for you, buddy.' I mean, did you?"
"IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN NECESSARY," the Continuum says.
"I know, it really shouldn't have been. But apparently it was. I'm standing right next to him – I can tell he's sincerely shocked. He really didn't see this coming. And it's not fair to just arbitrarily hand someone out a punishment that they couldn't reasonably expect, and if you've been tolerating his behavior with nothing but warnings and slaps on the wrist for millennia, then of course he can't have reasonably expected that you would suddenly sentence him to death."
"It's not a death sentence," someone mumbles. "It's a sentence to mortality. It's not execution."
"What difference does it make?" Q says, unable to quite keep from snarling. He is utterly humiliated that Riker is defending him, that Riker is even there to see that he needs defending, let alone that he actually seems to be doing better than Q himself is managing. He would snarl at Riker and tell him to shut up and let Q handle it himself except that what's at stake is Q's life, and even as proud as he is, he's too afraid that if he silences Riker he has no hope. So he takes it out on his fellow Q. "It doesn't really matter whether I live three nanoseconds or 80 years after leaving the Continuum, does it? Neither is a whole lot of time. If you make me mortal you are sentencing me to death; don't try to prettify it."
"Why are you defending him?" another Q asks Riker. "He may have brought you to us, but you aren't beholden to him. He has been cruel to you, he has mistreated your friends and yourself in the course of his tests… why stand up for him?"
"It's the principle of the thing," Riker says. "I've been around enough teenagers of my own species to know that you can get fed up with too many minor violations of the rules, and finally you snap and hand out a punishment that's worse than any one violation deserves, because it's for all of them. I do understand that. But that's wrong. It's inconsistent. If punishment is going to have a deterrent effect, then people have to know what kind of punishment to expect before they commit an act, and certainly Q had no idea you were going to throw him out." He shrugs. "Besides, if I do stay with you, I'm going to need him. I don't know anyone else and none of the rest of you have had dealings with my kind, to the best of my knowledge."
"THAT IS NOT TRUE. MANY OF US ARE FAMILIAR WITH HUMANS."
"Okay, then I'm wrong. But Q saw something in me that apparently the rest of you didn't. Unless he's lying, and I was only ever a science experiment, but if that's the case you really should send me back to the Enterprise and take back the powers you've given me. I mean, you know him, so you tell me – did he really see something in me that made it worth it to him to bring me to the Continuum? Because the rest of you don't see it, and I'd like him to stick around so he can help me prove myself to the rest of you. Or I'd like to go home and let him stay here, because I don't really want to be part of a group that tosses out random death sentences for not filing reports on time."
"WERE YOU COERCED TO JOIN US? DO YOU FEEL THAT Q LIED TO YOU TO MAKE YOU ACCEPT?"
Riker shakes his head. "It's not exactly that. I'm an explorer… that's why I joined Starfleet. That's what I was out here for. Ultimate power… I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a temptation, but my understanding is that once I become one of you I will be leaving my human life behind, and among you, I wouldn't actually be omnipotent. Which is fine, because that's not what I'm after. It's the opportunity to learn, to become something greater than I am, to explore everything the universe has to offer. And maybe, yes, to help you see that my people, humans, aren't a threat to you.
"But I would never have accepted if Q had made it clear that I wasn't fully tested by your standards, because I don't want something I don't deserve and I don't want something I can't handle, and I frankly don't want to deal with people thinking of me as the idiot stepbrother they have to be nice to because someone else invited them home, for the rest of eternity. I had a good life, a good career back in Starfleet. I had friends, I had respect. I don't care how much power you offer me, I don't want to live somewhere where no one respects me and I'm treated like an inferior being, especially not for the rest of time. So if that's how it's going to be, I want to go home.
"And if you're going to throw Q out, I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to be. Some of you must be his friends; some of you would come to resent me because I'm not him. I don't share the history, I don't know the in-jokes, I don't have whatever skills he's got. Even some of you who are angry at him now and thinking, yeah, get rid of him, he deserves it… I think maybe some of you might end up having second thoughts tomorrow, or a thousand years from now. If any of you decide, now or later, that you regret getting rid of him, I don't want to bear the brunt of that."
"WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE? Q HAS BROKEN OUR RULES MANY, MANY TIMES, AND INVITING SOMEONE UNTESTED TO BECOME A Q IS THE PINNACLE OF IT. HE MUST BE DISCIPLINED FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE. BUT WHAT YOU SAY HAS SOME MERIT. IF YOU CAN PROPOSE AN ALTERNATIVE, WE CAN TAKE IT INTO ADVISEMENT."
"Well, can the tests he was supposed to do to see if I am worthy to join the Q be done if I've already joined?"
"MOST CANNOT. YOU WOULD KNOW TOO MUCH, HAVING ACCESS TO OUR KNOWLEDGE."
"Then deny me that knowledge. Block it, and test me. If I pass, then Q was right to offer me the position, and you give him back his position. If I fail, then you can throw me out, and at that point do whatever you feel needs doing to him. Throw him out if you can find an adequate replacement, or do whatever you do for a punishment when you're not going so far as to throw people out."
