AN: Originally this was a one shot. I got carried away. I know it's confusing. I know some of the metaphors don't really make sense. I should change some things and make it easier to understand but I can't. Every word in here are my feelings and not one word can be substituted for another. Please don't hate on me.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of HSM.

I came home feeling a tad bit more myself than I had been lately.

Things were getting better.

I was slowly starting to become the person I once was again.

I actually smiled for a second that day.

It was a feeling that was completely foreign to me after the past couple months.

Saying I had a bad break-up would without a doubt be the understatement of the century.

I knew I was dead outside.

Inside wasn't in such great shape either.

I tried to mask it to keep my family and friends at ease.

I thought I was doing a great job – that is until my mother confronted me and told me I was being a baby and that Troy was an ass and I should get over him and get my life back.

To please her I went out and got a new boyfriend – you know the one I told you about last time.

But when I came home that day I can't even describe…

"Gabriella sweetie? Is that you?" She sounded unnaturally sweet. I see that now.

"Yes mom"

"Come here please" I thought I would just be another stupid confrontation seeing as they became a regular occurrence.

I walked into the living room. Something was off.

My mother sat in her regular seat. She was too stiff. Something in her eyes didn't make sense.

"I have some terrible news" She didn't look sad enough. I understand why now.

I wasn't interested. Nothing could be compared to the pain that was a constant burning fire in my heart.

"It's about Troy." His name, she said his name. The fire suddenly turned into a volcano and erupted in my heart causing me to clutch it harder than I was used to.

"-- W-w- what?" I barely managed to get the word out.

"Troy, he, um… passed away this afternoon" I didn't believe it. Troy was fine, I was so sure.

"Don't do that to me mom. Why would you say something like that!"

"I'm not lying Gabriella, he was in an accident." Nothing felt real. Any sense of myself I had left was gone. I might as well have been dead too.

"NO! YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LIKE HIM! HE'S NOT GONE! HE CAN'T BE!" I yelled more too but it didn't make any sense.

For the first time since Troy entered my life my mom tried to comfort me. Did you think I would take it from her?

"You don't get to hug me. You don't get to say it's alright. It's not alright. How can it be alright if he's dead mom!"

"Gabi, I don't even see why it matters, you haven't seen or heard from him in months. He's not a part of your life anymore."

She couldn't have said something worse.

"HE IS MY LIFE! HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED ANYTHING! HOW DENSE ARE YOU!!!! HOW CAN YOU EVEN CALL YOURSELF MY MOTHER!"

She didn't get it. Of course not, no one did. Was I the only person in this world capable of this amount of love. If anyone else felt it they would understand. Troy would've understood.

I continued to yell for many hours. The anger kept most of the hurt away.

When I was done yelling the hurt was overwhelming. And that an understatement.

I couldn't even stand to look at my mother anymore. I grabbed my car keys and was gone.

I still wouldn't believe he was dead. For the first time in what felt like forever I drove down the all too familiar road.

I didn't know what I was doing. Seeing Troy or finding out Troy was dead would've been equally painful at this point.

I knocked on the door. Lucille opened it. All my fears were confirmed in the one second it took for me to look at Lucille and see her tear-stained face and pain-wretched expression.

She took me in her arms. We both fell to the ground still embraced in a hug. The tears and sobs coming from us both would've scared away anyone.

"He's really gone isn't he?" I managed to choke out after a long time.

"I can't even comprehend it yet"

The way she looked at me, I knew she understood. She understood my pain and love for Troy.

Not once did she ever question my presence. She didn't care that me and Troy broke up so many months ago. She understood love and for that I will be ever-grateful.

I spent many hours with Lucille. She cried, hugged, and sat in silence.

She handed me a letter. She told me to open it when I'm alone. That that is what Troy would've wanted.

After that night I banned the thought from my head.

I forebode myself to ever think those three words.

Three words that I have until recently kept out of my mind.

Troy is dead.

I mentioned this previously.

I told you I was gone, I went over the edge.

I didn't know at the time but I was still clinging on.

Today, today is the day I finally fell off.

Troy's letter pried my fingers off the ledge and let me fall into a never-ending pain that is too horrible to even think about.

