Ch.3: It's a Four-Letter Word that Makes Things Screwy

--

Temari was going to be sick. She was honestly going to hurl; maybe she would faint again. No…No, she wouldn't faint at this interval. Not really. But she was still incredibly queasy, nervous, and scared. Temari had feared and hated Chiyo for the better part of her life, and here she was standing in the witch's abode with the person she hated most after the witch. Oh, she was going to be sick.

Kirai, on the other hand, was looking around the room in complete amazement and wonder. She seemed like a child in the midst of a wonderful dream. It was annoying at best.

She felt her heart hammering and fingers jittering. Temari wanted to ask someone for calming words, but there was certainly no way she was asking Kirai, and at current Kirai was the only one at her disposal. Temari bit her lower lip and tried in vain to reach a peaceful place.

One of Kirai's other demands had been that Gaara was not to be allowed to enter the area. Temari didn't understand that particular demand, but it meant that only she and the princess would enter the devil's home.

Temari swallowed deeply and tried to calm herself once more.

It really wasn't working.

The room itself wasn't very reassuring in itself. Sealed bottles covered with yellowing paper dotted with chicken scrawl lay strewn about the room everywhere, heavy tomes – both in good and bad shape – lay piled upon the surface of viable furniture, peculiar witch herbs hung from the ceiling and dried by the windows, specks of dust floating in the air shined invariably as the sun hit them through the windowpane, the heavy oak floors creaked with every heavy step she took, and an infuriating base smell of garlic and peroxide tainted the air. It was disgusting.

Kirai ran her fingers across something green, bumpy, and clearly dead that was hanging from the ceiling. Temari didn't even want to contemplate what it had been. "Don't touch that!" She snapped.

Kirai drew her hand back. "Why not?"

"Just don't." Temari hissed. "This isn't a game."

"I hadn't assumed it was by any means." She let her hand fall to her side. "I was merely curious."

"Curiosity is the first step to the destruction of the soul." Chiyo's voice cut through the air icily, chilling Temari to the very bone with her mere presence. Temari took a step back without thinking.

The elder witch looked contemptuously at them, her eyes steely and annoyed. "You; I did not expect for you to ever seek me out."

"I didn't exactly want to." Temari bit her lip; she never had known when to be quiet.

Before any further words could be traded, Kirai interrupted. "You would be Chiyo, I presume?"

"Yes." She croaked, "And who might you be?"

Kirai bowed gracefully, "Kirai of the royal court: fae princess."

Chiyo grinned. "Ah, the 'unwanted one'. The hated one."

Kirai's lips turned down into a scowl. "Yes."

"I hear tale of you. None good."

"I would imagine." Kirai replied testily.

The room suddenly darkened and decreased in temperature. Chiyo's eyes turned more stony than before, "So why do you two fairies dare to intrude upon my place of relaxation and privacy?"

Temari shivered. "I want…I need a favor."

"For you?" Chiyo sneered. "Don't make me laugh." The witch crooked her finger straight at her forehead, "If your little human hadn't played me and played me well, I would curse you right now. As is, I am bound not to damage you in any form."

"He didn't play you." Temari snapped. "He gave you what was asked."

"Which is quite possibly what made it so ingenious." Chiyo admitted despite herself. "That one has brains for sure. Although, quite disgracefully, he seems to be quite idiotic in terms of companionship. You are no prize."

Temari's fear didn't quite disappear, but it faded to the background, just like her fear had always faded before. Temari always feared her, but Chiyo was so cruel and despicable that her fear was continually being displaced with instant hatred and thirst for fight. Now was no different.

"Now is not the time to fight." Kirai commented almost idly.

Temari swallowed her wrath, deciding she would take out her anger on the princess instead at a later date. When did it happen that she became the girl who couldn't control her emotions? She used to be so good at that. Apparently, neglecting emotions for years had damaged her so severely that now that she was letting them be expressed they were magnified to annoying levels. "I'll make a trade." Temari tried to barter.

"I will not accept a trade from you!" Chiyo laughed cruelly. "I am no fool."

"Would you," Kirai cut in, "accept one from me?"

The witch directed her attention to the idle princess. "So calm. So cool. So unafraid." She chattered meaninglessly. "And why would you help such a pathetic twit as her? Does her cause mean something to you?"

