Booby Traps
Disclaimer: Don't own One Piece.
Azu: Hehehe...BOOBY traps...heheh...booby...
Kilnorc: oh for the love of...-drags Azu away- Sorry you had to see that folks...
"So, this is the fatman's place, huh?"
"Looks like it, Cap'n Billy Bob, sure looks like it," Billy rubbed his arms, "You think Santa's gonna be mad at us for hurting him like that?"
Billy Bob's eye twitched, "For the last time. He. Was. Not. Santa Claus!"
"But-," Billy and Bob started, but were cut off when Billy Bob pulled a surprisingly small pistol out of his coat and aimed it at them.
"Now, I may not be able to kill you with this thing, but I can shoot at crotch level, so don't piss me off! Understand?!"
Billy and Bob covered their groins and nodded quickly, "Got it boss,"
"Good, now let's go in and take what is ours!"
"Idiots coming to the front door, Austin!" Scotty called softly from the upper level, "You hear me?"
Austin gave a thumbs up and positioned himself a safe distance from the door should the trap fail, Come and get it, you assholes...
"Should we knock?"
"Oh yeah, what're we gonna say if they ask us who we are? 'Oh, hello there kiddies, we're bad, bad men come to take the money your fat guardian has, can we come in?'...honestly!"
"...seriously?"
"Yeah, Boss, I thought we were gonna just bust in and demand the money?"
Billy Bob slapped himself in the face, "Morons...just knock on the door, Billy,"
"Okay, Boss," the thin pirate walked up to the door and knocked loudly on the door, "Knock knock, kiddies! Anybody home?"
"Who is it?" a boy's voice called from the other side of the door, "Nicholas, is that you?"
"Must mean the fat man," Billy Bob murmured before clearing his throat, "Ah, no it's not Nicholas, sonny, we were sent by him to see if you were okay. Can we come in?"
A few moments passed, "Just a second!"
Billy Bob grinned, This is easier than I thought...
Another few moments passed and a noise was heard. They expected the door to open, but instead of the whole door, a panel in the lower half of the door opened up and almost immediately a large red glove came shooting out of the door and nailed Billy very hard in the groin, then it retreated back into the door. The thin pirate let out a loud gasp and fell to his knees, his eyes crossed and his mouth open, a silent scream of pain passing his lips.
Bob and Billy Bob winced.
The taller, dumber pirate tapped Billy on the shoulder, "You okay dude?"
Billy slowly shook his head and a rather high "No" was heard just before the glove from before popped out of the door again and this time, punching Billy in the face...hard. The lanky pirate, who was already in extreme pain due to the shot to his groin, fell backward onto the snow-covered ground, blood already trickling down his face from the punch.
Bob gawked as he knelt down to check his nakama. Billy Bob, however, turned his head to the door, a wicked grin on his face.
"That wasn't very nice to play that kind of trick on friends, sonny,"
"Wasn't a trick and you're not our friends! We know what happened to Nicholas!"
"Oh really? How?"
"Saw the whole thing!"
Impossible...they couldn't have, it's too far away! Billy Bob growled, "I'm willing to forget the attack on my subordinate if you just open the door, let us in, and hand over all your valuables!"
Another boy's voice, this one sounding a little older was heard this time.
"No chance in hell! You want in, you'll have to find your own way, because we ain't letting you in, Shrimp!"
Billy Bob froze, S...Sh...SHRIMP!?
They called the Captain a shrimp? Bob stared at the door, shocked at what he had just heard, Oh boy...
Austin pressed his ear against the front door, trying to listen to the three pirates outside. He could tell that they were the only ones around, thanks to his Mantra, yet he couldn't help but wonder if there were any others nearby, hidden from his Mantra somehow.
Okay, we nailed one pretty good with the booby trap at the front, Austin eyed a crudely modified Jack-in-the-Box toy he and the other kids found laying around the house, Let's just hope the other traps work just as well against them.
"Billy,"
"Yeah, Bob?"
