Jacob Black

I never thought I'd miss it. There wasn't much to miss. But as my eyes travelled around the dead leaves falling off trees that were missing branches, as they observed the bright sun rays burst down onto me making my skin hotter than it already was and watched the laughing children...I realised I did miss it. I missed home. This wasn't home – this was nowhere near home. I didn't even know where I was anymore. I missed the things I was to. I missed the refreshing rain, the occasional snow in winter...I missed the colour green. Most of all...I missed her.
I wasn't supposed to miss her though. The reason I ran was because I wanted to escape that. I wanted to escape the horrible ache my heart went through whenever I thought of her face. I wanted to escape the way my fists clenched into balls and my body shook with anger when I imagined her in the cold, dead arms of that bloodsucker. Although, apparently I couldn't escape it because here I was, still thinking of such things despite the fact it had been so long since I saw or heard any one I knew. I didn't want to. I wanted a life that was...simple. Then again, I suppose everyone wants a life like that, even people who don't turn into unnaturally large wolves. I suppose that was one of the things that really did frustrate me about Bella. She had the choice. She could have a simple life and she threw that chance away for a bunch of bloodsuck – And here I am, thinking about it again. How could I not? My love for that girl still continued. It was getting easier and that was a relief, but would it still be easy if I was to go near her again? Perhaps it wasn't fading. I was just forgetting. If that was the case, what would happen if I was reminded?
There were too many "what if" questions that needed answering and it was driving me crazy.

Rubbing my temples, I propped myself up from my lying position, placing my elbows either side of me to give me balance. Was I to spend the rest of my life running? I already knew the answer was no. I refused to run anymore. I wanted to be Jacob Black again. The carefree lad that used to be known as 'My Jacob' by a certain Miss Swan. And I didn't want to be that boy because of her; I wanted to be that boy because he had it simple. Not completely, but he was content. He was happy. I was just a coward. Throughout these six months I've tried my hardest to make excuses for my actions. I've tried to tell myself running was the best thing to do; that I would have done something stupid if I had stayed. But I can't lie to myself anymore. I left because it was easier. I ran away from the problems because it felt better than facing them. Well it was time to stop being a coward. The way I saw it now, I was faced with two choices. I could stay here, alone, wallowing in self pity with nothing but nature to keep my company. The second one was to go home. I'm not saying I'd be happy there, my depression could probably get worse but...I'd have company. I wouldn't be alone. At first I thought I had wanted to be on my own, but after spending six months lying on damp, dead grass and watching my life pass me by slowly, a little bit of company sounded a lot more welcoming than I thought it ever could.
I debated the two options in my mind, swinging them from side to side. This time, I was going to make the right one.

I moved once more, this time pushing myself to my feet. I was aware that every time I did this, people looked. I wasn't exactly small, height wise or muscle wise. In all honesty, I think people find my quite intimidating to look at. A hand ran through my hair nervously and I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes. Was I ready for this? I don't know. I did know one thing though – I was going home. It was about time I stepped up to these problems, instead of backing down. I was a protector, not a coward. Why had it taken me so long to notice?

My eyes flickered open and watched as I noticed parents shuffle their kids away, almost as though I was going to rob them. That was a bit over the top, but I noticed lot of people acted like that around here. I tried to tell myself it was because they had a high crime rate. But I knew the real reason. It was because it wasn't exactly normal for a teenage boy to sleep in the woods every night. Sure, some nights I was in wolf form, but it got humid at night. Believe it or not, heat is an issue even for me. No, I wasn't seen as normal around here. People avoided me, but wasn't that what I had wanted at the time? The last family left and an eyebrow rose when I realised how silent it had become. I was alone – as usual.

It was now or never. I pushed myself forward, as if to run, but as I did, I fell down onto all fours. By the time my hands touched the ground, they were no longer hands, but paws. Paws that hit down on the ground at such a fast speed as I ran, that I wouldn't have looked like an oversized wolf as I moved through the trees, but merely a blur. A loud howl escaped my mouth as I looked up at the sun setting sky.
I had to let the others know I was coming after all.

Bella Swan.

"Wait...dancing?"

Even when I said the word, it already sounded like a disaster waiting to happening. When I had given Alice permission to plan my wedding, I had never in my wildest dreams would have thought that she would try and stick to the whole 'first dance' theme. After everything that she had seen me do, did she honestly think dancing was a strong skill? All I have to do is stand up nowadays and I come close to dying. There was no way this was going to happen. My eyes were still wide as I watched Edward grimace and Alice nod excitedly. Apparently she didn't understand the angry vibes I was releasing from my body right now – either that or she was just ignoring them. Actually, that sounded about right.
"Alice. I – don't – dance." I spoke carefully through gritted teeth, pronouncing every word, just to get my point across. I looked at Edward, as if expecting him to back me up, but he just sort of looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I knew he would have something to do with this. He was probably the one who suggested the idea to Alice. What was it he said to me once?
'It's all in the leading.'
I'd like to hear him say that after I've stepped on his feet 7 times and falling into the punch table. However, saying this, I thought back to prom. It wasn't so bad...I thought it was going to be terrible, but it had been a good experience. An experience I was sure to forget soon, along with every other human one I had been through.