"I've wronged her." Kirai responded without hesitation. "I've wronged a lot of people."

"You haven't made deals for anyone else. What is the real reason?"

To Temari's surprise, Kirai dropped her gaze to the floor and a pale blush spread across her cheeks. "I believe my reason is my own. You have no need of it. Unless, that is what you would like to trade?"

The witch stared curiously at the princess. "Such interesting affairs." Chiyo walked towards them, a few candles flaring to life as she did so. Temari instantly felt a little better. The overwhelming darkness was a bit…well, overwhelming. It was always easy to do traitorous things in the dark – so much so for witches. "Fairy," Chiyo glanced at Temari; the term 'fairy' was usual laced with disgust and annoyance, "what is it that you want from me?"

Temari forced herself to look thee witch in the eyes. "I need….I need a spell from you. But not on me, on Shikamaru."

"The human." It was more a statement than a question. "Why?"

"He's…They…The fae council want to kill him, so they've decided to put him through the fairy trials—"

"The trials?" Chiyo's eyebrows lifted up in astonishment. "I thought those were outdated. Deemed prehistoric cruelty."

"No." Kirai responded. "Just not practiced for centuries."

"You are putting a human through the trials?" Chiyo clucked her tongue. "He won't survive a minute."

"You underestimate him." Temari muttered.

"Do I?" Chiyo mused aloud. "He is quite intelligent, but I doubt he will – ahh, I see what you ask of me now. You wish to remove the sense-dulling the fairies place during the execution part."

"Yes."

The witch looked disinterestedly at her. "I don't see why I should. The human played me like a puppet." She smiled cruelly, "In fact, it would be the perfect vengeance. You become miserable and he dies. Very fitting. Perhaps I shall go watch it myself."

Temari squeezed her eyes shut. "Please. I'll give you anything."

"You have nothing of value." Chiyo snapped vilely. "Nothing I would want."

Temari felt a solitary tear squeeze out from her eyes. "There must be something…"

"Perhaps…"

Her eyes fluttered opened immediately. "Anything, ask for anything!"

The witch turned her eyes to Kirai. "There is one thing I would like to have in my possession."

Kirai didn't falter under Chiyo's scrutiny. "What would that be?"

"The stone."

"No." Kirai responded immediately. "You cannot have that. Ask for something else."

Chiyo smirked. "Shame. That is all I want."

"You take me for a fool? The stone is worth much more than your stupid paltry spell." Kirai's eyes narrowed.

Chiyo clucked her tongue. "You are desperate."

"She is desperate. I couldn't care less." It was amazing how detached Kirai really was from the whole affair. How seemingly cold and callous.

"Then her love will die."

Temari felt panic overtake her. "Give it to her." She didn't know what the stone was, or what power it held, but Shikamaru could not fucking die. No!

"No." Kirai snapped. "You don't understand what she's asking me."

"I don't care! Give it to her!"

"No!"

"This is your fault to begin with!"

"And I would be committing a more severe error if I gave it to her!" Kirai snapped back. "This stone is the only thing that's keeping Kano from completely overtaking the fae. It's the only thing that impedes him from certain acts. If I lose it and he knows I have it no more, he will take advantage of my loss and declare himself king of the fae."

"How much different would that be from now!" Temari screamed.

Kirai's voice softened and could have cut through stone. "You have no idea how much worse it could get."

Temari was faltering between insanity and bubbling terror. "Please. You can't do this to me. You can't make me watch him die! I love him! You can't…Please, don't…Please!"

"I can't, Temari!"

"So you will bring me to the executioner and supply him with the axe!" Temari cried.

"I cannot fix one mistake with another!"

"Why not? That's all you've done your entire fucking life. One mistake after another!"

"I can't do this for you." Kirai repeated.

"Apparently, you can't do anything. For anyone." Temari lowered her eyes in an effort to bury her pain. "Maybe your name was rightfully chosen."

"He's only human." Kirai tried to assure her through her own guilt and confusion, "You can find a fairy."

"If you can say that to me then you don't understand love."

