A/N: The end is kind of nasty. Just warning you. Doesn't pack a punch like "Looks like love" but I'm just pumping out random observations and musings.

I love doing Zoro-centric…hehe.

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Zoro sat in the crow's nest of the Thousand Sunny, thinking. He often spent time up on this lofty perch, pondering…well…whatever it is that marimos think about. Today, he was thinking about some of the Great Mysteries of the Grand Line.

These things were seemingly inexplicable. They were things like Sanji's left eye, which no one had ever seen (even while the cook was sleeping, he instinctively kicked anyone who tried to get close to him). Another one was Zoro's own green hair. There's really…no way to explain something like that.

What he was thinking about today was Usopp.

Not in a romantic or lustful manner, of course. He'd cut off his own manhood before using it to tap that particular crewmember (well, perhaps not cut it off. It might be easier to kill Usopp instead). Everyone in the crew had their own distinctive physical properties. Luffy, for one, was obviously rubber. Even if it was because of the Devil Fruit, it was still damned freaky sometimes. Hell, all the Devil Fruit users were freaky. Robin with her body part reproduction (he was still tense after the Franky Incident) and Chopper…well, he was a reindeer, for crying out loud! (Even if the little doctor was extremely cuddly, which Zoro would never, ever admit). Franky was a cyborg; Zoro decided not to mull over that too much. Brooke was dead. He himself had the impossible body of a divine being—and this was him being modest—and yes, that green hair. Sanji had that stupid curly-cue eyebrow and that hidden eye.

But Usopp had The Nose.

It was even capitalized and italicized for effect.

Sometimes, Zoro would stare at it. He couldn't help himself. When Vivi had slapped Usopp across the face to keep him awake on Drum Island, he had to admit that he had used The Nose as a means of identification. It was useful, in that way. Zoro even hypothesized that Usopp could use The Nose as a sight to help his aim when he was sharpshooting.

But, wouldn't it get in the way sometimes?

Say, for example, that Usopp wanted to drink from a tall glass. He was in danger of drowning every time he took a drink from a steep cup, for he surely must have dipped his nose into the liquid every time he took a gulp.

Or say that Usopp was arguing with someone, and had the door slammed on his face. The Nose was in constant danger of being broken.

It was a good thing that Usopp was a sharpshooter, at least, and out of the way of close combat. A quick enemy would surely take advantage of the man's long nose and grab it.

Zoro looked down and saw Usopp drawing on the deck. Wouldn't The Nose rub the paper, creating a nasty oily mark on the page?

Zoro shook his head. He was getting ridiculous with these theories. But then, there was another problem…

If Usopp was gay—and Zoro shuddered at the idea—and if he were giving another man a blowjob…

Wouldn't his nose just poke the man in the belly button?

Or even if Usopp just wanted to kiss someone, whether they be man or woman or in between, wouldn't the other person be at risk for being poked in the eye?

And then, there was the most horrifying thought of all. Zoro practically retched as he thought about it.

"Hands-free double penetration," Zoro groaned, banging his forehead to try and rid himself of the mental image.