Author's note: I am so sorry this took so long. I've been having a lot of trouble lately, especially with concentrating and this took me a long time to write. I'm not overly impressed with it and it could have gone better, but I'm hoping it's good enough for you to enjoy. If anyone is interested in seeing what Bella's wedding dress looks like as I sucked at describing it, then feel free to look: .

Jacob's POV

I don't know how long I stood outside for. I lost count, in all honesty. Every now and then, one of the pack members would stride forward and attempt to drag me back in, but they'd fail.

I felt as though I couldn't move. I felt as though my whole world has just crushed me to the ground and I could no longer breathe; I no longer wanted to breathe. The rain pelted down on my bare chest, though it never really stayed, it seem evaporated into thin air thanks to my inhumane body temperature. I didn't even notice it that much though; my eyes were still staring at the position that Bella had been standing in not too long ago. I was still repeating the conversation in my head; the cold words that I'd spoken to her. I felt so guilty for them. I felt even guilty for not regretting them as much as I should have done.

The truth was, I felt some sort of strange relief. As if I'd been dying to say something like that for a while. I hated it; I felt sick knowing that, like some part of me was twisted and emotionally messed up. It was just the fact that I'd finally been honest with her about how her mind games made me feel and even though I knew she didn't intentionally make me feel so broken and hurt, it felt good for her to be aware that was what she did do. Was I wrong to feel like this? I wasn't sure. I didn't want to think about it too much. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to run after her, but I knew she was already gone. Back to that bloodsucker; back to her leech lover who would soon be her husband. Why couldn't I accept that? Why was it so impossible for me to move on? There were so many questions I wish I knew the answers too, but I never found the answers I was looking for.

After what appeared to be forever, I eventually pulled myself away from my torturous spot and stepped back inside, out of the rain and back towards a group of watchful eyes. Eyes that was accusing; narrowed dangerously. I could already sense their anger; sense their frustration. I suppose the pack had every right to be annoyed. I had been away for so long after abandoning them and now here I was, I hadn't even been back for twenty four hours and already I was back to where I had been so many months ago. Back to wallowing over that one female, her face surrounding by thoughts while I beat myself up for things I would never be able to change.

Yes, I could understand their frustration, but that didn't mean I was going to accept it. After all, none of them understood how hard it was. None of them knew the love I felt for Bella; barely any of them even knew love and the ones that did were happy. They'd imprinted and carried on with their life. I didn't have that luxury; I had fallen in love by choice. I wasn't forced into it like they were.
I heard both Quill and Sam growl as they heard these thoughts, but I didn't say anything, I merely looked at them with watchful eyes, narrowing them slightly as if to warn them not to test me. I knew threatening my Alpha was a bad idea, but I couldn't help it. I hated the fact that they wanted to act like they understood love. I hated the fact they wanted to act like they understood me. They didn't understand me or the pain I felt. They didn't understand anything.

Anger was burning up inside of me. Anger I couldn't control; anger I had been dying to unleash ever since I'd painfully watched Bella running away from me, moving through the trees in a clumsy manner. No one said anything, they were all silent, but that didn't mean I couldn't hear anything. I could hear /everything/. I could hear each and every one of their thoughts as they questioned why I'd come back, questioned what I'd been doing with my life for the last few months, shouted at me to get over my problems. To get over her.

"Shut up!" I suddenly snapped at them all and as I did, my shirt ripped slightly. I thought I'd controlled my temper; thought I'd managed to control my phasing, but right now as they all stood there, thinking such ridiculous things, I began to lose that control. I couldn't stand to hear their thoughts. Couldn't stand to listen to them questioning me, shouting at me when they didn't even understand. None of them were considering my feelings. They were just being selfish. They didn't want to have to see Bella's face all the time. They didn't want to have to listen to my pain. Was I really supposed to just block it out to make them happy? As far as most of them were concerned, yes I was. I heard Seth whimper, almost as if he were trying to tell me he was on my side; that he understood. I felt a great deal of pity for the boy. He wouldn't survive in the pack with that attitude. Leah growled this time, hearing that thought, jumping to her brother's defence. I didn't listen. Why should I listen to her? Wasn't she the reason I left last time?