"Think we're gonna get into trouble?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I know we're following orders and stuff from the captain, but is what we're doing gonna get us on the Naughty side of Santa's list?"
Billy thought for a moment, then shook his head, "Naw, I'm sure we're gonna get on his Nice side,"
"Really?"
"Yeah, we're doing what we're told and that usually gets us on the Nice list,"
"Then how come we haven't gotten any gifts in years?"
"..."
"..."
"...I don't know," Billy waved him off quickly, "But I'm sure if we just do what we're told, we'll get something this year, we have to! Now, c'mon and help me find a backdoor to this place,"
"You mean like that?" Bob asked him, pointing to a large door that was just a few feet away from them.
"...how the hell did we miss that?" Billy sniffed to keep blood from leaking out some more from his nose and winced in pain, "I think my nose is broken,"
Bob patted him on the back and walked over to the back door, "It's okay, man, lemme handle this one,"
"Be careful, Bob,"
"No kidding," Bob sighed and gently grabbed the doorknob, jiggling it a little bit, "Looks safe to me...,"
Billy stepped back a safe distance...just in case.
To Billy's surprise, and Bob's relief, the door swung open without so much as a little problem happening. Bob grinned, "I'm da man!" he declared, stepping into the building, unaware that he was just activating a trip-wire trap. As he passed through the doorway, his legs pulled at the wire that Austin and the others had set up just above the floor, therefore activating another little set up right above the door. One of Austin's Flame Dials, which was positioned practically right over Bob's head let out a short puff of fire that quickly became an addition to said pirate's head.
At first, Bob didn't notice a damn thing...then the smell came.
Bob sniffed the air, a confused look crossing his face as he wandered around the room, "What's burning?"
Billy, who had just come through the door, quickly caught sight of his friend's predicament.
"BOB! YOU'RE ON FIRE!!!"
The tall pirate turned and planted his hands on his hips, a smug look on his face, "Why, thank you, I must admit I am on a roll here. I mean, I'm not the one who got nut-punched,"
"No, Bob, you're really on fire!"
"Stop the flattery and help me find what's burning," Bob waved his hand in front of his face, "Whatever it is, it smells like burnt bacon,"
"That's you!"
"No, I don't smell like burnt bacon, Billy! If anything, I'm da man for getting this far!"
"Oh you're da man alright...you're da man whose head is on fire!"
A loud scream ripped through the building, but neither one of the defenders were startled by it. In fact, they were expecting it.
"Two idiots on one side and the other idiot on the other side...," Austin rubbed his chin, following his enemie's movements with Mantra, "Pingu, go gree that one. Sora, go greet the other two idiots,"
The two animals gave their versions of a salute and went off in seperate directions as Scotty joined Austin in the middle of the room.
"Dumbass pirates, they walked right into two of the traps!"
"Yeah, but be prepared in case they make it through the others. Not all pirates are stupid,"
"Maybe, but they're all evil...," Scotty glanced at him, "Okay, maybe there are a few exceptions,"
Austin sighed and reached into his pockets, grabbing Nicholas' poster, "You have no idea,"
Billy Bob trudged through the snow, muttering under his breath as he tried to find a way into the building.
"So, traps, huh? Alright, I can handle traps. I have the perfect stature for trap-dodging! Now, those two idiots are gonna have to go through the gauntlet just to get there, screaming in pain and holding themselves while I get by unscathed. HA! I'm a genius...,"
A loud crunching sound was heard behind him and when he turned around to face the oncoming attacker, all he saw was a box with a big bow and note on top of it.
"What the hell...?" Billy Bob waddled over and nudged the box cautiously.
Nothing.
"Hm, something's in there alright, I can tell right off," he lifted the box off the ground, grunting as he did, "Whoa...heavy...," he put it down and snatched the note away, "Must be a peace offering gift or something...hehehe, at least there's one brat in there who's smart enough to butter up to those who have the power. Now, let's see what we have here," he lifted the note to his face and scanned the message on the paper.
