Hello all!! Hey, I didn't wait two months to update! Yay me! Sorry about the wait, but I do hope it is worth it. This chapter was 21 pages long!! Its the longest thing I have written, even longer than Joey's Valentine Woes, which I thought was pretty dang long for a one-shot. Cah-razy. Anyhow, I hope you all like it, and I am trying to instill some sense of introspection while not making it seem very serious. Because this is probably the furthest thing from serious in the history of ever. Ever.
Anyways, please enjoy Day 3!
One Long Week
Chapter 3 - Day 3
Seto groaned. It didn't make him feel any better. So he banged his head against the table once, twice, and a third time, just in case. It didn't help either.
Last night had not been full of peaceful sleep. Oh no. Not at all. Kaiba had woken up at least five times in the night with a little 'problem,' and had to go take a cold shower twice.
Seto was not happy. In fact, he was decidedly very unhappy. And unhappy Kaibas in the morning are not very pleasant. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to stop thinking about Joey. He wanted the fucking dreams to stop.
Kaiba paused in his mental rantings. Fucking dreams…that was actually quite an accurate way to put it. He licked his suddenly dry lips. They were rather explicit—
He blushed suddenly, and viciously stomped on that thought until it was a horrible, bloody mess. No, he would not think of the blonde that way. He was obviously just overly stressed from having to deal with Joey's presence, and the toll was having an undesirable effect on his brain. That was all. Really, it was. Honestly.
Kaiba scowled, hearing the slight whining in his own voice. He took a savage bite of his bagel, tearing through it with his teeth, then washed it down with a barbaric gulp of his morning coffee, slammed the mug down, and forced himself to focus on the morning paper.
At least he hadn't managed to rip it this morning. Though it did seem to be visibly wilting from the angry, apocalyptic radiation waves of doom coming from his person.
He heard a loud crash coming from the room adjacent from the kitchen, causing him to flinch – and, he noticed with a forlorn sigh, rip the newspaper - and heard a certain blonde puppy muttering about flowers still trying to kill him. He had a horrible sense of déjà vu. He could only assume the mutt had tried to sneak up on him…again. He hoped he wouldn't have to buy a new vase for those flowers every day. Those man-eating Venus flytraps did not appreciate having to be put in a new container. Luckily for the CEO, however, that was what he had butlers for.
And because Kaiba was so compassionate, he was more than willing (read: a crowbar was needed to pry the money away from the greedy bastard's kung-fu ninja grip) to pay the medical bills after the flower got a big, juicy bite of butler-leg.
Kaiba turned around in his seat to assess the damages, and watched the shorter teen sending dark glares at the shattered remains of a vase while staggering over to the kitchen table.
Seto found his mood brightening slightly. Oh goodie, he thought, positively delighted. Joey taunting time.
The brunette was fully prepared to make a teasing comment about Joey's puppy-ridden pajamas once again, only to quickly realize that he was no longer wearing said puppy-ridden pajamas. No. Kaiba frowned pensively, looking the blonde up and down. No, Joey was definitely not wearing the special nighttime garments that he had put so much thought into picking out.
Instead, he was wearing deep blue pajamas with silver pinstripes and sterling silver buttons down the shirt. Which was made of silk. Designer, custom made. And had the personalized, trademarked SK embroidered on the breast pocket of the shirt. Pajamas he instantly recognized as his absolute favorite pair. Kaiba's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Mutt…" he growled, and Kaiba managed to single-handedly reverse global warming with his icy tone in that one tiny, innocuous word. In fact, Kaiba had such an evil undertone that miles away, one ex-Pharaoh of a previous life came shooting out of his golden puzzle, fully prepared to fight the apocalyptic doom he sensed coming.
Joey's head whipped up, surprised at the hostile tone. He'd only been up for about two seconds, how the hell could the brunette possibly be mad at him already? Joey gulped. Could Kaiba already know that Joey had secretly looted the bathroom, in an act that would have made Bakura proud, taking all the shampoo, soap, conditioner, toothpaste, toilet paper, shower curtain, and anything else that hadn't been nailed down? He realized, belatedly, that stuffing it all under the bed might not have been the best hiding place for it.
His reasons being, of course, that anything of Kaiba's had to be worth a fortune on eBay. Hey, a kid's gotta save his retirement fund somehow.
Following the gaze of the cerulean orbs that were shooting ocular fire at his person, he realized that Kaiba was heatedly glaring at his torso. Joey looked down at the very comfortable, and most likely very expensive, pajamas he was currently wearing.
Oh. Right. Maybe Kaiba was a teensy bit possessive. Joey gave a nervous laugh. He had thought that the pajamas looked so comfy the other night, he didn't think Kaiba would notice it if he, uh, borrowed them. Without giving them back. Like, ever. Scratching the back of his head sheepishly, Joey laughed.
"Hey Kaiba! Mornin'. Is everything okay? He look a little upset. Heh heh. Heh. Ahem." Joey cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the awkward tension.
When Kaiba's scowl deepened, Joey felt it was his civic duty to point out that if he kept frowning, Kaiba's face would freeze that way.
Seto could feel a vein throbbing somewhere around his forehead. He vaguely noticed that his blood pressure had taken an unhealthy leap since the blonde's arrival in his mansion just two days before. "Just where did you get those?" he grounded out, motioning with a vague hand towards the silky pants. The hand made a slight twitching motion, as if itching to wrap itself around Joey's windpipe.
The blonde took an unconscious step back. Kaiba must be very possessive. He looked like he was ready to foam at the mouth. Joey wondered for a moment if it was possible that maybe the CEO had rabies.
Now, the readers are probably expecting Joey to make slow, deliberate movements, and try to appease the very possibly psycho-killer Kaiba. Then they would expect him to back away slowly, so very slowly, until he could sneak away undetected, and run off like the sissy little wuss he is. This, however, is not what happened.
A wise Joey would have known better than to agitate a cranky, sleep-deprived, murderous Kaiba. A Joey with the smallest ounce of common sense would have known that this would be a very bad, bad idea. A smart Joey would have seen that this would bring about a world where there is no happiness. Just angry Kaibas.