A sigh escaped my lips and I looked down. This was happening a lot lately. As the days passed by quicker each time, my thoughts got more and more sidetracked. I wasn't regretting my decision and I certainly wasn't changing my mind. This was what I wanted – I had wanted it for so long now. I was still human at this moment in time though and a guilty conscience built up inside of me whenever I looked at Charlie. Fear even bubbled in the pit of my stomach as I tried to imagine myself when it first happened. Would I ever be the same again? What feared me the most is if I was in fact untameable. Would I have to be killed?

As if he knew what I was thinking, which of course he couldn't (one of the many things that got me where I was today), Edward's cold hand broke me from my thoughts as he touched my cheek softly. I looked up, my lips automatically curving into a small smile. The moment our eyes met, my breath caught in my mouth, my heart skipping gently. It was a reaction I was used to now. No matter what, Edward always had this affect on me. Something he claimed he was going to miss the most when I was one of him. He had told me it many times now. How he loved the way he could hear my heart fasten in joy at his touches. I think it was something I would miss as well. It was a feeling not many people could claim they had gone through – then again, not many people could claim they were marrying a vampire. There was a small stab of pain in my chest and I realised I had forgotten to breath. Quickly, I drew air in, releasing it softly and I heard Edward's musical chuckle as he pressed his lips against my fore head, breaking the piercing eye contact.
"You'll be fine. Like I said, it's all – "
"In the leading?" I finished with a raised eyebrow, questioning whether that was what he was going to say or not. Edward paused in mid sentence looked as though he was debating whether or not to change what he was going to say before sighing and sitting himself back down. "Does that mean you're okay with it?" He asked. The hopeful tone in his voice almost made me give in. Almost.
Leaning forward, I watched as Alice turned her back, skipping slightly as she hummed, flicking through CDs. She was now deciding on music. Hadn't I told her I wanted a small wedding? Shaking my head, I tilted it to the side slightly to look down, reading the list she had made. The words 'first dance' practically screamed at me and pressing the tip of the pen next to the first letter, I carefully drew a line across it, repeating the action until it was nothing more than a scribble. There. I smiled, clearly satisfied with myself. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of turning my back. I hadn't meant to, but the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling into the driveway had made me stand up from my bed, craning my neck to peer out the window. I didn't even hear Alice moving, but as I turned round, she was sat on the bed with a smug grin on her face, holding the pen in her hand. I frowned before slowly looking back down at the paper, my mouth dropping open ever so slightly when I saw the words 'First dance' written on it again – in capitals this time. Damn vampires and their inhumane speed. I'd only had my back turned for 30 seconds!
One day, I was going to be able to do that and they would regret the day they teased me like this. At this thought, I got sidetracked again. This time lost in pointless thought as I wondered if I would still be as clumsy as a vampire. Would I fall over every time I tried to race through the woods with such unnatural speed? I hope not.
Sighing, I decided not to argue with Alice. Where would it get me?
"I'm going to check on Charlie's dinner." I made sure when I told them this to keep a dark tone in my voice. Just because I was accepting the fact they were forcing me to do something that could cause me severe injury on my own special day, didn't mean I wasn't going to hide the fact I was sulking about it. I heard Alice giggle triumphantly and Edward wrinkled his nose up slightly in an apologetic manner, though I could see his lips twitching as he tried not to flash a smug smirk.
"Stupid vampires." I added as I headed out. This time both Alice and Edward laughed.

The sound of their musical laughter faded away as I headed down the stairs, my bare feet hitting the carpet as I reached the bottom, looking over at my father as headed through the front door.
"Hey Dad, sorry dinners late, I was plan – "I stopped in mid sentence as my eyes fell on Charlie. He looked confused, almost dazed as he threw a bunch of papers down on the table. He collapsed in a chair, rubbing his temples, yet staying silent. Apparently he hadn't even heard me enter the room. That wasn't the case anymore though. Because I had realised why Charlie looked like he had just been told a painfully hard riddle.

 For months the poor man had been trying to find Jacob Black. Ever since the boy went missing, Charlie had sunk into the role of Chief Swan, sending out search parties. It infuriated him that Billy showed very little interest, but it infuriated him more when I showed even less than Billy. Of course, I had been worried. I hadn't stopped worrying, but unlike Chief Swan, I knew Jacob was safe. I felt a stab of guilt, hanging my head in shame. It happened every time I thought of Jake's disappearance. I knew it was my fault. No matter how many times Edward or his family told me it wasn't, I knew it was. I saw the glares that were thrown in my general direction when I went up to La Push with Charlie to see Billy. I saw the way Sam eyed my suspiciously, as though he was expecting me to attack or something. The accusing glare that Embry and Quill threw down upon me whenever I walked passed. Despite all this though, Billy had still reassured me of Jacob's safety when Charlie had disappeared to the toilet. It was followed by a warning that if Jacob was ever to return, I would be wise to stay away. He didn't threaten. In fact, it was almost like emotional black mail. The whole, 'If you cared for him as much as you make out, you'll let him be. You'll let him move on'.

