Stay Strong
Disclaimer: nothing is mine, Zilch.
When you succumb to darkness, constantly, you'd think you'd get used to it. I felt as woozy as ever when I woke. "Dad?'
"Oh Bella!"
I hugged him, I was scared as ever, I needed my dad to pull me through this.
"Bella," Charlie pulled away from me and looked me straight in they eyes. "What did the doctor tell you?"
So it was true, a sliver of me had hope I was dreaming. No, sadly I simply fainted when he told me the news.
I started crying, how could I tell this to Charlie? My Father! How could I tell my dad I was pregnant. Thankfully though, I didn't have to tell him anything. Dr. Moore walked in.
"How are you feeling Bella?"
I wiped my tears, "Fine." it came out stuffy, and sounded like everything but fine.
"Would you allow me to tell your father about your predicament?"
"Please," cause I as hell sure couldn't.
It was a long 10 minutes but Charlie came back into my room, sat down on the chair next to the hospital bed I was still laying on, and rested his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands.
I don't know if there are many things as heart wrenching as seeing you dad, someone you expected to always stand tall and strong, to break down, and look more vulnerable than a lost puppy on the highway.
"Dad," I whispered, and touched his back.
He looked up, and I started crying all over again, Charlie's eyes were wet and red, so sad, and pulled me into a hug again. " Tell me who did it Bella and I swear I'll-"
"I don't know." I told him as I cut him off. I couldn't possibly tell him who did it. It would ruin Edward. And he's got to have something to live for. His music its one of the only things he has.
"I can't just let this go Bella! Even when we get it out of you the damage is done! Whoever did this is going to pay!"
"Charlie!" What was he saying? "get it out of me, I don't understand."
"Bella, you can't possibly nurse a baby, you're getting an abortion."
"NO!" No, NO NO NO! No matter how much of this situation I'm in was a mistake, no matter what burden Mike caused on me, had nothing to do with this baby growing inside of me. A person, someone that will grow and love and have problems of their own, kill it? Before it had a chance? Never. "You're not touching my baby, no one is touching it! I won't let you!"
And with that I ran, I flung the covers off me and ran, I heard Charlie calling after me, but to think he would even consider that option, ugh! I was disgusted.
I ran to a bus stop and rode it back to Alice's house. My vision was blurry because I couldn't stop crying I didn't know what to do. So many things were wrong with me, but this baby, this was right, I just didn't know how to handle it. I banged on her door. I must've been out there for a few minutes until I heard wheels on the pavement driveway behind me.
It was Esme and Carlisle, Alice's parents. The two most understanding people in the world. It was a comfort just seeing them step out of their car. Esme saw me and looked so grief stricken like she knew exactly what I've been through.
"Bella, honey what's wrong?" I just ran to her and hugged her, I just needed comfort, someone to tell me what I'm doing was right. Someone to tell me I'll be alright, everything will be alright. And that's what she told me. "Everything's okay Bella, come on, let's go inside,"
Esme held me while I told her and Carlisle everything except Mike, I left him out of the equation. For now, all I can handle him being is some jerk. "Oh Bella, you're so strong, I'm proud of you." This made me feel better, support. It was nice to have someone on my side.
"I'll talk to Charlie, Bella, if he still has a hard time understanding." Carlisle told me.
"Thank you so much Carlisle, you too Esme."
"No problem sweetie, you're one of our own, we're happy to help. Why don't you go upstairs into the guest room, I'll get you a pair of pajamas, and you can take a nap, I'm sure Alice will be home by then." I nodded in agreement and thanks.
I took a shower and borrowed a shirt of Esme's and a pair of Alice's shorts then headed to one of their guest rooms. I was shocked to find bags in there, but then remembered that the boys were in town and were probably staying with Alice. I was too sleepy to worry whose room I was sleeping in, before I knew it I was sleeping, like a baby.
--
I woke to the sound of pots, and pans, laughing and joking. I rubbed my eyes then remembered where I was. My stomach growled, I was starving. I changed back into the clothes I came in. In my process of taking my shirt off someone opened the door. I lifted my shirt and saw Edward, staring at me with wide eyes. I immediately felt self conscious. Then I remembered I was pregnant, and my stomach was showing, my cheeks turned Ferrari red.
I quickly looked around for my shirt and pulled it on.
"I'm sorry!" he said quickly and with an innocent expression. "I didn't mean to , I just-"
"No I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were bunking here , I just took a nap and was changing I'll, leave now."