I hated that I was turning on my friends, but they were making it so easy for me to do. They were making me so angry, pushing my limits, thinking all of the right things to get me riled up. I couldn't think clearly; I couldn't stop to see reason. All I could see right now was red. All I could hear were their thoughts of accusation; I didn't even stop to listen to their words of concern, which were vaguely there in a few of their heads, mainly Seth's. I couldn't focus on anything right now except the rage that was dying to escape. I needed to escape before I released that rage. I needed to go somewhere; I knew where I wanted to go. I wanted to go apologise; I wanted to go explain myself to her. But what would I say? I didn't know, but I had to do something. Anything.

"Do what you have to do." I heard the Alpha speak to me, answering my thoughts, giving me permission to go through them, willing me to do anything I could to make things okay again.

I glanced at him, saying nothing, merely watching him closely, before bowing my head into a nod, as if to thank him. I appreciated the fact he seemed to somewhat understand enough to give me what I wanted.

I didn't say goodbye to the others. I didn't announce my leave out loud – I didn't need to. I could still hear them grumbling to each other as I made my way towards the door. I could see Billy watching me with eyes full of concern, but I still didn't stop. I was outside once again, the rain hitting my skin and I began to walk forward, my walking slowly becoming a run. Within seconds, my paws were pounding against the floor where I'd phased, my tongue hanging out of my mouth as I panted lightly, the bag attached to my back leg swishing from side to side as I raced through the trees.

I had to see her.

I had to apologise. I just hoped that would be enough for Bella.

Bella's POV

Jacob's words echoed around in my mind. I was silent the whole journey back to my house and I knew Edward was worried, I could tell by the way he gripped the steering wheel a little bit tighter than necessary. I didn't need to tell him what had happened; he'd overheard every word even from where he was standing. He was angry, but I couldn't help sense that some part of him was pleased. Perhaps he felt as though this somewhat got rid of the competition. This angered me even more than I already was. I didn't understand what the boy's problems were! Why couldn't I have them both? Not in the same sense of course, but why couldn't I love Edward and be friends with Jacob at the same time? Nothing made sense to me. I was so hurt, so angered by what had been said moments ago that I couldn't think straight right now. Part of me wanting to go back and scream at the werewolf more, perhaps hit him, but that would hurt me more than it would hurt him – more emotionally and physically.

I couldn't believe that after all this time; he was going to treat me like that. I had spent so many months worrying about him, trying to find out if he was okay, and using only Seth as my information. I had been so relieved when I'd heard he had returned, so happy that he was safe and yet...the moment I'd gone to see him, I was rejected straight away. Did I really deserve that? Had I hurt him that much? I felt a stab of guilt in the pit of my stomach as my eyes stared out of the window. The last thing I'd wanted to do was hurt anymore. I couldn't help who I had feelings for, I couldn't help who I loved...and that was Edward. I couldn't be with Jacob the way he wanted me to be with him. I'd hoped that one day he'd learn to accept that, but it would appear he hadn't. He couldn't even look at me anymore. That hurt too, more than I'd ever thought it could.

The engine of Edward's shiny Volvo switched off as we approached my house, but I didn't move. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts; I didn't think to get out of the car. I could hear Edward still sat next to me, feel his amber eyes staring at me intently, searching me as he tried to read me but failed, just like he had done since the first day he ever saw me. I was relieved that he couldn't read my thoughts right now; I needed some privacy. I needed time to think things through and some of these thoughts I couldn't bear to let Edward hear. There were some things a fiancé didn't want to hear his bride to be thinking about after all and this was one of them. He didn't want to listen to me considering Jacob's feelings; he shouldn't have to either, which was why I was glad that he couldn't. I'd already hurt Jacob today, I didn't want to hurt Edward as well. He had already put up with so much from me when it came down to Jacob, I didn't want to put him through anything else.

Without warning, the door next to me opened and I jumped, seeing Edward standing there holding it open for me like a proper gentlemen. I hadn't heard him move; he moved so fast that I was getting used to his sudden actions. However, right now, I looked rather startled and he must have noticed this because he was flashing me that adorable apologetic look of his. I couldn't stay mad at him when he gave me such an irresistible smile.

