A/N: sorry this has taken so long to come out – I think its my longest gap yet – but it was quite a hard one to write, and I've just been so busy lately. I hope it measures up to my last ones, and that you all like it. As usual, xxx means a change in point of view, and I only own the plot and deputy jason carter. :)

Xxxxxx

I don't know what exactly made me get so mad at Ronnie. Maybe it was the way she ignored my explanation, maybe the way she ran off without even answering any of the many questions I wanted to ask her. Maybe it was the way she was talking to a kid who looked very much like Leo D'Amato, the cop I was so jealous of, or maybe it was the way she cut me down in the lobby. Who am I kidding, it was all of those things really.

I'm just so tired of waiting for her to forgive me, so tired of having to apologise for things that weren't my fault. Okay, so the thing with Madison was totally my fault, but I came clean, explained at the time, and she still hates me for it. Who does she think she is? Veronica Mars is by no means perfect – she's probably more flawed than even I am. I call Mac, and she promises to meet me at my place straight away. I leave Dick's room, and lock the door behind me.

As I pass through the lobby I hear Veronica and that annoying deputy talking. It sounds like he's comforting her, or something. Great, another guy in love with her, just what I need. What is it about that blonde midget that's so attractive to us guys? I don't know why I'm asking myself this, I know the answer already.

When I get to my house, Mac is waiting on the doorstep with a bottle of Jack Daniels and three packets of Oreos – my childish guilty pleasure. That's the mark of a true friend, she knows exactly what I need to make myself feel better. I'm starting to think that Mac is my best friend now, not Dick. We've helped eachother through some rough times, and I know that she'll use this opportunity to finally get all of her emotions about Veroica off her chest.

"And the, the thing is, she wouldn't even give me any kind of explanation. Just expects me to deal with her abandoning me and get over it." Mac has been raving in this way for over an hour, but I've been interjecting with bitter comments of my own.

"I know what you mean. All I wanted was a few answers to my questions – where she's been, why she never came back, you know all that kind of thing." Surprisingly, we've hardly touched the bottle of Jack, although we're halfway through the third pack of Oreos by now.

Mac starts another rant, but is interrupted by the doorbell ringing. I wander over to the door and open it a crack – neither Mac nor I are in the mood for guests right now. But I see Veronica, still in her clothes from last night, pacing up and down on the porch.

"How did you get this address?" I ask, coldly. If I'm not in the mood for guests then I'm most definitely not in the mood for Veronica and all her crap.

"How do you think? I'm Veronica Mars for God's sake." She grins, but it falls off her face when I don't react. "I just really need to talk to you, Logan."

So now she wants to talk about things? Not gonna happen. The time for talking is over.

"I'm not interested in talking anymore, Ronnie." I try to shut the door, but she sticks her stilettoed foot in the crack, and doesn't even wince when I accidentally crush her foot.

"Look, Deputy Leo-alike showed me your book." Her face softens as she speaks. "I can't believe you wrote a book. And apparently, it's a great book. Leo-alike seems to love it."

She's seen my book. My arm falls to my side, and Veronica seizes her chance and pushes into my condo.

"Nice place you've got here, Logan." She remarks, as she walks into the living room, where Mac is still sitting. "Wow, both of you here at once. I need to talk to you too, Mac."

"Really? After four years of silence, now you want to talk?" Mac is even sharper than I was. Not that I blame her, of course, but its weird seeing her this mad.

She winces, "Yeah, I know. I deserve everything you've got to say. So, just say it. I don't mind, but then at least let me say what I need to afterwards." She sits down in my favourite armchair, and I notice how right she looks there, even though she's never been to my condo. "Let me have it."

Mac looks doubtful, but Veronica is so obviously determined to open the floodgates that she starts talking.

"I just spent the last four years looking for you, V, and, I mean, its not like…look: I didn't let myself think about why I had to be the one looking for you and not Wallace, and why I was classed with the cheating boyfriend in the ranking of people important enough to know your location. No offence or anything, Logan. But now we've found you I can't stop myself from thinking about the fact that you obviously don't care enough about me to even try to stay in touch with me! That even though you called me your 'BFF' all through highschool, I wasn't a good enough friend for you to trust with the top secret information that was your new life in New York. How many other people have you treated like you treated me, Veronica? Because if there are others, then you should take a look at yourself and realise that you can't treat people like that, and if you keep on doing it then everyone you care about will leave you. Even Wallace."

Wow. That was intense. Mac just went on and on and on, and now both Veronica and I are sitting back in our seats, shocked expressions on our faces. Mac's never said this much to me about the whole situation, and now I'm quite glad she's been holding back on me, because I couldn't have taken it if all that anger was directed at me.

"You're right." Veronica speaks into the shocked silence quietly. "I pushed you away, and I do it to almost everyone I care about. I never really thought about it until you mentioned it." Mentioned it is a bit of an understatement. More like yelled to the entire world. "That's the most insightful thing anyone has ever said to me, Mac. And the most truthful. And you have no idea how much I appreciate it, and how much worse it makes me feel…" She trails off, looking really downcast. "Right. Well, I said I'd explain, so I better explain." She braces herself visibly, and then gets started.