"Q CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO ADMINISTER THE TESTS IF HIS OWN SAFETY IS AT STAKE."
"So let someone else test me. That'd be more fair anyway; now that Q's staked his reputation on me, he'd be biased even if it weren't his life at stake."
"VERY WELL. THE CONTINUUM WILL TAKE YOUR SUGGESTION UNDER ADVISEMENT. NEITHER OF YOU WILL BE PERMITTED TO HEAR THE DELIBERATIONS."
And with that they vanish, leaving Q alone in nothingness with Riker.
"You're not in trouble, huh?" Riker says. "Guess it's a good thing for you I'm still hung up on that human concept of fairness."
"Go away," Q says sullenly.
"I don't think so. For one thing I have no idea where to go or how to get there."
"You can go anywhere in the universe. The Continuum will summon you when they've made their decision." He tries, and fails, to keep his bitterness and fear out of his mental voice.
"I think I'm gonna stay here."
"Planning to rub it in? Oh, yes, let's all gloat at how horribly Q's scheme misfired. I thought bringing you here would solidify my position with them… I thought it would be clear to them the value you can add. I never thought—"
"Yeah. It's pretty obvious you didn't see this coming."
"Laugh it up, monkeyboy. Go ahead, make fun of me."
"I'm not, actually."
A Q would be making fun of him. But Riker isn't quite a Q, yet, and possibly never will be entirely like the other Q. Which is why Q wanted to bring him in, and why this hurts like the slap of a betrayal. If the Continuum throw him out for this, they will be proving once and for all that they prefer process to results; that his best effort to improve the Continuum and encourage its continued growth should not just be rejected, but spat upon, is almost a worse blow than the fear of what will happen to him if they do as they've threatened.
"Why did you defend me, anyway? I know you don't actually like me, even if you did agree to join me."
"Because what they were doing really wasn't fair."
"You may have noticed the Continuum doesn't really have much concern for what is fair and what isn't."
"Yeah. Maybe that's one of those human qualities you secretly wish I'd introduce you guys to. It looks like you could use it."
Q slumps. Riker's right, actually. For all his disdain for humanity and their weaknesses… he was the one who wanted to introduce human traits to the Continuum, after all. And now, it may possibly save his life.
He realizes then that deep down, he never had thought Riker was worthy of being a Q. That he didn't think this through when he started it. That he had been mostly concerned with scoring points against Picard, proving a point to the Continuum, and setting up an intriguing experiment. Riker himself, as a person, really hadn't interested him all that much… Riker was right again, his type is a dime a dozen in Starfleet. He was thinking that he wanted to bring new traits to the Continuum, but he had also been contemptuous of the very traits that he wanted to add. And the Continuum must have seen through him, even as he successfully lied to himself. No wonder they're considering throwing him out.
But ironically Riker has actually risen to the challenge. For the Continuum to even take the word of a mortal under advisement means that Riker's ideas struck a nerve; someone in there thinks that Riker had a good point.
"You're right, actually," he says quietly. "We do need it. Even me… I go out looking for something, anything, that's different. And then I find it and I make fun of it for not being like a Q. But if it was like a Q I wouldn't be interested in it because it wouldn't be different. I say I want to change the Continuum, I want to bring new traits in, but I look down on those traits even when I find them. I thought I was the only one who could clearly see that we need to change… but it turns out even my vision was a lot less clear than I thought."
"Will they go through with it, do you think? You know them better than I do."
"I don't know," Q says honestly. "I didn't think they'd do something like this in the first place. I can't believe they'd really do it, but… I wouldn't have believed they'd even threaten it, if I hadn't been standing right there when they did it." He looks at Riker. "You have to understand. We're supposed to be a pure democracy. Everyone's equal, everyone has a voice. We're a Continuum, a unity of thought and mind when we combine as one, a paradox of individualities within a unity. And our laws are fair, and just, because we don't implement them unless we all agree. But… they started making rules, taking customs that lots of people followed because they wanted to be polite and saying that we have to do them, without putting them to a vote. And I thought we all understood that rules and laws are different. Laws exist for a reason. Rules might just be because someone was on a power trip that day and wanted to make a rule, and no one who was there at the time cared enough to object. Rules should not have the same weight as law. They shouldn't be able to sever me from the Continuum just because I break rules."
"Well, did you ever think that maybe the rules might have a good reason? That maybe you shouldn't just go breaking them willy-nilly?"
"Oh, you'll get along great with the others." Q scowls. "If they've never been tested and they've never been debated, how can we possibly know they have a good reason unless we test them? And how can we test them if we don't break them?"
"Well, maybe they ought to take the rules and put them up for debate to see if they should be laws."
"They should. They absolutely should. But they never get around to it, because no one cares enough to push it and we're never all here at the same time unless someone pushes."
"Why don't you push it?"