It wasn't long before we were back in the comfort of my bedroom and as usual, Alice was waiting for me. She was flittering about in her pixie like manner, moving elegantly like some form of dancer as she tidied the place up, a large smile on her face. Clearly she hadn't heard what had happened. I trudged into the room with a sulky look on my face and Edward trailed behind me, glancing at Alice who was watching us both with concern burning in those topaz hue eyes of hers. I knew I was depressed then; usually looking at Alice made me stabbed my self esteem majorly, but right now, it had no effect on me. I was too busy thinking about the past events to even consider how ordinary and plain I was when standing next to the beautiful female Cullen.

He had looked so serious...so full of anger when he shouted those words at me. Had he really been holding that in for so long? Was I the true reason he had run away? Not because I was marrying Edward, but merely because I didn't give him the affection he needed – because I hurt him, no matter how well I played a victim? I had no idea. I was dying to ask him, but I was too scared of what his answers might be. Too scared that he would say yes, tell me that I was truly the reason for his departure...the reason for his pain. More guilt stabbed me in the gut and I fell down onto my bed, a small groan escaping my lips. I could hear Alice and Edward muttering to each other, but I couldn't hear what they were saying – my senses were nothing compared to theirs.

There was a flutter of wind and without warning; Edward's cold lips were pressed against my forehead. My eyes stared up at him, shocked by the sudden affection, but he merely smiled at me, looking apologetic once more. "Alice would like me to leave. She has a surprised for you." He explained calmly. I felt a great deal of disappointment; I needed him right now. I needed him to hold me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. Some part of me wanted to sulk and whine, beg him to stay with him, but I didn't. Instead I nodded in a reluctant manner, leaning up to kiss him. The kiss didn't last long – they never did with Edward, he was always so concerned. I couldn't wait to be a vampire; to find out what his kisses were truly like. I watched solemnly as he fluttered out of the room, shutting the door politely before heading downstairs. I cringed at the thought of him and Charlie being alone together; he wasn't Charlie's favourite person after all considering everything that had happened since introducing Edward Cullen into my life. More guilt stabbed me as I thought of Charlie.

"Come on, up you get." Alice sung in her high soprano voice as she fluttered over to me, her ice like hand taking mine gently in hers and pulling me to my feet with no sign of a struggle. She was so strong compared to me. "I have a surprise for you!" She announced, looking excited. I merely stared at her with a blank expression; I was in no mood for more surprises but once Alice had her heart set on something, there was no telling her no, so I didn't even try to. I merely watched her as she smiled at me, letting go of my hand and dancing to another area of the room. She was fiddling with something and despite the fact I was trying to sink into a form of depression, I couldn't help but feel slightly curious. My head tilted to one side, trying to get a better look and a shocked gasp escaped my lips when I finally realised what she was doing.

She spun around, holding up the most beautiful dress I'd ever laid my eyes on. It was so white; almost blinding. The material looked so soft as it floated in different lengths on the right side, the bottom of it reaching down the floor at a ridiculous length – a length I was most likely going to fall over when I wore it. It was strapless, something that might be a problem for me, and on the top half it seemed to glitter slightly where small diamonds were attached to it, glistening every time a light source hit it. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was my wedding dress.

A lump appeared in my throat and tears welled in my eyes. I didn't know why I was getting so emotional although I assumed it was because of the day I'd had. Everything had been so stressful; so emotional and this was the last straw. Alice didn't seem offended; in fact she smiled, knowing my tears where the happy variety where I was so touched by her effort. "You like it!" She announced in her high voice, swishing the dress around slightly in her excitement before dancing over to me. "I want you to try it on! Make sure it fits. You're going to look gorgeous!" She exclaimed, pushing the dress in my direction.

This wasn't something I'd planned for. I didn't want to wear it – I would probably end up ripping it and it looked so delicate, so fragile...I didn't want to ruin it! I stared at her in shock and she seemed to sense that I was going to reject her offer, but this only caused her to push the material firmly into me. I took it gently in my hands, still staring at her. How did she expect me to wear such a beautiful piece of material? I was so ordinary...it wouldn't suit me. However, Alice was so stubborn, I knew there would be no point in arguing with her and of course, I turned my back on her, beginning to slip my wet clothes off, cringing slightly as I prepared myself to wear my dress for the first time. Most likely the last as well considering I'd probably do something to damage it.

