Okay, not my best work, but a little cracky piece that popped into my head. First COTC fanfiction. In case the remake has any gaping differences from the original movie, I'm using the canon from the first one. I'm completely unable to give up the image of John Franklin as Isaac. Anyway, I hope you like it, if not review anyway. I'm a big girl and can handle constructive criticism just fine.
Disclaimer: It'd be sort of hard for me to own Children of the Corn considering it was made before I was born. COTC belongs to Stephen King and whoever made the movie, (asinine) plot belongs to me.
"This is so degrading," grumbled eight year old Mordecai.
"Look on the bright side," said the older boy, "only two more blocks to go."
Mordecai groaned.
"That's going to take forever!" He complained, "And there's a hill! Whose stupid idea was this?" There was an instance hush between the two, then at the same time
"Isaac's"
To the immense misfortune of the young devotees of He Who Walks Behind the Rows, Isaac had had the "brilliant" idea of taking their religion door to door. In retrospect it really was a terrible idea, considering the lack of motorized vehicles, bikes, or even roller blades (well, the children did win the case of keeping that one unicycle they found, but that would be much more trouble than it was worth.) Not to mention the fact that in the in the summer, Nebraska heated up like H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.
Besides the inconvenience and the utter humiliation of this task, the children quickly learned that it was completely ineffectual.
"Hello, my name is Jedediah, and I'm informing people of The Book of Divine Enlightenment. May I speak to the child of the house?"
"What exactly are you pitching?"
"Well, we're a small religious organization featuring blood rituals and sacrifice at the age of nineteen."
"What?!?!"
"Uh… Unicef"
"Hey Jed," Mordecai's young voice pierced the quiet that had settled between the two boys.
"Yeah Mordy?"
"Why does everybody think we're selling cookies?" Mordecai questioned, broaching the question that had been ailing him for three blocks now. There was a pause before Jedediah answered slowly
"I dunno Mordy, but we'd better not tell Isaac about it."
"Why not?" Wondered the younger boy.
"He might decide we need a gimmick."
Both children shuddered at the concept before continuing their trudging of the scorching
Nebraskan streets.
Finally, the pair reached a house on top of a hill so ludicrously long that both boys decided that after today they would look into an identity protection program and relocate somewhere nice, like Antarctica.
After they had calmed their breathing, Mordecai and Jedediah prepared themselves for yet another fake-cheery-salesperson-with-imbecilic-adult ordeal that was sure to haunt their nightmares until the end of their days (which, if the Antarctica plan panned out, could be considerably longer.)
"Ready?" Asked Jedediah with a grim sort of determination,
"As I'll ever be," Mordecai answered bleakly.
No sooner had the now loathed ding-dong of the doorbell echoed through the house then a platinum blonde woman in her mid-thirties opened the door, wearing a shirt that proclaimed "I 'Heart' Walruses" in large, obnoxious pink letters.
"Hello, my name is-" Jedediah's spiel was cut short by an ear-shattering squeal from the bleach-blonde before them.
"Oh my god! Amish children! They're so cute! Ted, get the camera!"
The two stared shell-shocked for a moment as the over-excited lady dashed into the house. Jedediah turned to Mordecai;
"Run."