There was a lengthy pause and then, "Witch," Kirai lifted her hand to her neck and pulled out the same red stone that she'd shown her and Gaara previously, hesitating only a second she yanked firmly at the string, the end hanging limply in the air, the ruby hidden in her hand. She held out the hand clutching the gem, "If your spell is some attempt at hatchery—"

"Why, I would not bargain unfairly with the princess herself." Chiyo remarked, her eyes reveling in the sight of the stone. Her wrinkled hands reached out for it.

Kirai dropped it into her hands. "If the human does not survive, I will come back for that."

Chiyo rubbed her fingers across the smooth surface of the stone, "I can only be held accountable for the execution stance."

"Yes." Kirai nodded. "If he fails that—"

"He will not."

"If he dies before that," Chiyo winced at the thought, "I will come back for the stone also." Kirai continued, "Since you are getting far more than I am receiving, I also ask for a fake stone. Not possessing any magic, but enough to fool a madman."

The witch nodded coolly. "As her ladyship desires."

Kirai nodded.

xXxXx

Trial 1

Temari was hiding behind her youngest brother, pressing her face to his back trying very hard to block out the noise around her. The screams, cheers, jeers, and pity exclamations weren't doing anything for her stomach. She curled her fingers into her brother's shoulders.

"Temari," Gaara muttered through gritted teeth, "I understand your worry and apprehension, but really, this is sort of painful."

She let go, or she was going to, but at that moment a loud gasp went through the crowd and Temari felt her stomach drop to the ground. Instead she dug her fingers deeper into him.

Gaara didn't snap at her again, instead the princess herself did.

"For someone who assured me he could make it through, you don't seem to have much faith in him." Kirai's voice was soft, melodic, and edged.

"Leave her alone, Kirai." Gaara muttered.

Peeking out slightly, she saw the thin fairy raise her hands in surrender. "Whatever."

"How is he doing?" Temari asked somewhat hesitantly.

"He's—"

"I'm not asking you, Gaara." Temari interrupted immediately. "You'll only lie to me. Same goes for you, Kankurou."

"Oh, me?" Kirai's blissful shock seemed genuine. "He's sucking."

Temari swallowed her fears and peeked over Gaara's shoulder at the scene below. It took all her strength not to hide behind him again. "He's not going to die. He's not going to die. He's not going to die." Temari muttered under her breath repeatedly. "He's not going to die."

"Nothing like capricious self-denial." Kirai commented idly.

"Shut up, princess." Temari snarled.

"He doesn't seem to be doing any good; how can he make it out alive?" Kirai prodded.

"You don't know him." Temari defended.

"Then why are you afraid he'll die?"

Temari stared back down at the scene before her. It was ridiculous. The way they set up these fairy trials. They held them in a raised theatre so that fae could sit down on stands and watch as the unlucky individual below them suffered. It was morbid, disgusting, and duly unfair to the individual being tried. Shikamaru was currently hidden from view; Temari imagined he was busy trying to piece together some semblance of a plan. It was a stupid trial. How the hell was he supposed to get the fake emerald positioned 100 feet off the floor while a pack of somewhat rabid merkeets were prowling right underneath the wall it was hanging from in under ten minutes? The only fairies that could do that would have to have wings and wings were a rare thing among fae.

Temari tensed. No, she couldn't think that way. He was smart. Really smart. He would come up with something.

She ignored the fact that the merkeets had already cut him up pretty badly.

She ignored the fact that he was given nothing to work with.

She ignored the fact that a merkeet had disappeared in the same direction he was hiding.

She ignored a lot of facts.

"He will not die." Temari said calmly. "He will not die and he will not fail."

Kirai yawned. "I bet you my collection of books that he'll fail."

Temari would have turned and strangled her at that point the horn signaling the end hadn't sounded. Temari's knees buckled and she would've crumpled to the floor if Gaara hadn't noticed her sudden frailty and grabbed her by the upper arm pulling her up. "This isn't happening." She muttered weakly. "This isn't happening." Shikamaru's figure was made visible as he pushed through the shrubbery.

Kankurou suddenly burst out laughing. "Mother fucker."

Temari started, something had happened. "What-what-what happened?"

Kirai leant casually against the rail watching the scene below in mild interest. "Kano is not gonna like this."

Temari flew to the bars and leaned so far over she would have fallen if she wasn't possessing wings. "What is going on?!"

