Chapter 7 - The Trouble with Reasons

Harry hoped his face didn't show the pain he was feeling. It was like being ripped apart all over again. He shook his head and closed his eyes. He looked away from Draco, off to the side where his cup has splattered everywhere. He didn't say anything or move anymore until Draco finally stepped away.

"Harry?" he asked. Harry shook his head again.

"I can't," Harry murmured. "I can't tell you what I'm doing this for... or why I cried."

Draco's forehead creased in confusion and unease. Harry turned his gaze onto Draco, hoping his expression was as determined as he wanted it to be. He knew his eyes gave him away, if only Draco could decipher them.

"I can't return your love, Draco," Harry said. He was glad his voice hadn't betrayed him. His chest sure was. His hands were, but they were clenched so tightly on the counter that Harry was certain no one would be able to tell they were shaking.

Harry hated it. His whole body was reacting to these words. He wanted to tell Draco how he felt and hold onto him.... maybe even cry as he explained everything, but that wasn't what he was going to do. No. Harry was going to pretend he didn't love Draco with every fiber of his being. He was going to save Draco first... then he'd worry about his aching heart.

For if he told Draco how he felt now, Draco would know he was going to die. Harry had already admitted to loving the person who died... he couldn't reveal he loved Draco now. Then Draco...

'Terrible things have happened to people who meddle with time.'

Hadn't Hermione said that? Well Harry couldn't imagine anything worse than the pain in his chest right now, but he wouldn't test the boundaries of a time-turner.

Draco's expression stabbed at Harry. Every beat of the brunette's heart was a struggle to stay in rhythm. Harry felt a moment of dizziness that passed as quickly as it had come. He focused on Draco... He looked hurt. No. He looked distraught behind his straining mask of indifference.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, lowering his head. He heard Draco back up another step. "I.... I have to go. I'll be back."

And without another word, Harry apparated to someone he knew would understand, leaving Draco alone in his house.

– – – – – –

Harry shivered in the fierce breeze. He'd left his cloaks at Draco's, the invisibility cloak and his normal one. The once so familiar building he was watching now seemed to creak in unease. It was a joke shop... but Harry was in no mood for laughing. Still, he had to summon up the courage to go inside. If he didn't, he'd either freeze to death or run back to Draco and ruin everything.

He apparated to the doorstep, not wanting to been seen as he crossed the road. The bell above the door jingled when he walked in. However, it was no ordinary jingle. It was more like three voices trying to make jingling noises. Harry recognized the voices as Fred, George, and Ron. Almost as soon as the voices stopped, George appeared at the front desk.

"Welcome to -... Harry? I thought you were in Germany," he said in shock. Harry nodded.

"I am...," he murmured. "But I needed to talk to you, so I chanced it."

Harry walked up to the counter and set his hand down gently. A metal meets wood sound came from his hand. George looked down as Harry pulled his hand back. There sat a time-turner. George's eyes widened in realization. He waved his hand at the door and the sign turned from open to closed. The locks clicked and the curtains were pulled shut.

"Follow me," George ordered, turning and walking to the back. Harry grabbed his time-turner and walked behind the counter to obey.

George led him upstairs to his home. There, he pulled out a basket of bread and two glasses which magically filled themselves with pumpkin juice. Harry would guess the bread tasted as fresh as if it had just been pulled from the oven. He kept quiet until George sat down at the kitchen table and motion for him to sit as well.

"So why are you using my time-turner?" George asked. "Did you take it from me or did I give it to you?"

"You gave it to me... borrowing, I think. You told me to only use it if I saw no other option. At the time, I really didn't," Harry admitted.

"And now?" George asked. Harry looked George in the eye and smiled, albeit a bit sadly.

"No. I don't think there was any other way," Harry said.

George nodded. He took a deep breath and handed Harry a piece of bread. He waited till Harry had taken a bite and then sipped at his juice. Then George nodded again and leaned his body toward Harry across the table.

"So what happened?" he asked. Harry could see the devious mind of a Weasley twin at work. He couldn't help but smile in return. Then he remembered why he was here and frowned. George stopped smiling as well.

"Well.... Draco... Draco was killed by the dragon at Gringotts," Harry explained.

George went silent. Harry shifted under his gaze. The Weasley twin leaned back in his chair and watched Harry for some time. Then he sighed and nodded.

"Yeah... I can imagine what I probably said to you... So what happened to make you need to risk exposure to see me?" George asked.

Harry let out a slow breath, relaxing. He knew there was a reason he'd told George about his interest in Draco; a reason he liked the red haired twin so much. So Harry began to talk. He explained everything from being told Draco was dead, to what George had told him - which George nodded to -, all the way through his half a day of shadowing Draco and up until he'd left Draco's house.

"So you left," George said to clarify.

"Yeah. I didn't know what else to do. I was going to break down if I didn't get away," Harry explained pathetically. "Should I have... done something different?"

"Yeah!" George exclaimed. "Harry, I know how much you must reeeaally not want to mess things up, but if you don't do something, Draco will avoid you all the way up to his death. He confessed his love to you, and you told him no. I'll be surprised if he lets you back in the house."

"You don't think he'd be that angry with me, do you?" Harry asked.

"You thought he'd be hunky dory with letting the man he loves follow him around after all that's happened?" George countered. Harry swallowed heavily.