Unfortunately, there were no wise or smart Joeys within a twenty mile radius. So a very stupid Joey timidly laughed, "Finders keepers?" And Kaiba was not pleased with this answer. He was not pleased at all.
Over all, it could have been worse. Joey did a quick assessment of all the damages, and was relieved that he still had all limbs intact. He was only attacked by a half-eaten bagel. Granted, it had the velocity and force of a charging rhinoceros on steroids and nearly knocked Joey clean off his feet, which would have gave him the second concussion of the week, but as far as Kaiba goes, it was a very lenient punishment. However, the cream cheese seemed to instantly glue itself to the blonde's head.
Joey internally panicked. Sentient cream cheese amebas! He had no defense against that! Joey yelped when it pulled out a large chunk of hair when he gingerly peeled it off.
Joey glared at the offending breakfast. He needed that hair! A quiet snicker to his left pulled his attention away from the bagel. He narrowed his eyes in his version of a dangerous glare, but because it was Joey, it wasn't very intimidating. "And just what is so funny?" His lower lip jutted out in a ferociously menacing pout.
Seto was still laughing, and tears were beginning to form in his eyes. Joey blinked, wondering if he might be hallucinating. That had to be a first. Kaiba almost looked like he wasn't a complete jerk. "The look on your face, pup."
At the dog reference, Joey changed his mind. He would always and forever be a complete and utter jerk, and there would never be any hope of redemption for him.
Joey pouted. He was supposed to look scary, not funny. He was very ferociously menacing, dammit! "What's wrong with my face?" He crossed his eyes in an attempt to see himself and determine was could be wrong with his expression.
He suddenly felt a smooth thumb brush over his cheekbone, and uncrossed his eyes only to find Kaiba a few scant inches away. His felt his breath hitch, and he just knew that his cheeks had instantly turned the color of a tomato with a horrible, horrible sunburn. He vaguely wondered why he was reacting in such a way to Kaiba's proximity, and decided to blame it on television for rotting his brain when he was unsuccessful in coming up with an answer.
His blush deepened even more when Kaiba brought his thumb back, now covered in some creamy substance, and brought it slowly into his mouth. His cerulean eyes blazed intensely into Joey's honey gaze unblinkingly. And Joey found himself slowly getting creeped out.
He could feel his eyes widening, watching Kaiba suck slowly on his own thumb in what could have been described in a seductive manner if Joey didn't already know that Kaiba was born without a sex drive, and nearly bolted for the door. It was just getting too weird in here for him.
He made it about two paces before Kaiba grabbed a hold on Joey's arm, effectively holding him in place. Joey mentally panicked. Oh no. Kaiba had snapped. This was the part when he would be brutally murdered and the pieces of his pathetic corpse lost forever inside the labyrinth of the CEO's mansion. Joey would forever deny whimpering in fear.
Kaiba leaned in close to Joey's ear, ignoring the blonde's flinch – though it was more of a full bodily twitch - and whispered throatily that Joey had had cream cheese on his face. It had to be cleaned off. He wouldn't allow dirty mutts inside his pristine mansion.
Joey blinked, still hyper-aware of the brunette's hand on his arm and the breath on his ear lobe, and tried not to shiver. Then he tried to register what Kaiba had said. Something about cream cheese and cleaning… Oh. Oh. Well that made sense. Sort of.
Joey blinked again. Okay, it made no sense whatsoever, but who was he to question a potentially insane billionaire that could easily kill him and buy off any judge and get off without so much as a slap on the wrist? If Kaiba was willing to forgo the brutally-murdering-Joey part, he was not about to point out the brunette's illogical reasoning.
Joey didn't speak, not having anything to say as he decided that he rather valued life.
Kaiba reveled in the rare silence that he would probably never hear again from Joey, and wordlessly turned back to the table to finish his coffee. He decided he didn't want the bagel anymore. He tried to stomp out the thought that he had found something much more tasty. He licked his lips, and could still taste strawberry cream cheese with a slight hint of salty Joey-skin in his mouth.
Kaiba felt his cheeks turn a slight shade of pink as his thoughts turned towards delicious Joey-germs, despite his best efforts to not blush, and gave a small cough to distract his own thoughts. And the best way to distract someone, even if it is yourself, is to change the subject. "You never answered me, pup."
Joey jumped slightly, startled at the sudden break in silence and what he would never recognize as anything akin to sexual tension. He blinked, surprised, as though he had never heard a person speak before. He looked around to both sides of him, as though maybe the question was not directed at him. Seeing no one else, he tilted his head in a way that Kaiba refused to describe as cute. "Wha?"
Kaiba rolled his eyes. Honestly. He didn't know how Joey managed to pass any of his classes if he could be this dense in the morning. He took a deep breath, and spoke like he would speak to a small child that had been dropped on its head one too many times during infancy. "Just when did you take those pajamas?"
Joey looked down at the pants and grinned. He ran his hands down slowly over his torso, just to antagonize the brunette, unaware that the look of horror on Kaiba's face had less to do with him molesting Kaiba's clothes and more to do with a sudden urge in Kaiba to molest Joey.
Blissfully unaware of Kaiba's M-rated thoughts (which will not be described here, in a vain effort to not traumatize the impressionable youth, despite the fact that if the readers are this far into the story, it's probably much too late for them anyway) Joey shrugged nonchalantly. "I took them last night when you were sleeping. I got tired of your stupid dog ones, and I saw them in your dresser last night. So I took them. Also, love the Blue-Eyed White Dragon boxers. Bit overboard, if you ask me, but who am I to judge?" Joey grinned impishly.
Kaiba felt his face blush and pale at the same time, in an odd paradox of emotion. The thought of Joey in his bedroom had his heart beat slightly faster (not to mention the whole Joey-looking-through-his-underwear bit) and yet the fear of waking up from one of his dreams with a certain problem and having to explain it to Joey would have been the end of him. His face finally made up its mind, as his face drained of all blood in mortification at the thought of the scenario.