"Because I'm in favor of fewer rules, not more laws, and if I'm the one pushing it half of them will vote to make it a law just to spite me."
"So it isn't your species, then, it's you. Nobody likes you, personally."
"I'm the guy who's supposed to say the Emperor has no clothes. Nobody likes that guy. I've told every single one of them they're butt naked on one occasion or another. But they need me. Or else they're going to be running around the galaxy with their asses on display."
"And it's not because you keep screwing things up by breaking the rules?"
"Yeah, sometimes some bad things happen because I broke a rule or two. And sometimes good things happen. And sometimes we find out that the rule was completely unnecessary. But you know, no one ever remembers when my methods work."
The rest of the Continuum flash back in. Showtime. Q straightens up and puts his game face on.
"WE HAVE TAKEN THE SUGGESTION OF WILLIAM RIKER UNDER ADVISEMENT. IN THE MATTER OF HIS FATE, IT SEEMS A FAIR SOLUTION. WE WILL BLOCK HIM FROM THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TOTALITY OF THE CONTINUUM AND CONDUCT THE TESTS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BEFORE HE WAS EVER INVITED TO THE CONTINUUM.
"SHOULD WILLIAM RIKER PASS THE TESTS, HE WILL BE INDUCTED INTO THE CONTINUUM AS A FULL MEMBER. THIS WILL REFLECT WELL ON HIS SPONSOR, Q, WHO WILL ALSO BE REINSTATED WITH ALL RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES. HOWEVER, SHOULD HE FAIL, HE WILL BE RETURNED TO THE HUMAN WORLD AND HIS HUMAN FORM, WITH NO PENALTY BEYOND THAT FOR HIS FAILURE. HIS SPONSOR WILL SUFFER THE SAME CONSEQUENCE, AND BE EXILED TO MORTALITY. IF THAT SHOULD OCCUR, Q WILL BE PERMITTED TO CHOOSE WHICH SPECIES HE SHALL BE, WHAT FORM HE SHALL TAKE WITHIN THAT SPECIES, AND WHERE HE SHALL GO, WITH THE STIPULATION THAT THE SPECIES IN QUESTION MUST BE MORTAL.
"HOWEVER, Q, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU ARE EVENTUALLY REINSTATED TO THE CONTINUUM OR EXILED PERMANENTLY… YOU MUST SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR RECKLESSNESS. YOU ARE TO BE EXILED FROM THE CONTINUUM FOR THE DURATION OF WILLIAM RIKER'S TESTS. YOU WILL NOT ACT AS OUR AGENT, YOU WILL NOT PRESENT YOURSELF AS SPEAKING WITH OUR VOICE, YOU WILL NOT UNDERTAKE ANY INTERVENTIONS ON ANY MORTAL SPECIES AND YOU WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO RETURN TO THE CONTINUUM OR COMMUNICATE WITH ANY MEMBER. WE WILL SUMMON YOU WHEN THE TESTING IS COMPLETE AND WE ARE READY TO MAKE A FINAL JUDGMENT."
It's not as bad as simply being made mortal would have been. He'll get to keep his powers. But the thought of being deprived of both the Continuum and his work… the Continuum annoys him more often than not and he's not thrilled with being here most of the time, but the idea that he's not allowed to be here hurts. And if he can't intervene with mortals and he can't talk to any other Q, who the hell is he supposed to spend time with? How is he going to stave off boredom if he can't talk to anyone? Not to mention the fact that his entire fate is going to be in Riker's hands, and without being able to talk to any other Q he won't have the foggiest idea how that's going or be able to influence it in any way.
It's horrible. But it's so much better than the other alternative they presented that he swallows his objections. "I accept," he says softly.
"VERY WELL. LEAVE US NOW."
He looks over at Riker. "Yo, Billy. I know getting thrown out of the Continuum probably isn't going to hurt you too badly, but… try to pass the tests, okay?"
"Hey, I don't want some poor mortal species to have to deal with you just because the Q don't want you any more. For all I know if they make you pick a species and a place to go you'll turn yourself human and head for the Enterprise just so you can make my life hell for failing."
"That sounds like a great idea, Riker. You think hard about that, if you feel even slightly tempted to blow this test."
"I won't blow it, Q. I can't promise you I'll succeed, but I'll damn well do my best."
"Well, for both our sakes I sincerely hope that's good enough."
"You must have thought it would be good enough before you decided not to bother testing me."
"I did." He nods. He's lying. He never actually gave any thought to testing Riker because at the time he actually hadn't believed Riker would pass, deep down. But he thinks he might have been wrong, now. Maybe he made the right call for the wrong reasons, and Riker will prove himself worthy. "I'll be back when you're done. Do what you can do."
"I will."
Q leaves, then. He has no idea where he's going to go; without being permitted to intervene with mortals, he can only watch, and he doesn't know what would be entertaining to watch right now. With nothing else to do, he drifts over toward the Enterprise. They were amusing to keep an eye on, and maybe from watching the humans he'll get some insight as to whether Riker will pass or not.