Say Hello to My Little Friend
Billy Bob lowered the note, a confused look on his face, "Well, what the hell does that mean?"
As if on cue, the answer to that question was answered in the form of the boxes top flying into the air and Pingu following after it, honking wildly, flippers going back and forth like a storm of black and white feathers.
"WHAT THE HELL-!?"
"Sounds like Pingu got to the other one," Austin tapped the floor idly, "...Sora should be doing something to the other two right about...now!"
Again, as if on cue, two terrified screams ripped through the air.
"Told ya," he turned to look at Scotty, but he saw that the older boy was still staring at Nicholas' poster, "You okay, man?"
Scotty looked up from the poster, his eyes wide as dinner plates.
"Okay, maybe not...," he murmured, It's not everyday the guy you live with and fight with is a pirate...
"I...I just can't believe it," Scotty slowly shook his head, "Nicholas is...is...,"
"Nicholas is the man that takes care of you guys and makes sure you're all okay," Austin cut him off, "Just because he was a pirate, that doesn't mean he's a bad man. I belong to a group of pirates and we are violent, but only when we need to be...or when a certain fox-eared miko annoys the crap outta us....," he cleared his throat, "The point is that he's not a bloodthirsty cutthroat that you think all pirates are, Scotty, he's a kind old man who went out there and risked his life to protect you and the others,"
Scotty just became quiet and another ear-piercing scream came from inside the building. This kind in particular Austin remembered hearing from the crew when someone did bodily harm to the other male crewmates' private area.
"Oooh...wonder if that was the marbles we set up?"
Bob, who now had a charred, bald head winced and held his groin as he looked on at his nakama. Billy had taken the lead and crossed into another room after an encounter with a crazy blue fox, and he had not only slipped on a large group of marbles that were laid on the floor, but as he slipped, it forced him to do the splits like a gymnast. Billy was now trying to get back onto his feet as carefully as he could without doing anymore harm to himself.
"You okay, Billy?"
His nakama quickly waved him off, "Just fine, Bob!" he squeaked, "Just fine and dandy!"
Bob sighed in relief, "Good, because I thought you'd be in a lot of pain right now,"
Billy slowly turned his head and glared daggers at him, "Just shut up and help me!"
Pingu grinned wickedly at his handiwork, Gotta love the holidays...time for gifts, peace on earth, goodwill toward men...and not to mention dishing out holiday punishment to those who try to ruin it for everyone else! he looked down at his "victim" who was covered from head to toe in a thick, viscous gel-like substance. The children had found a large amount of glue in storage and put it to good use in the traps they were setting up earlier that day. Billy Bob was unlucky enough to be forced into said trap.
Now, for the finishing touches... Pingu waddled over to a nearly invisible string and pulled on it hard. As soon as he did, feathers from spare pillows and blankets that were stored near the ceiling came fluttering down onto Billy, covering him from head to toe in bird feathers thanks to the glue. The pirate wasn't unconscious, so Pingu was able to listen to every single curse word, death threat and any other thing the small pirate could think of while he was turned into a human chicken.
Pingu dusted his flippers, proud of himself and how well these kids' traps were paying off.
Just need eleven herbs and spices, and we're set!
Kilnorc: Awright, one of the last chapters done! I think the -thinks- next TWO chapters are the final ones. I'm gonna try my hardest to get them done in time, so it may seemed rushed, lol. I just want people to enjoy it and to get it down before Christmas is over and I fear I didn't give myself enough time to fulfill my true vision. Oh well, as long as I give people something good to read for the holidays, I'm okay with it -grabs tape recorder- Note to self: If you want a Christmas fic, either stick with one-shots or start right after Thanksgiving...
Before I go, I would like to say that the glue and marble thing was the idea of Wolfen-ways. However, the feathers were all my idea, as best to my memory, inspired by the classic film, Home Alone, lol. Thanks for the ideas, Wolfen!