He snarled quietly, intent on making it clear to Joey that he was never to enter his bedroom ever again. He planned to do this through intimidation. "Did it ever occur to you, that's stealing? I could have you arrested and escorted off my property." Kaiba mentally patted himself on the back for not sounding like a whiney, angsty, emo teen, and more like the big, bad, testosterone-filled CEO that he was.
The readers may take a moment to snort in disbelief.
"Did you know you talk in your sleep?" That shut Kaiba up. Anything else he might have said in his tirade died on his lips. Joey smiled innocently, as though he might be discussing the weather, but behind that mask of pseudo-politeness, Joey was planning his future college fund through blackmail.
Seto felt his whole face on fire. Far away, penguins became extinct as Antarctica melted due to the sudden jump in global temperature. Kaiba's eye twitched nervously and his hand spasmed. Shit. He had been talking in his sleep? What exactly had the mutt heard? He struggled not to fidget worriedly, a very un-Kaiba-like gesture. Given the content of most of his dreams from the night before, this could be bad. This could be really, really bad. Like, end of the world bad.
Joey's smile widened slightly, causing it to look slightly maniacal. "Yeah, and I do believe I saw you cuddling with a teddy bear. What did you call him?" He tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully, as if he hadn't spent several hours already laughing about it behind Kaiba's back and just couldn't quite remember. Which was a lie, because no amount of bribery or amnesia would ever deprive Joey of a golden opportunity to make life hell for Kaiba. "Oh yeah, Mr. Teddums, was it? I never would have figured you for the snuggling type, Kaiba."
Kaiba's eye twitched violently and his whole body spasmed. A knife would be good right about now. Something really long and brutal. He wasn't sure if he would kill himself or the obnoxious, grinning idiot in front of him, but he really wanted a knife.
His mind then wondered if there were any dull, rusty knives around that could be implemented in a slow, gruesome murder, and decided he'd probably rather finish off the blonde than himself.
Unfortunately, he realized morosely, his kitchen was a good fifty feet long, and the knives were kept on the opposite end from where he was standing. He stared longingly at the drawer where they lay in, just waiting for Kaiba to use them, and mentally calculated the exact time it would take to sprint from here to there and back again. His hand twitched excitedly.
He would have to find a place to bury the body, of course, and explain to that annoying Yugi why Joey would not be returning from his stay at the Kaiba mansion. He would have to brave those large, amethyst eyes, but it could be well worth it if he no longer had to deal with the infuriating blonde…
Unaware of the brunette's homicidal thoughts, the blonde continued. "Now I owe Yami twenty bucks." He crossed his arms, and huffed like he was being much put upon, and glared at Kaiba like it was somehow his fault. "Man, if this keeps up, I'm going to be broke."
This managed to pique the brunette's curiosity, despite himself. He stopped thinking about the city's sewer system, and how long it would take a body to decompose to the point where dental records would not even be of help, and turned back to the present. "What are you going on about now? Another bet about me? Don't you have anything better to do with your life?"
At Joey's blank stare that clearly said he didn't – and thought that this was somehow perfectly normal – the brunette sighed resignedly and asked wearily, "Just how many bets do you have that revolve around me?" He rubbed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to resist the urge to roll them exaggeratedly.
When Joey didn't answer right away, Kaiba opened his eyes once again to glare at Joey, who was still giving him blank stare. After five minutes, Kaiba growled irritably. "Well?"
Joey growled back. "Hang on, I'm counting." Kaiba sweatdropped, realizing that the blank look on Joey's face was actually his thinking face, and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Just when Kaiba was about to snap once again, about ten minutes later, Joey finally blurted out, "537."
Kaiba's jaw dropped. "What!" he spluttered. "That-that's impossible! How can you possibly think of that many things to bet on?"
Joey paused, blinking. "Hang on, let me double check." He made some calculations on his fingers, and nodded to himself. "Yeah, that's right. Five hundred and thirty-seven bets."
Kaiba was vaguely aware that his jaw was hanging open in a most undignified manner, but couldn't seem to force it to close. After a moment or two of making indistinguishable noises that resembled a slowly dying aardvark, he finally managed to speak again. "What could you possibly bet on?"
Joey beamed brightly. "Oh, that's easy. There's a million rumors going around town about you." Joey put his hands behind his head, looking suddenly smug. "Granted, half of them I started because I was bored, and wanted to see how many people would believe the outrageous things I was saying. Let me tell you, those tabloids pay pretty well for anything about you."
Seeing Kaiba don his angry look – which promised a hundred and two ways of slow, macabre murder, probably involving being strangled from his own pickled intestines - again in regards to Joey's methods of saving up for a college fund, he decided to change to subject back to the original question.
Joey began to count off on his fingers. "Well, I bet Tristan that you own lacy pink boxers—"
Kaiba blinked in surprise.
"—and Yugi that you've got some dead bodies that used to be your business competition lying around in some secret basement."
Kaiba frowned pensively.
"Me and Mai have a bet with Yami that you sing in the shower, but I've got a wager that says you suck, like, really, really bad. Mai thinks you probably sing well, but I know better."
Kaiba's eye twitched slightly.
"I bet Ryou that you have your own personal zoo in the backyard, complete with a zebra,"
Kaiba sighed angrily.
"Marik that you bought a nuclear submarine from Russia off Ebay, just in case you think drastic measures need to be taken if your rival companies get too uppity,"
Kaiba choked.
"Bakura that—"
Kaiba put up a hand to cut him off. Joey looked about to protest, or worse, continue, but Kaiba's glare cut him off. "That's more than enough. I swear I'm losing brain cells just listening to you. Which should be impossible, but you set a new standard for the levels of stupidity in humanity." He ignored Joey's indignant huff, and continued.
"I can tell you right now that you have lost every single bet you have ever made about me. I do not own pink underwear of any kind, lacy or not, I do not have any dead bodies, yet," he added, sending a pointed glare in Joey's direction. "I happen to sing quite well, thank you very much. Why on earth would I want a zebra or any other dirty animal near my pristine mansion? And what could I possibly do with a nuclear submarine? Not to mention that's highly illegal and would be bad for my public image."
Kaiba took a deep breath, feeling rather winded after such a long rant. He looked almost pityingly at the blonde. "You are the worst gambler I have ever heard of. Have you ever won a bet at least once in your pathetic life?"
