2. Crime and Punishment

"Alright, so Lynni... can I like call you Lynni indoors?" Reneey asked. "I mean, not like I wouldn't mind having you as a mother, I just don't want to pressure you, and plus it's sort of weird... So like yeah..." She played around with her hands the whole entire time, with her head down and eyes locked on her shoes.

"Honestly?" Lyn asked with a light chuckle. "As long as you remember to act like I am when there are people around, I highly doubt it actually matters. Though how I'm supposed to look old enough to be your mom I'll never know..."

Reneey nodded. "So.. like... do I like get rules or anything? 'Cause Daddy does, and I don't listen to his. Are yours gonna differ or like not have any at all?"

Lyn forced on her best evil smile (which was actually pretty convincing, but that's not the point) and said in tones of heavy sarcasm, "Yes, you shall call me 'Mother' at all times, be in bed by seven-thirty, not get up before six, maintain a straight A average in school, and stop cursing immediately or else I shall shackle you in the basement with the wooden head of Kawliga!"

It was about that point that she couldn't keep from snickering anymore and shook her head, her normal expression returning at once. "C'mon, Rea, do I look like a freaking dictator? Just be reasonable. You're fifteen years old, for heaven's sake. I'm not gonna act like you're five."

What was Reneey's response to all of that? Well, she picked her head up, blinked at Lyn, and asked, "Kawl-who?"

"Kuh-lie-juh," Lyn sounded it out, trying not to snicker any further. "I know you have a Russian accent, Rea, but that's a little ridiculous. It's just an average everyday Native American name."

Reneey twitched and threw the evil wooden spoon of death. "Fuck you! At least I don't have English professors saying that I don't know proper English!"

"... Aside from the obvious offense I take because of Southern stereotyping... really now? You're saying no English teacher has ever said you don't know proper English, Rea?"

"Actually, no," Reneey said, shrugging. "You would think that, wouldn't ya? But oh well."

"... Reneey, putting you in second language classes because you speak Russian also counts as saying you don't know English."

"The only second language class I've been in is Russian class to learn Russian."

"Then what the heck were you talking about when you first came to America when they tried to teach you English in school but you couldn't learn it there only from the TV?"

"Oh, that? Dude, that was because I didn't know anything about English, I grew up in Russia! I had no English at all!" Reneey pouted and snapped, "You were born in America, goddamn it!"

"No snapping at your mother!" Hiei snapped back as he came in with ice cream.

"I'll fucking snap at who I fucking wanna!" Reneey growled.

"Stop snapping at me and no more use of foul language!" Hiei yelled back.

"YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!"

"FOR THREE YEARS, I AM!"

"WOULD EVERYBODY STOP YELLING BEFORE I HAVE TO KILL YOU BOTH AND THEN GO TRACK DOWN KURAMA AND KILL HIM TOO OR ELSE YOUKO'LL KILL ME!?" Lyn interrupted all in one breath.

Did that help?

... Are you kidding me?

"I DON'T CARE! I DON'T EVEN LISTEN TO DADDY!"

"WELL, YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!"

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"I'M YOUR FATHER FOR THREE YEARS! YES I CAN! AND YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!"

"PUNISHED!? LIKE HOW!?" Reneey challenged.

Hiei growled, raised his hand, and went to smack Reneey. Of course, he was a demon and didn't understand human things like how that would be considered child abuse. It was just the way he grew up with -- a child misbehaves, you have to hit them.

Reneey blinked and touched her cheek. "... Ow... That like... hurt..." Then she turned to Lyn. "Lyyy -- I mean, Moooommm! I need ice or something cold... 'cause it stings..."

Hiei snorted. "It's supposed to, brat!"

For a very short moment, Lyn didn't move. Then she started to twitch in a way that could only mean death and destruction was about to ensue. "Rea, go check the bottom shelf in the door of the refrigerator," she instructed, but her gaze was locked on Hiei. "There's a coldpak, it should help. It's squishy but that does not mean you should squeeze it because it will burst, got me? And you --" she concluded simply, eyes narrowing at the demon with the gravity-defying hair. "You I need to have a word with."

Reneey nodded and skipped along to the kitchen to find this foreign thing that she had never heard of... a coldpak. "I wonder if it's blue?" she muttered.

Hiei, on the other hand, merely shrugged, as he had absolutely no idea what he had done anything wrong. "Yes, love? What do you need?"

Lyn's voice was dangerously low and venomous as she walked toward him, glaring. "First off, you should realize that there are only two reasons I haven't killed you yet. First, obviously, is that I know you have no idea why I am presently debating whether these two reasons are good enough, which would not be enough reason if you were anyone else, so really the central reason is that I love you and know you mean well. But let me make this perfectly clear right now: it is not, under any circumstances, acceptable punishment to backhand a child. Not only is it against human laws, but it's uncalled for, extremely cowardly, and accomplishes nothing but harm.

"So now that you know this, I am giving you one warning and one warning only. If you ever try to hit Reneey or any other child who you might happen to think needs punishing, I will remove your fingernails, toenails, and spleen. Why? Because it hurts like heck to have your nails removed, and once I do that, I can wrap them in your spleen and beat you to death with it," she finished with an icy smile that only reinforced the threat.

Hiei's expression rather resembled the face of one who had just seen death. However, that quickly went away, and with a "Hn" he left out the window to who knew where. By the time he was gone, Reneey came back in holfing the coldpak to her cheek and sporting a bleeding lip.

"I don't know which is worse... Hiei's backhand or my human mother's." She shrugged. "So where is Hiei anyway."

"Alive somewhere, which is better off than he should be," Lyn muttered darkly.

Reneey frowned and said softly, "You didn't have to do that, Lynni. I can stand up for myself... ain't the first time I've gotten hit."

"Yes I did," Lyn disagreed, shaking her head. "No one ever stood up for me. You don't deserve that."

"No one stood up for me except you, Lyn," Reneey said. "You're the first one ever, actually... Anyway, so like... when's dinner? 'Cause I'm hungry as shit." The girl grinned... or tried to grin as much as she could, anyway.