"Look at his hands." Kankurou continued laughing. "He's got it."

Temari felt her jaw drop. True enough, in Shikamaru's hands was a simple shimmering emerald stone. "What the hell?" She looked up to the position in the cliff in utter confusion. She frowned – there was something she was missing. "It's still up there!" In fact the emerald was still shimmering happily from the stone wall, but there was no denying that Shikamaru held an emerald stone in his hands as well.

Kirai tapped her fingers across the guardrail. "The emerald hanging from the walls? It's a ploy. A decoy." She smiled. "I can't believe your human figured it out. And from all the way on the floor too."

Temari let out a sigh of relief. "Goody. Can I see him, then?"

"No." Kirai said impatiently. "We went through this remember? No contact with anyone until the trials are over."

Temari gnawed on her lower lip. "Okay, okay."

"Kirai!" A sharp voice snapped, appearing rather suddenly behind them.

The fair-skinned princess stiffened in indignation. Temari could see her eyes blaze in anger. She turned, "Yeah, Falynne?"

The dark fairy stared coldly at all of them. "You and Amun run the next trial."

A self-indulgent smirk passed along Kirai's lips. "That's right. I do, don't I? Well, isn't that a shame…"

"What?" Falynne snapped.

"Well, you see," Kirai slid her hand into the fold of her dress, "I was so certain the pitiful human would die, that I bet my library stock he wouldn't pass the current trial." Fishing out a set of silver keys she dangled them in the air before tossing them to Temari. "So, alas, they have use of my books."

Falynne looked furious. "You--!"

"Don't get angry at me," Kirai scoffed, "he was supposed to die. We all thought so." Kirai offered Falynne a half-assed attempted at a sweet smile before turning to face them again, "Alright, dolts, here's how it works. Right now, the human is being given his question. It's simple it's boring – quite possibly the least fun of all the trials to watch. He gets a riddle. His connections – those being you all – can give him ONE thing," her eyes flitted to the key surreptitiously, "to help solve the riddle. You can't see him, but you can give him one resource. He has thirty minutes to solve the riddle or he's blown up – literally. If he finishes with a few minutes to spare, he can use what he gets from the riddle to get a weapon for the final trial." Kirai yawned. "That's it." The princess wiggled her fingers, "So, what do you want to give him?"

"The stock of books that you just lost in a bet with us." Temari replied immediately.

"Sure? You don't want—"

"The books, princess." Temari snapped. She didn't have to fake the anger too much; something about the girl's personality kept rubbing her the wrong way. Temari was almost positive Kirai was doing it on purpose too. For a princess who didn't care if Shikamaru lived or died, she was helping her quite a lot.

Kirai shrugged. "Alright. Books it is. Key, please."

Temari tossed her the key and watched Falynne and Kirai depart, the older woman arguing with the young fairy princess as they did.

Temari sagged to the floor.

"How are you feeling?" Kankurou asked.

"Horrible." Temari muttered. "I think this is the most torturous experience I've ever had to face." Temari paused. "At least the next one is a riddle. If there's anything Shikamaru can do it's that intellectual crap."

Trial 2

I am me and you and me are I.
Everyone knows a touchdown makes six,
So tell me truthfully, what are lies? (1)

Temari stared blankly at the words written upon the standing board. You and me are I…? What did that nonsense mean? Besides her, she felt Kankurou stiffen and Gaara sigh. Temari looked at her two brothers absently and then looked back at the arena. Shikamaru was resting on his knees his fingers pulled together in his thinking position. She could see from her current position that the odd device strapped on his chest was slowly winding down in time.

Thirty minutes.

What are lies?

Kankurou threw his hands up in the air and slid to the floor so he could lie down. "Tell me when the prick solves it."

"You think he can solve it?" Gaara asked calmly.

"Of course he can." Kankurou scoffed. "Have you seen the nonsense that human reads? This will be cake for him."

Temari slid to the floor cross legged and peered through the bars at Shikamaru. "It's only a riddle."

Shikamaru cracked his eyes open ten minutes in and slowly stood up. Purposefully, he made his way to the small stack of books that had been placed there for him. His eyes scanned the tomes quickly, not even touching the bound books; he finally stooped low and pulled out a thin mahogany book at the very bottom. Temari blinked and pressed her face against the bars trying to read the title.