Joey opened his mouth to retort resentfully, and then thought for a moment. He once again opened his mouth to answer, then paused, shook his head, and mumbled a 'nevermind,' and thought some more. He scratched his head in thought. "Uh…" He scrunched up his nose in concentration. Kaiba tried very hard not to think of it as a rather endearing look.
After perusing through every memory of all the bets Joey had ever made, a very dejected looking blonde admitted that no, he had not yet won a bet.
Kaiba chuckled slightly to himself, and was surprised to find he was actually enjoying this conversation. "And just what bet did you lose that got you locked up here with me?" He smirked slightly as he saw Joey blush slightly.
Joey crossed his arms and, after gathering up every shred of dignity in his being, stuck out his tongue in a very childish manner. "Nope. Not telling. No way, no how." He turned a cold shoulder on the CEO, as if that would make his decision final.
Kaiba caught himself staring at that tongue, and was suddenly glad that Joey was no longer facing him. He violently shook his head from side to side. What was he doing? He could not think like that! Especially not about Joey.
He glared at the back of Joey's skull, as if it were his fault. "Tell me, mutt. I am not asking." He growled roughly. He decided not to dwell on the small voice in the back of his mind that said he sounded like a small child who was not used to not getting his way.
Joey turned back around for a brief second and pouted at the brunette. "I don't care. You're just going to laugh at me." He turned back around, deciding it would probably be safer for his resolve if he was not facing the icy glare emanating from Kaiba.
Seto narrowed his eyes for a moment, then slowly smirked as he concocted an irresistible plan. "Joey," Kaiba said sweetly as possible. Considering it was Kaiba, however, it just sounded more like he had a very bad taste in his mouth.
Joey automatically became suspicious. He looked back over his shoulder with a wary glance. Kaiba never said his name. Ever. So, he thought he was perfectly justified in clapping his hands to his ears and telling Kaiba that he didn't want to hear anything he had to say, because it could only be considered pure evil.
Judging by the sudden temperature drop and the look of death personified on the brunette's face, Kaiba had not appreciated that remark. Like, at all.
Still glaring at the blonde through narrowed slits on his slender face, Kaiba hissed, "I have a bet for you, Joseph. If I can guess what the bet was in just fifteen questions, I win. If I don't manage it, you win. Sound fair?" Kaiba tried to smile alluringly, but it came off as more of a grimace, so the brunette wisely gave up on the gesture.
Still feeling rather suspicious, Joey guardedly asked what he would get if he won.
Kaiba smirked, sensing that Joey would soon be a victim of curiosity killing the puppy, and knew exactly what to say to ensure that Joey wouldn't hesitate to take the deal. He leaned in close to Joey's ear, hand resting lightly on the blonde's shoulder, and purred, "A free ticket out of here."
Red signals flared up in the long forgotten part of Joey's brain that used rationale and common sense. The part that used logic. The part that knew better. Sadly, the blonde no longer had touch with that part of his brain.
Poor Joey.
Joey didn't even think to ask what would happen if he lost. The opportunity was too good to pass up. "You got yourself a deal, Moneybags. So shoot, ask me the first question." He leaned back in his chair smugly, crossed his legs, and grinned cheekily up at the blue-eyed teenager.
Kaiba tsked mockingly at the blonde. "Don't you even want to know what the stakes are if you lose?"
Joey looked nervous for a split second, then jabbed a thumb at his own chest pompously. "I never lose! Especially not to the likes of you, Moneybags." He dutifully ignored the fact that he had lost the last 537 bets where the CEO was concerned.
Seto looked too smug for his own good. In fact, if one were to squint and tilt their head at 47.8 degrees to the left, they would see that the CEO looked decidedly feral, and would be able to see the black aura of conspiracies and evil plans emanating from the brunette. Perfect.
"Well, I suppose I should ask the most obvious one first, though I have a horrible feeling I already know the answer. Does it involve me in some way?"
Joey shifted nervously from one foot to the other. He blushed slightly, and refused to make eye contact with anything but the floor. He kicked the ground in what could only be described as a sullen manner. Then he frantically tried to buff out the resulting scuff on the previously unmarred tile with the sole of his sneaker, only to succeed in making it larger. He settled for just placing his sneaker on top to hide it and vowed to never move.
He chanced a glance back up at the blue-eyed man before him, and thought back to the question. "Um…"
Kaiba felt a smile begin to tug at the corners of his mouth. "I take it that's a yes." He decided to go through a mental checklist of the things he already knew Joey had bet on. "Does it involve my personal hygiene, or any garments that I may wear?" He cringed mentally at the thought of owning lacy pink underwear.
Joey shook his head, no. That was a relief.
"Does it involve any talents that I may possess, or lack thereof?" Kaiba silently scoffed at the thought that anyone may doubt his singing ability. He could win American Idol if he wanted to. Really. It was just that he didn't feel like it right now.
The blonde giggled childishly, relishing the thought of a singing Kaiba, but shook his head again. Another no.
Kaiba thought of the other things Joey had thought up. "Does it involve anything that might be located in my mansion, such as anything living, illegal, or no longer living?" Another shake. So it didn't have anything to do with zebras, illegitimate submarines, or hidden corpses. Maybe this bet hadn't been such an obviously stupid one after all.
"Does it involve my company?" It was one of the last things that he could think of. To his disappointment, Joey was looking more and more relieved by the minute, as it became more apparent that Kaiba was not immediately guessing the correct answer. He grinned as he rejected the guess.
Kaiba stood stumped. Perhaps he had overestimated the blonde's stupidity.
He thought about that for a moment. No, no. He just wasn't going about this in the right way. He had to think like the mutt. What was the stupidest, most off-the-wall random thing that he could come up with?
Seto thought about it for a moment, then an idea came to him. He looked up warily. If he was correct, Joey would have reached a previously thought-to-be-impossible level of stupid. "It doesn't have anything to do with me raising an army of space alien robot monsters with mind-controlling powers and built-in laser beams and subatomic blasting rays in an attempt to take over the world, does it?" He felt silly even asking it.
