Her name was Sheila. As soon as she said it with a half-smile and outstretched hand, he already was considering various ways to start out his blog. 'That was a good lay, mate'? Or perhaps, 'crikey!'?
She was a petite, redheaded tourist with an accent so thick Barney could hardly understand her. Her points were racking up fast, pun intended. So he pulled the whole experienced New Yorker (pun also intended) thing, and before you could say "land down under", Sheila was accompanying him back to his place.
Everything was going along excellently. Sheila was resting on his couch, wine glass in hand, he was telling her about his work in sub-Saharan Africa with Doctors Without Borders. She was looking properly stricken with admiring lust, and he said that it was nothing in all the right places. And that was when his Blackberry began to buzz.
Excusing himself, Barney pulled it out, and had his finger on the red 'off' button when he noticed the name of the insistent caller. Robin.
"Gah!" he yelped, and dropped his phone in his surprise. It skittered under the coffee table.
"You alright?" Sheila asked concernedly. Barney dived to the floor, ignoring her, and grabbed the phone. He hit his head on the table in his haste, but disregarded the throbbing pain as he dialed voicemail.
"Hey, Barney," Robin's voice greeted, sounding rather upset. Barney sort of cuddled the phone as Sheila watched, getting annoyed.
"I'm still here, you know!" she said impatiently, tapping her high heels. Barney shushed her loudly.
"I'm just calling…well, I'm not exactly sure why I'm calling, but I'm calling. So, uh, with that eloquent speech…call me back."
Barney made a noise somewhere between an anguished cry and a frenzied grunt. Sheila, deciding he was insane, grabbed her purse and left. He didn't notice, focusing instead on punching in her phone number. It rang once, twice, three times, and then-
Voicemail.
"Damn that hot Australian!" he cried. He weighed his options-he could call again, and risk seeming desperate, or leave a message sounding awesome.
"Hey Scherbatsky, sorry I missed your call, I just was a little busy with Sheila but you called before I could show her my didgeridoo, what up? Anyway, got your message, and you should call again. Cause I like it when you call. I mean, that sounds weird, I just meant I like hearing your strange accent. Did I mention Canada is irrelevant? Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, I'm going to go…do something. Maybe Sheila, phone five! Kidding, I think she left. So you should call me, heh. Right. Love you."
He ended the call, and collapsed on the couch.
"Wow, Barnacle, real awesome message you just left," he mumbled to himself. "Really, 'Canada is irrelevant'? 'Love you'?" he suddenly sat up in realization. "OH, ALL THAT IS LEGENDARY, I SAID THE L WORD!"
Barney attempted to think rationally. And then he gave up and grabbed some scotch. Pouring himself a glass, he thought through the choices.
Call the phone company and offer them his entire bank account to somehow delete the message.
Call Ted and offer him a chance to be a real man, what up? No, no, call Ted and ask him to destroy Robin's phone by any means possible.
Go to Robin's apartment and tell her he loved her.
Barney dialed Ted's number. No answer. He dialed the phone company. They put him on hold and played 'Wind beneath my Wings'. He hung up immediately, cringing. One last option.
He swallowed the rest of his scotch, grabbed his coat, and headed out for a taxi.