I tried to push pass him but he grabbed my wrist and waist. "No wait," he told me.
We must've been staring at each other for minutes on end, wondering what the other was thinking. His hands were still on me but they were comforting. I let down my wrist, and he slid his hand down to lace his fingers between mine. Then he pulled me closer , and closer until there was no space, and the only thing that wasn't touching were our lips, and neither one of us had that much control.
Before I knew it we were kissing, and just like that we were back to the few days we were able to be in love with each other. When everything was right, and everything that wasn't, just didn't exist.
His lips were as soft as ever but urgent. I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to tell him sorry, and if anything was to be okay, I wanted it to be us. I didn't know if this would change anything. I meant my goodbye, but I don't think I can live without this.
He asked for entrance and I gave it to him. I'd give him anything while I could. We landed on the guest bed, and it knocked me back to earth. Lots has happened since the last time we met, and he had to know everything. Well, as much as Esme, Carlisle, and Charlie did. "Edward wait,"
He slid his lips from my lips tracing the contours of my cheek bone, down my temple to my jaw line. "Why?" he asked.
"I can't-" Ugh! How could I get anything out while he was doing this too me? "Edward!"
"Yes?" he had smile in his voice. He knew what he was doing to me.
I scowled at the ceiling, then I took his face in my hands and looked him straight in the eyes. He had a very soft expression. You could see the love written in his eyes that were melted and warm. I kissed his cheek and sat on the bed. He was behind me kneeling,
"I'm pregnant." I didn't want to sugar coat this.
He was speechless.
I was afraid to turn around and look at him. I bounced on the bed from the weight lifting off it. He paced the room, I could hear his footsteps. Then he walked around the room to the side of the bed I was sitting on crouched in front of me and took my face into his hands.
"You wanna repeat that again for me? I don't think I heard you right." His voice was strained now.
"Edward, I'm preg-"
"Okay, yeah, that's what I thought heard." I grabbed his hands that held either side of my face, and dragged him downstairs so I'd only have to tell this story once…again.
"Bella! I didn't know you were here." Alice came up to hug me then peaked over my shoulder where Edward was behind me holding my hand with a death grip. His other had was under his chin, contemplating something. "but apparently he did." she gave us a skeptical glance.
"I have to tell you something. Well, an announcement kind of. " Her expression turned even more questioning, and Jasper and Emmett's attention was towards me. I told them what the doctor told me, and basically the same thing I told Carlisle an Esme. And for once, Alice had nothing to say.
No one had anything to say. Except Esme. "Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes." I nodded at her and told her thanks, while everyone was still gawking at me.
"Please, somebody say something." I begged, this silence was killing me.
Instead of words however, Emmett walked up to me and gave me a big hug. I hugged him back, welcoming the acceptance. "Thank you," I whispered to him. He pulled back and smiled, "If we ever figure out who did this to him, we'll pound him to little bite size pieces." I looked at Emmett shocked
Emmett chuckled and turned around to face everyone that was settled around Alice's living room. "Come on let's go eat I'm starving." He waved his hand, and I followed him to the kitchen.
Jasper had gotten off the couch and gave me, a hug as well, softer than Emmett's, but just as comforting, "If anyone can handle this, its you Bella, that's going to be one lucky kid." Jasper said to me, then left to the kitchen. I smiled, and Alice is one lucky girl, I thought.
I was about to pass the wall separating the kitchen from the living room when Alice called me, "Bella wait, come here." she patted the cushion next to her, next to Edward. I sat between them.
I stared down at my hands, waiting for her to speak.
"Are you sure about this?" she asked me in a small voice.
I turned to look at her, and strongly replied. "I have no other choice."
"You don't have to do this Bella!" it wasn't Alice this time, but Edward. He hadn't spoken this whole time.
"Yes I do." I responded calmly.
"You don't know what you're asking for."
"I didn't ask for this. It was given to me."
"No! It was forced upon you!"
"And is mine!"
Edward lowered his voice and turned my chin to face him. "Who did this to you?"
I looked back at my hands. "I don't know," It was very weak sounding, but I was never very good at lying.
"Dammnit Bella! W-"
"Edward, why don't you get something to eat?" Alice offered, as she cut him off. "I need to talk to Bella."
Edward gave an agonized look at me, he knew he was getting out of hand. I knew he was just trying to do what's best for me, but this isn't just about me anymore. He left the couch and treaded to the kitchen.