Joey looked up, horrified. It wasn't possible! There could only be one explanation for guessing his brilliant bet! (Joey still refused to admit that he had lost. He was convinced that he was right. He was currently raising funds to hire one Egyptian thief to break and enter into the mansion so that he may prove it. If only Ryou didn't have Bakura on such a tight leash. And here the readers may take a moment to make a mental wapish! sound and giggle at the thought of a whipped Bakura.)
"Y-you cheated!"
Seto rolled his eyes. "Mutt, how could I have possibly cheated? I cannot read minds, you know." He sweatdropped when the blonde mumbled something about owing Rex Raptor money. How many people were in on this Kaiba Betting Ring?
However, Kaiba's expression slowly changed into a terrible, evil grin. The horrible death rays that came off his person were enough to travel to the core of the earth and halt its spinning, causing a chain of effects that would cause a global nuclear meltdown. "You know what this means, pup?"
Joey looked terrified. Why, oh why, did he agree to bet with Kaiba? Why couldn't he ever prove that he was right when it came to anything regarding the blue-eyed enigma? (As far as Joey was concerned, Kaiba guessing his bet was as good as a confession that it was exactly what he was planning.)
His face paled, however, when he heard the punishment, the horror, Kaiba would unleash upon him. He quickly looked around and spotted the window, and wondered if he could make a daring leap out of his to his merciful death. Then he remembered that he was only on the first floor of the mansion, and throwing himself to his doom would not be very conducive to his merciful death when the window was only two feet from the ground.
He really should have stayed in bed. And he really should have stolen Mr. Teddums as leverage.
"What!" Joey spluttered.
Impassive blue eyes stared levelly at the shocked and outraged blonde in front of him. He silently raised an eyebrow as if to say, You heard me the first time, mutt, and I will not repeat myself for the likes of you. Now do as I say.
"You—you…just can't do that! It's not fair!"
Kaiba's stare began to turn into a glower. A glower that clearly said I can do whatever I want, pup. I didn't force you to agree to this bet. You did that all in your own stupidity. He turned his head away, already bored with this mental argument.
"But-but—"
Kaiba sneered over his shoulder. "I don't want to hear anything else out of you, unless it's an actual bark."
"You bastard!"
"I don't believe that was a bark, mutt."
Joey stomped his feet in frustration and resisted the urge to growl like a rabid dog. "This is unethical, Kaiba! There has to be some kinda law against this!"
Kaiba smiled in amusement. Today would be a very good day, indeed. "You can always try to sue me later. I'm sure the lawyers, not to mention the press, would just love to hear you explain this to them."
Joey's eyes widened. This was true. If word got out that he...that he did…this…well, Joey Wheeler would be the laughing stock of the town. No, scratch that…this story would probably make it onto every news station across the globe. He would be as famous as Kaiba, only without all the money, and instead of people asking for his autograph, people would just point and laugh.
Not that people across the globe would really care, but he wouldn't put it past Kaiba to bribe everyone from CNN to the most scandalous gossip magazine to print the story, just so he couldn't move to another country where no one would know who he was.
Joey hung his head in defeat. He did lose the bet, after all. He groaned inwardly. Why him? He wondered silently if someone up in the heavens was conspiring against him.
"But Kaiba…your dog for the day? Come on. Don't you think that's going just a little too far with this?"
Kaiba's smile turned into a smirk. "Not at all. I always wanted a pre-trained puppy that came with tricks and all." The smirk turned into a predatory grin, and he patted his thigh. "Now, heel."
Joey growled angrily. He imagined himself taking a bodily leap and tackling the CEO to the ground and brutally wiping that smirk off of his face via horrible, bloody means involving sharp implements. Sure, it wasn't a very realistic daydream, but it was still nice to think about. Joey giggled sadistically.
"I'm not your stupid dog, Kaiba. And I'm sure not doing any tricks for the likes of you. I'd much rather just bite your leg off."
The brunette gave a fake look of disappointment, and shook his head solemnly. He chuckled inwardly as Joey became even more irate, and nearly foamed at the mouth. He tutted, "You are not turning out to be a very good dog. Don't make me whack you with the newspaper. Or buy you a muzzle."
That shut Joey up. Kaiba was taller than him, and in case of a fight, Joey could possibly lose. And that would put him into more trouble than he already was. Besides, Kaiba could probably just summon fifty heavy-weight wrestling champion bodyguards out of thin air with the snap of his fingers. Being tackled by ten tons of muscle, and then having a gloating Kaiba force a muzzle on him did not sound like much fun. It did not sound like much fun at all.
So for once, Joey did a smart thing, and didn't utter another word. And that small logical part of his brain burst into weeping tears of joy that he was finally noticed. Then burst into tears of agony as it was violently shoved back into the dusty corners of Joey's mind, to never be seen again.
Kaiba took a moment to mentally pat himself on the back, for being the first in history to accomplish such a feat as silencing Joey. It was rare indeed, for Joey to not speak. Not that he found himself minding too much when he did talk, of course; his voice had a strange comforting sensation to it.
Kaiba growled inwardly. Wait. That was a lie. He couldn't stand the thought of Joey's voice. Why would he think there was anything positive about it? Something was obviously wrong with his brain. He would need a CAT scan after this week, along with some serious therapy. He needed to get away for a little while, if nothing else than to clear his head. This strange entrancement with the mutt was starting to grow to an unhealthy level.
He stood up, deciding to do just that. Besides, he needed to get something from the pet store. Sure, he could send the butler to do it, but this way he could kill two birds with one stone. He stalked over to the nearby closet to grab his customary trench coat.
"Where are yo—" Joey started, but Kaiba turned swiftly around with a glare that sent Joey's very soul running away wailing like a little girl, cutting him off.
"I have a few errands to run. Stay here, stay out of trouble, and try to stay out of my room." Kaiba intensified his glare as he added, "If you know what's good for you." His cold, icy blue eyes promised slow and painful deaths if he didn't 'try' hard enough. A brutal and gruesome murder that probably involved slow disembowelment using a butter knife and a spork.