"But-.... Wh-what should I do? I can't tell him how I feel! Then he'd know that he was going to die!" Harry whined.

"So? Let him know. The problem with all your reasons, Harry, is that they're keeping you from actually doing anything! If you want to make drastic changes, you have to live on the edge a little. I mean, I'm sure Fred would still be alive if I'd been brave enough to tell him what was going to happen at Hogwarts," George said.

Harry watched George curiously. The older twin didn't seem fazed at all by the words he'd let slip. He just watched Harry, patiently waiting for the questions to start.

"You... tried to go back and save Fred?" Harry asked. George smiled and shook his head.

"No. Not technically. See... Shortly after returning home, to this joke shop, after the Battle at Hogwarts, I found a letter addressed to me on my own pillow. At first I was suspicious, but there were no magical charms or curses upon it... so I opened it," George explained.

"The letter was written in my own handwriting, addressed to me and from me. It told me that after the battle, I was so distraught that I got myself a time turner and went back to save Fred. However, in the effort not to expose myself to... myself, I never got the chance to warn Fred... because Fred and I were always together, you know? There were no opportunities to talk to Fred alone, so Fred was never warned... no one was, and Fred died.

"The letter ended with a note to myself saying not to use the time-turner, no matter what. No matter how bad I felt about his death, I was never to try and change it, because -," and here, Harry joined in. "- seeing him die twice wont make it any better."

"Yeah," George said, nodding. "So I didn't. So in a way... I did use it, and I didn't. I have a three page long letter detailing 'my' exploits into trying to change the past to prove I did it.... and that in the end, nothing changed. So I'm learning to live with it... because... well," and George stopped.

Harry smiled sadly. "Because the tears never stop... right? The sadness never goes away."

George nodded, frowning at the bread. Silence covered them, a sort of understanding, empathetic silence. Harry shook his head. He took a deep breath, pushed away from the table, and stood up. George looked up, slightly startled by the movement that shattered the silence.

"No. I'm not going to let him die, George... I know how time-turners work. I've used them before. But this time will be different. He's going to go on living, even if I have to kill myself to make it happen," Harry declared.

A wave of dizziness shrouded his vision for a moment. He didn't stumble or fall, but he did shake. Then it was gone. George stood up and walked around the table to Harry. He put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"I'd offer my help if it would matter... but I don't think I'd be able to do anything of worth," he admitted. "So... I'll just say 'good luck', and I hope it works out. If you do manage to save him... give me a sign, okay?"

"Why?" Harry asked. He was almost at eye level with the red head, which made it easy to read the desire written in those ever changing orbs. George really wanted to be told if it worked... but the answer of why couldn't be found by just looking into someone's eyes.

"Just so I know... that there's always hope, you know? That things aren't always pointless. But you should go home to Draco. I'm sure he's killing himself over this," George joked.

Harry's eyes widened. "You don't think he'd actually kill himself because I rejected him, do you?!" he asked.

George went to automatically answer 'no', but stopped. Then he smiled unsurely.

"I suggest you go now," he said. Harry didn't need to be told twice. He was already gone.

– – – –

When Harry got back to Draco's kitchen, he didn't really expect to see the blonde standing where he'd left him. It had been almost an hour. Draco should be at work, but if Draco got so depressed as to kill himself, Harry highly doubted it would happen at work.... at least not until tomorrow.

However, Harry had also not expected to see what he did find. The kitchen was in shambles. It looked like a troll had attacked while he was away. The bowls that had been on the counter, the pots and pans, the tea kettle, the tea bags, everything was on the floor. Harry lifted his feet and saw he was standing on the remnants of the cup he'd been drinking out of before he left.

"Draco?!" he called. No response.

Harry's heart sped up. He hurried out of the kitchen and froze again. More destruction. The cushions of the sofa and chair in the livingroom were shredded in a similar fashion to how Draco had been sliced up in the bathroom during their sixth year at school. When had Draco learned how to do that spell? Harry shook his head and ran down the hall. A deep gash ran for two feet along the wall near the middle of the hall. Harry ran his hand along it as he went.

Draco's room was the least destroyed. The sheets and pillows were throw around. The chair Harry had sat in was in pieces, but it was the only thing utterly destroyed. The bed was easily fixed. Harry's throat tightened. What about....?

He turned to the other side of the hall and saw the handle to the picture room had been ripped off. Hesitantly, Harry pushed open the door. Draco wouldn't...... would he? The room was lit up already and paper was all over the floor. But as Harry entered the room, he was relieved to find none of the pictures had been hurt or removed from the wall. The paper had come off the desk and table in the room.

"Draco?!" he called again.

"Master Harry?" a familiar soft voice asked. Harry turned around and saw Polly standing there, her arm in a makeshift sling.

Two chapters left.

Preview: Chapter 8 - The Final Decision

No no no no no! Harry couldn't believe this was happening. Time turners weren't supposed to work like this!

"No!" Harry yelled in aggravation, shoving Draco up against the cold, rock wall. "You'll die!"

"Stop lying to me!" Draco yelled. Harry's hands shook and faltered in holding Draco to the wall. He couldn't breathe properly.

"What's wrong?" it sounded far away. Everything sounded far away. The dripping water in the tunnels, the roaring angry dragon, Draco trying to help him... It was all so soft. The world went dark, like a movie fading away to another scene.

"I don't want you to die."