"You're so right, Mac. I kept in touch with Wallace and not you. But its not because I love him more than you – even though I've known Wallace for, what, three weeks longer than you – its because he doesn't remind me so much of, well, everything. When I left I didn't want to remember any part of what went down at the Grand – you know, the whole Cassidy thing – and you're just so tangled up in all that. It was a completely awful thing to do, and I didn't even intend to do it." She stops. "It just happened. And I wish it hadn't, because you're still my BFF, and I love you so much."

She's almost in tears by the end of her little speech, and before either Mac or I can speak, she has bolted out of the door. I don't even care that I didn't get to talk to her about us, because Mac is practically glowing after what Veronica's said.

"So, I guess its my turn next." I'm not really sure if I'm looking forward to that.

Xxxxxxx

I leave Logan's house feeling completely drained, both emotionally and physically. I'd had no idea just how pissed at me Mac was, but I'm glad that we've hashed it out, even if I left before the actual reconciliation. I just can't deal with it now – more accurately, I can't deal with Logan's eyes on me, pitying and hating me at the same time. He wrote a book; I still can't believe it.

I need to get my mind off this whole fiasco, and so I quickly get into my pick up truck and drive to the Camelot, to change, and then back to the Grand. When I get there, I make Deputy Leo-alike, whose name, I've learned, is Jason Carter, to tell me all about Logan's book. So much for keeping my mind off it.

"It's a really great novel, Veronica. You should read it." Jason advises me. "I still can't believe you know Logan Echolls! Do you think you could get me his autograph?" He looks at me with the wide eyes of the inexperienced. I wonder if he's even seen a corpse in any of his twenty years, but I hope that he hasn't, because some people deserve to retain that childish innocence forever.

"Well, I think that at this particular moment in time he isn't exactly inclined to do me any favours." I admit. "But maybe some other time. Who knows, you could ask for it yourself if you really want. I guarantee you he'll be back here to visit Dick Casablancas." I tell you.

"Wow, you know like the whole of Neptune's elite, don't you?" He's actually impressed at my intimate acquaintance with the dirty upper-class of the 090909 zip. "I've always wanted to meet Casey Gant, the businessman. I don't suppose you know him, do you?"

I think back to that fortnight in Junior year, when Casey joined that cult, and frankly almost got me to join it too. "Yeah, I know him. Knew him at his worst, too, but I also know that he doesn't feel comfortable meeting fans." I tell him, before turning back to the evidence. "Something about all of this just doesn't add up."

It's nearly midnight, and once again I'm completely exhausted and running on coffee. I'm still at the Grand, trying to figure out the evidence. Dammit, there's something missing, something wrong, in what they've collected. And it's not something like 'don't use evidence from Dick Casablancas', it's something real, something serious. It's the thing that's keeping me from solving this case.

Jason left around five o clock, but he's come back to do the night shift, and the pair of us are draped across the couches in the lobby. Jason reminds me more and more of Leo the more time we spend together. I feel really comfortable with him, but have the distinct impression that he has a crush on me, and its quite flattering really. When my phone starts buzzing, my legs are over his, and his arm is around my back as we look through the evidence folders.

I pull my phone out of my purse, and press the green phone button.

"Hello?"

"Hey, RonRon."

"Oh, hey, Babe!" The familiar sound of my friend Bobby's voice is comforting. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Oh you know, just got back from a concert. You missed a wicked show! So when you coming home, kid?"

"Not for a few more days, I think. The job turned out to be a little more than just looking over their evidence and verdict. Something is really wrong, and they almost prosecuted the wrong guy," I explain, as Jason mouths the words 'who is it?'at me. I ignore him, and keep talking. "I'm still needed here, Bobby. Plus I've got some loose ends of my own to tie up."

"Aw, come on, Ron, you're killing me. How can I survive without your brownies?" He laughs down the phone, and I can hear his doorbell ringing. "Gotta go, Ron, my booty call has arrived. Don't work too hard."

"I won't." I promise. "Have fun with your casual sex, you manslut." I'm laughing as I put down the phone, but quickly stop when I see who is in front of me.

"Do I happen to be one of those loose ends, Ronnie?" When did Logan get so good at sneaking up on me? I didn't even notice him standing there.

"Among other things, yeah, I guess you are." I admit.

"You and the deputy seem to be getting pretty cosy down there." I think I see a flicker of jealousy cross his face, but if he is jealous then he hides it well.

"Jason and I are going over the evidence. It seems that Dick wasn't the only person whose evidence is void." I explain, quickly removing my legs from Jason's lap.

"Hmm, just remember, dude, that she may look sixteen, but Ronnie is twenty four, and probably has some form of boyfriend or piece of ass back in New York." He says to Jason, laughing cynically.

"Hey, anything you've got to say, you say it to me, Logan. Leave Deputy Carter out of all this." I stand up to face him. I guess half past midnight in the hotel lobby is as good a time as any to hash all this out.

"You say that, Ronnie, but every time I try to say what I need to say, you cut me off, or run away, or just plain old ignore me." He's right.