Joey winced as the front door slammed shut. He clutched tightly to his stomach, where he hoped that kitchen utensils would never be used to take out his innards. That wasn't fair. Why did Kaiba get to leave, and he couldn't?
The blonde sighed. What to do now? As he walked out of the kitchen, he could hear the echoes of his footsteps reverberating across the walls. He fought down a shiver. Creepy. Leave it up to Kaiba to probably have ghosts living in his house.
Joey continued walking, repeatedly looking over his shoulder suspiciously—not that he was afraid of ghosts, mind you, because he was so not a sissy little scaredy-cat like that—until he found himself in the main foyer. He could explore, do a little searching for blackmail material to supplement his newfound college-at-the-expense-of-Kaiba-fund, but the chances of him becoming lost were high. Almost as high as the chances of him being blonde.
He checked his hair. Definitely blonde.
Exploring was off of his list of options to do.
He walked back up the stairs to the hall where the bedrooms were located, perfectly content with the idea of spending one of the days of his week from hell sleeping away. As Joey reached his bedroom, he glanced at the door next to his, which lead into Kaiba's room.
His eyes widened, surprised, as he saw that the door was ajar, opened just a sliver of a crack. Just enough to where he could see that all of Kaiba's closest, personal, tightly guarded secrets were not locked safely shut within.
He mentally debated whether or not he should venture inside. It was a perfect, golden, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Who else could say they had snuck inside of Kaiba's bedroom and lived to tell the tale? Then again, who was to say that he would survive? Joey's brain was all to happy to supply a multitude of scenarios that involved Kaiba slowly torturing the life out of him.
He stood there, silently debating with himself, and didn't even notice a slight movement below his line of vision.
As if having a mind of its own, his right hand started to reach for the doorknob. He nearly screamed when he saw it aiming for the Forbidden Door. He quickly slapped it down with his other hand. He started to chastise the disobedient limb on having moral ethics, and the value of having said limb not being detached from the wrist by said Kaiba. Somewhere in the back of his head, he silently hoped that the Kaiba brothers would never watch the security videos of him scolding his own hand.
He had a reputation to uphold, after all.
Unfortunately for Joey, and fortunately for the younger Kaiba, watching security videos of the two idiots living with him was a favorite pastime of Mokuba's. The footage would be the death of his college fund before it ever began.
Then, as he was busy giving his right hand a lecture on just exactly how many ways Kaiba could kill him for entering his room, Joey's left hand decided to stop paying attention at Death Scenario #485, and wandered to the knob and turned it in.
Joey stopped mid-sentence about being brutally strapped upside-down to a pole with no underwear or food or water, and stared at the now open doorway. Then he looked at his left hand, which was looking rather guilty right about now. He glared at it, and it curled up pathetically.
He decided to give up on scolding both of his hands, because scolding both could be considered grounds for being insane. Scolding just one could pass off as being weird. Eccentric, you know.
With no more scolding to do, he glanced up at the door. And his own views of morale ethics and fears of being mauled by a vicious brunette flew out the window, and a strong surge of curiosity took over.
He took a deep breath, and walked in. He instantly cringed, expecting futuristic laser beam rays to disintegrate him immediately. After a few agonizing seconds of not feeling his molecules turn to ash, he slowly pried one eyelid open. He relaxed visibly at the lack of Kaiba's army of space alien robot monsters waiting to devour his flesh.
He looked around him, taking in the vaguely familiar surroundings. He saw the same blue bed sheets, which had cued him in that he was in the wrong room the night before. He blushed slightly, recalling the fluttering sensation in his stomach as Kaiba leaned so close to his face, whispering in his ear. He recalled the way Kaiba's breath had smelled so minty fresh…
Joey's left hand slapped his face hard, and the thought died instantly. He thanked the appendage for restoring his sanity.
He continued his surveillance of the bedroom, and his eyes finally rested upon the majestic-looking bed in front of him. He nervously looked both ways, to ensure that no one was there to watch him—blissfully unaware of all security cameras—and took a good half dozen steps back.
Joey took in a couple deep, calming breaths. What he was about to do would be a monumental moment in mankind's history. No one before had ever dared to do this before. This was beyond any sort of sick extreme thrill that could be attained by sky diving or climbing Mount Everest. Compared to this, they all seemed like child's play.
Joey took one last breath, and then made a running leap for the bed. At the last second he took a giant leap onto the top of the mattress, just to see how high he could jump. He took great pleasure in the fact that he could almost reach the ceiling of the very tall, cathedral-like bedroom. Joey thought to himself with a chuckle that he had invented a new extreme sport: Kaiba Bed-Jumping.
After a few more gravity-defying jumps, Joey calmed down enough to just sit on Kaiba's bed. He took a moment to revel in the softness. It felt as though he were sitting on a fluffy cloud. Not that he expected any less. The billionaire teen could probably bribe mythological Greek gods to give him an actual cloud to sleep in. He felt a sudden urge to check underneath the sheets to make sure there was an actual mattress under there, but shook his head. He had more important things to do. He needed to think about why he suddenly acted the way he did around Kaiba.
He counted off his strange symptoms on his fingers. He knew that whenever Kaiba came unusually close, his face flushed, and his heart would beat faster. Granted, the only other times he had gotten so close to Kaiba was during their fights, so maybe his body was just unused to not punching the brunette's face at the proximity. That could be an explanation.
He also got the strange sensation of butterflies in his stomach. Big, huge, monstrous, kamikaze butterflies that were rampaging into his walls of his stomach. And the most incriminating part of all was that he didn't mind the feeling. He actually kind of enjoyed it. He couldn't really think of any explanation to that.
He knew that he didn't feel this way because he feared Kaiba. Sure, he could be a real prick, but he was beginning to see a different side to him. A few days ago, he would have said that there was a better chance of there being a three-headed monster living under his bed than Kaiba ever dreaming of possessing a heart.
Now he was beginning to think it might just be possible. Even scary monsters have hearts, so it was plausible that Kaiba might actually have one too. Who knows, he might even be a softie under that thick shell of ice.