"What am I going to do, Alice?" The realization hit me, I was alone in this. I had Alice, and though she was closer than I could ever be to a sister, she was only my best friend. And even though Esme and Carlisle were the most compassionate people I've ever met, they weren't my parents. No. My dad doesn't agree with me and my mom. Gosh my Mom. Telling her is like making a death wish straight to the devil.
And Edward. My… I don't even know what we are. I break up with him, then we have that little episode up in the guest room like we were back to normal (for us anyway), and now, he seems as accepting to the idea as Charlie had been.
I'm so alone in this. Subconsciously I rub my stomach, I ask her again. I need Alice the Great to talk me through this. "What am I going to do?"
She answered simply. "Stay strong."
"What if I can't?"
She shook her head. "There is no can't for you. You know you're going to pull through this, and you want this baby enough. I can tell, you've set you're mind on keeping him. We both know you're stubborn enough to pull through." we both chuckled a bit.
Maybe she was right. I didn't know what would come after, but I know he would have an after to get to. Wait a minute, what did she say? "Why do you say that Alice?"
"Oh come on Bella, You know you're stubborn no need to take offense-"
"No, you said him, you really think its going to be a boy?" I was suddenly intrigued. A boy? A cute little baby boy, dimples and all.
She shrugged. "It just came out I guess. You know if the sex is unknown its always 'he', 'him', the 'guy superiority' thing and all, I'm brainwashed. You made me spend the whole day with three guys all by myself." she sighed, "let's go eat."
"I kind of like the idea."
Alice who was just about to get up from the couch stopped and slumped back down, hard enough rumble me a little. "What?!"
"What?"
"Bella can you hear yourself? You'd be happy if it was a boy?"
I shrugged. "I guess I'd be happy if he was anything, just healthy."
"Who did it Bella?" this time she whispered.
Oh, I understood now. "Of course I wouldn't mind him being a boy, Alice! I'm not that shallow! Its not his fault what his…father-" I sneered the word and Alice made a disgusted look. "-did! I'm not holding that against him."
"Wouldn't he remind you of him?"
I shrugged again. "I guess, but I'll have to cross that bridge later, I can't think anymore, Its too much to take in. Let's go eat."
Alice reluctantly agreed. And I'm glad she did. I don't think I could've switched the topic away from who did this to me any longer, and once Alice gets determined to know something, she learns it. I can't take that chance.
--
Dinner with the Cullens' ended fast, my current situation wasn't brought up, luckily, but I could tell I would be talking about for a while.
After we washed the dishes, and the boys wiped the table and put back everything where it belonged, Edward took my hand, and led my to the back portion of Alice's wraparound porch.
I sat down on the rocking sofa, and Edward pulled up a foot stool and sat in front of me.
"I want to help you, Bella."
His words surprised me. "Really?"
He chuckled a humorless laugh, "Yeah, I do." Now it looked like he was trying to convince himself as much as me.
I let it go though, just happy to have his support. "Thank you, so much." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me back.
"So do I take it that thing that happened in the woods the other day, pretend like it didn't happen.?"
I pulled away fast, I owe him a big apology. "I'm so, so, so sorry Edward." I shook my head. "I didn't mean the things I said. I do love you, I do, I was just scared ,and I didn't know what was going on inside me and I, uhh, I just I couldn't bear hurting you-"
And that was all I was able to say that night.
His lips found mine and I was grateful for it. He was one person I needed to support me, I needed him to catch me. I knew he didn't totally accept what I was doing, and it hurt him because it hurt me, because I was taken advantage of.
But like I said to Alice before, I'll cross that bridge when it comes. Right now I liked the one I was on. It made it even better that Edward stepped on with me, kissing me on it, loving me on it, supporting me ready to catch me if the pieces fell through. I knew I wouldn't be left hanging.
But there were some other finer details I didn't know, details powerful enough to burn a bridge. Hopefully I'm strong enough to tread water.
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Author's note: Yay! Another chapter! And can you tell? I love the suspense! haha. I'm so happy,this one didn't take as long as my previous ones. I got inspiration when i started my brand NEW fresh out the oven fanfic yesterday called 'Death of Me'. That one is post New Moon, and my first vampire one (ahh!!). I really love it though and can't wait to work on it more! Check it out!
omg! Taylor Lautner is for sure Jacob! Yayyy! I'm so happy for him. but anyway.
Thank You so much for your support please review!! I love them! and i love you guys (in that friendly sort of way)
Haha! Happy New Year Everyone, hope this ones great!
Thanks again, mariel