Basically, uhmmm my file got corrupted and so that is why I took much longer than usual. Sorry about that!
URGHHH STUPID PC'S!
Xx
6 weeks later...
RUKIA'S POV
7 am.
I sat up bolt upright. I slowly rubbed my eyes, and looked at my desk, papers scattered everywhere. It was just a dream Rukia I reminded myself Only a dream. I knew without looking at my watch that it was seven in the morning. It felt like routine now. Every night, working crazily till early in the morning and then finally falling asleep at my desk.
Renji...
His face flashed in my mind, that face still dripping with blood...
I shook myself. This wasn't the time to be dwelling on the past. Slowly, I got up and walked over to the mirror, my muscles still cramped and sore.
Mirror mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest of them all...
A smile came to my lips as I remembered that old line from my childhood. When life was so very different. Staring at myself, I looked worse than I even felt. My hair was a mess and my eyes were blotchy and red. Not that it was anything new. How anyone found me attractive was still a mystery to me.
I picked up my brush and started brushing my hair so I would at least look reasonably presentable. I couldn't cope with this any longer, hurting inside, crying every night, haunted by these dreams. I had to speak to someone. I paced up and down, trying to think who to talk to. Ichigo and Inoue had gone back to the real world long ago. They wanted me to come with them but I insisted them I would be fine in Soul Society. I had gone back to my original duties but the pain, though lessened still lingered.
Who should I speak to?
That question lingered in my mind. Then it clicked.
4th division.
Taking one final glance in the mirror, I shunpoed to the 4th division. This morning, at least, I did not want to be seen.
Moments later, I reached the 4th division. I glanced around quickly. Except for a few sleepy shinigami wondering about, it was pretty much deserted. I was about to knock when I realised the implications of what I was doing. I hadn't gone anywhere near the 4th division in weeks. I hadn't talked to them since...
'You pieces of filth!'
I winced inwardly at the ugliness of my tone. It was horrible to accuse them of such a thing. They had no hand in causing Renji to die. Yet, I felt too ashamed to talk to them and apologise of what I had done.
Creak..
I jumped as the door suddenly opened to reveal Isane and Unohana. They looked surprised.
"Rukia!" Isane said, surprised. "What's the matter?"
I looked them both directly in the eye and got down on one knee, my head lowered.
"Gommensai!" I said quickly. "I did not mean to blame you for Renji's death. Please forgive me! I'm very -"
"Rukia." Unohana said in an amused tone. "There is no need to apologise. You are already forgiven."
I looked up to see just in time Isane stife a giggle. I felt my cheeks flush a dull red as I slowly got to my feet. Brushing the dirt off my shinigami robes, I remembered just in time what I had come to see Unohana Taichou for.
"Unohana Taichou,I would like to speak to you" my eyes flickered briefly to Isane. "Alone."
Unohana nodded, her eyes showing understanding the meaning of what I was saying. "Isane." She said softly.
"Hai." Isane said obediently. I watched as she walked away into the distant sunlight.
Unohana turned to me with an encouraging smile. "Now Rukia, please come in."
Hesitantly, I followed her into her office. The sunlight was streaming in, bathing the office in warmth. Unlike back in the 13th division, papers were stacked neatly in order. Unfinished paperwork lay on her desk. I sat down across her, not entirely sure where to begin.
"Unohana Taichou," I began "I have been having dreams..about Renji."
I stopped in my tracks. She smiled at me pleasantly, and I continued once more.
"I'm trying to move on, working furiously at my desk till midnight. Every night, I dream about him. " I could feel my voice wobbling with the effort. "Sometimes, he calls out my name. Sometimes he doesn't. However it always ends the same, I -"
I felt tears fill my eyes and a couple slide down my cheek. "He's dying, bleeding and I'm holding him close to me, Unohana Taichou."
My voice becomes desperate, pleading. "Please, I want them over. It tortures me day and night. I'm always so tired. Please..."
I can feel my voice fade away with effort, but the message is clear.
Help Me.
I can feel my heart pounding, just hoping for an answer to my question. Could she help me? Could the dreams stop...?
"I cannot help you Rukia." Unohana said gently.
I sit there, stunned. "Nani...?" I whisper.
"It must come from within, it is natural for you to feel this..." Her voice fades away to a whisper in my mind but her answer is clear.
She cannot help me.
No one can help me.
"Renji..." I whisper.
"There is something you must know Rukia." Her voice is sharp, bringing me back into focus. "This is strictly confidential but Hitsugaya Toshiro has been having the same problem as well."
Hitsugaya Toshiro...?
Then I remember. The 10th division captain, that sat crying over the girl he loved. Every time I passed him, he seemed fine.
Unohana smiled at my astonishment. "He broke down in front of me. He still loves her but he hides it better than you do."
"Really?" I know I still sound doubtful.
Unohana nods. "Yes, you are not the only one suffering here Rukia. Do not ever forget that."
I suddenly felt a little guilty at my selfishness. It wasn't like I was the only one suffering ony my own.
"Gomen" I said quietly. "I didn't mean -"
"Kuchiki Rukia?"
I jumped, startled as a messanger appeared before me. He bowed his head.
"My apologies ma'am! I have been looking everywhere for you! You are requested at Yamamato Taichou's orders to join him and Hitsugaya Taichou in the main hall at once!"
"Hai," I said softly.
As he disappeared off into the distance, he left me with a pondering question.
Why on earth was I wanted?
Ok yeahhh I did it quite quickly actually considering XD I was going to put more in but nahhh can't be arsed :P
Sorry Hitsugaya wasn't in this chapter! He'll be in the next one though!
Xx Please R & R! xX
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