Chapter Five

"Hello ladies," I forced a smile as I lightly landed on the hood of the car. Cassandra and Demeter stared back in shock. I felt the smile drop from my face as nervousness took over. Had I done something wrong?

"H-hello, Tantomile," Demeter gave a strange smile. She sat up a little straighter, cocking her head to the side in guarded curiosity. "Um, how are you today?"

"I'm quite well, thank you," I could feel the distance between us widen like a canyon. Cassandra still did not speak; instead she looked down her regal nose at me in shock and mild disdain. I remembered she didn't speak much. I looked to Demeter expectantly, "And Demeter, how about you?"

"I'm great," the black and gold queen flashed a warm smile. Of all the Jellicles, she always had the friendliest face. She looked around, slight concern furrowing her brow. "Have you seen Bombie? She was supposed to meet us for lunch, but she hasn't shown up."

"I think I saw her talking to Admetus earlier." I responded. Cassandra gave a snort of disdain, "That poor slob. He thinks Bombie's got the hots for him."

"They all think that," Demeter added, and the two giggled. I had nothing to contribute to the conversation, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Who all thinks what?" A voice purred, causing all three of us to whirl around in surprise.

It was Bombalurina, standing with her paws on her hips, a knowing smile on her beautiful features as her eyebrow arched questioningly.

"Toms." Cassandra grinned wickedly. She lazily kicked a dark leg at Bombalurina, causing her to jump out of the way and lose her poise. "And you know exactly what they think."

"What can I say? I have a gift," the red queen purred with a shrug, fluffing the fur on her cheeks prissily. Cassandra chuckled at this, turning her crème colored face to the sunlight. I had never seen her so animated. She was usually very reserved—cold, almost.

Bombalurina leapt to the ground, flicking her flame-colored tail nonchalantly, "Let's go. I'm starving."

Demeter jumped down eagerly; Cassandra took the time to stretch, arching her back lazily before descending. They began to walk away. As if on hindsight, Demeter turned around, her light green eyes meeting mine with a friendly smile, "Oh, Tantomile. You're more than welcome to join us."

I could tell by the others faces—Cassandra's shocked and mildly amused expression and Bombalurina's thin nose, which wrinkled in disdain—that I was not "more than welcome" to join them. So I merely shook my head, "No thanks. I have to be meeting Coricopat soon."

"Oh, Ok," Demeter seemed to breathe a sigh of relief—or did I imagine it? Cassandra and Bombalurina exchanged knowing glances; obviously I was the butt of some personal joke between the two.

I watched the three queens leave without another word. Bombalurina leaned forward, her paw gently touching Cassandra's arm as she spoke in a low tone, Demeter leaning in eagerly to hear her. The three then threw their pretty heads back in laughter, casually glancing both ways before trotting across the street—Bombalurina on the right, hips swaying as her chin jutted forward confidently; Cassandra in the middle, moving like dark water as she walked, an elusive smile on her face; Demeter on the left, her legs moving double-time to keep up with her companions' longer strides, smiling happily as she listened to the other two discuss something.

I would never join them, never walk beside Demeter or laugh at Bombalurina's jokes. I would never understand Cassandra's mysterious ways, never comprehend how to make her laugh like Demeter did. I would forever be an outsider, no matter how hard I tried.

~*~

I was slightly depressed as I made my way home that day. I can't say that I was entirely surprised by my lack of success, but still the defeat stung. I began to think back to my kittenhood. Mother had always feared my powers, always warned me never to use them, never to speak of them. She said I would be mistreated because of them.

I thought of all the other mystics I knew—Coricopat, Teathrice, and Cassandra. I didn't understand it. Cassandra was by all accounts considered a mystic, like myself. She could not tell the future, but she did remember all of her past lives and had several uncanny abilities that could not be explained by anything less than mysticism. Yet Demeter and Bombalurina seemed at complete ease around her.

And Teathrice—everyone respected her, admired her even! She was not an insider, but she was accepted much more cordially than I was. The others would speak to her, smile at her—provided that I was not sitting beside her, for if I was, they avoided us. She could approach anyone and be greeted with warmth.

And then there was Coricopat. My own brother. Like me, he had been shunned, but unlike me, whenever he approached cats, they seemed to be polite, almost friendly towards him. They hadn't fully accepted him yet, but they no longer avoided him.

So that left me. What had I done wrong? As I mentally reviewed my life, I could find no sin, no wrong that I had committed against the Jellicles. Perhaps it was not something that I had done, but a defect—something I was born with? Perhaps I was born with something missing, and the other cats sensed this. Perhaps that is why they avoided me—they could see the missing space inside, while I traipsed around, oblivious to my own defect.

I shook my head. No. There was nothing wrong with me…which meant the problem lie with the other Jellicles. Something in them was off, something inside of them made them fear me, made them call me names and shun my presence. What was it?

My musings were interrupted by Coricopat, who entered the human house with a self-satisfied smile, "Well, you were right, Mil. I am rather good at socializing."

"Glad to hear it," I tried to make my voice contain the joy that I did not feel, but I failed miserably. Cori didn't notice. "I mean, it's crazy—it was just like old times! Lonz and I went down to—"

"Lonz?" I looked at him. Coricopat, "Yeah, ya know—Alonzo."

"I know who he is," I said coldly. I could feel the ugly thunderhead of jealousy bubbling inside my chest. "I just didn't know you two were on such friendly terms."

"Well we are now," Corico shrugged. "We used to call him that when we were little, remember?"

"Yes," I replied. "But I can't believe he would allow you to do so now."

"Why not?"

I shrugged carelessly, turning my attention to the window, "No reason. Doesn't matter now."

Corico shifted uneasily; he could sense my displeasure. Unsure of what to do, he shot me a mental message.

Mil?

Not now, Cori. I'm tired.

I'm sorry. I don't know what I did wrong, but I'm sorry.

We'll talk later. Right now I want to rest.

OK. Cori turned and left the room quietly, his pink padded paws never making a sound. I felt awful for upsetting my brother—he hadn't done anything to warrant my hostility.

Cori? I knew he was somewhere in the house.

Yeah.

I'm sorry for being so short with you. I just…it's been a long day. But I really am happy for you. I'm glad you've got new friends.

Yeah, me too. They've invited me to go out with them tomorrow night.

Sounds like fun.

I dunno.

You should go, I prompted gently. It will be good for you.

You think so?

I do. Go. Have fun.

Little did I know, this was the beginning of the darkest time of my life.