"Grammar." Gaara said to her. "That's the title."

"Grammar?" Temari blinked. Temari tapped her fingers along the rail trying to connect grammar with the riddle at hand.

She couldn't.

Shikamaru seemed to be mouthing words and counting things on his fingers. Carefully, he moved to the small keypad on his chest and pushed a few buttons. Temari squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath. A wave of shocked gasps spread through the watching crowd. Temari waited a minute longer before opening her eyes. There was no explosion, so she could logically conclude he was still alive. When she was brave enough to peak correctly, she did indeed see that he was very much intact and the bomb was no longer strapped to his person. Shikamaru was now standing over an open case containing a few iron weapons. He would occasionally pick one up and examine it, as if weighing its worth.

"What did he type in?" Temari breathed.

"Look at the screen." Gaara muttered.

Temari did. Glowing under the riddle was the word 'two'. Temari blinked. "What the hell does that mean?"

Kankurou was standing up again. "Does it matter?" He shrugged. "He did it. He won. Who the hell cares if the answer is two?"

"Lies are two?" Temari asked in wonder. "Where did he get that nonsense from?"

Trial 3

"Kankurou, can you knock me out?"

"I really don't think that would be wise." Gaara interjected. "If you're that afraid, Temari, just close your eyes. We'll tell you when it's over."

Temari hesitated, but instead shifted back to over to the rail and watched the scene below. She gripped the cool metal bar and tried to steady her heart. So far it was dark below, but soon it would start. Her wings flapped nervously and she wanted to throw up.

"Five minutes." Kirai chimed making her presence in their section of the balcony known. Temari turned slightly. "Kano has no faith in the human so he set the limit at five minutes." Kirai's lips stretched taut, "So, if the witch keeps her promise, then assuming your assumptions are correct, he might just make it." Kirai leant against the bar to the left of her, between her and Gaara. "Just so you know, Temari, while your whole relationship with the creepy human bothers me, I'm rooting for him." Her voice was a little strained.

Temari couldn't muster a word.

"The going rate is 1,051 to 1. Everyone thinks he's toast." Kirai continued. "The way I see it is simple. He's got his senses, he's got some brains, he's acquainted with some pretty powerful fairies, he's an alchemist, and he's already tricked a witch. Five minutes against Kano shouldn't be too hard. So, if I place a bet on him winning, at least I'll get something out of this."

"You bet on Shikamaru winning?" Kankurou's voice was skeptical.

"My entire fortune." Kirai announced. "The bet-holder thought I was barmy."

Temari's voice cracked. "Your entire fortune?"

"Yes'm."

Temari gripped the bar a little bit tighter. Did she have that much faith in Shikamaru? How could the princess be willing to place her entire fortune on him, when Temari was almost wishing she could be passed out for this final trial?

"It's because you have more to lose." Kirai whispered.

Temari stared at her.

"It's harder for you, because you stand to lose everything." Kirai's tattooed hand squeezed hers.

Temari swallowed. "He…He can do it."

Kirai smiled.

Temari had already forgotten why she hated her so much.

--

A/N: I'm on a happy high again. My SAT scores came out today and they were just where I needed them! Not to sound like a stuck-up bitch, but I did fan-fucking-tastic and I'm damn proud. That practicing finally paid off. The last obstacle is out of the way. (Well...last, if you don't count the whole, I-need-to-find-money issue) Anywho, hope this chapter is oodles of fun for you!

And thank you so very much for all of those who reviewed. I didn't reply to any (most?) this time, because I was scared I'd probably tell something about the plot line, since all of you have nice guesses, and when I start typing it's rather difficult to get me to stop. :D Blooberry muffins for all you cool people! (Bloo, because really, between a BLUEberry muffin and BLOOberry muffin, the latter just sounds so much cooler.) ;)

--

(1)Also, the riddle. I'm not too sure I get it myself, but I got it from the internet. The whole point is it's supposed to be about constanants. Here's the answer I got off the internet:

I is the Roman numeral for 1.
Then the paragraph could be referring to
the numbers of consonants:

Me has 1
You and Me has 1
Touchdown has 6
Therefore Lies would be 2