Of course I cared about him as much as I said, but...could I really let go? I knew I had to. I reminded myself constantly he wasn't 'My Jacob'. He never really had been. Though some part of me knew if he was ever to come back and be somebody else's Jacob...I would hate it. I hated the way the human brain worked. This was all six months ago. Everyone had given up searching for Jacob now. Everyone except Charlie. He still searched the woods, made phone calls and kept posting up flyers. That's why, the moment I saw the pile of papers he had just thrown onto the table, seeing the big MISSING printed on the top, followed by a picture of a young looking Jacob underneath, I knew what was wrong. I knew what had happened, because there was only one thing that would make Charlie finally take them flyers down.
"He's back." I whispered an announcement more to myself than anyone else. I heard a low growl behind me, followed by Alice shushing her brother. "Jacob's back." I repeated.

It took quite a few minutes to get over the shock. I had almost grown use to the thought of Jacob not returning. I even thought he might have imprinted and stayed with her – I had then pushed the thought out immediately as I didn't like the stab of jealously I got. It was times like that when I was grateful that Edward couldn't read my mind. I finally pulled my eyes away from the flyers that Charlie had pulled down, turning to look over my shoulder at my fiancé and his sister. There was a sympathetic look in my eyes as I knew Jacob was the last person Edward ever wanted to talk about. I opened my mouth to say something, let him know he didn't have to stay for this, but he shook his head. He didn't say anything but that one simple movement told me straight out that he wasn't going anywhere. He was staying here with me, knowing he was needed.
Alice smiled ever so lightly at her brother's action before looking at Bella. "I on the other hand have to go. Carlisle will want to know that the pack's got their missing member back." She whispered so Charlie couldn't hear. With two fleeting kisses on each cheek, she danced off in a way that made any girls confidence drop almost immediately. Normally mine did when I watched but my mind was on different things right now that for once, I didn't care how beautiful Alice looked when she made an exit. "Cha – Dad, I don't understand." I moved forward and Charlie looked at us, heaving a heavy sigh.

"Me neither, kiddo. I was driving along in cruiser, coming home and I was actually on the phone to Seattle department at the time. They said someone matched his description there two weeks ago. I was just telling them what he looked like again when there he was, walking through the trees. He looked a mess mind, no shirt and ripped trousers, but it was him alright." Charlie paused, almost as if he thought his story was going to give me a heart attack. It just made me impatient and I slapped his arm lightly in an attempt to get him to hurry up. He scowled, but carried on. "Well, I pulled out, but by the time I got out on the car, he was gone. He must have seen me, but hell, I don't know how he got away so fast. Either way, I didn't see the point in keeping them – "he nodded towards the flyers. "Up if he was back in town."
"Isn't this a good thing?" Edward asked stiffly. It was clear and plain that Edward thought it was the complete opposite. Even though he kept his voice as polite as he could, the venom towards Jacob was still there. For once though, Charlie didn't seem to glare. In fact, Charlie looked pretty angry himself and he next few words explained why.
"Well, yes, but you would think Billy would have the decency to phone. Is he aware how much money has been spent to find his damn son? And he hasn't even battered an eyelid or shown that he was worried. If it was Bella in Jacob's position – "He sighed, realising he was ranting. I was glad that he stopped. My stomach now hurt from a recent stab of guilt. He breathed deeply and shook his head, standing up. "Don't worry about dinner tonight, Bells. I'm off out. You don't mind do you? I promised a few of the lads from work that I'd go to some work night out. I won't be late." He grabbed his coat as he said this, and then looked at me with a raised eyebrow as if asking for permission.

"I'll manage." I forced a smile as I said this. To be honest, I loved Charlie, but I didn't care where he was going right now. Thoughts were rushing through my mind, each one of them about Jacob. Was he okay? Where had he been? Why had he come back? I needed answers. I heard the door slam and I turned to face to Edward. I didn't even have to say anything; he already knew what I was planning on doing.
"I'll drive you as far as I can, but I can't go further then I'm allowed." His voice was dark. He was unhappy. He didn't want me to go, but I also knew he had learnt a long time ago that if I wanted to go, I'd do it whether he liked it or not. I didn't like upsetting him. I considered saying no, telling him I'll just phone instead, but after everything, I don't think anyone would allow me to talk to Jacob. I had to just go with it now.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to Edward as we headed out of the door, my eyes meeting his.

"I understand." He replied. And through the cold look in his eyes as he thought of Jacob, through the worried expression in his face as he thought of what could happen...through all of that, I could see that he really did understand. It was one of the many, many reasons that my love for Edward Cullen would always be stronger than my love for Jacob Black.