But what did all of these signs mean? There was only one thing that Joey could think of, but he quickly shoved that thought away. No. It wasn't possible. There was just no way. He couldn't actually be…attracted to Kaiba, could he? He nearly gagged at the thought. No. Kaiba was a cold, heartless bastard who called Joey dog names. He would never think there was anything good about him.
He quickly shook his head. He had to get out of this room, it was doing weird things to his head.
In a small portion in the back of his head, his rebellious mind, however, pointed out to him that the thought of liking Kaiba wasn't as disturbing as it should have been.
Joey decided not to dwell on it for the time being. He needed fresh air. He needed out, now. In his haste to get out of the room, he jolted the bedside table, knocking over an ornate silver frame.
He leaned over to grab the picture off of the ground, praying to God that he hadn't broken it and left evidence of his daring breaking-and-entering into the Kaiba bedroom. After doing a quick inspection of the frame, he sighed in relief to see it was still intact. Then he took another moment to look at the picture, and he smiled softly. It was a picture of the Kaiba brothers from when they were younger. It wasn't funny like the one he found on the refrigerator the first day, but he still found himself staring fondly at the picture. He could see the innocence radiating from the young brunette's azure eyes. Too bad he was a bastard now.
Chuckling softly to himself, he brought his finger up to trace the outline of his cheek. He shook his head, smiling at the irony of it all. He murmured softly to himself, "I used to hate you. I think I still do. But, I'm not sure. Why am I so fascinated by you now?"
He softly placed the frame back to its original position. Joey took great care to put it back in the exact same place he found it. He wouldn't put it past Kaiba to do a complete inspection of his room to make sure everything was where it should be, down to the centimeter.
Joey made to stand up once again, and a reflection of sunlight from the window glinting off of something metallic caught his eye. He spied a small, sleek, black phone innocently sitting on the table. He blinked at it.
Kaiba's cell phone? Left at home? It was the equivalent of Kaiba removing his own head and walking around without it.
Joey picked the small device up, and could feel the weight of the hundreds of dollars Kaiba must have spent on it. An evil grin wormed its way onto the blonde's face. Now then, should he place an eight hour call to Antartica, perhaps? Or maybe Australia? He smiled contently to himself, planning to extract his revenge on the brunette by wracking up thousands of dollars on the CEO's phone bill.
Business before play, however. First things first, he told himself. He quickly dialed a number he knew by heart, then listened to it ring happily as he wondered how much longer it would take before Kaiba got back.
"Motou residence," a familiar, cheerful voice greeted his ears.
Joey let out a huge sigh of relief. "Man, oh man, Yug'! I've never been so happy to hear your voice before!"
Joey could hear the wide, innocent smile in the abnormally short teen. "Joey!" he chirruped happily. "How have you been?" His voice took on a slightly admonishing tone. "I hope you and Kaiba are getting along. Oh, hang on. Tristan's here. He wants to say hi too." He heard Yugi's muffled voice as he told the larger teen that he could talk with Joey once he was finished.
Joey rolled his eyes with a smile as he heard Tristan give a war cry, and judging by Yugi's surprised yelp, probably did a flying leap to tackle the shorter teen to the ground and wrestle for the phone.
"Joey buddy! How's it hanging! Has Kaiba killed you yet?" came Tristan's breathless voice as he could hear Yugi muttering darkly in the background, and Yami consoling the disgruntled boy.
Joey mournfully explained about Kaiba's punishment for losing the bet. "I'm telling you, Tristan. He says I've gotta be an actual dog for a day! Like, no talking. Just barking."
"What!" Tristan exclaimed. "That's messed up!" Yugi could be heard in the background jumping up and down, trying to understand what, exactly, was so messed up.
Joey sweatdropped as he heard Yugi tackle Tristan down, in his world famous move that he dubbed The Tick Attack, where he would leap onto his victim's back, sending them flying from his momentum.
"Joey, tell me what happened," Yugi gasped breathlessly, but smugly for having won the phone back. After Joey laboriously explained, he begged them to help him with an escape plan.
"I can't take it here; I'm seriously going crazy! You gotta help me out. Kaiba's acting really weir—" Joey stopped, blood going ice cold, as he felt a smooth, but strong, hand grip his own that was currently holding the forbidden cell phone to his ear.
The hand freed the phone from Joey's ninja kung fu death grip, and he could still hear Yugi's voice gurgle from the ear piece. An irritated voice growled. "You must be suicidal, pup." He shut the phone with an ominous snap. And Joey thought that the innocuous sound of a phone shutting was the single most scariest thing in the world that he had ever heard.
"K-Kaiba…what are you doing here?" Joey laughed nervously, trying to act like he had every right to be lounging around in the billionaire's private bedroom.
The brunette narrowed his eyes. "I think I should be asking you the same question, mutt. Did I not tell you to stay away from my room?" Joey could see his eye twitching. This man seriously had a short temper.
Joey scratched the back of his head, trying to think of a quick ingenious plan that would allow himself to smooth talk his way out of death's evil clutches. "Would you believe me if I told you that aliens abducted me and dumped me in here?"
"No."
"How about if I told you that this was actually a parallel dimension where this is my room, and yours is on the other side of the bathroom?"
"Doubtful."
"If I said that I work for the Men In Black, and this is all a figment of your imagination?"
"You watch too many sci-fi movies."
Kaiba sighed. He set a plastic bag on the bed. "Here I was, being thoughtful, getting you a present…now I don't think you deserve it. You've been a very disobedient puppy today."
Joey's ears perked up at the word 'present.' And he knew that if he had a tail, it would be wagging happily in excitement. "You got me something? For real?" He paused a moment. "Are you feeling okay?"
He felt the brunette's forehead, but when said brunette started to snarl at the invasion of his personal space bubble, Joey took a step back. "Okay, I don't think you have a fever. Just had to check you know? Sooo…what is it?"
Kaiba smirked and shook his head. "I don't think you deserve it anymore."
Joey's eyes immediately sprung up giant crocodile tears and grew to enormous proportions. "Please!" Joey wailed. "Please, I really want my gift! I'll be good, I swear!"
