In which Hidan is an bastard and Mare is kick-ass.

Co-written with Scorpdog.

Itachi had to admit he was impressed with the bar. The counter was made of cherry-wood, the tables surrounded by red velvet revolving chairs. A disco ball laid smack dab in the middle of the ceiling, and the floor's black tiles were speckled with white, just like the night sky.

Raven smirked at his raised eyebrows. "Nice, huh? Rosie designed it."

"I take it that Rosie is Deidara's fellow hotel designer," Itachi said tonelessly. He carefully shook his arms out of their grasps (despite Mare's protests) and strode over to run his hands over the slick countertop.

"Yep," Mare grinned, craning her neck over her shoulder. "Hey Raven, didn't you say that there was another bartender around here somewhere?"

Raven nodded, frowning slightly and looking at the doorway. After a minute, she peeked over behind the doorframe and relaxed slightly. "They're coming. Cover your ears."

Itachi didn't see what she meant, but when he heard a barrage of curse words assault his eardrums until he thought they would burst, he wished he had listened to her. Fortunately, this barrage of curse words was very familiar, and he watched bemusedly as LaShonda and Victoria pulled in a protesting Hidan with the boy Itachi recognized as Brad in tow. Brad looked apprehensive, which was no surprise. Hidan was slowly turning the color of puce. Itachi could see why. Hidan was dressed in the same getup as Itachi, the only difference being that the ribbons in his silver hair were magenta.

Hidan's shouts died away when he caught sight of Itachi. At first, all he did was stare—then, two minutes of him slowly absorbing his appearance, he collapsed into full-blown laughter, holding his stomach.

Itachi stared down at him with his ebony eyes. Hidan didn't notice, as he was too busy crying with laughter.

How foolish.

Itachi turned away and began to attempt to stare down Raven. It didn't work on her either, though she did stare back patronizingly.

"You know it's rude to stare, right?" she asked.

"Hidan is my partner," he said flatly.

"Obviously," Victoria laughed. She discreetly handed LaShonda a can of chips from the bar, and LaShonda would have accepted it if Brad hadn't cut in at the last minute.

"Guys."

"Sorry, sorry," LaShonda said, holding up her hands guiltily. "Won't happen again." She placed the can back on the table.

"Hm." Raven turned back to Itachi and adjusted her glasses. "Well, as Vicky so kindly pointed out, yes, Hidan is your fellow bartender. The rules are as such." She whipped off a sheet of paper from her clipboard (Itachi noticed that she carried it around her on her belt) and smacked it into his hands.

Itachi glanced down at it and stared in horror.

Hidan managed to collect himself long enough to stand and wobble over to glance at the sheet of paper as well. "Hey red-eye, what's the big de—" He stopped short and paled at the sight. "Fuck, no way."

"Yes way," Raven smirked.

Itachi finally managed to blink and began to read out loud. "Bartending rules: Number one: You must attend to all the customers, no matter who or what they've done to you. Number two: You must be polite to all the customers, no matter who or what they've done to you. Number three: You must not maul the customers, no matter who or what they've done to you. Number four—" He took a slightly forced intake of air before continuing. "Number four: You must remember that even if your skirt is a bit too short, you cannot reach down and adjust it. It brings more customers if you don't." Itachi looked up slowly and gravely. "Those are the rules."

"Fuck no! Who says we have to do this shit?" snarled Hidan, whipping himself around to face her.

"Says Satan," Raven snarled back. "And you better follow every rule on there you two, or else."

"There won't be an 'or else'," Hidan sneered. "Jashin-sama is coming for me. Once he gets me, I'm out of this shit hole for good."

"Oh please," she scoffed, "If he didn't come for you in the pit, what makes you think he'll come for you now when you're under another God's control?"

There was a long silence. Brad stared at her in horror. Victoria and Mare winced at the obvious mark of pain on Hidan's face. LaShonda whistled. "Oh boy."

Itachi just looked at the two people in conflict with some sort of interest.

Raven had frozen for a minute as well as her face began contorting with regret at the harshness of her words. However, the regret vanished as soon as Hidan reacted.

Hidan had turned an interesting shade of greenish-white before darkening to puce. "You bitch!" he roared, and lunged for her throat. "I'm going to fucking—"

"Sacrifice me?" she scoffed again with more anger then was necessary, sidestepping him as he crashed into the wall. Itachi winced as he narrowly missed the countertop of the bar. "Yeah, that's a wise idea in Hell. Really wise. I'm dead too, remember?"

Itachi suddenly realized this was true. Everyone in the room in fact, was dead. How did they die, he wondered. He would be sure to investigate later.

"Shut the hell up!" Hidan growled, swiveling back to face her, panting like a maniac.

Mare snickered for a brief second.

"What?" Hidan roared, turning his rage on her.

"Dude," she snorted, "You're flashing back there." She pointed to his backside,

"Like I care, bitch!" He lunged back at Raven.

However, he never got there. He had received a very well placed kick to the behind and was now lying on the floor in humiliation, courtesy of Mare.

The girl's eyes burned with anger that Itachi didn't know even existed before this. "Don't ever call me that again," she hissed. "Or any of the employees here. Any kind of insult and I will kick you somewhere else that will cause the kind of pain you will not enjoy." She marched over, looped her arm through Raven's and began pulling her to the doorway. "Come on Rae. Let's go get some chocolate."

Itachi was amused to see Raven's lips twitch up in a smile. "Sure." She turned back just in time to call to Itachi, "Make sure you read those rules again before doing anything! And make Hidan read them again too, just in case." She then turned to her fellow employers and said, "You guys coming or not? Let's go."

The employees then began filing out of the room, Brad being the last to leave. He paused in the doorway, then turned back. "Um, just so you know," he said, "Satan will come to check on you in a while. He likes thinking of his employees as his 'children'." Brad started to walk again, then muttered something under his breath and walked back over. He extracted a box of band-aids from his pocket and handed it to Itachi, who raised his eyebrows. "Don't worry," Brad whispered. "They extend like magic. They're a lot more useful than those bandages then you guys use. They'll come in handy." And with that, he strode out, calling after the girls to wait for him.

Itachi's eyebrows rose even higher as he stared at the box. He looked back at from which Brad had left, then at Hidan cursing on the floor and allowed a tiny smirk to grace his features. Well. Seems like the brunette wasn't the only one with half a heart.

But Satan coming here…Itachi's blood chilled when he recalled those hands grasping at his face and the scent of death vibrating around him. Those red eyes that pierced right through him and into his core, made him want to scream with terror and flee for his life.

Apparently, Hidan had similar thoughts, as he stopped griping and glanced up. "Did that brat say Satan?" Itachi nodded. "Fuck no! That bastard's creepy." Hidan scowled. "Is he really coming?"

Itachi was faintly amused. Hidan was so childish at times. "Yes Hidan, he is." The words gave an odd finality on the subject that finally convinced Itachi that there was no way to escape the confrontation. He would have to bear with it. "And you will not be leaving this bar, Hidan. I will be watching you." Damn it, if he was going to have to go through with this, then Hidan would too, no matter what.

"Fuck!"