A/N: Well, this is it- the final part. Thank you to everyone who's read the story, and especially those who've taking the time to leave a review! I hope you enjoy the last chapter of this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. :D
Part V
"Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow."
The words hung in the air, an almost tangible entity amidst the sounds of ragged breathing. Jack, hand still on Will's neck, could feel the tenseness in Will's body, could practically see the uncertainty radiating off of his friend.
After a minute, when Will still hadn't spoken, Jack sighed. "Fine," he said softly. "If that's what you want." He slid his hand off Will's neck and, without meeting the other man's eyes, grabbed his jacket off the couch, desperate to escape so he could lick his wounds in private.
"Wait, Jack—"
"No, Will," Jack spat, unbelievably hurt and upset as finally, finally the swirling maelstrom of emotions caused by the emotional roller coaster he'd been dragged on coalesced into anger. "I've been waiting for almost twenty years, and you know what? I'm done." He reached for the door, and had just begun pulling it open when another hand came from behind and pushed it closed.
Jack whirled around, indignation clear on his face. "What the hell is your—"
Will's mouth on his silenced his outraged rant, tongue sliding into Jack's mouth and turning angry words into a low, involuntary moan. Instinctively, Jack wrapped his arms around Will's waist and pulled him closer, pushing aside his confusion at Will's actions in favor of soaking in the feel of Will's firm chest against his and the perfect way their bodies fit together. Dimly, Jack felt the door against his back as Will slowly moved them backwards. The feeling of the hard wood broke through the haze of pleasure that had clouded his mind and allowed the confusion he'd so conveniently shoved aside to swarm to the forefront of his mind. Cursing himself even as he did so, Jack broke away from the kiss and panted, "Will." The other man didn't seem to hear him, and kissed him again. Even though every fiber of Jack's being wanted to continue kissing Will, the part of his mind that demanded to know what had brought on Will's sudden change of heart led Jack to break the kiss yet again and push Will away. Jack immediately missed the feeling of Will's lips on his and the warmth of Will against him, but forced the desire away. "Will, stop."
Will heard Jack's voice only vaguely through the pleasure-induced fog in his mind, like it came from across the room. He'd tried so hard to resist Jack, tried convincing himself that starting a relationship with his best friend would only cause heartbreak. He'd resisted Jack's pleadings and arguments, but the hurt in his friend's voice as he walked towards the door…that had shattered every one of Will's remaining defenses. In that moment, he'd realized that the denial of his feelings for Jack would destroy their friendship more than the accepting of them.
So he'd finally given in, finally allowed himself to unashamedly and unreservedly touch, feel, taste. Jack felt so good against him, arms around Will's waist, chests against each other, Jack's mouth moving eagerly against his.
The feelings were so intense, so overwhelming, that it was like a slap in the face when Jack pushed him away. It took Will a second to push the desire in his mind aside and focus on the almost accusing look in Jack's eyes.
"Jack, what's wrong?" Will asked, voice catching as he tried to steady his breathing, utterly bewildered by the sudden change in Jack's demeanor. "I thought you wanted this!"
"I did—I do," Jack responded, leaning heavily against the door and swallowing before adding softly, "I just didn't think you did."
"Wha—Jack, that's crazy!" Of all the things Jack could have protested, that was the last one Will had expected. "Did that," he waved a hand in vague motions between them, "Did that not give you a clue?"
"Well, yeah," Jack retorted, "But what the hell was I supposed to think, Will? You could barely look at me five minutes ago, and then all of the sudden, right when I've finally taken the hint that you don't want me here and start heading out the door, you kiss me? I mean, what is going on? What do you want?"
Will could hear the hurt and frustration in Jack's voice and desperately sought to make them disappear. "Jack, I want you." Had always wanted him, always needed him, and just been to blind to see it. To afraid to see it.
"Well, you didn't five minutes ago!" Jack shouted. "Then, you were spouting some crap about all of our past relationships and pretty much saying you didn't trust either of us enough to make this work!"
"No Jack, it's not that—" Will tried to explain, a panicky feeling rising inside him.
"Then what the hell is it?" Jack's voice demanded an answer. "I know it's not that there's someone else you're interested in, because you would have told me about him. I know it's not that you don't have feelings for me, or you think that I don't have feelings for you." After all that had happened, that was no longer a question in the slightest. "Is it me? Is there something about me that makes you think this won't work?"
"Oh, Jack, it's not you, sweetheart—" Will frantically sought to reassure his best friend. It had never been about Jack.
"Then who is it?"
"It's me!" The two words rang out, cutting through the tension-filled air like a knife. Jack fell silent, staring at Will in confusion. After a long moment, Will broke Jack's gaze, shifting his weight nervously, already wishing he could take back the words that had sprung involuntarily from his mouth.
"What?" The question, though only a single word, conveyed Jack's bewilderment and desire for an explanation. Will sighed, knowing he owed Jack at least that much. Even if, at the end of it all, Jack still walked out that door and left Will standing in the tattered vestiges of his life.
"I have a history of…of somehow managing to drive the people close to me away. Boyfriends. Even family." Will spoke haltingly, meeting Jack's eyes for a split second before glancing away. "And I get it. I mean, I'm not exactly the easiest person to…to be with." He forced a small laugh that, even to his ears, sounded horribly fake. "I'm obsessive about keeping the apartment clean, I need to have everything in it's place, I'm boring, I'm—"
"Don't you think I know that?" Jack interrupted. "I've known you for almost twenty years, Will, and I haven't run screaming yet! Do you think that'll change somehow if we get together?"
"I didn't want to risk it!" Will said, the words sounding foolish even to his own ears. "I know it's stupid," he sighed, taking a tentative step closer to Jack. "I just—Jack, I just couldn't risk the same thing happening with you, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. I convinced myself a long time ago that the possibility that there could be something…more between us wasn't worth risking our friendship. Like I said earlier, I couldn't risk losing you." Will closed the distance between them and took Jack's hands in his own, relieved to see that the irritation and mistrust in Jack's eyes had faded into curiosity and tentative hope. "And then you turned to walk out that door, and all I could think was, I'm losing him—in a second, he's going to walk out that door, thinking that I'm rejecting him when I actually lo—" Will abruptly stopped, unable to say the word. He'd said it to Jack before, of course, but now…not it had a different meaning. He let out a long breath. "You were going to leave," he said simply. "And I couldn't let that happen." He squeezed Jack's hands. "It's always been you, Jack. Always."
"Oh, Will," Jack breathed, and Will almost collapsed in relief when he saw the frustration had left Jack's face completely, replaced by pure affection. He slid his hands up Will's arms to wrap around his shoulders and pull Will closer to him in a hug. Will's eyes slid closed as he relished the warmth of his friend against him, then flew open at the sudden smack of Jack's hand against the back of his head. He jerked back, utterly confounded by both the action and the grin on Jack's face.
"Jack, what the hell was-"
"That was for putting me through hell, Will," Jack scolded. "And this," he leaned in and kissed Will, long and deep, "is for finally getting your head out of your ass and growing a pair. It sure took you long enough."
Will wanted to be outraged, but Jack was just too damn cute when he smirked. "So, I'm forgiven?" he breathed against Jack's mouth.
Jack just answered with another kiss.
Fin