He noticed a moment too late, the thick piece of heavy fabric Kaiba slipped around his neck. When he felt its presence, however, and reached up a hand to feel a foreign object that felt suspiciously like a collar attached to the leash that Kaiba was currently holding, his eyes widened in surprise before quickly narrowing to angry slits.
He then proceeded to effectively use every curse word known to mankind, and even made up a few of his own. After he was finished, twenty minutes later, Kaiba did not look very happy.
Grabbing the back of his new collar, Seto dragged Joey into the middle of his own room. "I am not amused. You're going to stay up here, alone, doing absolutely nothing, until my headache that you caused me goes away."
Seto turned to leave, about to make his very dramatic exit stage right, but he barely made it a step closer to the door when he was almost bowled over by a very large, very heavy something attacking and attaching to his legs.
Seto gave a very audible growl. "Get. Off. Me. Now. Mutt." He glared at the blonde hair that was attached to a body that was currently wrapped around one of his legs, making it very hard to move.
Joey pouted. "No. You are not going to leave me up here alone, as in by myself—" as if the CEO needed clarification to the meaning of the word,"—with nothing to do."
Kaiba closed his eyes, trying to keep his growing anger in check. "Let go of me now, before I make you let go."
Kaiba gave another sigh. Joeys were very stubborn species. He tried to take another step towards the door, but it was no use. His other leg could have been cemented to the floor, and it would have been easier to move. "Mutt, how much did you eat today? I think you need to lose some weight. You can't possibly be this difficult to move."
Joey huffed crossly and pouted. "I'm a growing boy. I need to eat to sustain all of my energy!"
Seto decided to ignore him, and continue his futile attempts to the door. He fell flat on his face. True, he was now closer to the door, but he also couldn't get back up. Somewhere in Kaiba's soul, he wept for the loss of his dignity.
Feeling something snap from all sorts of tension, which were all caused by said blonde attached to his leg, whose face was very near his upper thigh. He began to viscously shake his leg, until the blood-sucking leech that masqueraded as a human was tossed unceremoniously across the room. The blonde created a loud thud as he used the wall to stop his impromptu flight.
Joey rubbed his nose. That had really hurt. He could feel the tears building up in his eyes already. He looked at Kaiba with those large chocolate orbs, looking very much like a kicked puppy. Which, ironically, Kaiba thought that was exactly what he was.
Kaiba felt his heart perform a summersault, before taking a flying leap off a cliff without a parachute that was at the top of a pit full of razor-sharp rocks that would impale the poor organ, at the pained look in those puppy-dog eyes before him. Cursing himself for his weakness that he would wait until later to analyze, he walked over to the whimpering puppy on the floor. He gave a small apologetic smile. "I'm…sorry, mutt." Sure, it sounded like Kaiba's molars had been ground into dust, but he was making an effort here. Sort of. "I just lost my temper. Don't be upset, okay?"
Joey continued to cry, face covered by his hands.
Kaiba began to freak out, as the foreign sensation of remorse – though Kaiba wouldn't recognize the emotion if it bit him on the nose. He just thought he was having heartburn. – began to wrap its tendrils around his heart.
"I'm really sorry, Joey! Really I am! Look, you don't have to do the dog thing, okay?" There was only a slight improvement in the blonde's sobs. He sighed. "Please stop. I'll even let you pick how we spend our day tomorrow, okay? Anything you want!"
Not lifting his head, Joey gave a loud hiccup, that sounded a little off. Around this time, Kaiba would have normally realized that something was not going right, if he wasn't suffering from what he dubbed as heartburn. "Promise?"
Kaiba eagerly nodded, even though the blonde couldn't see it. Which was probably a good thing, as an eager Kaiba is paramount to seeing one Marik Ishtar volunteering at the local soup kitchen. I.e., a sight that should send the witness running for the hills, as it could only mean the end of the world as we know it. "It's a promise."
Joey quickly lifted his head, bright and cheery grin covering his face, and not a trace of tears. "That's a fantastic idea, Moneybags!"
Kaiba growled menacingly, but as usual it had little to no effect on the blissfully oblivious blonde. This didn't stop Kaiba from stomping his feet in embarrassment, simultaneously obliterating Joey's every preconception of the highly poised, dignified, elegant billionaire. "You little cheat! You were faking!"
Joey didn't even look slightly abashed. "You bet! Now I don't have to be your stupid dog, and I get to pick what we're doing tomorrow. It's great. I've already got a plan! Just you wait!"
The brunette narrowed his eyes. "Don't think you've got out of your leash just yet. You may not be my dog, but I can still make you wear it. Just you wait."
Joey gulped, thinking again of the fifty sumo-wrestler bodyguards that were just waiting to be summoned. Hiding in the shadows, watching their blonde prey, waiting for the okay to go ahead and pounce, smooshing Joey into a not-so-yummy pancake. His look of horror, however, turned into one of glee.
"Yeah? Well, I've got all the control for tomorrow, and it's going to be one helluva day. You won't even know what hit ya!"
Kaiba didn't look very sure of himself. He silently wondered to himself, for the umpteenth time that week, if Mokuba would approve if he used murder to solve his problems.
Joey patted him on the shoulder, telling him that he would take care of all the arrangements, as long as Kaiba would pay for everything. He reluctantly agreed – only because he would much rather face the doom that Joey had planned instead of the doom that would be awaiting him at the hands of Mokuba if he discovered Joey's dead corpse lying around - as long as it wasn't too much.
And when Joey happily announced where, exactly, they would be going, something in Kaiba's soul died, and he broke down and sobbed.
Whew. What a doozy. Anyways, please review and let me know what you think of it. If you liked it, loved it, hated it. Seriously, it means so much. I want to shout out a thanks to all who have reviewed so far: First and foremost, Devotedtodreams!! You make me feel like a writer who can actually, y'know, write, and I love ya for it! Also shout outs to Angel-Belle, Celdria, ElvenLullaby, girloffire, Kenzie Jadenwie, petalpixie, poink, Sakura999, Sirensbane (thanks for the BEWD boxer idea), Tie4, viking106, xThe.xMisconstrued.xCarousel, xXxPoisonIvy94xXx, and anyone else who has fav'ed or alerted to this story! You all are awesome!