Dear Gabriella,

I know you broke up with me and I completely understand. I was no good to you. You deserve so much better. I saw you recently. I wanted so badly to go over to you and kiss you like I used to. Hell, knowing me I probably would have until I saw him. I had heard you got a new boyfriend. I didn't want to picture you with anyone other than me but I guess I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. I would've preferred later. This is going to sound ridiculous but it needs to be said. I don't even know if it'll make sense but here I go anyways.

Gabriella…I haven't stopped thinking about you since I first locked eyes on you. Love at first sight doesn't even begin to describe how I felt towards you when I met you. Since our break-up I still have yet to keep you out of my mind. I haven't been myself since either. I don't really do much anymore. I spend most of my hours in my room trying to hold on to the good memories we had together. I don't understand what made me fight with you so much. I refuse to think it's because I didn't love you. I think it is the exact opposite. I think we fought because we love each other so much. If you hadn't noticed I also refuse to say love as past tense. Since we parted I have felt as if there is just this HUGE gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be. If I ever got the chance to be with you again I know it would be different. I know something now, something I didn't know when we were dating.

Gabriella Anne Montez, I love you more than humanly possible. I love you more than is describable. I love you more than any living thing has EVER loved another thing. Love shouldn't even be used here. What we have is greater than love. Now I know most people would say that there is no greater emotion, but I say that we have just created one. Because when I say I Love You. I still don't feel satisfied. I still feel like I'm skimping out on my feelings. Gosh, I didn't think I would be able to get anything in my head in words but now look at the length of this letter. Even with all the words on this paper I still don't think I have expressed myself enough for my likings. There is truly no way to describe this. You probably think I'm crazy. You probably are going to read this and be thankful that you broke up with me.

That brings me to a new point – our break-up. I most definitely do not blame you, or hate you for breaking up with me. I would've broke up with me too. I understand all the pressure you were under from your friends and family. I understand it all and I still love you more than life. Sometimes I used to wish I hated you, I wished I could just get angry and find some new girl I could rub in you face. But then the instant these thought passed through my head I pushed them right back out. No matter what you do, no matter who you date, no matter anything, I will always love you with all my heart and so much more.

I know it too late. I know you are dating someone new. I hope you two are very happy. Nothing would please me more than to know you're happy. That's all I can ever ask out of life. So don't think this letter is me trying to get you back. It's just me telling you things I have meant to tell you for a long time. Things that I still can't comprehend. And who knows, maybe someday we will find our way back to each other. That's what I'm holding on to right now.

I will never love anyone else in my entire life. You are my love, my life and everything. I want to continue writing. Writing this feels like I'm actually talking to you again. Oh, what I would give to talk to you again.

I don't think anyone in this world has ever experienced a pain I feel write now. This pain is not a cause of you. No it's just a result of my own stupidity. I miss you. I miss your kisses, I miss holding you in my arms, I miss everything about you. I miss fighting with you. I remember every fight we ever had. I remember that you would yell at me and all I could think is how amazing and beautiful you are. I was totally mesmerized by everything you ever did. Ever sound you made, ever look you gave and every move you made. I'm nothing without you Gabriella. I know I said this letter wasn't asking for you back but I guess I've changed my mind.

I need you Gabriella. I know I'm being selfish but I don't care anymore. There is nothing I won't do to get you in my arms again Gabriella. Well, I guess I shouldn't say that. There I one thing I will never EVER do again. I will never hurt you. Then again, if you feel anything remotely close to the way I feel then I guess I would be hurting you. I don't know if this letter makes any sense to you.

I will never let go Gabriella. I don't want you to ever let go either.

Love Forever and Always,

Troy Bolton

I wish I could hold on like he asked.

But I just can't.

Maybe one day I will be able to hold on again.

But as I have learned so much lately…

Maybes, wishes, hopes, and dreams mean nothing unless you have someone to help you.

The one person that could help me is gone.

Therefore, I was gone.

AN: I know some people don't understand this story, and I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe one day you will understand. Maybe not. I don't want anyone to think that this story is about how love is no good and you just wound up hurt in the end because that is sooooo not the point. Love is the single most greatest thing to ever exist. Could you imagine a world without love? Could you imagine anything without love?I know I couldn't. If you love someone tell them. Tell them exactly how you feel. Don't hide anything, especially not yourself. Don't be scared to love. Don't be scared to fight for love. Don't be scared to let someone into your life. Don't be scared to feel!