"Well, this time around you've got my full attention, Logan. Just hit me with it. Say what you want to say." I brace myself. I'm not really sure if I want to hear Logan tell me why he hates me now, but I;m also not sure why not. After all, if I'm as over him as I thought I was then I shouldn't care what he thinks of me. But I care so much. Crap, I don't think I'm over him. Actually I know I'm not over him, and I've known since reading that dedication in his novel. Crap.

"Actually, Ronnie, I want you to do the talking. I can see you think so deeply, and not voicing a single one of your thoughts. I want to hear them out loud." His request would be an intriguing one, if I didn't know him so well, but Logan has never liked things being concealed from him.

"You want me to say my thoughts out loud? As in all of them? Well, if that's what you want then right now I'm thinking that's never gonna happen." I say, sarcastically sweet.

"You're gonna do it, Ronnie, I know you are, because when I feel like I've heard enough I'll tell you why I felt the need to dedicate my book to you even though at the time of publication I hadn't heard from you for three years. And I know you want to hear about that." Dammit, he knows me well. Too well.

"Fine. But I'm gonna need some kind of opening statement, you know, to get my thoughts rolling in a direction that isn't 'damn Logan knows me well'."

"Okay. Your thoughts when you saw me holding Mac's hand. Shoot."

"One more condition, Echolls." I say, before resigning myself to the inevitable.

"I'm all ears, Mars." He smirks at me, God damn that sexy smirk. I can feel myself regressing more and more to my feelings before I left Neptune.

"You give me something to admit to, I'll do it, as long as you explain your side straight after." I say. I'm not letting this opportunity slip through my grasp. "Oh, and we don't do this opening up thing here. I don't need the whole Sheriff's department hearing my thoughts, too."

He says nothing, but leads me over to the elevator, and presses the button. When it comes, he pulls me inside, still silent.

"We can go to the Presidential Suite. Dick is out with some floozy or other, and he won't mind me using it." He explains, as he hits the button for the top floor.

We seem to have some unspoken agreement not to start on the subject of him and Mac until we get to the suite, but it means that several minutes pass in a silence that is impossibly uncomfortable. The seemingly endless elevator ride finally ended, and we walked into the suite, which Dick had conveniently left unlocked. I wonder how many other complacent guests leave their doors unlocked; maybe the late Mrs Kelly hadn't locked hers.

"So, Mac and me holding hands. And…action." He sits down on the couch, and as I finally look around the suite I'm flooded with memories. I've spent time in here with two of my boyfriends, and I realise that I've had sex on practically every piece of furniture in the suite between the two relationships. Wow, that's really weird.

"I dunno, I just remember feeling slightly betrayed, because you two were only supposed to know eachother through me, and then I remember feeling really stupid, because of course you two were allowed to date eachother, or anyone you want, because where have I been to stop you? And maybe your hatred of me or whatever had brought you two together. And I couldn't stand the fact that maybe my disappearing act had inadvertantly made me feel as shitty as I did about seeing the two of you holding hands, because I'd been the reason you two even knew eachother, and maybe I'd been the reason that you got closer." I look anywhere but at Logan, as I sit on the other couch, and spill my heart.

"Huh. Well, you were right about one thing, Ronnie: Mac and I did get close because of you leaving. We were both looking for you. So we combined forces, and now I've gotta say, Mac is my best friend. But she's nothing else. We're just friends, so you can rest your irrationally jealous brain on that account." He explains. "Now, what next?"

"Don't I get a break?" I ask, incredulously. "I don't think you realise just how draining this is."

It's been nearly two hours now, and between us, we've managed to hash out what we both felt for pretty much the whole time we've known eachother. And it actually feels really good to know and understand this much about Logan, and to have the knowledge that he understands me better too. We're still going as well, and I've realised that sleeping is once again off the agenda for the night.

"So, the clincher." Even Logan looks nervous as he prepares to ask me another question. "In those four years that you've been away, have you ever thought about me?"

The question shocks me so much that my answer comes out before I have time to think about it. "All the time." I go bright red as I realise what I've said.

"Care to elaborate?" His voice is even, but I can tell that he is dancing on the inside.

"Well, I guess, you know how much I over think things. When I left, I thought about how pissed off I was, and then I was trying to work out what had made you do it, and then you were sort of my personal reference to relationships. I'd meet a guy, and I'd immediately think 'how does he measure up to Logan?' or 'would Logan think he's good enough for me?'. I dunno, you were just sorta always there. When I was solving cases your sarcastic little voice would pop into my head, reminding me to follow a lead I hadn't really thought of, or check the evidence again or…" I trail off, as I had an epiphany moment. "Oh my God." I whisper. "I know what happened."

Ignoring Logan's confused exclamation, I run out of the suite and down all the stairs to the lobby, where I see the deputies changing over shifts. "Sheriff Incompetent!" I yell, as he walks through the door. "I've worked it out! I know who your guy is. Actually," I correct myself. "I know who your girl is."

All these years I've found that little Logan in my head, that is probably my conscience, incredibly useful, but I've never been as grateful to it as I am now. I realise that I'm grateful to the real Logan too, for getting me out of my head again.