I carefully slipped the soft material over my shapeless form, shrugging my shoulders effortlessly in a self conscious way as it dragged it up over my hips and towards my almost non-existent bust. I tugged at it, being careful not to rip the fine material and eventually, it was on my form, tugging at my body. Perfect fit. I wasn't surprised; Alice was perfect when it came to these sorts of things. I heard her clapping with glee from behind, a shocked gasp escaping her lips. Did I look hideous? I knew I would. Slowly, I began to turn around to face her and as I did, I caught my reflection. It was my turn to gasp in shock this time; I didn't recognise the person staring back at me. Despite the fact my hair was dripping wet and the little makeup that I wore was smudged, I honestly thought I looked good. The dress clung to me perfectly, actually giving my body some form of shape. The material of the dress looked so elegant...so beautiful. I couldn't help but feel dazzled by it. A laugh erupted from my lips; it was the first time I'd laughed for a while never, ever since m encounter with Jacob. I had to laugh; I was in shock. Alice laughed along with me and before we knew it, we were standing there with pre-wedding jitters, looking excited as we laughed and complimented the dress.

No matter what, things weren't as bad as they seemed. I hoped.

Jacob's POV

What would I say to her? I wasn't sure. I knew I had to decide soon considering I was at her house now, moving swiftly through the bushes as I headed towards her window. I didn't want Charlie to know I was there; didn't want to give Bella the chance to tell him to make me go away. I wanted her to hear me out and I knew the best way to do that would to take me by surprise. I could smell that sweet disgusting vampire smell, but that was always in her house now. I didn't stop to think that one of them would actually be there. The stupid Volvo that he owned wasn't parked in the driveway, so I assumed that he had been and gone. I hoped he had been and gone. Not because I was embarrassed to talk in front of him, but because the need to kill him was so strong right now that I wasn't sure if I would be able to control myself. Filthy leech.

All I would do was say sorry; I would explain myself, explain why I left and everything that had happened...I would give her another chance, just like I always did, because I was a fool in love and nothing was going to change that. I'd phased back now, my body on show but my legs covered by a pair of old tracksuit bottoms that hung off of my muscular form. I could smell her scent now, even through all of the vampire traces. She still smelt so inviting, so warm and welcoming...I shouldn't be thinking things like this, but I couldn't help it. I would always think things like this about Bella Swan.

Dragging myself up the wall, her window got closer and closer. My heart pounded against my ridiculously warm chest, my nerves suddenly getting the better of me. I was so worried that she wouldn't forgive me, so worried that she would hate me forever, so wo – my thoughts stopped dead. I'd reached the window, but I wished I never had. My eyes stared in shock, heartbreak filling me even more at I saw. She looked gorgeous, standing there with that vampire female friend of hers...the wedding dress clung to her figure in a way that I'd never seen clothing cling to her before. Her face looked so happy as she laughed something loudly, tears streaming from her eyes where she was laughing so hard...It was as if our conversation from earlier had never happened.

That was when I realised something. Bella Swan would never be mine. She was getting married and she would become a vampire. She would move on with Cullen and live happily forever after. But she would never be mine. She would never love me the way I loved her. This much was obvious by the way she stood there, laughing happily in her wedding dress...planning her wedding day rather than moping in a corner over me. I didn't matter as much as Edward did. I never would. I was always going to be second best and right now, I wasn't even that. I was nothing. I was just the old best friend who had lost his chance of having any kind of relationship with her. Our friendship wasn't even there anymore.

I fell from the window, hitting the ground hard, but I didn't feel the pain. I didn't feel anything except for the yearning pain in my heart that I now felt. It felt horrible. It felt as though I was never going to be happy again. This was worse than when I had seen the wedding invitation. This was devastating; this was reality. I couldn't take it. I couldn't be here. Forks was too much for me; I was a fool for coming back. I wasn't ready; I would never be ready.

I was running before I knew it. Running as fast as I could. My wolf form breezed through the trees; down the many paths...I didn't know where I was going. I just had to leave. I had to get out of here. I couldn't stay; I should never have come back.

I was running away again.