AN: Now co-written with Scorpdog, also known as SMH-chan

Itachi awoke some time later (he couldn't tell how long, since there was no time in Hell) in a rather nice hotel room. It was fashioned the way he liked, black so it wouldn't hurt his eyes with some red splotches on the walls and ceiling, and a small bathroom with the same design. There was a refrigerator standing next to the bed. In the corner, next to the glossy mahogany door that led to the hallway (Itachi guessed this), there were several black suitcases in good shape.

Is this really Hell? Itachi wondered.

He sat up, and blinked. His wounds were all gone, with no trace left behind.

Still feeling his stomach area in uncertainty, he walked over to the suitcases and picked up a small yellow note on the biggest one.

Dear Uchiha Itachi,

Welcome to the Hell Hotel! Here, we hope you enjoy your stay as much as you can for the rest of eternity, and your profession, of course. You have been assigned as the new bartender for the Hell Hotel.

If you need any help, we will provide it, at a cost (Don't forget your deadly sins! This is what you're here for Itachi-kun.). You will have to do a favor for them in return, no questions asked. We prefer you do this on Halloween—it'll be much easier so that you can save them from an untimely demise in the punch.

Your new neighbor will come to greet you shortly after reading this message.

Thank you!

-Satan and his little girls (and boy)

"…Itachi-kun?!" he muttered as he put the note on the bedside table for future reference.

There was a knock at the door, and Itachi went to open it. The person greeting him made him blink a few times, and think that he was most probably hallucinating.

"Welcome to the Hell Hotel, un. My name is Deidara, and I'm—" Deidara cut himself short, and stared at Itachi. "Uchiha?!"

Itachi quickly gathered his composure and responded. "Deidara."

"What the fucking Hell, un?!" Deidara roared. "You're supposed to be my neighbor?!"

"Apparently so," Itachi deadpanned. He watched, amused slightly as Deidara's face started to turn purple with rage and shock.

"NO! THERE IS NO WAY I'M HAVING A FUCKING GIRLY BOY AS MY NEIGHBOOR! ESPECIALLY YOU!" Deidara shook a fist in Itachi's stoic face.

"Speak for yourself," Itachi droned as he turned around and walked back inside, grabbing a can out of the fridge that read Coke on the side. He popped open the top and gulped it down, making a face. To him, it tasted like dirty dishwater thrown several times in sweet-and-sour sauce to make it taste better. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Deidara grinned at Itachi. "What, Mr. Prodigy Uchiha can't take a little Coke?"

Itachi ignored the jibe, and tossed the can neatly into the disposal. "So, you are the hotel modeler?"

Deidara snorted. "Yeah. The bastards are finally appreciating my art, un." He scowled. "I've got a co-worker though. Fucking stupid."

Itachi looked at Deidara contemptuously. "Deidara. Being the hotel modeler means that you must create the hotel design. You may not blow it up. I'm sure your co-worker would not appreciate that."

Deidara scowled. "I know, it fucking sucks. At least they appreciate my design talent, un." He tossed his long, blonde hair over his shoulders and looked at Itachi. Then he grinned again. "I still can't believe you're a bartender."

Itachi said nothing, and began rummaging through his fridge for more food to devour.

Suddenly, Raven's voice boomed out of nowhere. "ATTENTION ALL HOTEL EMPLOYEES. THIS IS RAVEN. WORK STARTS IN TEN MINUTES. BE DOWNSTAIRS IN THE LOBBY BY THEN. IF YOU AREN'T, WELL—YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS." Raven's voice then disappeared, and left two badly shaken former ninjas standing in Itachi's room.

Itachi stood, and headed for the door. "I suppose we should go then."

They soon arrived in the lobby, Itachi dressed in his usual attire, minus the Akatsuki cloak, and Deidara clad in a pair of old jeans and no shirt. LaShonda grinned at Deidara's attire while Raven looked merely amused. A brown haired girl with several packages hung over her elbow glanced at them and raised her eyebrows.

"You guys should get in your uniforms," she said softly. "Or Satan will get mad."

Deidara smirked. "What uniforms?"

She held out her arm. "These uniforms."

Deidara stared. "Oh hell no."

Itachi had never felt more ridiculous in his life. Well, besides that time when Madara got drunk, came to practice and—

Never mind.

Discreetly, he tried to tug down the all too short skirt riding up his ass, the bubblegum pink and sherbet green clashing together to form an odd, striped maid uniform with a touch of canary yellow on the apron on the front. The front pocket was embroidered with little tiny demon silhouettes dancing around and around till just looking at them made him feel dizzy. His hair was tied up with a frilly baby-blue ribbon that cascaded down to the middle of his back, and his shoes—oh Kami, his shoes. High-heeled beasts that teetered around when he tried to move, they were a shiny polished black, with knee-high socks to go with the image.

Deidara was currently on the floor rolling with laughter. Itachi glared. "Be silent Deidara. At least I don't look like an overgrown kindergartner."

Deidara immediately shut up and glowered at Itachi, who was right—he did resemble an overgrown kindergartner, with his paint covered smock and giant white coat that was much too long for him.

Suddenly, the two men felt a chill behind them as a pair of hands cascaded on their shoulders. Slowly they turned to find LaShonda smiling much too widely and holding out something to each of them. "You forgot your hairpins," she chirruped.

Itachi stared in horror. The pins were neon-pink, with baby-blue rhinestones that embroidered a giant double H. Even worse, the woman found it necessary to clip the two hideous things to their heads herself grinning all the while maniacally and humming 'I'm a Barbie Girl' to herself and slightly off key. A few moments later of painful scalp pinching she stepped back to admire her work. She giggled. "You two look so cute!" she squealed.

"Like hell he does!" Deidara snapped. "Maybe me, but probably not, un!" He tugged at his smock, looking downcast and embarrassed. "This is so god damn weird."

He couldn't have described it any better, as another girl (whom Itachi recognized as 'Judge Mare') burst into the room, screaming, "Is it done, is it done?! Oh my God, I wanna see!" She glanced over at them, and then started to howl with laughter, doubling over. "My sides," she choked out. "Oh God, my sides…"

Raven's mouth curled up into a reluctant smile. "You can stop acting like a lunatic Mare, and come help me get them to their stations."

Mare waved a hand dismissively. "Oh sure, that's easy. Um…" She glanced at Deidara (while quite obviously trying to hold in her laughter at his little kid appearance) and pointed dramatically at him, despite being at least a foot shorter than him. Actually, Itachi now realized, they were all at least a foot shorter than them, except the brown haired girl that seemed to also be the only one with half a heart. "Deidara-chan! You go to the side of the building and…well, I don't know, do some shit. There's paint over there by the archway."

Deidara scowled at first, then, realizing that this meant he was given free reign over what he could do to the wall, grinned and began running over there as fast as he could.

The brown-haired girl sighed. "Mare, I think you just sentenced that wall to death."

Mare blinked. "I did? Oh well, never mind. Rosie will stop him." She then turned towards Itachi, who tensed as her eyes gleamed with mirth. "C'mon, let's go. Raven, you want to come?"

Raven pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and nodded slightly, striding over and grasping Itachi by the arm. Mare grasped his other arm, grinning as the three began to march away to who-knows-where. Inwardly, Itachi felt his dignity die. The stupid skirt was still riding up his ass.